My son called me fat.
Replies
-
He is five
five years old are not rational beings
Five year olds think santa is real and cartoons are real and believe in magical wizards and stuff
They think boogers are acceptable snacks and mom and dad are able to do anything
The reason you are crying is not because of what he said
Its because you have a five year old and are exhausted doing other things too
So dont let one word reduce you to tears and want to push him away
Tell him you are fat and squishy because your love for him is filling you up like a balloon and give him a cuddle
Thats all he wants is some attention from you and he got it by upsetting you0 -
I'm sorry your feelings were hurt, and glad that he realizes the power of his words. My daughter has called herself fat when she was very young, but with zero value judgement. "My stomach is fat!" As a mom I got nervous, but in that moment it was just like her saying "My hair is brown."
When I was younger I would diet and constantly fail because I always told myself what I would try NOT to eat and never sat down to plan out what I WOULD eat. About 8 years ago I started meal planning and batch/freezer cooking and I always know what I'm going to eat and have plenty of options at my disposal. While it's not necessary to pre-cook, just making a plan of what your meals will be before your day starts could be a big help.0 -
This thread makes me really sad.
Kids say stuff and they don't fully realize that it's hurtful, however, it's a good opportunity to teach them what's not appropriate to say.
My 6-year-old hurt me the other day by saying that she wants to look like my sister when she grows up. It wasn't exactly an insult, but I was very upset because she didn't say she wants to look like me!0 -
Perhaps because you're a perfectionist you set parameters for yourself that are too strict--like eating only 1200 calories a day--ensuring that you will fail. I eat 1200 calories by noon; I would gnaw my own arm off if that was all I was allowed for a whole day. I would absolutely fail to meet that goal every single day and not because I have no willpower, or I'm a loser, but because it's too drastic for me.
I agree that speaking to a therapist can help, as will using MFP to set a reasonable weight loss goal--start at one pound a week and see how it goes.0 -
Well at 5 years old it's definitely a good time to teach him what's polite and what's not, he's still learning. Glad to see your here to get the encouragement we all need. You can add me if you'd like0
-
My son is five too. He calls fat people fat. Guess what, hard truth, your failing. Get with the program, really for your son's sake.
Then again my son also told me he hated me, because I made him go to bed last night.
I'd like to tone this down for you, but really being alive and healthy for my family is my #1 motivator.
0 -
Ouch. I'm sure it hurt.
It's hard for me to have high-calorie things in the house. I have 4 kids so sometimes we do. Would it help your willpower to think (buy good foods because you want to lose weight but instead) that you want to model good eating and exercise habits for him?
Write everything down even if you go over. With time, it will help you make better choices. Maybe you will still go over your calorie goal but you will do it a little less frequently or by lower amounts. Stick with it for yourself (and for him).0 -
tara_means_star wrote: »janejellyroll wrote: »
Good question. I would also add that teaching your child to care about not intentionally hurting other peoples feelings isn't what I'd call "PC BS" either.
Absolutely. Children shouldn't see honesty as a weapon or a way to hurt people. You can speak the truth with consideration. Calling a loved one "fatty" isn't honest. It's hurtful. And while children are often hurtful, it isn't something that we should encourage.
There are many honest things we could say about those we love (at least, honest from our POV). But part of growing up is learning how and when to say them and how to honor honesty and love.0 -
I hate that society has given the word "FAT" a negative connotation and so much power to make us feel less than. It is dysfunctional that a word can have so much power. I am not ashamed to call myself fat because that is what I am and I know I am working towards getting back to a healthier version of myself. I am tired of people using the word in a demeaning manner and in anger. Would we be as up in arms about this is her son called her "thin" or "skinny"? Probably not. ..In fact this wouldn't even be a thread. Fat can still be beautiful, intelligent, caring, hard-working, loving and adventurous! Fat is used to describe your appearance NOT you! That's it.
I'm sorry your son hurt your feelings, but the word fat will only have as much power over our self-perception as we allow it to.
Also in regards to you getting back on the horse. Don't view it as "this time". If you're viewing it as a moment you are bound to fail. You are trying to erase years of unhealthy habits. It won't happen overnight, so give yourself break. This is a lifestyle change. Instead try to make small changes...have popcorn or reeses, not both. Challenge yourself to logging your food especially your binges a few times of week. Hold yourself accountable..if you go over your calories vow to do 20 jumping jacks and 20 crunches before bed.
I believe you will reach your goals Beth and change your lifestyle into one that is healthier for you and your family and brings you more joy. It just takes time and you gotta do the work knowing each moment won't be easy and some days will kick your butt...
In the meantime, be fat and fabulous!
0 -
OP, its sounds like you are overwhelmed. Adding in self care and healthy habits are really important though...are there ways you can lighten your current load? It might be time to consider what areas of your life you can give up or reduce your involvement in. Getting your health together is important for you and important for your son. We've all talked about the importance of teaching him that his words are powerful and can hurt people. Now is also a great time to teach your son how to keep himself healthy as he grows up. Taking care of yourself and teaching your son to take care of himself is as important as anything else you have going on and probably more so.0
-
I get that you are not trying to get parenting advice from a diet board, so I am just telling this little antidote cause it cracks me up, My niece told my sister at about that age, "momma your pretty red panties are too tiny for your big fat booty!" I do love kids.0
-
Oooh I can feel the sting. At some point along the way, you are going to embarrass your children just by your existence. Most kids go through that stage. It will have nothing to do with your appearance and nothing to do with their love for you.
I know the vicious cycle. I had to decide that the fast reward of the Reese Cup wasn't as good as being smaller. I had to really face that eating anything has not ever solved any of my problems. While I might have felt better in the moment, the self-loathing that came after definitely didn't help anything. I believe that made everything worse and made me eat even more.
Logging every single morsel is helping me stop the cycle. Seeing the calorie count and how bad my macros are from binging is a slap in the face. Someone posted that before each bite they say to themselves that they are choosing to eat whatever they are eating in a binge. I really like that because denying what I am doing to myself is easy. I need to see the damage on my log and acknowledge what I am doing.
Tracking what triggers a binge has been key. I have identified situations that give me the urge by tracking. It has helped me try to find other ways of dealing.
One thing that I believe has really helped is getting right back to the program when I do screw up. Not tomorrow but the next time I eat. Learn from the episode but let it go. I think I used the episodes to eat even more.
If you think your calorie goal is too aggressive and you are truly hungry over wanting to emotionally eat, maybe up your calories a little. You can eat a small portion of a treat while losing weight.0 -
I know it is hard but you just can not eat stuff like candy & popcorn when watching your calorie count. It is very important to be under or at your goal for each day. It helped me to consider many foods as off limits, mine were french fries, burgers, sweet tea, baked potatoes to name a few. You need to get your mind and body in sync and realize "yes, you can do this". My son was brutal too. He poked my large beer gut and asked "when is it due" and he was 32 at the time. I decided enough and started with exercise and then added reduced calories to the mix. It worked great, the more I started to see results and feel better the harder I worked at it. I still do not eat what I call "the bad foods" and am upping my exercise to offset some weight I put back on. I tell people not to call this a diet but a lifestyle change. You must make this change now and make it a habit so that it is natural and not a punishment. Your health, fitness and overall state will improve. This is important so you can be around this little guy for a long time. Good luck!0
-
Do the world a favor and enable your son to understand that nasty name calling to other kids in school will probably elicit a similarly tearful response. If not publicly, then at least privately.
So if you start getting calls from the teachers or the parents that he's calling his classmates the same name he called you, or variations thereof, then you'll know if the bully label fits.
My mother was fat, and never once, at any age, did I name-call her for being fat. Even when I was angry.
Name-calling a parent, even at the age of five, suggests that parental authority and limits on behavior have not been sufficiently established.
It CAN mean that but it does not always mean that. Kids don't have the same understanding that we have over other people having feelings or what might hurt someone else's feelings. Some kids don't understand that using the word "fat" or the name "fatty" is hurtful and that is not a reflection on someone's parenting style. Especially ages 5 and under, this is the time they begin learning about abstract concepts like "other people's feelings." I work with kids for a living. I'm a therapist and it's my job to know child development.0 -
-
starwhisperer6 wrote: »I get that you are not trying to get parenting advice from a diet board, so I am just telling this little antidote cause it cracks me up, My niece told my sister at about that age, "momma your pretty red panties are too tiny for your big fat booty!" I do love kids.
My 6-year-old likes to sneak up on me when I am naked and slap my boobs, then runs away laughing. I find it hilarious, but I have to tell her that it is inappropriate because she tries to do it to other people as well. Kids are funny and inappropriate but they must be taught. Sorry for off-topic.0 -
I know it is hard but you just can not eat stuff like candy & popcorn when watching your calorie count. It is very important to be under or at your goal for each day. It helped me to consider many foods as off limits, mine were french fries, burgers, sweet tea, baked potatoes to name a few. You need to get your mind and body in sync and realize "yes, you can do this". My son was brutal too. He poked my large beer gut and asked "when is it due" and he was 32 at the time. I decided enough and started with exercise and then added reduced calories to the mix. It worked great, the more I started to see results and feel better the harder I worked at it. I still do not eat what I call "the bad foods" and am upping my exercise to offset some weight I put back on. I tell people not to call this a diet but a lifestyle change. You must make this change now and make it a habit so that it is natural and not a punishment. Your health, fitness and overall state will improve. This is important so you can be around this little guy for a long time. Good luck!
Some people may find it useful to eliminate foods like candy and popcorn while losing weight. But others can include them in their weight loss plans. For me (and some other people), declaring a food off-limits can actually lead to greater problems. OP needs to discover which way will work for her. She may be able to include candy and popcorn in her diet while losing weight. We have successful people here who have done that, including myself.0 -
tara_means_star wrote: »Do the world a favor and enable your son to understand that nasty name calling to other kids in school will probably elicit a similarly tearful response. If not publicly, then at least privately.
So if you start getting calls from the teachers or the parents that he's calling his classmates the same name he called you, or variations thereof, then you'll know if the bully label fits.
My mother was fat, and never once, at any age, did I name-call her for being fat. Even when I was angry.
Name-calling a parent, even at the age of five, suggests that parental authority and limits on behavior have not been sufficiently established.
It CAN mean that but it does not always mean that. Kids don't have the same understanding that we have over other people having feelings or what might hurt someone else's feelings. Some kids don't understand that using the word "fat" or the name "fatty" is hurtful and that is not a reflection on someone's parenting style. Especially ages 5 and under, this is the time they begin learning about abstract concepts like "other people's feelings." I work with kids for a living. I'm a therapist and it's my job to know child development.
Well we have some people saying calling fat people fat is a nasty name calling meany name. We also have some people that saying calling someone fat is just that, because it describes them. I'm just going to teach my kids to describe people how they see them and stay out of the hug box.0 -
janejellyroll wrote: »I know it is hard but you just can not eat stuff like candy & popcorn when watching your calorie count. It is very important to be under or at your goal for each day. It helped me to consider many foods as off limits, mine were french fries, burgers, sweet tea, baked potatoes to name a few. You need to get your mind and body in sync and realize "yes, you can do this". My son was brutal too. He poked my large beer gut and asked "when is it due" and he was 32 at the time. I decided enough and started with exercise and then added reduced calories to the mix. It worked great, the more I started to see results and feel better the harder I worked at it. I still do not eat what I call "the bad foods" and am upping my exercise to offset some weight I put back on. I tell people not to call this a diet but a lifestyle change. You must make this change now and make it a habit so that it is natural and not a punishment. Your health, fitness and overall state will improve. This is important so you can be around this little guy for a long time. Good luck!
Some people may find it useful to eliminate foods like candy and popcorn while losing weight. But others can include them in their weight loss plans. For me (and some other people), declaring a food off-limits can actually lead to greater problems. OP needs to discover which way will work for her. She may be able to include candy and popcorn in her diet while losing weight. We have successful people here who have done that, including myself.
Agreed. I've never been successful completely eliminating some foods. Simply does not work for me. The "prohibition" makes moderation very difficult if I do get my hands on said food.0 -
Perhaps because you're a perfectionist you set parameters for yourself that are too strict--like eating only 1200 calories a day--ensuring that you will fail. I eat 1200 calories by noon; I would gnaw my own arm off if that was all I was allowed for a whole day. I would absolutely fail to meet that goal every single day and not because I have no willpower, or I'm a loser, but because it's too drastic for me.
I agree that speaking to a therapist can help, as will using MFP to set a reasonable weight loss goal--start at one pound a week and see how it goes.
Good point. @beth0277 - your ticker says you have 66 pounds to lose. Try setting your weight loss goals for 1 pound per week and see how you do on this.0 -
-
Do the world a favor and enable your son to understand that nasty name calling to other kids in school will probably elicit a similarly tearful response. If not publicly, then at least privately.
So if you start getting calls from the teachers or the parents that he's calling his classmates the same name he called you, or variations thereof, then you'll know if the bully label fits.
My mother was fat, and never once, at any age, did I name-call her for being fat. Even when I was angry.
Name-calling a parent, even at the age of five, suggests that parental authority and limits on behavior have not been sufficiently established.
Yes, my son, who has been given behavioral awards every month since he started school, is a big, mean bully and I fail as a parent because he called me a name. He is 5. FIVE. That doesn't make it okay, but it does make it normal for a 5 year old to not be able to understand the harshness of their words.0 -
Of_Monsters_and_Meat wrote: »Well we have some people saying calling fat people fat is a nasty name calling meany name. We also have some people that saying calling someone fat is just that, because it describes them. I'm just going to teach my kids to describe people how they see them and stay out of the hug box.
Well "fat" is a descriptive word, but you don't go around calling people "fatties." That is socially unacceptable and hurtful to the person being called such. If you teach your children that being ugly to people is OK, then you aren't doing them any favors. They will have a very hard time in life. Bullying isn't cool.
Also, wth is a "hug box?"
0 -
When I was fat, I would get called fat sometimes. Mostly by my friends, just goofing around. Thing was, I was fat. I am not going to get mad if someone calls me bald. I am. I am not going to get mad if someone says I am a bit on the short side. I am. I wouldn't get mad if someone called me fat. I was.
Are you fat? If so, it's an accurate observation. If you don't like it, change it.0 -
I know it is hard but you just can not eat stuff like candy & popcorn when watching your calorie count. It is very important to be under or at your goal for each day. It helped me to consider many foods as off limits, mine were french fries, burgers, sweet tea, baked potatoes to name a few. You need to get your mind and body in sync and realize "yes, you can do this". My son was brutal too. He poked my large beer gut and asked "when is it due" and he was 32 at the time. I decided enough and started with exercise and then added reduced calories to the mix. It worked great, the more I started to see results and feel better the harder I worked at it. I still do not eat what I call "the bad foods" and am upping my exercise to offset some weight I put back on. I tell people not to call this a diet but a lifestyle change. You must make this change now and make it a habit so that it is natural and not a punishment. Your health, fitness and overall state will improve. This is important so you can be around this little guy for a long time. Good luck!
This is not true.
While some may find it useful to cut out certain foods many find that to be an added stress. You can eat candy or popcorn when watching your calories count. It's an individual choice for each person.0 -
My thin 5 year old called me fat yesterday. Well, fatty, to be specific. I had hoped that would be a turning point and I cried and cried after he did. Not because I don't know I'm overweight, but because he knows. I don't ever want him to be embarrassed of me. I started today with the same resolve that I do most days, to not overeat and to stay within my calories. But alas, I made it until noon and then went to the store and got some popcorn and reese cups.
I wish I could stop this cycle. I've done well before but for some reason I can't get "it" this time. I feel like such a failure.
Try this: Instead of succumbing to going to the store, go for a walk. 90% of this is choosing to take control, and make new choices.0 -
tara_means_star wrote: »Some kids don't understand that using the word "fat" or the name "fatty" is hurtful
I suppose there's an exception to every rule, and I'm not going to speculate what the problem could be for kids who don't "understand" this.
But for the vast majority of kids, including 5 year olds, they absolutely do know exactly what they're doing when they call somebody "fatty". And it's no coincidence that he said this when he was angry, as OP mentioned.
I didn't see where she said he was angry. It does indicate that he was saying something to get a reaction. It means he, like most kids, have SOME understanding. But if you've ever seen a kid that said something hurtful to get a reaction and then was shocked at exactly how big of a reaction they got....I don't mean that kids have no understanding whatsoever. I mean they don't understand it in the same way that an adult does. He's got enough of an understanding that now is a really good time to teach him it's not okay. He doesn't have enough of an understanding to call him a bully.0 -
My kids don't necessarily call me fat but they totally love to smush the excess fat on my stomach. I use it as motivation to get rid of it.0
-
Sorry to hear this. Very hurtful to hear from your child. He is not a bully, he is only 5, just a little boy. A learning situation for you both. You can do this! Make changes to become a role model for him. Children learn by example and you will both benefit from your becoming healthier.
BTW, there are plenty of bullies, and adults at that (they just act like 5 year olds), on this website..............just saying.
0 -
Do the world a favor and enable your son to understand that nasty name calling to other kids in school will probably elicit a similarly tearful response. If not publicly, then at least privately.
So if you start getting calls from the teachers or the parents that he's calling his classmates the same name he called you, or variations thereof, then you'll know if the bully label fits.
My mother was fat, and never once, at any age, did I name-call her for being fat. Even when I was angry.
Name-calling a parent, even at the age of five, suggests that parental authority and limits on behavior have not been sufficiently established.
Yes, my son, who has been given behavioral awards every month since he started school, is a big, mean bully and I fail as a parent because he called me a name. He is 5. FIVE. That doesn't make it okay, but it does make it normal for a 5 year old to not be able to understand the harshness of their words.
I suggest not getting into it one here lol. yeah it is amazing how you came here for support on your feelings of failing at a diet and everyone has turned it around and made it a failure in parenting. Good times. Just rest assured that every parent on here has had their kid do something they didn't like... cause they are human. You can beat the diet thing though. If you are a perfectionist then it is possible that you lose control with food because you are so perfect in other areas. Maybe ease up on your expectations of yourself? Know that you are not perfect and a king size candy bar doesn't make you any more or less amazing.0
This discussion has been closed.
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 393.6K Introduce Yourself
- 43.8K Getting Started
- 260.3K Health and Weight Loss
- 176K Food and Nutrition
- 47.5K Recipes
- 232.6K Fitness and Exercise
- 431 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.5K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.6K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 153K Motivation and Support
- 8K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.3K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.8K MyFitnessPal Information
- 24 News and Announcements
- 1.1K Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.6K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions