Husband isn't on board

It's your body.

exactly what both of them said.... my bf likes bigger women too but he know being healthy is way more important than being his perfect body type.

Most husband's I think are just worried if you lose weight, you'll leave him. Some I'm sure are more attractive to heavier women. I reassured my husband that I was smaller when we married and I'm doing it for me. I explained the better I feel about me, the better it will be for us. Ultimately, I decided to do it for me and no one was going to stop me.

Maybe you can get him involved in a roundabout way - e.g. by scheduling exercise time together. His position might be coming from a place of fear, such as you becoming even more desirable to other men? Definitely do what's right for you!

Just let him look at some of his fetish porn on the internet to get it out of his system.

When I saw my gynecologist at my 2015 checkup, the first thing he said to me when he walked in the room is "Nice, I see you have lost a lot of weight. Do you know that most men are jealous of their wives losing weight. Be prepared for some jealousy."

You have to take this journey for you and you alone. If you make it about anyone else, you can easily get derailed when they are not supportive/no longer in the picture, etc.

As @EltaAuringer said, get him involved in a roundabout way.

And don't even try to reassure him about his insecurities (if he has any). Words won't work. Show him that your getting healthy is the best thing for both of you.

You need to do what is best for you. If he is insecure (as so many women seem to think husbands are) then he needs to deal with his own feelings and I would suggest he read Iron John by Robert Bly as a start to dealing with his own issues. Most men aren't simplistic stereotypes despite how people like to portray us and he may very well find you attractive with weight but physical appearance is only a sliver of what makes a person attractive to another person.

In a perfect world we would have all the support from those closest to us when we wish to make positive changes unfortunately this world isn't perfect. You need to develop strategies to strengthen your focus because not only your husband but, other sources are going to challenge you as most people fear change so much they don't like being reminded that it really is simple and within their control. You can do this, it will be hard but you are stronger than you realize, you can do this!

He may be feeling intimidated by your potential weight loss. He may be scared that losing weight could mean you want to leave him. Partners get worried when we start to make changes. Have you spoken to him about your feelings?

He may just be saying that because its the way you are. I had a similar situation several years ago. When I met my husband, I was bigger than I had ever been (what I wouldn't give to be at THAT weight again). He never knew me when I was thin, and he fell in love with me the way I was. I had a baby, put on a few extra, but lost it relatively quickly. Needless to say, my body was different post baby; I carried weight differently. He never complained, and when I would complain or be struggling, he would remind me that I had birthed a human. I really committed about a year after my son was born and was 25 pounds lighter than when we met. Everyone noticed and everyone complimented me-except him. I asked him once if he even had a clue how hard I had worked and he simply replied, "Ya, you look great." Naturally, this infuriated me. Great? That's all? I received more kudos then that when I was bigger. After about a week of being super annoyed, I finally brought it up again. I ranted and raved about how I had been close to 200 pounds before and was now only 150 and he didn't seem any more attracted to me than he was before. He looked at me funny and said, "Do you want me to be?" My first thought was "uh, ya" but I didn't say anything. He felt like I was setting him up for some sort of relationship trap. If he said or acted like he was just over the moon for me at this new weight, I would spiral into depression and die if I ever gained it back and he wasn't as enthusiastic. Truth of the matter is, he had no idea how much I had weighed before, even commented "Really? 200? I would've guess like 145. Hmm." He loved me the same, regardless and treated me no differently either way. I have since gained even more weight (currently trying to come down from 220) and his love for me hasn't changed. I struggle with it more, and he sees that, and his efforts to help me have changed, but only because I am making a bigger deal about it now than before. I think you will be fine. Depressed wives make for depressed husbands and no one wants all of that. Do what you want to do for yourself, if you are happy, he will be happy, and if he isn't or doesn't like the new you, guess what? You will be thin and hot and won't need him (jk I don't condone divorce but you get the drift). Good luck and let us know how it goes!

tcunbeliever wrote: »

My husband was also resistant to the idea of me loosing weight...like for YEARS he was no help and always whining about the tummy shrinking or making comments about how I didn't need to lose anymore...I found the best way to derail him was to shift the focus off of size and over to health...I know you like my round tummy, but it's not a shape for a healthy heart and I want to live and do fun things for a long time...I'm not getting to skinny, I'm still about 28% body fat, that is not even in the athletic range yet, still average...

He is finally coming around and working out with me now, but it took a loooooong time...

You're smart!

You are more than your husband's sexual plaything.

It's important to consider your spouse's feelings and needs, but they don't override you feeling healthy and happy about yourself.

Well, I think the above people have pretty well said it all. One question is does your husband stay in shape? Sometimes a spouse, besides all the other above reasons, doesn't like you to "get in shape" as it can be a constant reminder they aren't, and they don't like the way they look...of course, then all the other thoughts start. However, you need to do what is healthy and right for you. At your age, it is even more important as you can do it easier than if you were in your 40's and older. Try to get him to do it with you...but don't not do it because of him.

I can really relate with this. My husband is not on board with this either. He tells me that he knows I'm going to quit so why should I even bother starting. He is the cook in the family too so I really hate being rude and telling him that I need to make something else for my dinner. I am doing this. I need to do this.... it doesn't matter if he likes me like this, I don't and that is why I need a change.

newmeadow wrote: »

aggelikik wrote: »

OP said she is not feeling happy with her weight and attractive but her husband has his reasons to want her to stay this way.

You mean she is not feeling happy about her weight and attractiveness?

In case that's what you meant, and considering all she's said is her husband has his reasons to want her to stay this way - I'll venture a guess. Now, it's a WILD GUESS, granted, based on the limited information.

But perhaps her husband finds her attractive, despite the fact that she is carrying some extra weight. He loves a chub. It happens. It's no tragedy.

Finding someone attractive DESPITE him/her being overweight means you do not care if this person loses weight or not. Wanting someone to stay overweight, it is not the same.
Are you sure you are talking about the OP and not letting out personal feelings here?

I heard a really appropriate quote the other day

"When a woman is happy with her body, her husband will know it"

My husband likes me fitter but has no issue with me bigger either. He knows if I am more secure in my appearance he will be the one to reap the rewards... Maybe explain it to him like that?