Family won't eat healthy

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  • blankiefinder
    blankiefinder Posts: 3,599 Member
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    KR226 wrote: »
    Oh, I'm sorry! I assumed you were because of the angry face. xD I see what you're saying though. I thought about it a bit more, and yeah, I only know a little of what they'd actually eat. And making that all the time would get boring. Thank you! I'll ask before I assume next time (:
    And I don't know, the small nation in Europe sounds okay haha.
    I'll back off, and just answer their questions to the best of my ability. Thanks, everyone. (:

    If it were me, the main advice I would give them if they asked, would be simply that they need to be in a deficit. It's up to them how they get there.
  • mommarnurse
    mommarnurse Posts: 515 Member
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    I'm gonna agree with them. You need to shut up.
  • Larissa_NY
    Larissa_NY Posts: 495 Member
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    KR226 wrote: »
    Oh, I'm sorry! I assumed you were because of the angry face. xD I see what you're saying though. I thought about it a bit more, and yeah, I only know a little of what they'd actually eat. And making that all the time would get boring. Thank you! I'll ask before I assume next time (:
    And I don't know, the small nation in Europe sounds okay haha.
    I'll back off, and just answer their questions to the best of my ability. Thanks, everyone. (:

    I'm not going to lie, I do favor the small nation in Europe.

    For what it's worth, I know how you feel. My mother straight-up ate herself to death. She wasn't a stupid woman, but she was a prideful and angry one; she let magazines and "fat-positive" groups convince her that there was nothing unhealthy about being so obese she was barely mobile, and anyone who said otherwise was just a jealous, bitter hater. She wouldn't hear advice from anyone, and she particularly wouldn't hear it from me, because she was so angry with me for never having gotten fat like she always told me I would.

    So I know that keeping your opinions to yourself while someone close to you is harming their own health out of ignorance is much easier said than done. But there are penalties to being the person who's never been obese, and one of them is that obese family members often think you don't know what you're talking about, or they get angry because something that's easy for you to do isn't easy for them, or they get defensive because they think you're just being shallow and wanting them to look a certain way.

    Do you have a relative who's been obese and lost the weight? Maybe a better idea would be to recruit that person to the cause.
  • Cortneyrenee04
    Cortneyrenee04 Posts: 1,117 Member
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    It's really hard to watch people we love make poor choices (food or otherwise). All we can do is set a good example for them, answer questions only when asked and with sensitivity. I don't know if you've ever been overweight, or if you've always been thin, but try to put yourself in their shoes. No one likes to change or be told they need to change. Food is a really intimate part of our lives and it can be scary thinking about it changing.
  • lynnstrick01
    lynnstrick01 Posts: 181 Member
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    Seems like everybody is kind of scolding you about the whole white carbs comment, although they are not necessarily wrong,, I do see what you are saying.. when you say "white carbs" that is just another way of saying "bad carbs" rice, white bread, pasta... and if there are too many of those and no balance with other more healthy staples in the diet then YES that is very unhealthy . Many people tend to get MORE carbs from these than they do from fruit and Veg ( I used to). But If a person is eating the White Carbs or Bad Carbs in moderation and they are only a reasonable part of an overall diet, then there shouldn't be a problem.

    I think that your concern over your families health could be backfiring on you. No matter how well intended you are, after a while all of your concern just sounds like "harping" to your family. All you can do is :"lead by example" If you are living a healthy lifestyle you don't need to TELL people, they will SEE it and eventually some of it will (hopefully) rub off.
  • latineyes2
    latineyes2 Posts: 31 Member
    edited January 2016
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    KR226 wrote: »
    They'd like the food I make them if they'd eat it. As for your other question, they ask me what to do, I tell them what I think they should do. They don't like the option I gave them, and they get mad at me. The only thing I'm over stepping is that they should eat less ice cream and do just a bit more cardio. That's it. I only give my opinion if they ask.

    How do you know they'd like it? They obviously don't eat it, because it doesn't look appetizing to them. Also, you keep saying they ask you, but get mad... It's very obvious that in your mind comments about eating better is being translated to "please give me advice". STOP GIVING ADVICE! Because they are right, your advice is not accurate! Do your own research, get educated about health and nutrition before advising others. And then walk a mile in their shoes. How do you feel when they attack you about having an eating disorder? You don't like it and you said so. They feel the same way!

    Take a step back and if they are truly asking you for advice, don't suggest ANYTHING except MFP. Let them know about the great tracking and community support. And then shut up!!! You are not a qualified Nutritionist, Athletic Trainer, Personal Trainer or MD. So keep all your very well intentioned advice to herself and only suggest the app and leave it be!

    Someone above gave you a beautiful way to encourage and to take a positive spin on things, take that info to heart, stop focusing on what they eat and help them focus on how to obtain their goals by using MFP!!! KISS (Keep it simple silly)!
  • KR226
    KR226 Posts: 14 Member
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    Okay, no, I can see how it would be harping and get annoying. I'll take your guys' advice. (:

    I do the research before I tell them. It's apparently outdated, though. And it's more of the ingredients I put in the things I make. They like my dinner-type food, but my muffins and cookies they're reluctant to try because I replace the white flour with wheat, and all that. And no, that's not what's going on in my mind at all. I do know how to listen, and I listen to them.
    Example: the other day (before I made the post, I probably should have titled it venting now that I think about it), my sister kept asking me if 140 was a good goal weight, and I told her I thought it was a little too low for her body type, (she's very pear shaped, like, she's almost shaped exactly like Marilyn Monroe, but taller) and then I said, "Let's look up a good goal weight." We found that for her it'd be around 155/160. Then we started talking about shoes. I only talked to her about what she asked, nothing else. It's a little more stressful when she asks me what I think she should eat more/less of.
    But, I am going to follow all of your advice, and I'll work on recognizing when either me or my sisters and mom get agitated.
  • Mavrick_RN
    Mavrick_RN Posts: 439 Member
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    What do you mean by "I'm just thin" Have you never been overweight?
  • KR226
    KR226 Posts: 14 Member
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    No. I've been struggling with being underweight my entire life due to a couple of autoimmune diseases. My doctor said I've had one of them since I was born, and the other he said something about it popping up recently (PCOS. So, like, only two/three years. Blood test for both.) Both diseases normally make the person overweight and struggle with losing it. But, for a very small few, about 0.5% of women with both diseases, end up being underweight, and struggle to gain it.
    There's almost no research on why both diseases would cause a person to be underweight, but both parties (over/underweight) have a higher risk of diabetes, so I can't eat whatever I want, like most people think.
  • ElizabethOakes2
    ElizabethOakes2 Posts: 1,038 Member
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    It took 50 years and a diagnosis of high blood pressure for my older sister to stop eating so much fast food and start eating vegetables. (Turns out she's a super-taster, so all vegetables taste nasty to her. She had to learn to cook them in ways that they tasted okay.) They have to figure it out for themselves, and nothing you say or do is going to change them. You have to live for yourself, love them for who they are, and let the rest go. :)
  • RodaRose
    RodaRose Posts: 9,562 Member
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    KR226 wrote: »
    Okay, no, I can see how it would be harping and get annoying. I'll take your guys' advice. (:

    I do the research before I tell them. It's apparently outdated, though. And it's more of the ingredients I put in the things I make. They like my dinner-type food, but my muffins and cookies they're reluctant to try because I replace the white flour with wheat, and all that. And no, that's not what's going on in my mind at all. I do know how to listen, and I listen to them.
    Example: the other day (before I made the post, I probably should have titled it venting now that I think about it), my sister kept asking me if 140 was a good goal weight, and I told her I thought it was a little too low for her body type, (she's very pear shaped, like, she's almost shaped exactly like Marilyn Monroe, but taller) and then I said, "Let's look up a good goal weight." We found that for her it'd be around 155/160. Then we started talking about shoes. I only talked to her about what she asked, nothing else. It's a little more stressful when she asks me what I think she should eat more/less of.
    But, I am going to follow all of your advice, and I'll work on recognizing when either me or my sisters and mom get agitated.

    White flour and whole wheat flour are almost the same nutritionally. The important difference is taste.
    It makes sense to cook foods that people are going to like. :)

    Instead of answering your sister when she has a question like that about her goal weigh, ask her to talk to her doctor.
    Let your family members take responsibility (or not) for themselves.
    Make things easier (and more pleasant) for your interactions with them. <3
  • LKArgh
    LKArgh Posts: 5,179 Member
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    KR226 wrote: »
    Okay. But, I still don't know why it was wrong of me to say that. White carbs are the bad ones, right? The simple carbs. Shouldn't we be consuming less of those, and more of the complex?

    You are wrong.

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