Has your friend circle changed?

beautifulsparkles wrote: »

At my heaviest weight, the main people I hung out with were obsessed with food. If we spent time together, we would stop by the bakery for lunch, buying at least three items each, or have kfc after walking the dog (or in other words, sitting down somewhere and throwing the ball for the dog, while he walked/ran), go to the movies and get a large drink and popcorn, meet up at each others houses and have a large bottle of soda each, a big bag of popcorn, a big bag of chips, chocolate etc. We would buy a lot of treats for ourselves so we shouldn't have to share so much. We were very food focused and not in a good way.

Now I find it annoying to hang out with these people. One of these people is a family member, and whenever I see her she always wants to ''get a treat'' but its not really a treat, because she gets that stuff like once a day. She says I need to treat myself whenever I'm with her, but it was too often, so it wasn't really a treat or reward because it ended up being a several times a week thing, but I turnt her down. I don't mind getting myself stuff when its just me, but when I'm with other people, and they are significantly overweight, and they keep binging and not see a problem with it, I can't help but get grossed out. Whats worse, is I was like that for two or three years and had no self awareness. I was worse than some of them as well.

I don't meet up with people that often, but I would like to think food is less of a focus. I've gone to a bible study group a few times and we've shared food, but its mostly been healthy and homemade. I would like to change the way I interact with people when we meet up, like go for a walk before we have food, or play sports instead of go to the cinemas, but I'm not quite there yet.

Now that you are at goal weight, do you hang out with the same people, or have some of your friends dropped off, because it was too hard to be around them?

Wow.....I do believe that circle of friends tend to change when our goals and ambitions vary. You are more self aware now that you are sober enough to see everything is clear detail. learning how to say no and sticking to your goals is a must if you decide to stay friends with them.

For me, it's so hard when you have a partner and family members that aren't willing to change their ways of eating for you. My partner has a sweet tooth, actually so does my mom, everything is sweet which is tempting. Trying to avoid sugar is the hardest for me. But I have to stay firm and speak up, because if I don't, none of them would stop me from eating things I really don't need. Hope this helps.

My friend circle hasnt changed at all. I still love to eat out and go for drinks. I now just choose different things and if it's a special occasion or we go somewhere really spectacular then I'll indulge. To be honest my friends don't pay much attention to what I am or am not eating/drinking

I've made new friends who I do fitness related stuff with. It's our mutual interest but that would be the same whatever new hobby i'd taken up. I have different friendship groups that I do different things with. I don't expect my friends who I have never done fitness things with to suddenly want to do them just because I do

My circle of friends hasn't changed but I can completely relate to you and your feelings about your friends. I've always been fat but my friends are extremely overweight. I believe I've never gotten to their weight because I'm a yoyo dieter and I go through periods of weight loss and then just giving up and slowly creeping back up to my original weight. Recently I've lost 100 pounds and I'm currently at 150 pounds. A few weeks ago I went on a trip with my friends and I tried sticking to my healthy eating habits but it was very hard to do around them. I was good for the first few days but one night I just gave up and went crazy eating along with them. We had dinner at a restaurant and I ordered everything I wanted. I'm talking sampler plate, burger, fries, milkshake with alcohol, the works! Then when we got back to the hotel I spent about 20 bucks on candy and chips at the vending machine. I had over 11,000 calories in total (and I logged it all to hold myself accountable). That night I could barely sleep since I was feeling so sick from all the food. The next morning they wanted to continue the crazy eating but I didn't even want to look at food. We went to the Waffle House and all I had was water while they went all out on breakfast. As the day continued they kept buying food while I chose to keep drinking water and ate an apple when I started feeling a bit hungry. They kept trying to share their food with me but I just kept getting more annoyed and disgusted by their eating habits. I even started noticing the way they ate and how they looked when they walked. That was something I had never paid any attention to before. They are my good friends and I love them and I felt really guilty about having those negative thoughts about them. Eventually it was a little after lunch time and they were having their third sit down meal of the day and they kept insisting that I have some of their food. It was nachos and other fattening stuff and I flat out had to tell them that it was fine for me to go a little crazy with food once in a while but that I couldn't do it everyday. I worked really hard to lose the weight and I didn't want to gain it all back again. They understood and didn't bother me about food for the rest of the trip. We came back home and they've tried to invite me out to dinner a few times but I've turned down their invitations. I know I could just go along with them and have a Diet Coke with a side soup or salad just to accompany them but I don't really feel like putting myself through that. I have my meals planned out at home and I enjoy cooking for myself. I feel like I've sort of had to detach myself from them in order to stick to my new eating habits.

Afterthought: You know, if one has the mental toughness for it, there can potentially be a bit of "reverse contagion" effect.

Among the heavier groups of people I socialize with (such as my arts'n'crafts friends, among others), I've noticed that some of them seem as if they may be influenced by my experience, or example, or something. I don't evangelize; I only answer questions if people ask, or sometimes ask them about related things if I know they're working on improving eating & activity levels. But some heavier friends seem to be getting on a healthier track lately, for some reason, a few months after I started (and had visible success). . . .

(P.S., I'm not saying I have "mental toughness". What I do have is social involvement in groups where many people are overweight, but where the social focus is not primarily food-related, so I don't have to be tough.)

cnbbnc wrote: »

beautifulsparkles wrote: »

At my heaviest weight, the main people I hung out with were obsessed with food. If we spent time together, we would stop by the bakery for lunch, buying at least three items each, or have kfc after walking the dog (or in other words, sitting down somewhere and throwing the ball for the dog, while he walked/ran), go to the movies and get a large drink and popcorn, meet up at each others houses and have a large bottle of soda each, a big bag of popcorn, a big bag of chips, chocolate etc. We would buy a lot of treats for ourselves so we shouldn't have to share so much. We were very food focused and not in a good way.

Now I find it annoying to hang out with these people. One of these people is a family member, and whenever I see her she always wants to ''get a treat'' but its not really a treat, because she gets that stuff like once a day. She says I need to treat myself whenever I'm with her, but it was too often, so it wasn't really a treat or reward because it ended up being a several times a week thing, but I turnt her down. I don't mind getting myself stuff when its just me, but when I'm with other people, and they are significantly overweight, and they keep binging and not see a problem with it, I can't help but get grossed out. Whats worse, is I was like that for two or three years and had no self awareness. I was worse than some of them as well.

I don't meet up with people that often, but I would like to think food is less of a focus. I've gone to a bible study group a few times and we've shared food, but its mostly been healthy and homemade. I would like to change the way I interact with people when we meet up, like go for a walk before we have food, or play sports instead of go to the cinemas, but I'm not quite there yet.

Now that you are at goal weight, do you hang out with the same people, or have some of your friends dropped off, because it was too hard to be around them?

Why do you find it hard to be around them now? I don't see what the big deal is. If going out to a restaurant or for an ice cream is something you would normally do with them, then order yourself a diet soda and stop being self righteous just because you lost weight. It doesn't give is the right to start being judgemental towards others and feel the need to shun people we have been close with. I also think it's sad for you to say you're grossed out by them. This is your issue more than theirs. Sorry.

I agree with this. What or how much my friends or family members eat has nothing to do with our friendship or my desire to be around them. If you plan to make sustainable long term changes to your health, you will have to find ways to make healthy decisions in a variety of circumstances, including when there is food around you might not otherwise prefer to eat.

I think it's unreasonable for you to lose interest in hanging out with people you were previously close with just because you've seen the light and are now eating healthily.