We broke up because...
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Protein farts..nuff said0
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spiked my morning coffee with Viagra. thought it would be funny for me to go to work like that0
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Needed viagara. Enough said.0
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^^yup..true story..stiff for days
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Wait. That's a problem?0
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God, I would seriously hope not!!0
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Amen.
Was praying all.the.time.0 -
she preyed on the weak0
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Always trying to hunt me down. A stalker, one might say.
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She put her j izz in my morning tea0
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He lived under a bridge, as trolls do.0
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Never had time for me0
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He wanted me 24-7! I needed a LITTLE space.0
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She was never happy after all I did for her0
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kept her phone locked and on silent0
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Ewwww.
Would not watch Next Generation with me.0 -
wanted me to talk like Patrick Stewart to put her in the mood0
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(Well, cmon.)
He wanted me to call him #1 all the time. Needed too much reassurance.0 -
He kept score0
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demoted me from first mate0
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Kept quoting Abe Lincoln. "Four score and..."0
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wanted me to memorize the Gettysburg address before she would undress0
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He ran off with the circus0
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Wanted to enslave me0
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Was ugly as fu#k-3
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Not breaking up. Too smart and those eyes...0
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she was still seein her ex on the side0
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Kept giving me side eye. Too suspicious.0
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kept going to see some guy named Gym every morning at 5AM0
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He mocked my fitness progress.0
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