My son called me fat.
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I get that you are not trying to get parenting advice from a diet board, so I am just telling this little antidote cause it cracks me up, My niece told my sister at about that age, "momma your pretty red panties are too tiny for your big fat booty!" I do love kids.0
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Oooh I can feel the sting. At some point along the way, you are going to embarrass your children just by your existence. Most kids go through that stage. It will have nothing to do with your appearance and nothing to do with their love for you.
I know the vicious cycle. I had to decide that the fast reward of the Reese Cup wasn't as good as being smaller. I had to really face that eating anything has not ever solved any of my problems. While I might have felt better in the moment, the self-loathing that came after definitely didn't help anything. I believe that made everything worse and made me eat even more.
Logging every single morsel is helping me stop the cycle. Seeing the calorie count and how bad my macros are from binging is a slap in the face. Someone posted that before each bite they say to themselves that they are choosing to eat whatever they are eating in a binge. I really like that because denying what I am doing to myself is easy. I need to see the damage on my log and acknowledge what I am doing.
Tracking what triggers a binge has been key. I have identified situations that give me the urge by tracking. It has helped me try to find other ways of dealing.
One thing that I believe has really helped is getting right back to the program when I do screw up. Not tomorrow but the next time I eat. Learn from the episode but let it go. I think I used the episodes to eat even more.
If you think your calorie goal is too aggressive and you are truly hungry over wanting to emotionally eat, maybe up your calories a little. You can eat a small portion of a treat while losing weight.0 -
I know it is hard but you just can not eat stuff like candy & popcorn when watching your calorie count. It is very important to be under or at your goal for each day. It helped me to consider many foods as off limits, mine were french fries, burgers, sweet tea, baked potatoes to name a few. You need to get your mind and body in sync and realize "yes, you can do this". My son was brutal too. He poked my large beer gut and asked "when is it due" and he was 32 at the time. I decided enough and started with exercise and then added reduced calories to the mix. It worked great, the more I started to see results and feel better the harder I worked at it. I still do not eat what I call "the bad foods" and am upping my exercise to offset some weight I put back on. I tell people not to call this a diet but a lifestyle change. You must make this change now and make it a habit so that it is natural and not a punishment. Your health, fitness and overall state will improve. This is important so you can be around this little guy for a long time. Good luck!0
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Do the world a favor and enable your son to understand that nasty name calling to other kids in school will probably elicit a similarly tearful response. If not publicly, then at least privately.
So if you start getting calls from the teachers or the parents that he's calling his classmates the same name he called you, or variations thereof, then you'll know if the bully label fits.
My mother was fat, and never once, at any age, did I name-call her for being fat. Even when I was angry.
Name-calling a parent, even at the age of five, suggests that parental authority and limits on behavior have not been sufficiently established.
It CAN mean that but it does not always mean that. Kids don't have the same understanding that we have over other people having feelings or what might hurt someone else's feelings. Some kids don't understand that using the word "fat" or the name "fatty" is hurtful and that is not a reflection on someone's parenting style. Especially ages 5 and under, this is the time they begin learning about abstract concepts like "other people's feelings." I work with kids for a living. I'm a therapist and it's my job to know child development.0 -
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starwhisperer6 wrote: »I get that you are not trying to get parenting advice from a diet board, so I am just telling this little antidote cause it cracks me up, My niece told my sister at about that age, "momma your pretty red panties are too tiny for your big fat booty!" I do love kids.
My 6-year-old likes to sneak up on me when I am naked and slap my boobs, then runs away laughing. I find it hilarious, but I have to tell her that it is inappropriate because she tries to do it to other people as well. Kids are funny and inappropriate but they must be taught. Sorry for off-topic.0 -
I know it is hard but you just can not eat stuff like candy & popcorn when watching your calorie count. It is very important to be under or at your goal for each day. It helped me to consider many foods as off limits, mine were french fries, burgers, sweet tea, baked potatoes to name a few. You need to get your mind and body in sync and realize "yes, you can do this". My son was brutal too. He poked my large beer gut and asked "when is it due" and he was 32 at the time. I decided enough and started with exercise and then added reduced calories to the mix. It worked great, the more I started to see results and feel better the harder I worked at it. I still do not eat what I call "the bad foods" and am upping my exercise to offset some weight I put back on. I tell people not to call this a diet but a lifestyle change. You must make this change now and make it a habit so that it is natural and not a punishment. Your health, fitness and overall state will improve. This is important so you can be around this little guy for a long time. Good luck!
Some people may find it useful to eliminate foods like candy and popcorn while losing weight. But others can include them in their weight loss plans. For me (and some other people), declaring a food off-limits can actually lead to greater problems. OP needs to discover which way will work for her. She may be able to include candy and popcorn in her diet while losing weight. We have successful people here who have done that, including myself.0 -
tara_means_star wrote: »Do the world a favor and enable your son to understand that nasty name calling to other kids in school will probably elicit a similarly tearful response. If not publicly, then at least privately.
So if you start getting calls from the teachers or the parents that he's calling his classmates the same name he called you, or variations thereof, then you'll know if the bully label fits.
My mother was fat, and never once, at any age, did I name-call her for being fat. Even when I was angry.
Name-calling a parent, even at the age of five, suggests that parental authority and limits on behavior have not been sufficiently established.
It CAN mean that but it does not always mean that. Kids don't have the same understanding that we have over other people having feelings or what might hurt someone else's feelings. Some kids don't understand that using the word "fat" or the name "fatty" is hurtful and that is not a reflection on someone's parenting style. Especially ages 5 and under, this is the time they begin learning about abstract concepts like "other people's feelings." I work with kids for a living. I'm a therapist and it's my job to know child development.
Well we have some people saying calling fat people fat is a nasty name calling meany name. We also have some people that saying calling someone fat is just that, because it describes them. I'm just going to teach my kids to describe people how they see them and stay out of the hug box.0 -
janejellyroll wrote: »I know it is hard but you just can not eat stuff like candy & popcorn when watching your calorie count. It is very important to be under or at your goal for each day. It helped me to consider many foods as off limits, mine were french fries, burgers, sweet tea, baked potatoes to name a few. You need to get your mind and body in sync and realize "yes, you can do this". My son was brutal too. He poked my large beer gut and asked "when is it due" and he was 32 at the time. I decided enough and started with exercise and then added reduced calories to the mix. It worked great, the more I started to see results and feel better the harder I worked at it. I still do not eat what I call "the bad foods" and am upping my exercise to offset some weight I put back on. I tell people not to call this a diet but a lifestyle change. You must make this change now and make it a habit so that it is natural and not a punishment. Your health, fitness and overall state will improve. This is important so you can be around this little guy for a long time. Good luck!
Some people may find it useful to eliminate foods like candy and popcorn while losing weight. But others can include them in their weight loss plans. For me (and some other people), declaring a food off-limits can actually lead to greater problems. OP needs to discover which way will work for her. She may be able to include candy and popcorn in her diet while losing weight. We have successful people here who have done that, including myself.
Agreed. I've never been successful completely eliminating some foods. Simply does not work for me. The "prohibition" makes moderation very difficult if I do get my hands on said food.0 -
Perhaps because you're a perfectionist you set parameters for yourself that are too strict--like eating only 1200 calories a day--ensuring that you will fail. I eat 1200 calories by noon; I would gnaw my own arm off if that was all I was allowed for a whole day. I would absolutely fail to meet that goal every single day and not because I have no willpower, or I'm a loser, but because it's too drastic for me.
I agree that speaking to a therapist can help, as will using MFP to set a reasonable weight loss goal--start at one pound a week and see how it goes.
Good point. @beth0277 - your ticker says you have 66 pounds to lose. Try setting your weight loss goals for 1 pound per week and see how you do on this.0 -
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Do the world a favor and enable your son to understand that nasty name calling to other kids in school will probably elicit a similarly tearful response. If not publicly, then at least privately.
So if you start getting calls from the teachers or the parents that he's calling his classmates the same name he called you, or variations thereof, then you'll know if the bully label fits.
My mother was fat, and never once, at any age, did I name-call her for being fat. Even when I was angry.
Name-calling a parent, even at the age of five, suggests that parental authority and limits on behavior have not been sufficiently established.
Yes, my son, who has been given behavioral awards every month since he started school, is a big, mean bully and I fail as a parent because he called me a name. He is 5. FIVE. That doesn't make it okay, but it does make it normal for a 5 year old to not be able to understand the harshness of their words.0 -
Of_Monsters_and_Meat wrote: »Well we have some people saying calling fat people fat is a nasty name calling meany name. We also have some people that saying calling someone fat is just that, because it describes them. I'm just going to teach my kids to describe people how they see them and stay out of the hug box.
Well "fat" is a descriptive word, but you don't go around calling people "fatties." That is socially unacceptable and hurtful to the person being called such. If you teach your children that being ugly to people is OK, then you aren't doing them any favors. They will have a very hard time in life. Bullying isn't cool.
Also, wth is a "hug box?"
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When I was fat, I would get called fat sometimes. Mostly by my friends, just goofing around. Thing was, I was fat. I am not going to get mad if someone calls me bald. I am. I am not going to get mad if someone says I am a bit on the short side. I am. I wouldn't get mad if someone called me fat. I was.
Are you fat? If so, it's an accurate observation. If you don't like it, change it.0 -
I know it is hard but you just can not eat stuff like candy & popcorn when watching your calorie count. It is very important to be under or at your goal for each day. It helped me to consider many foods as off limits, mine were french fries, burgers, sweet tea, baked potatoes to name a few. You need to get your mind and body in sync and realize "yes, you can do this". My son was brutal too. He poked my large beer gut and asked "when is it due" and he was 32 at the time. I decided enough and started with exercise and then added reduced calories to the mix. It worked great, the more I started to see results and feel better the harder I worked at it. I still do not eat what I call "the bad foods" and am upping my exercise to offset some weight I put back on. I tell people not to call this a diet but a lifestyle change. You must make this change now and make it a habit so that it is natural and not a punishment. Your health, fitness and overall state will improve. This is important so you can be around this little guy for a long time. Good luck!
This is not true.
While some may find it useful to cut out certain foods many find that to be an added stress. You can eat candy or popcorn when watching your calories count. It's an individual choice for each person.0 -
My thin 5 year old called me fat yesterday. Well, fatty, to be specific. I had hoped that would be a turning point and I cried and cried after he did. Not because I don't know I'm overweight, but because he knows. I don't ever want him to be embarrassed of me. I started today with the same resolve that I do most days, to not overeat and to stay within my calories. But alas, I made it until noon and then went to the store and got some popcorn and reese cups.
I wish I could stop this cycle. I've done well before but for some reason I can't get "it" this time. I feel like such a failure.
Try this: Instead of succumbing to going to the store, go for a walk. 90% of this is choosing to take control, and make new choices.0 -
tara_means_star wrote: »Some kids don't understand that using the word "fat" or the name "fatty" is hurtful
I suppose there's an exception to every rule, and I'm not going to speculate what the problem could be for kids who don't "understand" this.
But for the vast majority of kids, including 5 year olds, they absolutely do know exactly what they're doing when they call somebody "fatty". And it's no coincidence that he said this when he was angry, as OP mentioned.
I didn't see where she said he was angry. It does indicate that he was saying something to get a reaction. It means he, like most kids, have SOME understanding. But if you've ever seen a kid that said something hurtful to get a reaction and then was shocked at exactly how big of a reaction they got....I don't mean that kids have no understanding whatsoever. I mean they don't understand it in the same way that an adult does. He's got enough of an understanding that now is a really good time to teach him it's not okay. He doesn't have enough of an understanding to call him a bully.0 -
My kids don't necessarily call me fat but they totally love to smush the excess fat on my stomach. I use it as motivation to get rid of it.0
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Sorry to hear this. Very hurtful to hear from your child. He is not a bully, he is only 5, just a little boy. A learning situation for you both. You can do this! Make changes to become a role model for him. Children learn by example and you will both benefit from your becoming healthier.
BTW, there are plenty of bullies, and adults at that (they just act like 5 year olds), on this website..............just saying.
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Do the world a favor and enable your son to understand that nasty name calling to other kids in school will probably elicit a similarly tearful response. If not publicly, then at least privately.
So if you start getting calls from the teachers or the parents that he's calling his classmates the same name he called you, or variations thereof, then you'll know if the bully label fits.
My mother was fat, and never once, at any age, did I name-call her for being fat. Even when I was angry.
Name-calling a parent, even at the age of five, suggests that parental authority and limits on behavior have not been sufficiently established.
Yes, my son, who has been given behavioral awards every month since he started school, is a big, mean bully and I fail as a parent because he called me a name. He is 5. FIVE. That doesn't make it okay, but it does make it normal for a 5 year old to not be able to understand the harshness of their words.
I suggest not getting into it one here lol. yeah it is amazing how you came here for support on your feelings of failing at a diet and everyone has turned it around and made it a failure in parenting. Good times. Just rest assured that every parent on here has had their kid do something they didn't like... cause they are human. You can beat the diet thing though. If you are a perfectionist then it is possible that you lose control with food because you are so perfect in other areas. Maybe ease up on your expectations of yourself? Know that you are not perfect and a king size candy bar doesn't make you any more or less amazing.0
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