Need to vent a little bit...

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24

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  • mrrodriguez
    mrrodriguez Posts: 158
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    I know so many people who have family like this. I am lucky that I had such wonderful parents, and that I was thin as a child. I notice that my wife is gradually pulling away from her family, and her deceased mother was much like yours. That woman is forgotten in her grave as her payback for being so negative. You should pull away and minimize talking about anything with them that is controversial. To me it's like being around old high school friends who won't let you forget that they were the popular ones in high school and you were one of the geeks. I moved out of my home town because I have a new life, and don't need anyone holding me back in the past. You have your own life now. This is your life, right now, enjoy it.
  • thatalchemistgirl
    thatalchemistgirl Posts: 31
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    Oh sweetie, I can relate.

    You're mom is a person, and even though this doesn't excuse her actions, keep that in mind. Shes going for what will hurt you and I know by now she must know it sore spot. I'm sorry shes being unsupportive, and well a big meanie.

    But look away from that.

    You've dropped 10 pounds. that's quite a bit.

    You realize that you deserve better than that kind of treatment regardless of size, and that means you are strong.

    You react by ranting on the internet rather than letting her feed on your pain.

    Keep your chin up. You're doing well.
  • minnie86
    minnie86 Posts: 187
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    Hey!
    Don't feel bad for caring, of course, it's your family. In my case, it was my brother who would tell me every single day how fat I was. My older sister was super skinny, so I always stood out as the fat one. This negatively impacted my confidence, and I became really shy and always tried to hide or blend in. I thought I was ugly and nobody would ever like me. Now that I look back, I wish I would not have let anyone treat me like that. Unfortunately, we can't control what other people do, but we can control what we do. I know is your mom, so when you guys are not fighting, I would bring up this topic and tell her how you feel when she tells you those things. When you guys do fight, just sya that you had spoken to her, and walk away. At one point she will realize that she is not doing the right thing.
  • StevLL
    StevLL Posts: 921 Member
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    YOu are doing awesome and should not have to put up with that. I know it's hard to draw boundaries with family at such a young age, but you will find that family comes in more than just blood relatives. Stay strong and know that you are doing great. You are going to school, getting healthy and you deserve much better treatment. Good luck and there are lots of great folks here on MFP. My wife (hootsmamma) is a great cheerleader, so if you need friends friend us. Goodluck.
  • LisaKyle11
    LisaKyle11 Posts: 662 Member
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    God that is awful. Try not to let her get you down. I wish I had more/better advice for you, but reading about a mother being so.cruel frankly has left me speechless.

    .....yes, what she said. my goodness.
  • jessmars
    jessmars Posts: 131
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    Please vent all you want to us about this my heart broke when I read your post and just wanted to give you a hug.....
    CONGRATS on the 20 pounds loss thats a great great accomplishment you look GREAT!!!!!!
    First off a 6 yr is usually overweight b/c of their household/family...you don't feed yourself when you are 6 so DONT feel bad about that. Plus the emotional abuse doesn't help the situation. It sound like they are projecting their own personal insecurities onto you....so just let the negativity bounce off of you back to them.

    Be proud of what you have done so far and how far you have come and how much further you WILL go......stay positive and use their words as your fuel
  • BettyMargaret
    BettyMargaret Posts: 407 Member
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    There are different kinds of "family". There are those that are genetic, but not necessarily good for you; and there are those that you choose to be your "family", that will be there for you and support you through it all. MFP is family! I know it's tough when your genetic family can't seem to support you, but your MFP family will; and some day you will be able to show your genetic family that you have lost the weight and made some healthy changes in your life. In the mean time, if you can; let your family know that you are hurt by their lack of support. If you can't, just distance yourself from them until you feel able to stand up for yourself. I wish you much success in your journey of health and fitness!

    OMG! Word for word what I was gonna say!!! (LOL)
    Seriously, I may not have said it, but it goes for me too! I'll be your family... (the lovely young aunt) ;o)
  • raven1114
    raven1114 Posts: 115 Member
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    this exactly. you do not need people like that in your life.

    Sorry, but family sucks. For your mom, should she bring up you being an overweight child, just say, "I was X years old, I didn't know what to eat or how to eat properly, you are the one that fed me and thus made me fat. " See how she likes that one. I would sincerely consider telling them that if that can't be nice and supportive, then you don't want to talk to them any more. I know they are family, but family should be supportive, not degrading.
  • carl_garcia
    carl_garcia Posts: 26 Member
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    Congrats on your success to date... remember.. this is about YOU. Dont be afraid to be selfish and enjoy your achievment! Be proud and know that those of us going through the same journey support you!:smile:
  • MaryKatU
    MaryKatU Posts: 146
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    Sounds to me like your mother got her issues from her mother. Break the cycle and not do that to your children.
  • ladybugz_247
    ladybugz_247 Posts: 120
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    omg I wanna kick your moms *kitten*! sorry but what the hell is wrong with her? You are doing great don't let her get to you. The best thing for you to do is prove her wrong, make her feel stupid when she does see you and realize that you did it. ugh this just got my blood pumping.
    I have a daughter who will be 16 soon and she isn't overweight but I do encourage her to watch what she eats because diabetes runs in our family and both her and I gain weight easily. I bought her a membership to the gym and we workout together and when she has practice I don't take her.. there have been times when she is unhappy with her weight and I encourage her by making healthy meals and not buying junk that will tempt her.. I couldn't imagine talking *kitten* to her the way your mom does to you.. so so sorry you don't have her support. You deserve better. And Congrats on your weight loss... I'm working towards losing 20lbs for my first goal =)
  • Papillon22
    Papillon22 Posts: 1,160 Member
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    Wow, those words are incredibly cruel and uncalled for. You deserve better.

    I hope you can be assertive with them and let them know that you've put up with it for too long, and you won't be doing it anymore. Next time the topic comes up, I'd say: "I'm not talking about this with you because your lack of support upsets me" Maybe they'll get the point...

    Best of luck to you. You're doing a great job and you can keep it up!
  • diverdi
    diverdi Posts: 64 Member
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    Your family sound emotionally abusive. Comments like that aren't just cruel and selfish but are designed to plummet your self esteem and knock you back.
    Please do not listen to them, if you feel strong enough (probably not 'cos hearing stuff like that all the time makes your crave their acceptance) cut them out of your life. Being angry is good is this situation, you do not deserve to have had a lifetime of these kind of comments.
    Don't believe what they say, you can do this, and you have the support of MFP behind you.
  • rosiedoes
    rosiedoes Posts: 84 Member
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    I left home at 18 and haven't spoken to my mother since, precisely because she used to be cruel like this. That will be ten years ago in October and I don't regret it for a moment - in fact, kicking me out was the biggest favour the woman ever did me.

    Your mum sounds like a very sad and unhappy person, who projects her own negative feelings on to you in the form of bullying - and that's exactly what she's doing: bullying you.

    My recommendation would be to cut her out of your life as much as you can - you don't need people in your world if all they're going to do is put you down and make you unhappy. And, as the other poster suggested - remind her that it is her parenting which will have caused you to gain weight in the first place.

    You're worth a million times more than what this woman is giving you - don't ever forget that.
  • tlems
    tlems Posts: 104 Member
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    That is awful. As a mother to a six year old, I wanted to cry for you. A mothers job is to build her child up, not tear her down. I am so sorry.

    I had a pretty rough relationship with my mother, as well, and it literally took a couple of years of not speaking, to work itself out. I have a relationship now with my mother on MY terms and I do not allow her to play her silly emotional games anymore.

    Seriously, you have to choose what kind of people you want to surround yourself with to make YOU a successul and happy individual. It is your life, and the only one you have. Don't waste it on toxic people.

    I hope the best for you.

    Teresa
  • simplysara9
    simplysara9 Posts: 521
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    I am so sorry you are going through this. Your family should be your support system. You have done an amazing job losing 20 pounds thus far and if they can't support you and believe you then maybe it's time to shut them out. I know it is difficult to think of shutting your family out of your life but if they can not support you and bring you down on purpose you do not need them in your life. You need to surround yourself by positive people willing to help and encourage you!
  • arwensb
    arwensb Posts: 275 Member
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    God that is awful. Try not to let her get you down. I wish I had more/better advice for you, but reading about a mother being so.cruel frankly has left me speechless.
    Parking here. I can't believe she could be so mean! Is she also overweight? Maybe she is deflecting her own self-hatred onto you.
    ((Hugs))
    I think you have done an amazing job and should be really proud of yourself!!
  • lewiskd
    lewiskd Posts: 3
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    My heart goes out to you....

    and I agree with jb_2011. Believe in yourself because Negativity is their problem, not yours. Stay focused and remember, we all fall off the tracks every now and then. But the key to self control and self satisfaction is being able to dust ourselves off when we fall down and push forward when we feel that we are alone.

    Your family may not support you but you have a huge support network right here on MFP. We will be there for you! :)
  • sbwood888
    sbwood888 Posts: 953 Member
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    Since you live so far apart, I assume that all of your communication is done by email / text / phone. Cut them off. Simply don't respond to them at all. I swear, if someone was putting that much negativity in my life, I would absolutely have NOTHING to do with them. Who needs all that BS?? :grumble:
  • Gemini_at_36
    Gemini_at_36 Posts: 207
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    I am glad you took the time to vent here......In a perfect world we should all love each other, but let's face it, your mom is outright mean. Sorry mom was/is so mean.:flowerforyou:

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