WOMEN AGES 50+ FOR JANUARY 2016

Rereading Boundaries by Henry Cloud finding it helpful. Having healthy boundaries is not selfish! He has a good chapter on how others and myself included manipulate others through guilt or anger. It takes work and support to set those boundaries and keep them healthy. I do like how he says if someone is using guilt or anger it is more likely their problem than yours. The trick is not to let it become yours.

I have mentioned this book before too. The discussion on difficult people got me thinking about this again. I can't remember the book but that author of that book talked about listen to yours and others speech. If there is VERB in the speech the person is likely not a person with healthy boundaries at that time. V-victim E-entitled R-rescue B-blame. In both books the authors stress when someone violates your boundaries you do not need to be passive. There are healthy ways to communicate what you need and sometimes walking away is the only alternative. If there is a chance the person could become violent get the professional support you need.

Margaret

cityjaneLondon – I guess doing the holding of the skein seemed like it was more of a punishment than anything. That’s what I associate being punished/disciplined with – having to do that when I was being punished/disciplined. Actually having to be ‘inside’ the house by 5:00pm was punishment … I wanted stay outside until the street lights came on. I was able to do that as I got older.
My Mother had a very distinctive whistle that I could hear 2 blocks away; and, sometimes I’d come in the houses huffing and puffing from running all the way home. My Mother was extremely ‘fair’ when doling out her discipline. We had a ‘few’ rules and breaking them meant we had to go outside and pick our own switches from a particular brush in the yard. I finally learned, from my older sisters, not to pick the most limber branch because that meant it would literally wrap around my leg. I can remember once that my oldest sister put a comic book in her pants. At that time Mother was spanking her with her hand. The both learned something that day. Mother never laid a hand on her children after that; and DS got another spanking, this time with a switch. Most of the time, she ‘took things away’ from us. TV watching, going outside (except in the back yard), and driving privileges, not going out with my friends or on a date that following weekend. And she had a memory like an ‘elephant’ (yes, she was a ‘big’ woman, too).
She grew up in a home with ‘sweets’ … always a cake or a pie for ‘dessert’; so, understandably she did not want what back in the days after the Great Depression, a baby was a ‘healthy’ baby if he/she was ‘fat’. We all grew up thin (healthy; but, thin). No desserts (by the way … that is ‘stressed’ spelled backwards.

Beth – Not a doctor; but, to tell you the truth; if she is NOT Bipolar – I won’t say what I’d do if she found out. But, DOS has told his Dad that she really has some ‘mental issues’. When she is ‘up’ she can have a ‘good heart’ by calling and asking if there is anything I need from the grocery store; when she is ‘down’; then NOBODY is happy. I see her ‘mood swings’ (like we all do); but, she does NOT want to be like me or like me. Her view of a MnL is that they are ‘fire-breathing, arms swinging, *kitten*(es) from HELL! She will start an argument until she brings someone (mostly her children) to tears. She has brought me to tears before when I have not been in the mood for her $#*T and she brings her ‘drama’ to MY home. She is jealous of others, she tries to tell DOS that ‘we don’t love them like we love DYS and his family’. I love them ‘equally; but differently’ because they are two totally different people. They really are polar opposite; but, they’ve always gotten along with one another. I’ll say that DH and I can be polar opposite; but we ‘like magnets’ – we connect most of the time. Neither of us feel like we give in to the other; we might not ‘fight fair’ at times; but, we never go to bed ‘mad’ at each other. We will apologize; even if we don’t apologize about the issue; we apologize about ‘how we fought’ about it. We like the same things, we have our ‘own’ interests and neither of us feels like we ‘must check in or up’ on the other one. While he was brought up military – our family values were the same. Both of us talked about what we wanted to be like when we had our boys. If he goes hunting, then I don’t expect him back until ‘dark-thirty’; when I tell him I am going into town and see my BF; he knows I will be ‘home’ before dark. I no longer drive at night and don’t drive on the expressway. Although there is a stretch of road (divided highway) that is known in the State of GA as having the most dangerous stretch of road. People speed a lot; the trucks and most cars drive through a couple of small towns like they are about to miss the ‘go’ flag at a race. One of them, where we pull out, is on a really bad curve. At least it does have a center turning lane; but, it is a scary move. That mainly because my last seizure was a ‘doozie’. I hit my head on the top rail, styles, and bottom rail on our deck before anybody could get to me. Knocked me out cold. I ended up staying 2 nights in the hospital. I can drive, now – but for a year (because of 2 different seizures) I legally was not ‘supposed’ to drive, so I didn’t. My MD told me that she had to tell me that, by law. IF I had driven and had an accident and hurt someone I’d never be able to live with myself. I had a seizure (first time) since I was “Lithium Toxic” about 12 years ago and totaled my car. Rolled it over with my 2 youngest grandchildren in there with me. My middle granddaughter hurt her knee. Thankfully, they were both strapped in (the seat or a baby seat). My youngest one was ‘scared’; thankfully not hurt. My middle granddaughter could not get me to come to. I don’t remember the ambulance ride into town; other, than trying to reassure the girls that I was going to be ‘ok’. Of course, their Mother was called and she must have ‘flew’ home. She picked up our DOGD before she was to take off for an out-of-town basketball game to cheer and made it just as the ambulance was taking off. She made me very angry when she posted pictures of the car and asked people to pray for me. Both my sisters went ballistic because they did not know how I was doing. I had told her to ‘never post anything on FB about us’ already and this just was the last straw. My sisters were upset because 15 to 20 years ago, I had an almost fatal auto collision. If I had not been ‘in a tank’ (Mercedes) I probably would have been killed. But, here I am – to make ‘waves’ … LOL!!!!!
Divisive trouble maker – she is ALWAYS right, everybody is ‘wrong’ or ‘picking on her’. When two people (my DOS and her) tell the same story and slant it, in their favor … ‘somebody’ is lying. My DOS tells it like it is; he is very descriptive of things (like I am – most of the time). We are both ‘artistic’ and we want to paint a picture rather than be limited to just a 1000 words. Right now, I should quit writing; I’ve typed 1164 words. But, I won’t …

Katla – Are you the one that talked about using a ‘mixture’ of beans for your 15-bean soup; or was that someone else? I soaked the beans overnight (I’ve never used dry beans before) and they were still hard as a rock. I told my DH, that I was going to put them on; and ‘hopefully’ they’d get tender. IF not; then I guess I’d be throwing another pot of soup out the window (down the bird feeder plate). I did that once before making stock out of the bone from a Thanksgiving ham. I had put pineapple and brown sugar on the ham and did not realize that it would still have the taste; although I had cut most of the ham off the bone. We’re not having soup tonight. LOL! It’s been cooking quite a while; but, they are finally beginning to be soft. They just need to be a lot softer for us to eat it. Smells good. I put venison sausage in mine and onions, and tomatoes, and the package of seasoning. I also added one can of ‘beef stock’ to cut the seasoning down some. We like ‘spicy’ food; but, if we invite the kids over, DDnL#1 does not like ‘spicy’ stuff. Beans are now beginning to get softer. They still need to cook for quite a while though. Has a good taste to it; but, told DH that I thought it was going to be good; just too hard to tell at the moment. I think the spices are just right. A little spicy, just not over-powering. It’s a cheaper way to make beans (but, I don’t use them; for just the two of us). My DMnL used them all the time. She rarely bought canned beans. She could make some ‘killer’ Navy beans and beef tips and rice. WOW! She’d make that for us when we’d go down to visit. She basically ‘taught me how to cook’. I was a ‘newlywed’ when we moved there (Jacksonville, FL). We weren’t allowed to be in the kitchen; but, I could ask Nannie-L to make chicken and dumplings and she’d do it every time. I love them. About the only place to get them now is to go to Cracker Barrel. She’d make the dumpling ‘thick’ like theirs. My Daddy would get her to make a double batch of biscuits because when my Mother would make them, they were as hard as hockey pucks. You could bounce them up side someone’s head and probably kill them. Nannie-L’s were nice and fluffy; and, we’d split them and toast them on Sunday’s. I’d have to say; biscuits are one of my ‘I wish I could have’s’. Until they raise my caloric intake; I only eat ½ of one.

Lagopus – I agree with pipcd34 about the comment of ‘we all see the same moon’. I do have my spells when I cry (or, mostly tear up) over things that I have no control over. I guess some say that I’m a ‘control’ freak. I don’t think so, I just like to ‘know what to expect’. I don’t like ‘surprises’; other than the ‘unexpected’ gift that I would have never guessed I was getting. Like for Christmas, my DDnL#2 and DYS gave me a hardback book of their wedding pictures; and, for Mother’s Day I got a big framed picture of all 3 of them.

Betty – I’d be SAD if I did not live so far south. I do NOT like cold weather. Anything under about 55 degrees is cold to me. My DH turns the thermostat down to 68 when he leaves in the morning; and a lot of times in the middle of the AM, I am turning it up. I’m learning to wear a light sweater in the house; but, once my feet get cold; I could hold them up the fireplace with a good blaze going and they won’t warm up. Putting socks on really doesn’t help much. I do have a couple of pair of his old hunting socks that I wear; one of the DGDs age me a pair of those socks like gloves. Each toe goes in its on hole. Hard for me to get them on; because my little toe curves under the others; but, once I get them on, they feel great. I’ve lost enough weight that I can now bend over and tie or buckle my own shoes. That is a really good NSV for me. Still have a way to go before my tummy flattens out enough. If I could I'd retire to the beach somewhere further south; but, I like being able to see my DGDs more. I'd hate to be any further away from my DYS and his family, too. We don't see them but about 3x a year as it is.

Margaret – I love the acronym V.E.R.B.

Have a great evening/morning/night – wherever you live!

Lenora

stats for the day:
running on track w/kirby - 34min, 1mi jog, 1mi walk = 200c
other - run/skip/jump = 10min, = 160c
other - wash car- 30min = 50c
total cal 410

kirby was able to run for the first time!

Vitamin D3 ... Huge benefits for me personally in regards to SAD and joint pain. I went off of it around Christmas and paid dearly with inflamed throbbing knees. Since I'm back on, knees are back to normal!

Lenora ... Sorry there are toxic people in your life.

Alison ... Read an article that said excessive bleeding and unusual bruising can be caused by a B12 deficiency... Which is sometimes caused by prolonged use of acid reducers or even just age as we don't absorb it as readily as we get older. Just another thing to look into.

Managed to stay on track with eating today ... Even after attending a surprise birthday lunch for a dear friend! Yay! Making it an early night.

Beth near Buffalo

Hi gals,

Mindy – so glad you are excited for your trip, and shopping in your extra room!

Rosie - between now and October at 2 lbs a month you’ll have it all back off and that is a do-able goal! I am sad to hear you taking advantage of such a great opportunity will mean “wrath” from DH

Heather – sorry DB is having such a tough go, Katla is right there is lots of support out there, and for many people once they get the hang of it – it is manageable.

Carol – easy to blame yourself, but not completely reasonable… you would not blame yourself if he was a bank robber…. Take care of you and celebrate that you are away from that sort of guy.

Penny – good for you to wait and see before putting a lot of energy into do you or don’t you want the job. As someone who has recently (7 years ago) gone from corporate America to owning my own business I would only go back if I had to financially. I love the freedom.

Pip – good to check in with Kirby on mental health, and then to have him run!!! Wow, that dr. was wrong he’ll keep on getting stronger!

Lynn – welcome – you might want to see if your health insurance would allow a referral to a nutritionist, to easy you back up in calories.

The weather today was pretty good, low 50’s no rain, and not too much wind, so I spend 2 hours out in my yard, one hour trimming the pomegranate tree and one weeding in the front yard in the front Levi has to be tied up – he’d take off other wise, so he decided to lay in a weed patch and supervise!


Kim from N. California

Call me crazy but I love to see other people happy and succeeding .

Good Evening Ladies,

Mary, it’s great to lose inches even when the scale doesn’t move but good luck on the switch up.

Kimses, that easy approach is what I’m doing. I started with walking in place while watching my morning news after my coffee. I did 5 minutes the first day, 10 the next and from then on it’s been 15 minutes or more. It’s not a lot but something I can do. Plus it’s 15 minutes more than I had been doing. I usually incorporate lots of arm movements with it to burn a few extra calories. I hope your hubby keeps it up.

Allie, sorry about your leg. The thought of falling off a step ladder scares me something terrible. So glad you didn’t break something.

CarolNC, why in the world would you blame yourself that your ex doesn’t have time for his kids???? Good grief, lady, do I need to get out my Boot???? ((((Hugs)))) And you can’t blame them for not making time for him when he ignores them.

Vicki,NE, hopefully once you get your pills straight you won’t have any more problems. I did the mail order for years and came to love it.

Betty, glad you aren’t as sad with your SADs but also happy that we have all had a much better winter than last year. Sorry, I couldn’t help myself.

Penny, we lived in Milwaukee for 10 years and I do remember that some of the clearest, sunniest, prettiest days were absolutely the COLDEST! Congrats on crossing items off your list. Don’t ya love to do that? I like knowing all of you can see the same moon I look at.

Sylvia, just reading about your trip to the lake and the fun Spot was having has put a big smile on my face. I’m glad your hips are better.

Lynn, I can’t even imagine being bedridden for so long. Thank goodness you can now be more active. When you start burning more calories you will need fuel to be able to do things. Nothing jumps on our bodies overnight and certainly doesn’t come off fast either. Make modifications slowly and monitor your progress. That is one of the great things about logging everything that you put in your mouth. Be sure to take lots of measurements. I only did a few and was sorry after I started losing.

Irish Terri, welcome back. Yeppers, things have been moving at a fast pace lately. I know when I get back from my cruise I’ll just have to miss what went on that week.

Kim, Levi is beautiful. It looks like he was really keeping an eye on you.

to any Newbies that I missed. Come often and join in the chat. This thing works!! Please sign your post with what you want to be called. It makes it easier for us to respond to you. Also a location is great, be it specific or general. We are happy to have you join us.

I made my peach cobbler but not sure it turned out the best it could be? I did stick a fork in it and of course had to lick it, and it tastes good anyway. I can’t believe tomorrow is the last day of the month. Wow the time is flying by! I went shopping for panties today and OMG have those things gotten expensive! Gonna look around a bit more before I make a decision. I also finally decided on the two outfits I’ll take on the cruise for the formal nights. The other clothes have been set for a while. Only 6 days, but who’s counting?

I hope all of you have a healthy and happy day.

Words I live by:
Savor. I have to slow down and savor every bite.
and
Opportunity. Each day offers new opportunities for good health and happiness if we just look for them and choose them.
I Love you,
DJ
Myrtle Beach, SC

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