Why get into a relationship if your a cheater???
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finny11122 wrote: »
Um not pointing any fingers but you're the one with the issue with puppies and stuff so maybe you should go0 -
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finny11122 wrote: »
I'm a Kat0 -
you are a saucy katfinny11122 wrote: »
I'm a Kat
you are a saucy kat0 -
Awillz_Conqueror wrote: »Why do people opt for processed foods over the natural healthy choices?
Why do people skip the gym for the bar?
How often do we think critically about the decisions we make? As opposed to reacting from emotion or instinct/taught behavior?
Let's not paint this picture that monogamy has been the "way of the world" since the beginning of time. It hasn't. In fact, the majority of human history suggests men having multiple partners/wives. [I cannot confirm women, I have not done the research] And let's not paint this other picture saying "generations of past fixed their issues...and didn't cheat..... blah, blah..." because that is an absolute lie.
What I can say about cheating, in my opinion, is that the decision to do so is no different than the other bad choices we make. People who smoke, drink, eat poorly, stress, have anger issues, suffer from addiction, etc all seem to get this societal pass... but cheating - oh no- cheating calls for a witch hunt of sorts and 1,000,000 theories as to why people do it. Let's look at our own lives, find the bad choices/habits we have, and apply the same reasoning to why people cheat. The process and reasoning is absolutely the same. Tadaa, you have your answer.
I couldn't have said it better myself. 1% - 3% of the population are true socio- or psychopaths with no regard for other people. A whole heck of a lot more suffer from some form of mental or emotional disorder, a large majority of them undiagnosed. Another large part of those who are diagnosed are not receiving any form of CBT or other psychotherapy to help them learn how to change their thought processes. I would venture to guess that a lot of people with infidelity issues fall into those two categories.
While being cheated on hurts (I know from experience), holding on to the hurt and the anger is far more destructive than the actual act done to you. Compassion and love for all is the best way, yes? Even (especially) if it's only for your benefit. You absolutely don't need to keep those people in your life (unless you believe they'll get help to change and you can mentally and emotionally forgive them and are willing and able to do that hard work with them) but throwing mud just makes a bigger mess for you to clean up whether they're there or not.
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Hey_Its_That_One_Guy wrote: »Society these days is pretty tailored to "If you don't like something get a new one you do like." instead of the "If something is broken fix it" of years past.
Truth0 -
I keep hearing the word "mistake" used in the context of cheating. To me a mistake is something done accidentally. Cheating takes conscious effort to accomplish. A lot of famous people go to therapy for sex addiction. Bull. We are all addicted to sex (not everybody wants sex, but everyone of us wants great sex) in some form or other unless there are medical reasons. Just my two cents....
Agree. It requires a conscious decision to cheat. By no means a mistake. I will not hang around for the next "mistake" to happen.0 -
Sometimes in relationships we find our needs not being met. Maybe when you were first dating things were hot and heavy and sex was often. Then a few years into it, the sex has slowed down or worse become a chore. Nobody wants to feel like their sexual needs are a chore for their partner. So, when someone else gives us the attention we've been missing, it's easy to justify giving in: just this once, it's not hurting anyone, if he/she had sex with me more often this wouldn't happen, it feels good, etc...
Sometimes, we have to examine our own behavior and find what we've done (or haven't done) to foster the situation that led to cheating. I'm not saying it's the person who was cheated on's fault, just that usually there is something that could be changed to help the relationship stay healthy sexually.
We all have responsibility for our relationships... No one person is ever 100% responsible for problems... Except in cases of abuse.0 -
Trying to boil down human behavior to some combination of evolution (we were made for multiple partners), mental illness (they're sociopaths), or victim blaming (the person who got cheated on didn't give the cheater what they wanted) is silly.
The reality is that humans are very complex creatures and each one of us makes decisions that are driven by our own circumstances. Not everything we do has to have a reason. Not everything we do can be understood.0 -
Trying to boil down human behavior to some combination of evolution (we were made for multiple partners), mental illness (they're sociopaths), or victim blaming (the person who got cheated on didn't give the cheater what they wanted) is silly.
The reality is that humans are very complex creatures and each one of us makes decisions that are driven by our own circumstances. Not everything we do has to have a reason. Not everything we do can be understood.
I like this0 -
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i know right...if you are not monogamous just do open relationships! honesty is so much better.0
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Some people eat all the cookies in the cookie jar, and others just take one. Simple as that.
What I've noticed is that women get cheated on and try to fix it, instead of just realizing there's a guy out there who's willing to give them 110% of their loyalty, meanwhile they just rather give the cheater another chance. Some Cheaters do change, but over time when they are ready to actually settle, and even then they will have thoughts of having something else. Same thing for women cheaters. Cheating is never going to subside someones interest once they have done it before, it lingers.
This is what i think dont attack me. Im very sensative.0 -
robs_ready wrote: »
Double agree. And that's totally a thing. a lot of people just don't understand its concept yet.
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Awillz_Conqueror wrote: »Why do people opt for processed foods over the natural healthy choices?
Why do people skip the gym for the bar?
How often do we think critically about the decisions we make? As opposed to reacting from emotion or instinct/taught behavior?
Let's not paint this picture that monogamy has been the "way of the world" since the beginning of time. It hasn't. In fact, the majority of human history suggests men having multiple partners/wives. [I cannot confirm women, I have not done the research] And let's not paint this other picture saying "generations of past fixed their issues...and didn't cheat..... blah, blah..." because that is an absolute lie.
What I can say about cheating, in my opinion, is that the decision to do so is no different than the other bad choices we make. People who smoke, drink, eat poorly, stress, have anger issues, suffer from addiction, etc all seem to get this societal pass... but cheating - oh no- cheating calls for a witch hunt of sorts and 1,000,000 theories as to why people do it. Let's look at our own lives, find the bad choices/habits we have, and apply the same reasoning to why people cheat. The process and reasoning is absolutely the same. Tadaa, you have your answer.
I disagree with this. People make poor choices in food, smoking, ect because its harm to themselves, and let be real, no one cares what their insides look like. But cheating isnt self harm, its harm to other individuals. Your emotionally destroying another human being because you choose not to care about them. So its not the same. People are human beings with a conscious mind and can make a simple decision.0 -
sabrinasmith7 wrote: »Awillz_Conqueror wrote: »Why do people opt for processed foods over the natural healthy choices?
Why do people skip the gym for the bar?
How often do we think critically about the decisions we make? As opposed to reacting from emotion or instinct/taught behavior?
Let's not paint this picture that monogamy has been the "way of the world" since the beginning of time. It hasn't. In fact, the majority of human history suggests men having multiple partners/wives. [I cannot confirm women, I have not done the research] And let's not paint this other picture saying "generations of past fixed their issues...and didn't cheat..... blah, blah..." because that is an absolute lie.
What I can say about cheating, in my opinion, is that the decision to do so is no different than the other bad choices we make. People who smoke, drink, eat poorly, stress, have anger issues, suffer from addiction, etc all seem to get this societal pass... but cheating - oh no- cheating calls for a witch hunt of sorts and 1,000,000 theories as to why people do it. Let's look at our own lives, find the bad choices/habits we have, and apply the same reasoning to why people cheat. The process and reasoning is absolutely the same. Tadaa, you have your answer.
I disagree with this. People make poor choices in food, smoking, ect because its harm to themselves, and let be real, no one cares what their insides look like. But cheating isnt self harm, its harm to other individuals. Your emotionally destroying another human being because you choose not to care about them. So its not the same. People are human beings with a conscious mind and can make a simple decision.
By the logic in bold above, it would be the same thing as making decisions to smoke, drink, and all of the other examples given. I can consciously decide not to smoke, decide not to drink, decide not to cheat.
I guess what I'm saying is, I don't see what you're disagreeing with.0 -
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JeffreyMGiron wrote: »Some people eat all the cookies in the cookie jar, and others just take one. Simple as that.
What I've noticed is that women get cheated on and try to fix it, instead of just realizing there's a guy out there who's willing to give them 110% of their loyalty, meanwhile they just rather give the cheater another chance. Some Cheaters do change, but over time when they are ready to actually settle, and even then they will have thoughts of having something else. Same thing for women cheaters. Cheating is never going to subside someones interest once they have done it before, it lingers.
This is what i think dont attack me. Im very sensative.
I like your sensitive side
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Ask a survey of people married for more than 10-15 years on how much sex they have with their SO and I'm guessing the answer will be 1-2 a month or less. Attraction can fade over time and that's not unusual. Even with the most beautiful/nicest people in the world. Added attention from someone usually is what leads to cheating. Again, not condoning it, I just believe that this is why it happens.
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I can understand that in some cases. They key is to make time for each other. Put the phones away, get off Facebook, turn the tv off, and just hang out. Life is so busy with work, kids, house chores, and family events that we can forget to spend time with the person that we vowed to grow old with.
Make time, and the likelihood that your sex life will benefit is extremely high.
I've been married 12 years and we're as healthy as ever. It's possible, just sayin'!0 -
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I agree.. Honesty is the best policy. But by process of elimination, dishonesty is the second best policy.
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As much as society would like to believe we're above other animals, we're still part of a world where certain instincts don't fade. And one of them is having as much sexual contact as one can with the gender they prefer. Some have it stronger than others and some are content to just having one person.
I don't care how long someone has been with someone else or how much they proclaim to love them, but I truly doubt there is anyone on this planet that hasn't fantasized about having sex with someone other than their partner. And if that idea is even just a passing thought, then why is it even visualized? We're still animals on a world where we're nothing but a speck in a Universe that's much bigger than what we see in the sky.So my question here is what is the criteria of whether it's cheating or not? Because if it's not a physical action with someone else, is it still cheating? And if it is, then isn't everyone guilty of it if they've imagined themselves with someone else other than their SO?
Although we are all biological creatures, unlike most of the rest of the species on earth, we have the wherewithal to control our actions. What we think within the context of our own brain is not subject to criticism, nor is it cheating. I cannot be prosecuted for thinking about killing someone, only the actual act is prosecutable, just as I am allowed to be attracted to others, but having given my word of fidelity, I cannot act on the feeling.
OP, infidelity comes from the insecurity of both partners. On the one hand, the cheater wants to feel the center of as many peoples' universes as possible (sociopathology) because either: (a) he/she is afraid of loss, thereby keeping one lover on the hook just in case their real love dumps them or (b) they enjoy the feeling of power that comes from having a dangerous secret (Drigotas & Barta, 2001).
What is even more interesting to me, however, is studying those attracted to cheaters. If this is a pattern, "every man/woman I've ever loved has cheated on me" or "I spent 15 years with this guy/girl and he/she has cheated on me every day of the 15 years" then counseling is advised to determine why. Even if you didn't know he/she was a cheater, you were attracted to that personality type.
ETA: Oh, yeah, and Dr. Phil is the Dr. Oz of psychology. Neither are credible.
Drigotas, Stephen M., and William Barta. "The cheating heart: Scientific explorations of infidelity." Current directions in psychological science 10, no. 5 (2001): 177-180.Retrieved from: http://lillianmcmaster.com/resources/Fisher adolescent romantic relationships.pdf#page=200
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_incogNEATo_ wrote: »sabrinasmith7 wrote: »Awillz_Conqueror wrote: »Why do people opt for processed foods over the natural healthy choices?
Why do people skip the gym for the bar?
How often do we think critically about the decisions we make? As opposed to reacting from emotion or instinct/taught behavior?
Let's not paint this picture that monogamy has been the "way of the world" since the beginning of time. It hasn't. In fact, the majority of human history suggests men having multiple partners/wives. [I cannot confirm women, I have not done the research] And let's not paint this other picture saying "generations of past fixed their issues...and didn't cheat..... blah, blah..." because that is an absolute lie.
What I can say about cheating, in my opinion, is that the decision to do so is no different than the other bad choices we make. People who smoke, drink, eat poorly, stress, have anger issues, suffer from addiction, etc all seem to get this societal pass... but cheating - oh no- cheating calls for a witch hunt of sorts and 1,000,000 theories as to why people do it. Let's look at our own lives, find the bad choices/habits we have, and apply the same reasoning to why people cheat. The process and reasoning is absolutely the same. Tadaa, you have your answer.
I disagree with this. People make poor choices in food, smoking, ect because its harm to themselves, and let be real, no one cares what their insides look like. But cheating isnt self harm, its harm to other individuals. Your emotionally destroying another human being because you choose not to care about them. So its not the same. People are human beings with a conscious mind and can make a simple decision.
By the logic in bold above, it would be the same thing as making decisions to smoke, drink, and all of the other examples given. I can consciously decide not to smoke, decide not to drink, decide not to cheat.
I guess what I'm saying is, I don't see what you're disagreeing with.
The difference is your choosing to hurt someone else, not yourself.0 -
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I had this same problem with my ex girlfriend. I was all willing to get married and when she proposed to me i accepted. The biggest problem was when her other fiance started hitting on my wife. Thats where i drew the line. I ended up breaking off the engagement and then proposing to my other girlfriend who happily accepted.0
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