Should I just give up on her? Rant/Need Advice

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  • melimcguire
    melimcguire Posts: 3 Member
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    Go for you staying motivated even without your partner! My fiance and I had this problem. Lately we started trying to get in shape and we came up with a rule. If we both work out 6 days a week we either go out for dinner of get ice cream or pizza. If one of us works out for less than 3 days than the other person gets control over the remote for 2 days. haha

    It's been working for us so far and it's a way to motivate each other. But if your girlfriend isn't motivated at all just do your own thing and when that weight starts coming off and your feeling great about yourself, your girlfriend might get newfound motivation

    Good luck!
  • BerryH
    BerryH Posts: 4,698 Member
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    Don't let an unwilling friend derail your excellent efforts! Why not write up your gym schedule and stick it on the fridge. Tell her that's when you intend to go and she'd be more than welcome to join you at any of those times. then the ball's firmly in her court! If not, hopefully your results will inspire her to start again. Good luck!
  • HeidiMightyRawr
    HeidiMightyRawr Posts: 3,343 Member
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    I would say let her know every so often that you'd love it if she came with you, and something the two of you could do together :) but I wouldn't press the issue every time. Just get on with your own workouts and leave her to do what she likes.
    If she get's annoyed your not inviting her, say again that you'd love it if she came but since she often can't make it you'll just leave the decisions up to her but she's welcome everytime. Also bring it into conversation what time you're leaving every morning so she knows, and can't say she didn't know you were going so early/late.

    In the end she will either decide to give up completely or realise what she's missing, and how well you are doing and decide to come, but it will be from her own choice then and probably more likely to stick to it.
  • mlemonroe2
    mlemonroe2 Posts: 603
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    I, too think you should focus on you. You should say something to her like "look, do you want to do this or not? I can't keep planing my workouts and plans around you if you are going to keep bailing on me. It isn't fair to me." As for her excuses, they are just that. My sister in law always makes excuses why she can't spend time with the family because she is "so busy" Like we all arnt!!! She dosn't even have any kids!!! LOL! Your time is just as valuble as hers, so if she is going to keep bailing on you and making excuses, don't bother anymore!
  • sociable15
    sociable15 Posts: 98
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    I know the feeling completely. My fiance and I have done this back and forth for years. Seriously. When he's motivated and working out everyday, I had 40 hours of work, 20 hours of internship, 6 hours of graduate school class, homework and research for said graduate school, and my sister's son to care for. or some variety thereof. When I was motivated and working out everyday, he had work, class, homework, and family issues going on. We tried to keep each other motivated as best we could, but in the end we had to look out for ourselves. I would be honest and tell her "this is what I'm doing, you're welcome to join me when you want but you don't have to" and just go. The good thing is that diet-wise she'll also benefit from you eating better.

    Good luck, I know the feeling. You do you, let her do her.
  • Debbiecastor
    Debbiecastor Posts: 29
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    Tell her the night before and tell her to set her alarm clock, because you won't be waking her up!! If she's not ready to leave when you are, then you can just assume she can't/won't/ doesn't want to go! You can't hold her hand all thru life! Love her dearly...but hold her accountable for her own actions!! Keep a visable calendar with the dates/times you go to the gym. Have both your names on there with a little place to check off whether you attended that day or not. Maybe if she can visibly see that she isn't going like she should....it may help. Hard to get someone to do something they don't want to do. Maybe when she sees the progress you've made .... she will come to realize she's got to get her butt in gear!!! Good luck!:smile:
  • suzycreamcheese
    suzycreamcheese Posts: 1,766 Member
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    yeah give up tbh. That would really annoy me
  • FierceFox81
    FierceFox81 Posts: 89
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    She's letting both herself and you down. Keep up the good work and hopefully she'll come around again and start joining you. :)
  • ladiluvbug83
    ladiluvbug83 Posts: 38 Member
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    My Grandma always said you can lead a horse to water but u can't make them drink it. Sounds like her mindset isn't ready for this journey you are dedicated to. I have a friend the same way. I don't give up on her but I have to think about my journey and this journey is hard enough without someone that isn't dedicated pulling me down. Let her know you love her and would love for her to join you on your new journey. But this journey is about you. She is more than welcome to come to the gym with you. But you are not going to let her money be wasted by not going to the gym and get her money's worth. When she sees how much you are losing and all the attention you are getting she will get back on track. Just be there when this happens to support her. Good Luck. Need extra modivation you can add me as a friend.

    Sarah :flowerforyou:
  • picturesing
    picturesing Posts: 228
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    When she's ready she will join you again. You can't force someone to believe in what you believe in or live the lifestyle you are currently living.

    Set an example, be her inspiration. Once she sees your dedication and commitment, that is bound to inspire her to improve her health.

    Right now focus on you....

    That's exactly what I was going to say. SHE has to be the one who wants this... So until she gets to the point where enough is enough, there's not much you can do.

    In the meantime, yes... set an example. Keep pressing on. Keep improving yourself. Keep losing more weight and toning that fine body of yours. At some point, she'll look at you and be jealous she didn't keep going... THEN she'll have to get motivated if she wants to see the same results. :-)
    Exactly....Don't bug her anymore...just go do your own thing (and be dam proud of yourself). If she asks when you going let her know, but don't try to push her or even give her a wake up call. She's an adult and needs to be accountable to herself! So sweet that's she's taking care of the GYM....I'm sure you've thanked her so go enjoy it and take care of you!
  • BigBoneSista
    BigBoneSista Posts: 2,389 Member
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    Why put her in the situation to turn you down and also put added stress on you and your friendship? Stop asking. Lead by example and hopefully one day the light bulb with go off. Don't look at it as you giving up on her because in actually you aren't. You are letting your actions talk for you. Your results will be your testament to her. It will resonate louder then any words you could use to express your displeasure in her.

    Now I want to commend you for not allowing her lack of motivation to deter you for your goals. You are doing a wonderful job.
  • Pseudocyber
    Pseudocyber Posts: 312 Member
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    We all have to want it for ourselves. There's even quitters in boot camp - we can only find the motivation within. Tell her what time you're going, and she's welcome to come with you - but it's up to her.
  • mlemonroe2
    mlemonroe2 Posts: 603
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    Don't let an unwilling friend derail your excellent efforts! Why not write up your gym schedule and stick it on the fridge. Tell her that's when you intend to go and she'd be more than welcome to join you at any of those times. then the ball's firmly in her court! If not, hopefully your results will inspire her to start again. Good luck!

    Great idea!!
  • fitnesspirateninja
    fitnesspirateninja Posts: 667 Member
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    I can understand why you're frustrated, but it's up to your friend to make changes in her own life. Like the other posters suggested, I think you should invite her or let her know your schedule and then leave it at that.

    You can't badger people into doing what you want - even if it's something that will make them healthier.
  • shelld70
    shelld70 Posts: 106
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    I am glad you vented. This is a great place for that. It sounds like you have your own workout routine by now and she probably has a good idea of what that is. While it would be nice for the two of you to go together, you need to do this for you. And she needs to do it for her. Look how well you are doing so far-36lbs lost! Congrats! My hubby and I are both working out and eating better-but each of us is going at our own pace, doing what works for us personally. Sometimes, we go to the gym or run together. Sometimes, one or the other is not up for it.

    Also, maybe, have a serious, loving conversation about the issue. Try to find out what's holding her back. Is she scared, not ready, embarrassed, etc? These are reasons that held me back for a long time. Let her know that you are there for her when she is ready, but stand firm on what you are doing for yourself.

    Hang in there! You are doing great!!! :flowerforyou:
  • TheGoblinRoad
    TheGoblinRoad Posts: 835 Member
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    Lately we started trying to get in shape and we came up with a rule. If we both work out 6 days a week we either go out for dinner of get ice cream or pizza. If one of us works out for less than 3 days than the other person gets control over the remote for 2 days.

    That's genius. :)
  • Jdismybug1
    Jdismybug1 Posts: 443 Member
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    I.would want to give up to, I would yell her that u want to continue to go even if she doesnt, and then maybe after seeing your progress she will change her mind.
  • diverchic73
    diverchic73 Posts: 314 Member
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    I agree with the above posters. I also think its important that you have a honest conversation when you're calm, and tell her how you feel about it. But I wouldn't take a hard approach or lay on the guilt. More like "This is what I'm going to do, because I need to do it. I love it when you come with me, but it's stressful if I feel like it's difficult to get you to come on days you're not up for it. How about this: when I go, I would so love it if you would come. If you want to come, just get ready and join me. If you don't feel up to coming, you don't have to say anything but 'have a great workout. I'm proud of you."

    I really like the above advice.

    She is an adult. Working out or not is her choice. If she chooses to stay in bed, that is fine. It's sad that she feels she has to lie and make up excuses though. Just let her know it is up to her and that there is no pressure from you.
  • kelzz193
    kelzz193 Posts: 120
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    At the end of the day the only person you can ever hold yoruself accountable for is you....that being said I know it's hard when you are trying to help a friend. It sounds to me though that you have really done everything to help her succeed. At this point I would just back off. I'm guessing she's going to see all the results of your hard work paying off and get back at it when she's ready. Until then you just focus on you & the great job you are doing! Keep it up!!
  • FitJoani
    FitJoani Posts: 2,173 Member
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    Agreed...when shes ready she will...until then cant force her. Frustrating yes but hopefully it will work out:ohwell:

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