Advice: 12 year old is overweight :(

I would go on walks with her, have her try a few classes to see if there's something she enjoys, or try to start training with her at home. You both could work through the book New Rules of Lifting for Women, for example.

aggelikik wrote: »

At this age, I would ask her to choose a sport. I would be clear that she needs to choose one, but let her pick what she wants to do (within reason). Or at least what she would hate less to do. And increase overall physical activity: go for walks, get her a bike, go hiking on weekends, join a pool and so on.

I agree. I don't have a teenage daughter (I do have an 8 year old son), but I think letting her chose is best. Having the treadmill at home is great as is seeing you getting healthy.

What does she like to do? Is there activities you can do as a family? Biking, dancing, hiking, soccer, etc. I know my community rec centre has fitness programs that are for youth and teens. They offer zumba classes, yoga, stuff like that.

JennieMaeK wrote: »

aggelikik wrote: »

At this age, I would ask her to choose a sport. I would be clear that she needs to choose one, but let her pick what she wants to do (within reason). Or at least what she would hate less to do. And increase overall physical activity: go for walks, get her a bike, go hiking on weekends, join a pool and so on.

I agree. Have her choose a sport or dance (tap/ballet/jazz/etc).

Also maybe go back to her doctor and ask for a referral to a pediatric dietician to help you.

At this age, all you can do is give her the tools/information and let her make the decisions herself. Help her sign up for spark teens.com so she can track her calories. Invite her to do active things with you, like hiking or playing outdoor games - things you can enjoy together. Provide nutritious snacks and meals and limit how many treats are in the house. And, above all, be the example. Create a good relationship with food and physical activity yourself, and she will follow that example more than if you just lecture her or require that she spend time on the treadmill.

A referral to a pediatric dietician is also a really good idea. Let the RD talk to your daughter and teach her, you're just there as support (teens will do more when the info comes straight from the doctor/specialist that from mom or dad).

Another thing that our pediatrician has mentioned - don't make anything forbidden or off limits. If you don't allow any chocolate (or chips, or soda, or whatever) at all, she is more likely to sneak it or binge when it's available at a friends house. Instead, have proper amounts allowed as treats. Right now, you want to help your daughter create lifelong healthy habits, not just diet to get rid of the extra weight and start a cycle of gain/lose. And, if there's a chance that she will still grow some, it's better for her to grow into her weight instead of losing it (FWIW, my daughter and I are both right about 5'1" and are alright around 120-130).

Signed - a mom of a teenage daughter who was in almost that exact same place a few years ago

Tough situation, especially with the shared custody scenario. Are you on friendly terms with your ex, where you could discuss with him what the doctor said and work together?

I agree with the others about getting her involved in a sport she enjoys. Your local rec centre should have inexpensive options, so she can try a few things without breaking the bank.

Ultimately though, you are the parent and you may have to step it up a bit in terms of forcing the issue. She may not like having limited screen time now, but she will thank you in the future. Perhaps you could have a reward system whereby 15 mins of physical activity = ? mins of screen time. It would be better if you didn't have to go down that road, but hey, us parents have to do what we have to do sometimes.

This coming from someone who was exactly the same at that age and wishes someone would have been a bit more forceful.

I resented (hmmm still do) my parents making me do sports I did not like, let her choose something or just plan fun (active) weekend activities. Swimming at the Y, rollerskating, Just Dance on the wii, maybe she like Drama and dance, rock climbing, skiing (if that is available in your area). So you both are having fun and being active. She is going to be in High School at 12?

If you're looking to sign her up for something, invite her friends. I know at that age I'd be exponentially more likely to do something if my friends did too.

I wouldn't recommend any specific work out unless she shows interest. You might just want to start with walking. The fitbit was a great idea. You can do rewards too, which I think would work better than explaining health benefits/risks (which hardly works on adults, much less kids). Maybe if she increases her average steps by 500 every month or so you take her to a movie she wants to see or something.

As for the winter, you can still go for walks or hike together. Another idea might be a Wii or Kinect (for Xbox), which has games that get you on your feet that she can play with you or her friends.

Julieash wrote: »

I've tried tons of times to get her interested in sports but she doesn't want to. At school she'll love it but not outside of school. And in the summer she's more active, always on her bike and outside but in the winter its harder. And now at 12 years old when she gets together with her friends it's to sit around and play on their tablets... and the other part of the problem is that I have shared custody and at her father's they eat a lot more junk and restaurants all the time, I've fought with him about this this but I have no control over what she eats 2 weeks a month that's why I had a long talk with her.

priority 1 is to teach her good diet habits so she has the tools to make good choices no matter where she is. Diet will have a much larger impact to her weight than sports. Education is the key here. Let her weigh and portion her own foods at home...let her pick some meals and work out calories for herself.

if she doesn't like sports or exercise, forcing it will likely backfire. Maybe try new things...how about dance classs or geocaching or mall walking with mom or outdoor photography. You mentioned she likes to be on her bike...maybe you could look around for a youth bicycling club in warmer month. As someone else mentioned above, perhaps social clubs such as drama. Get a cheap video camera and make a movie with she and her friends. Those aren't "sport" or "exercise" but it is time out and about away from the snacking at home out after school and a great chance to learn stuff along the way.

You mentioned when she gets together with friends, it is to play on the tablets. That is one terrible side effect of technology I fear. It is easy to pick up and easy to find things to capture the mind. Maybe you could create a different environment for her friends...once a week have some form of active gathering such as Twister or micro RC races or whatever. Again, it isn't exercise, but it is human interaction with some body movement beyond fingertips and thumbs.

Can you work out together? So it's not like I am making you do this, but we are getting/staying healthy together. Start with walking, then move on to hiking and jogging. Dance is a good idea. I personally do not like the treadmill, so I would hate it if someone tells me to use one.

What about something like kickboxing? It will give her confidence that she can take care of herself, and it's a great workout.

I was an overweight kid, and I can tell you that my mother TELLING me to use the treadmill would have backfired. I would have viewed that as a punishment and resented both my mother and exercise. Honestly, your daughter KNOWS she is overweight. Having your mother reinforce that by telling you to exercise isn't going to help at 12 years old.

What I really WISH I had at the time was a role model for healthy eating and a healthy active lifestyle (not in a pushy or preachy way). I had a tennis coach (my mom signed me up for private lessons ), who was more of an inspiration for me. I didn't want to play a team sport; we'll, b/c I was a fat kid and sucked at sports. You might see what sport she is interested in that can be done in a non-competitive way.

I can only tell you what worked for me (till I discovered alcohol, fast foods and stopped exercising)

I got involved with a local fitness team, for me, I really enjoyed athletics, my group was great and catered for all abilities and made exercise fun and competitive but in a good way (they had awards for greatest improvements etc) These days I do have wii competitions with my nieces etc, it encourages play through video play and Movements! And it is fun!! You can play with friends and with family.

You need to find exercise she enjoys doing, and focus on that, take her out, get her involved, and support her fiercely, and ensure your ex does the same, thi is his daughter after all, and you both want her to be healthy and happy. Are you able to talk to him on a decent friendly basis? Can you both visit the doctor for example to talk to him/her about her weight issues and come up with a common plan that you both will see through?

I hated any kind of exercise at her age, and my son was about to follow the trend. At age 12-13 he decided to take taikwando. He liked it because it was a personal achievement sport, not competitive.
He stuck at it for over 5 years. During that time riding his bike back and forth he got interested in cycling, being a bit heavier than his peers, he found long distance running his best sport at school, and I encouraged him take swimming lessons from the age of 5.
All this segued into him becoming one of the top under 25 provincial triathletes, and an ironman competitor.
Now, he road races on his bike, and has just got him and his son into taikwando again.
Look for something that is self challenging rather than competitive.
Martial arts and triathlon are the 2 that I can recommend.
Singular but social.

Cheers, h.

My parents made me do a sport - I could really choose whatever I wanted, but I HAD to do something. If she doesn't like team sports there are tons of fun more solitary sports (that's what I chose to do, I'm not good at the sportsball). I didn't really start gaining weight until AFTER I stopped doing my sports and went to college. I was always at the upper end of my healthy BMI until about 17/18 years old.

I remember my dad telling me once that I "should start going to the gym". He wasn't being mean or pushy, but I will never forget him saying it and how awful it made me feel in high school. I would also encourage healthy snacking and not keeping too much junk in the house.