Spouse is not supportive
jtwakes
Posts: 607 Member
My spouse has not been supportive and its frustrating!!! Anyone else dealing with this
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Replies
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Sorry your spouse is not supportive ....Wishing you the best though0
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Yes, regularly sabbotaging even0
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How in particular are they not supportive?0
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dealing with what, exactly?0
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How do you define "supportive"?0
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I guess I'd want to know what you mean by "supportive" and what the other poster means by "sabotaging" before I commented more.0
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Mine isn't overly supportive either. According to him I'm fine just like I am. I know I need to be in better shape so I work at it just to get no response from him at all. But I'm over it....I'm doing this for me not for him.0
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I can relate on both parts. The supportive part coming from a partner of almost 8 years. I'm out "killing myself" as I call it to lose this weight to get healthy and look and feel better about myself. ( I've always loved myself. Let me clear that up. I've just reached a point in my life that I want a change. And I'm doing it with my health first. And I've always been handsome/cute0
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My husband is supportive but doesn't make it easy on me when he eats like crap then dangles it in front of me lol. I never get called pretty or anything so I must be unattractive to him (FAT) but I will show him up cuz he's getting a gut on him now lol.0
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I have friends in your same situation, with a spouse that is unsupportive. One of them told me that he was afraid she was trying to lose weight in an effort to be more attractive to other men so it would be easier for her to leave him. People can be very insecure. Maybe reassure your spouse that you want to get in shape for yourself and that it won't change anything between you?0
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Like Kitty_Nikki said, often when a spouse isn't supportive, it's because of fear. Either fear that you're shaping up for someone else, or that you're also going to change in some other way, or because it means they have to face their own unhealthy habits.
Ultimately, it comes down to communication (heh, like everything in marriage). Your spouse needs to feel secure that you are changing yourself to be a better person for yourself, and that those changes don't threaten your relationship.0 -
Mine complains whenever I'm gone exercising/or at gym & eats as unhealthy as you can get. One can only accept that they don't have it in them to be supportive of their spouse (how sad is that) and keep doing it for YOU. Hopefully, there are some good qualities to keep in mind.0
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Mine complains whenever I'm gone exercising/or at gym & eats as unhealthy as you can get. One can only accept that they don't have it in them to be supportive of their spouse (how sad is that) and keep doing it for YOU. Hopefully, there are some good qualities to keep in mind.
^^ All of this!! My husband has never been supportive of my weight loss journey. When we started dating I was a size 8, I ballooned to a size 16/18. He never complained about my weight gain but when I started making changes to get back to a healthier me, he became very negative. I've lost 41lbs & not once has my husband said he is proud of my weight loss or that I look beautiful. But it's OK.....You know why? Because I am doing this for ME, the better I look the better I feel.
Keep doing what you're doing....you will feel GREAT!
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I wish I could say I had no idea what this feels like but I can't. We started this journey together on MFP but she has long since dropped off. I lost initial weight and then started working out. She complained that I got home too late so I switched to working out in the morning meaning that I get up early. Now if I so much as mention working out, going for a walk or ride she freaks out saying I'm obsessed.
I love her to bits and this is driving me mad. I'm not obsessed, I just have a lot more energy than I used to and I'm not very good at sitting still.0 -
After 30 years of marriage, and 30 years of working out in some fashion or another, I'd say my husband is very used to it. But I didn't change. I wasn't overweight when we met, or not working out, when we met. Many people are afraid of change, or maybe even jealous. Who knows. I would suspect that in time you all who are eating appropriate portions and working out as well, will find that your spouses come to accept it as the new norm.
Just don't expect praises. Unmet expectations are a huge cause of dissatisfaction, but you can easily change your expectstions on this one. I don't think my husband has ever praised me, but he's been supportive in many other ways (like letting me use time and money to follow this path).0 -
Lol.
I think that there are different levels of involvement that a partner may choose to have in your health/fitness efforts. Many times what posters view as unsupportive is really just the partner living life as normal. Your partner doesn't need to change his/her eating or exercise habits to be supportive. If the issue is needing time to go exercise or meal plan, talk it out. If you want to try new recipes, talk it out. Work out a compromise. Communicate--just like you should with any issues in a relationship.
Short of slipping extra butter into your food without telling you or force feeding you or physically stopping you from carrying out your health-centered activities, I don't know what you mean by unsupportive. And if those things are happening now, you had relationship problems to start with.0 -
you are causing a change in the relationship. change can be hard.
Mine is mostly supportive but he has ideas that aren't really supported by fitness science. like i should cut sugar out or i'll only lose my tummy if i use gym machines. so he isn't always supportive of the changes i make because he thinks i'm doing it wrong. i just nod and say you might be right and go about my business
he also sometimes get upset with the fact that I'm tired because I'm working out hard.0 -
you are causing a change in the relationship. change can be hard.
Mine is mostly supportive but he has ideas that aren't really supported by fitness science. like i should cut sugar out or i'll only lose my tummy if i use gym machines. so he isn't always supportive of the changes i make because he thinks i'm doing it wrong. i just nod and say you might be right and go about my business
he also sometimes get upset with the fact that I'm tired because I'm working out hard.
Your guy brosciences you? NOOOOOOOOoooooo!!1
That's cute, though. 0 -
isn't it thoughSarah4fitness wrote: »you are causing a change in the relationship. change can be hard.
Mine is mostly supportive but he has ideas that aren't really supported by fitness science. like i should cut sugar out or i'll only lose my tummy if i use gym machines. so he isn't always supportive of the changes i make because he thinks i'm doing it wrong. i just nod and say you might be right and go about my business
he also sometimes get upset with the fact that I'm tired because I'm working out hard.
Your guy brosciences you? NOOOOOOOOoooooo!!1 That's cute, though. 0 -
Just ask your spouse this: Are you going to want to take care of me 20, 30 years down the line after I've suffered one or more strokes, or when I'm suffering side effects of out-of-control diabetes (blindness, limb amputations, etc.)? Or would you rather I do everything I can to get and stay healthy now so I can be there for us both later on?0
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I'm told that I look great no matter what, but ice gained 30-40 lbs over the last few years due to depression/emotional eating and an injury (broken leg). I ask that he limits the amount of junk food in the house so I'm not tempted, or at least hide it. It's frustrating sometimes. I'm not trying to lose weight for you, it's for me, help me out!0
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My husband loves me just as I am. He knows how miserable I am in this body, and then he feeds me to feel better. He is a kind wonderful man, but I use him to enable me. I don't buy junk, but he does and then I eat it. I know that I need to be strong no matter what anyone else is doing. I LET him sabatage me. .. must find something I love more than the junk food he brings home. .. I think success will do it. Lose some weight, get healthier, it will feel so much better than chips and dip or chicken wings. I want him to stop bringing it all home. ... sort of. TERRIBLE!
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Mine is very supportive of the goal, but doesn't really understand that I always need to go to the gym or go for a run. For me it's very important to have a plan and then stick to it. I can't just skip workouts whenever I don't feel like it or it's not optimal in my schedule as I know from experience it's a slippery slope that can lead to slacking off too much.0
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I feel ya. My boyfriend claims to be supportive, but in reality he's not. He thinks tough love is All i need. He tells me I need to stop worrying about what I eat & just focus on exercise... That food doesn't matter. We get in arguments about this. If all I needed to do was exercise then I wouldn't be 50lbs heavier. He doesn't understand that I have to watch my food.. 80% food 20% exercise. All he eats is junk.. It's always around. He just doesn't get it. It's hard when your significant other isn't on the same page.0
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Kitty_Nikki wrote: »One of them told me that he was afraid she was trying to lose weight in an effort to be more attractive to other men so it would be easier for her to leave him. People can be very insecure.
This is incredibly common. No matter how good your relationship with someone is, this will probably become an issue whenever you change anything about yourself for the better. And I think this goes for your relationship with anyone, not just your spouse. People sabotage you out of insecurity without even understanding why they're doing it.0 -
My partner is the same. Has nothing positive to say about anything i do anyway so i never expected any motivation from him and i dont need it. Im happy making myself happy.....he needs me more than i need him0
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I've learned that my weight loss is entirely my own business, and I don't make anyone else go on a diet with me. That means that my husband can have his snacks in the house, and it's up to me to stick to my goals. I'm loved no matter what my weight, and that's more important than getting "help" with my diet. He eats my healthy cooking though, and I've been finding low carb sweeteners, that he likes, to use instead of sugar. I'm a nurturer, but that's my deal.0
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