I'm losing weight and my husband is putting me down

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  • neohdiver
    neohdiver Posts: 738 Member
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    soniamemms wrote: »
    Hi everyone
    My question is: do you think he is insecure, because he is still so overweight? Maybe he feels I could leave him, or is jealous about the attention that I'm getting, when people compliment me? I feel like he's trying to discourage me. But what are your ideas or opinions on why?

    It may be as simple as being more attracted to heavier, rather than thinner, body types.

    That doesn't mean his attractions should govern your weight - but it's a lot simpler explanation than assuming he's trying to sabotage you because he's deficient in some way (insecure, jealous, etc.)

  • angelamichelle_xo
    angelamichelle_xo Posts: 646 Member
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    hes jealous.
  • Adc7225
    Adc7225 Posts: 1,318 Member
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    Having been on both sides of the fence I guess, I would not say that your husband is being insecure but this is new to him. We tend to not take change well and some people respond in ways that can be taken the wrong way. Some don't say anything and others say the wrongs things and a few manage to get it right. I would guess that since this is your husband you expect that he knows you well enough to know what you need in terms of motivation or just kind words - it doesn't always work that way. I lost weight and was dumped and the person I am with now wants to lose weight and while I really like him the way he is I know that he will feel much better getting some of the weight off and I really try and offer support and motivation when and where I can.

    I would suggest at some point having a heart-to-heart with your husband and letting him know your motivation for losing weight - initially, outside of trying to feel better healthy-wise I also wanted to lose weight to look better for him - so I thought :)
  • jennifer_417
    jennifer_417 Posts: 12,344 Member
    edited January 2016
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    I think it's highly possible he's jealous and insecure. It could also, at least in part, be that he genuinely liked the way you look before. He could also resent the fact that, since you've changed what you're eating (assuming you do the cooking), he's, by default, had to make changes that he doesn't want to make. There's also a decent chance that, on a subconscious level, he's picked up on your desire for him to lose weight, and it makes him feel bad, though he may not consciously realize it.
  • socajam
    socajam Posts: 2,530 Member
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    She married him, sometimes one have to give a lot more to find balance - in sickness and in health.
  • allaboutthefood
    allaboutthefood Posts: 781 Member
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    Have you talked with him? I had a friend that was exstrimly overweight and had surgery her husband is thin, but didn't like at all that she had to go for the surgery and that she would lose weight. He would bring home fast food and try to guilt her into eating it. She finally had a sit down with him and explained why she had to do this and keep it up and if he had nothing nice to say than not to say it. Now they work together! Maybe your husband isn't ready to make the change, which is his choice and he should know that. You need to tell him to stop putting you down, that you will no longer put up with it. This is your journey and he just has to deal with it. If he is not ready, that has nothing to do with you and if he is taken it out on you, shame on him and he needs to grow up. CONGRATS on your weight loss and all the hard work you are putting into it. Keep pushing forward.
  • socajam
    socajam Posts: 2,530 Member
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    shrinkingletters - she married him - as the saying goes in sickness and in health. Some times in a relationship one side gives a lot more than other, until balance is found. Obviously he is knocked off balance by the big change both in eating and her weight loss.

    From experience it is very hard to eat diet food every day, not everyone have the stamina to keep it up. Change is good yes, but to completely wipe out what someone is eating to suit one person is completely wrong, however healthy that may seem. Husband can still lose weight, but still needs to have some treats, life is too short to go 100% the other way.
  • CharlieBeansmomTracey
    CharlieBeansmomTracey Posts: 7,682 Member
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    doesnt matter what she cooks or doesnt cook,there is NO reason and no excuse for him to act like that and put her down. he has no excuse. if he doesnt want to be healthy thats on him and she should not have to cook him what he likes. hes an adult and can cook his own meals. if she wants to cook him something different then fine,but point is there is never an excuse or a reason for your partner to try and make you feel like less of a person or mock you in anyway. my hubby would never say things like that to me. he often tells me he is proud of me for sticking with it as long as I have and that I look good but that to him I looked good before I lost the weight. you should never put the other person down because you cant deal with something they are doing to benefit their health and help to keep them around longer.
  • tracymn925
    tracymn925 Posts: 21 Member
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    Your husband sounds like a jerk. Like others have said, have a very candid discussion on how he he hurt you and that you will not tolerate anymore of his bull. You are beautiful and strong and you do not need his validation to know it. Keep up the great work!
  • tracymn925
    tracymn925 Posts: 21 Member
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    And I wholeheartedly disagree with you guys who are making excuses for hubby's behavior. Saying those things is NEVER excusable, especially when we live in a society where losing weight is so difficult and women are often especially scrutinized in the media and everyday life. Not okay whatsoever...
  • soniamemms
    soniamemms Posts: 24 Member
    edited January 2016
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    I'm the one that posted the question above. In case no one didn't recognize me. I'm really digging everyone's feedback. I should have mentioned that every meal I cook is very scrumptious, and he loves all of them. Like for instance, last night, I made spaghetti squash, with marinara and ground turkey. I love to cook, and I find it very rewarding to make the exact same dishes he had before, but switch out different ingredients for healthier alternatives.

    ALSO, something very important that I failed to mention is that my husband is a quadriplegic. We met 9 years ago and have been married 6-1/2 years. I suppose that majorly adds to some insecurities already. He became a quadriplegic 18 years ago, was very good looking when we met, and got his masters after his accident. He has accomplished so much more than most full-body abled men have. We got married and he stopped trying to take care of himself.

    No matter what, he shouldn't talk that way to me. I cook, clean, drive him everywhere and do his personal cares. I'm with him because I love him, but a girl can only handle so much physically, and him adding insults on top of all that isn't helping his cause.

    I'm not going anywhere, and he needs reassurance of it like everyday. I hate to tell him it hurt my feelings, because he may find another way to bring me down. I'm a "keep your chin up" kind of girl. And, I have a hard time showing any sort of weakness around him.
  • Bluwaves1
    Bluwaves1 Posts: 191 Member
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    [[/quote]

    It may be as simple as being more attracted to heavier, rather than thinner, body types.


    [/quote]

    There you go! I work at a place that is 90% male staff and there have been several females who have gone from fat to in shape and I have heard guys complaining "I hope she gains it back I like thick ones" LOL. Heavy girls certainly do have a fan club!
  • soniamemms
    soniamemms Posts: 24 Member
    edited January 2016
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    snuxrhowusf5.jpeg

    This is me now
  • Bluwaves1
    Bluwaves1 Posts: 191 Member
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    looking good!
  • soniamemms
    soniamemms Posts: 24 Member
    edited January 2016
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    socajam wrote: »
    What RodaRose is saying is to try and be a more flexible. Even if it is only one day a week cook something that he likes, eventually he will come around. He is right, not everyone can accept 100% change overnight. It's like smoking (something I have never done), how many people can go cold turkey overnight.

    Yes, he is feeling insecure, but being with someone means giving and taking - so cook him at least one of his favorite meals once a week and go from there.

    Keep on what you are doing, you really look good - love those thighs.

    Next time he mentions that your butt looks like a penguin butt, tell him that penguins mate for life and from his comments to date, it is starting to look like he is not your mate for life.
    socajam wrote: »
    What RodaRose is saying is to try and be a more flexible. Even if it is only one day a week cook something that he likes, eventually he will come around. He is right, not everyone can accept 100% change overnight. It's like smoking (something I have never done), how many people can go cold turkey overnight.

    Yes, he is feeling insecure, but being with someone means giving and taking - so cook him at least one of his favorite meals once a week and go from there.

    Keep on what you are doing, you really look good - love those thighs.

    Next time he mentions that your butt looks like a penguin butt, tell him that penguins mate for life and from his comments to date, it is starting to look like he is not your mate for life.

    LOVE WHAT SOCAJAM SAID!!
  • jgnatca
    jgnatca Posts: 14,464 Member
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    I have a book idea in mind, "Strong Women - Abuse Targets" I wonder sometime if strong women stick it out in impossible situations longer because of their seemingly inexhaustible strength.

    How about a general conversation about health - your desire for a vital life, and your hope that he join you?

    Then a follow up conversation about good words and bad words. You have limits too and you deserve beautiful words.
  • CharlieBeansmomTracey
    CharlieBeansmomTracey Posts: 7,682 Member
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    ok so he cant do things he once could. I can understand that still no reason to say what was said. talk to him and go from there that is all you can do. tell him you are with him for the long haul and he has to be also for better or for worse. and that no matter what you married him and are still with him because you love him.
  • PhillyDDT
    PhillyDDT Posts: 25 Member
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    He's totally jealous and insecure. You're doing great. Don't let others take you down!
  • BoomstickChik
    BoomstickChik Posts: 149 Member
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    Jealous. Insecure.
  • BoomstickChik
    BoomstickChik Posts: 149 Member
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    tracymn925 wrote: »
    And I wholeheartedly disagree with you guys who are making excuses for hubby's behavior. Saying those things is NEVER excusable, especially when we live in a society where losing weight is so difficult and women are often especially scrutinized in the media and everyday life. Not okay whatsoever...

    I agree with this 110%, but he's obviously stuck on something for some reason and that reason is likely jealousy.

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