Spouse does not want me to lose weight.. any of you in same boat?
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Oh, tell the story of her ballroom dancing competitions...0 -
Looks as if I have a lot of people to respond to... so, let me better explain. I was a size 14 when me and my spouse started dating. During our relationship, I have dropped down to a size 2. Well, now I am back up to a size 12. I have ALWAYS has a big butt, always been a "thick" girl. But when I lost all of the weight before I lost my booty. I DO NOT want to be a size 2, I felt it was too small for me. I like that he likes my butt, lol. I would like to be a comfortable 8. I'd be satisfied there. In between the 14 and 2 when I was around an 8, he told me my body was perfect, so maybe that's why lol. He tells me often he will love me and my body no matter what size I am, but that he prefers me right where I'm at now. He likes "meat on my bones". But, I think he just doesn't remember that he also liked me equally when I was around an 8. He's a mess, and loves me very much. He doesn't mean any of it mean, but he really doesn't want me to diet. He doesn't want me to be worried about what others think, but as yall know, that is hard. And he doesn't have to worry about it because he is one of those that can eat all day long and not gain at all, he might even lose lol. So, he just doesn't understand. So I think I am going to just slowly diet so that its so very noticeable to him so it doesn't freak him out. I want to feel comfortable at the beach in my bathing suit, I love the dang beach lol!!! I do care a lot about how my husband feels about me, but I also know he will love me and my body no matter what... BUT I very much want to please him
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not very noticeable***0
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There may be a difference, in his mind, between "I don't want you to lose weight" and "I don't want you to diet." How did you approach your original loss (from a 14 to a 2)?0
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my guy likes me bigger, but he loves me period (after 15 years of a crappy marriage it is amazing to be able to say that) If I lost my butt I am sure he would make sad faces behind my back though 0
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ashteinpeacock wrote: »Looks as if I have a lot of people to respond to... so, let me better explain. I was a size 14 when me and my spouse started dating. During our relationship, I have dropped down to a size 2. Well, now I am back up to a size 12. I have ALWAYS has a big butt, always been a "thick" girl. But when I lost all of the weight before I lost my booty. I DO NOT want to be a size 2, I felt it was too small for me. I like that he likes my butt, lol. I would like to be a comfortable 8. I'd be satisfied there. In between the 14 and 2 when I was around an 8, he told me my body was perfect, so maybe that's why lol. He tells me often he will love me and my body no matter what size I am, but that he prefers me right where I'm at now. He likes "meat on my bones". But, I think he just doesn't remember that he also liked me equally when I was around an 8. He's a mess, and loves me very much. He doesn't mean any of it mean, but he really doesn't want me to diet. He doesn't want me to be worried about what others think, but as yall know, that is hard. And he doesn't have to worry about it because he is one of those that can eat all day long and not gain at all, he might even lose lol. So, he just doesn't understand. So I think I am going to just slowly diet so that its so very noticeable to him so it doesn't freak him out. I want to feel comfortable at the beach in my bathing suit, I love the dang beach lol!!! I do care a lot about how my husband feels about me, but I also know he will love me and my body no matter what... BUT I very much want to please him
It sounds like your heads and your hearts are in the right place. Good luck!0 -
chunky_pinup wrote: »Well I guess it's a good thing that our husbands only have control over us if we allow them to! Not his choice. Plain and simple.
Your right it's not his choice but it doesn't make his "preferences" invalid.
I get the woo you do you. No control over your body kick this tread has. OP has every right to choose to lose weight and feel better. On the opposite end OP'S so has the same right to not find it attractive.
At that point they have to work it out and make life choices.
I think everyone is just into this because we see losing weight as a positive action. If this were a I want to get obese, I want to do hard drugs, I want start smoking ect people wouldn't be all up in how OP'S SO needs to just deal with it.
OP talk it out. Relationships go two ways. Reassure them along to way, but in the end it's up to how you BOTH feel that decides the end actions.0 -
I have this issue with my husband. He told me at the beginning of my weight loss that he wanted to keep me fat so no one else would want me. I've had a lawyer since tell me that many marriages, where one spouse loses a lot of weight, don't survive because the self esteem of the other spouse can't handle it. For those of you with loving, supportive spouses, count yourself lucky and thank you spouse for supporting you. The rest of us aren't so lucky.0
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My husband doesn't like me to diet or lose weight either. The dieting part because then he gets stuck eating a "healthy" meal and if it were up to him, we'd live on pizza, burgers, and macaroni and cheese. I basically told him "too bad, so sad" as it's my decision, not his. I understand that he likes me with a little chub, but I also remember when we first started dating I was 15lb lighter than I am now, and he liked me just as much. Basically, just tell him that you're doing it for you, and your reasoning behind it. He should understand.0
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kshama2001 wrote: »cassieknights951 wrote: »My husband hasn't said he doesn't want me to lose weight however he isn't exactly being supportive either! He'll eat crap in front of me, buy my fav treats and put in fridge just to tempt me - it hasn't so far - not sure if he's testing me or if he genuinely wants me to fail.
I haven't mentioned it because I know he's expecting me to make a big deal of out it
He's probably just being habitual rather than doing this on purpose.
I'm going to second this. My husband still buys me my favorite flavor of ice cream "just in case" I want some. He's not trying to make me fail, or tempt me. He just knows that I would enjoy a few bites of my favorite ice cream, and wants me to know he was thinking about me.0 -
DaisyHamilton wrote: »The dieting part because then he gets stuck eating a "healthy" meal and if it were up to him, we'd live on pizza, burgers, and macaroni and cheese. I basically told him "too bad, so sad" as it's my decision, not his.
Hang on, this isn't fair. Yes, it's your decision to lose weight. But why does that then mean you think you have the right to force him to eat the way you do? Has it ever occurred to you that one of the reasons your husband doesn't like you to go on a diet is because you then remove HIS choice about HIS eating habits from him?
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DaisyHamilton wrote: »The dieting part because then he gets stuck eating a "healthy" meal and if it were up to him, we'd live on pizza, burgers, and macaroni and cheese. I basically told him "too bad, so sad" as it's my decision, not his.
Hang on, this isn't fair. Yes, it's your decision to lose weight. But why does that then mean you think you have the right to force him to eat the way you do? Has it ever occurred to you that one of the reasons your husband doesn't like you to go on a diet is because you then remove HIS choice about HIS eating habits from him?
She could be the one who makes dinner. You eat whatever the chef cooks. That's how I grew up. Whoever made dinner, decided what was for dinner.0 -
I wish these things came with a husband hotline so we could warn him of the sh** storm that's coming0
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ashteinpeacock wrote: »Looks as if I have a lot of people to respond to... so, let me better explain. I was a size 14 when me and my spouse started dating. During our relationship, I have dropped down to a size 2. Well, now I am back up to a size 12. I have ALWAYS has a big butt, always been a "thick" girl. But when I lost all of the weight before I lost my booty. I DO NOT want to be a size 2, I felt it was too small for me. I like that he likes my butt, lol. I would like to be a comfortable 8. I'd be satisfied there. In between the 14 and 2 when I was around an 8, he told me my body was perfect, so maybe that's why lol. He tells me often he will love me and my body no matter what size I am, but that he prefers me right where I'm at now. He likes "meat on my bones". But, I think he just doesn't remember that he also liked me equally when I was around an 8. He's a mess, and loves me very much. He doesn't mean any of it mean, but he really doesn't want me to diet. He doesn't want me to be worried about what others think, but as yall know, that is hard. And he doesn't have to worry about it because he is one of those that can eat all day long and not gain at all, he might even lose lol. So, he just doesn't understand. So I think I am going to just slowly diet so that its so very noticeable to him so it doesn't freak him out. I want to feel comfortable at the beach in my bathing suit, I love the dang beach lol!!! I do care a lot about how my husband feels about me, but I also know he will love me and my body no matter what... BUT I very much want to please him
I'm curious as to how he treated you when you were a size 2. It doesn't sound like he left you even though he has a preference for you at a larger size, so what's different now?
The bottom line is you have to love yourself and if you're not happy with how you look, then change it. I highly doubt he's gonna run for the hills if you're a size 8.0 -
DaisyHamilton wrote: »The dieting part because then he gets stuck eating a "healthy" meal and if it were up to him, we'd live on pizza, burgers, and macaroni and cheese. I basically told him "too bad, so sad" as it's my decision, not his.
Hang on, this isn't fair. Yes, it's your decision to lose weight. But why does that then mean you think you have the right to force him to eat the way you do? Has it ever occurred to you that one of the reasons your husband doesn't like you to go on a diet is because you then remove HIS choice about HIS eating habits from him?
She could be the one who makes dinner. You eat whatever the chef cooks. That's how I grew up. Whoever made dinner, decided what was for dinner.
So what if he took over that duty? I doubt she'd be very happy with a "too bad, so sad" response from him.
I'm the chef in my house, but we eat regular food. Burgers, pizza, etc. all included. The difference is that my husband can eat more than I can. There is compromise; it doesn't have to be a dictatorship.0 -
My husband was not on the diet bandwagon the first month he did everything possible to have me fail. I just worked harder. Month 2 he started to bend month 3 he gave up and now buys me vegetables. I never stopped him from having his chips or cookies. Or ordering take out I just had something else I have a goal and now he's getting use to the new me. This was my decision and I love him but if I'm not healthy who's going to take care of him. LOL0
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Yep, but it is my body, and he respects that.0
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So here's the funny part about when I lost all of my weight and became a size 2.... I DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO LOSE WEIGHT! Yea, the jokes on me apparently lol. It literally just fell off in like 4 months. 40 lbs just gone. Now I can't lose for crap. So crazy how our body changes. I even got pregnant with our daughter at a size 2 and came out after having her and stayed at a size 2... it all went downhill though after I stopped breastfeeding. My "breastfeeding cravings" didn't go away.... so, here I am. I'm going to do it... he'S just gonna have to love me anyway... which I didn't doubt that anyway
And I never make him eat the way I do. I don't want him to. Like I said before, he could use to gain some... if only I could just give him some of mine. lol.
As far as some people divorcing over this type of thing... that is not our situation in anyway. He wouldn't get like that0 -
My husband was totally supportive of me when I wanted to join a gym and lose weight he just warned I better not lose "the twins" lol. I started losing weight and he began to panic, but once he realized "the girls" were still the same size he was all for it!0
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If you explained it as: "I want to be as healthy as I can be for our child" would he accept that? Weight loss isn't all about appearance. Studies show that average weight gain is 1-2 pounds per year in adults. You are young, but in 5 years, 10 years and more, if you aren't doing something to control your weight, you could be affecting your health.0
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Well, the first time I lost weight (before I got pregnant), my husband was indifferent to it. I also lost 20 lb, went from size 8/10 to size 4/6. I felt much more attractive at a smaller size, he would just say "I think you looked good at both sizes". I was slightly disappointed that he didnt find me more attractive at a smaller size (not that he ever indicated I was unattractive to him) simply because I worked my butt off for it. But in the end I did it for me not him, and felt so much more confident, so it was worth it.
Bottom line, he was supportive, but I think just slightly disappointed that my boobs were smaller haha0 -
Mine said the same for last few years and I truly believe him. He loves me just the way I am, so I only half heartedly focused on losing weight and getting healthy. But couple months ago he had a health scare and now in the last few weeks he has started to hint that he wants to eat better too and exercise. He started going to gym with me and loves it. Love and support for each other and sometimes you end up both changing just a little.0
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ashteinpeacock wrote: »So here's the funny part about when I lost all of my weight and became a size 2.... I DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO LOSE WEIGHT! Yea, the jokes on me apparently lol. It literally just fell off in like 4 months. 40 lbs just gone. Now I can't lose for crap. So crazy how our body changes. I even got pregnant with our daughter at a size 2 and came out after having her and stayed at a size 2... it all went downhill though after I stopped breastfeeding. My "breastfeeding cravings" didn't go away.... so, here I am. I'm going to do it... he'S just gonna have to love me anyway... which I didn't doubt that anyway
And I never make him eat the way I do. I don't want him to. Like I said before, he could use to gain some... if only I could just give him some of mine. lol.
As far as some people divorcing over this type of thing... that is not our situation in anyway. He wouldn't get like that
I know how those cravings are. I am breastfeeding my 9 month old and plan to wean him around his first birthday in April, my appetite has been INSANE during breastfeeding, higher than it was in pregnancy. Yet I still lost weight for the first 6 months of his life despite eating like crazy. Now he is nursing less and I am not losing weight effortlessly anymore...but I still have that appetite. I am afraid of what will happen when I wean him! I have to actually start eating normal portions again. Boo.0 -
Mister_Ladyfingers wrote: »OP doesn't have enough information for any seriously deep advice. We can all speculate until the cows come home. The way I and my wife see it, our opinions totally matter to one another. That doesn't mean one of us can or will stand in the way of something the other truly wants. I can't stand the fact that she takes 45 minutes to put on make up in the morning. Drives me batty. She's beautiful without it and I'm just as impressed with her whether she's wearing it or not. She likes it though, it makes her feel better, and ultimately it's her body so I support her by buying it, and waiting patiently with the occasional annoyed eye roll. She supports my opinion by choosing to ignore my eye roll. Regardless of the OP's situation (need to lose, want to lose, etc.) I really feel like in most cases, communication is the key. Maybe he doesn't understand why she wants to lose. Everything doesn't have to be a war.
I would say something along the lines of:
"I want to do this because it will ultimately make me feel better which benefits both of us. I would very much like your support. If you don't want to actively help me, then I would appreciate it if you at least wouldn't make it more difficult for me and likewise I'll try not to let it intrude on your life either. At the end of the day I just want us both to be happy. How can we do that in this situation?"
ETA: But yeah ultimately, it's your decision. Unless he's actively trying to stop you, I'd do it anyway.
I love everything about this post. Well said.0 -
JackieMarie1989jgw wrote: »ashteinpeacock wrote: »So here's the funny part about when I lost all of my weight and became a size 2.... I DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO LOSE WEIGHT! Yea, the jokes on me apparently lol. It literally just fell off in like 4 months. 40 lbs just gone. Now I can't lose for crap. So crazy how our body changes. I even got pregnant with our daughter at a size 2 and came out after having her and stayed at a size 2... it all went downhill though after I stopped breastfeeding. My "breastfeeding cravings" didn't go away.... so, here I am. I'm going to do it... he'S just gonna have to love me anyway... which I didn't doubt that anyway
And I never make him eat the way I do. I don't want him to. Like I said before, he could use to gain some... if only I could just give him some of mine. lol.
As far as some people divorcing over this type of thing... that is not our situation in anyway. He wouldn't get like that
I know how those cravings are. I am breastfeeding my 9 month old and plan to wean him around his first birthday in April, my appetite has been INSANE during breastfeeding, higher than it was in pregnancy. Yet I still lost weight for the first 6 months of his life despite eating like crazy. Now he is nursing less and I am not losing weight effortlessly anymore...but I still have that appetite. I am afraid of what will happen when I wean him! I have to actually start eating normal portions again. Boo.
Yes, be careful! it seriously snuck up on me a few months after I quit breastfeeding. I was fine for about 6 months and then BOOM it all hit at once... and I've had trouble getting control since! It's been almost 4 years since I weaned my daughter.0
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