Spouse is not supportive

Options
jtwakes
jtwakes Posts: 607 Member
in Motivation and Support
My spouse has not been supportive and its frustrating!!! Anyone else dealing with this
«13

Replies

  • ms_smartypants
    ms_smartypants Posts: 8,278 Member
    Options
    Sorry your spouse is not supportive ....Wishing you the best though
  • mandipandi75
    mandipandi75 Posts: 6,036 Member
    Options
    Yes, regularly sabbotaging even
  • vespiquenn
    vespiquenn Posts: 1,455 Member
    Options
    How in particular are they not supportive?
  • DavPul
    DavPul Posts: 61,406 Member
    Options
    dealing with what, exactly?
  • jemhh
    jemhh Posts: 14,261 Member
    Options
    How do you define "supportive"?
  • Sabine_Stroehm
    Sabine_Stroehm Posts: 19,263 Member
    Options
    I guess I'd want to know what you mean by "supportive" and what the other poster means by "sabotaging" before I commented more.
  • DavPul
    DavPul Posts: 61,406 Member
    Options
    jemhh wrote: »
    How do you define "supportive"?

    maybe she says she's upset about something and when he asks for her to elaborate on the issue she just stays silent and never responds?
  • angiedwill
    angiedwill Posts: 873 Member
    Options
    Mine isn't overly supportive either. According to him I'm fine just like I am. I know I need to be in better shape so I work at it just to get no response from him at all. But I'm over it....I'm doing this for me not for him.
  • genedotts
    genedotts Posts: 19 Member
    Options
    I can relate on both parts. The supportive part coming from a partner of almost 8 years. I'm out "killing myself" as I call it to lose this weight to get healthy and look and feel better about myself. ( I've always loved myself. Let me clear that up. I've just reached a point in my life that I want a change. And I'm doing it with my health first. And I've always been handsome/cute
  • mydream2befit
    mydream2befit Posts: 9 Member
    Options
    My husband is supportive but doesn't make it easy on me when he eats like crap then dangles it in front of me lol. I never get called pretty or anything so I must be unattractive to him (FAT) but I will show him up cuz he's getting a gut on him now lol.
  • Kitty_Nikki
    Kitty_Nikki Posts: 44 Member
    Options
    I have friends in your same situation, with a spouse that is unsupportive. One of them told me that he was afraid she was trying to lose weight in an effort to be more attractive to other men so it would be easier for her to leave him. People can be very insecure. Maybe reassure your spouse that you want to get in shape for yourself and that it won't change anything between you?
  • KathyApplebaum
    KathyApplebaum Posts: 188 Member
    Options
    Like Kitty_Nikki said, often when a spouse isn't supportive, it's because of fear. Either fear that you're shaping up for someone else, or that you're also going to change in some other way, or because it means they have to face their own unhealthy habits.

    Ultimately, it comes down to communication (heh, like everything in marriage). Your spouse needs to feel secure that you are changing yourself to be a better person for yourself, and that those changes don't threaten your relationship.
  • cory17
    cory17 Posts: 1,375 Member
    Options
    Mine complains whenever I'm gone exercising/or at gym & eats as unhealthy as you can get. One can only accept that they don't have it in them to be supportive of their spouse (how sad is that) and keep doing it for YOU. Hopefully, there are some good qualities to keep in mind.
  • boricua3177
    boricua3177 Posts: 192 Member
    Options
    cory17 wrote: »
    Mine complains whenever I'm gone exercising/or at gym & eats as unhealthy as you can get. One can only accept that they don't have it in them to be supportive of their spouse (how sad is that) and keep doing it for YOU. Hopefully, there are some good qualities to keep in mind.

    ^^ All of this!! My husband has never been supportive of my weight loss journey. When we started dating I was a size 8, I ballooned to a size 16/18. He never complained about my weight gain but when I started making changes to get back to a healthier me, he became very negative. I've lost 41lbs & not once has my husband said he is proud of my weight loss or that I look beautiful. But it's OK.....You know why? Because I am doing this for ME, the better I look the better I feel.

    Keep doing what you're doing....you will feel GREAT!
  • MikeLeTwigg
    MikeLeTwigg Posts: 162 Member
    Options
    I wish I could say I had no idea what this feels like but I can't. We started this journey together on MFP but she has long since dropped off. I lost initial weight and then started working out. She complained that I got home too late so I switched to working out in the morning meaning that I get up early. Now if I so much as mention working out, going for a walk or ride she freaks out saying I'm obsessed.

    I love her to bits and this is driving me mad. I'm not obsessed, I just have a lot more energy than I used to and I'm not very good at sitting still.
  • fiddletime
    fiddletime Posts: 1,862 Member
    Options
    After 30 years of marriage, and 30 years of working out in some fashion or another, I'd say my husband is very used to it. But I didn't change. I wasn't overweight when we met, or not working out, when we met. Many people are afraid of change, or maybe even jealous. Who knows. I would suspect that in time you all who are eating appropriate portions and working out as well, will find that your spouses come to accept it as the new norm.

    Just don't expect praises. Unmet expectations are a huge cause of dissatisfaction, but you can easily change your expectstions on this one. I don't think my husband has ever praised me, but he's been supportive in many other ways (like letting me use time and money to follow this path).
  • jemhh
    jemhh Posts: 14,261 Member
    Options
    DavPul wrote: »
    jemhh wrote: »
    How do you define "supportive"?

    maybe she says she's upset about something and when he asks for her to elaborate on the issue she just stays silent and never responds?

    Lol.

    I think that there are different levels of involvement that a partner may choose to have in your health/fitness efforts. Many times what posters view as unsupportive is really just the partner living life as normal. Your partner doesn't need to change his/her eating or exercise habits to be supportive. If the issue is needing time to go exercise or meal plan, talk it out. If you want to try new recipes, talk it out. Work out a compromise. Communicate--just like you should with any issues in a relationship.


    Short of slipping extra butter into your food without telling you or force feeding you or physically stopping you from carrying out your health-centered activities, I don't know what you mean by unsupportive. And if those things are happening now, you had relationship problems to start with.
  • mbaker566
    mbaker566 Posts: 11,233 Member
    edited December 2015
    Options
    you are causing a change in the relationship. change can be hard.
    Mine is mostly supportive but he has ideas that aren't really supported by fitness science. like i should cut sugar out or i'll only lose my tummy if i use gym machines. so he isn't always supportive of the changes i make because he thinks i'm doing it wrong. i just nod and say you might be right and go about my business
    he also sometimes get upset with the fact that I'm tired because I'm working out hard.
  • Sarah4fitness
    Sarah4fitness Posts: 437 Member
    Options
    moyer566 wrote: »
    you are causing a change in the relationship. change can be hard.
    Mine is mostly supportive but he has ideas that aren't really supported by fitness science. like i should cut sugar out or i'll only lose my tummy if i use gym machines. so he isn't always supportive of the changes i make because he thinks i'm doing it wrong. i just nod and say you might be right and go about my business
    he also sometimes get upset with the fact that I'm tired because I'm working out hard.

    Your guy brosciences you? NOOOOOOOOoooooo!!1 ;) That's cute, though.
  • mbaker566
    mbaker566 Posts: 11,233 Member
    Options
    Sarah4fitness wrote: »
    moyer566 wrote: »
    you are causing a change in the relationship. change can be hard.
    Mine is mostly supportive but he has ideas that aren't really supported by fitness science. like i should cut sugar out or i'll only lose my tummy if i use gym machines. so he isn't always supportive of the changes i make because he thinks i'm doing it wrong. i just nod and say you might be right and go about my business
    he also sometimes get upset with the fact that I'm tired because I'm working out hard.

    Your guy brosciences you? NOOOOOOOOoooooo!!1 ;) That's cute, though.
    isn't it though :wink:

Categories