How to be less clingy with guys?
Francine_rivas
Posts: 77 Member
in Chit-Chat
I don't really talk to guys but when I do get super clingy! It's hard to stop:/
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Replies
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Get more hobbies. Learn to be clingy to yourself...
And.. what type of "clingy" are we talking about? Like, Call every 5 mins, taking his phone when he's preoccupied to see if he has txt other people, keeping clumps of his hair type of clingy?
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try studying the D.E.N.N.I.S. system a bit0
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Get more hobbies. Learn to be clingy to yourself...
And.. what type of "clingy" are we talking about? Like, Call every 5 mins, taking his phone when he's preoccupied to see if he has txt other people, keeping clumps of his hair type of clingy?
I get anxious when they don't text me everyday and I'm always checking my phone and get sad when they don't text and I always am scared they will cheat on me so I want them to hang with me as much as possible and I think about the person way too much.0 -
Yeah...
That sounds super unhealthy and stressful for you.
I'm guessing something has happened in you past to make you react this way? You may need to look at counseling if it is this disruptive to your life. which is must be if you are feeling the effects so badly you are posting about it.
It's not normal to feel that stressed out.0 -
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Yeah...
That sounds super unhealthy and stressful for you.
I'm guessing something has happened in you past to make you react this way? You may need to look at counseling if it is this disruptive to your life. which is must be if you are feeling the effects so badly you are posting about it.
It's not normal to feel that stressed out.
I have super low self esteem and I'm so scared that any guy I find to be amazing is going to find someone better. It is very stressful...0 -
CircumcisedCokeCan wrote: »try punching below your weight a little bit? find a dude who's below you in social standing, looks, etc...he'll be happy to have you then and prob won't have many other options? bonus points if he wears a fedora.
thoughts on this issue @Non_Stop ?
Practical af! Good advice!
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Francine_rivas wrote: »Yeah...
That sounds super unhealthy and stressful for you.
I'm guessing something has happened in you past to make you react this way? You may need to look at counseling if it is this disruptive to your life. which is must be if you are feeling the effects so badly you are posting about it.
It's not normal to feel that stressed out.
I have super low self esteem and I'm so scared that any guy I find to be amazing is going to find someone better. It is very stressful...Francine_rivas wrote: »Yeah...
That sounds super unhealthy and stressful for you.
I'm guessing something has happened in you past to make you react this way? You may need to look at counseling if it is this disruptive to your life. which is must be if you are feeling the effects so badly you are posting about it.
It's not normal to feel that stressed out.
I have super low self esteem and I'm so scared that any guy I find to be amazing is going to find someone better. It is very stressful...
so, this so called amazing guy, can't appreciate what he has and is always looking for better? Imaginary guy sounds like a jerk already.
If he does find "someone better".. let him walk away..
You can't be right for everyone. If he is right for you, and you for him, it will just work out. done.
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Love yourself more than them.0
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Francine_rivas wrote: »Get more hobbies. Learn to be clingy to yourself...
And.. what type of "clingy" are we talking about? Like, Call every 5 mins, taking his phone when he's preoccupied to see if he has txt other people, keeping clumps of his hair type of clingy?
I get anxious when they don't text me everyday and I'm always checking my phone and get sad when they don't text and I always am scared they will cheat on me so I want them to hang with me as much as possible and I think about the person way too much.
Just curious are you a Cancer?0 -
janellsosajs wrote: »Francine_rivas wrote: »Get more hobbies. Learn to be clingy to yourself...
And.. what type of "clingy" are we talking about? Like, Call every 5 mins, taking his phone when he's preoccupied to see if he has txt other people, keeping clumps of his hair type of clingy?
I get anxious when they don't text me everyday and I'm always checking my phone and get sad when they don't text and I always am scared they will cheat on me so I want them to hang with me as much as possible and I think about the person way too much.
Just curious are you a Cancer?
I'm a Taurus.0 -
madhatter2013 wrote: »Love yourself more than them.
How do you love yourself when you feel so terrible about yourself?0 -
Francine_rivas wrote: »madhatter2013 wrote: »Love yourself more than them.
How do you love yourself when you feel so terrible about yourself?
I'm a Taurus also
Well, if you feel so terrible about yourself.. you REALLLY shouldn't be dating. Not yet. Seek help to help with the anxiety and emotional issues you are currently dealing with. The sooner you can find help, the sooner you can be open for a relationship.
I'm very big on the idea that if you need someone in your life, you shouldn't be with them. I you should "want" them in your life.. but if they are not there or not, you know you can be great all on your own.
You HAVE to be ok with being alone before others will want to be with you.
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Until you love yourself, and value yourself, no one else will.
If you love yourself, and find things that interest you, then you will probably find that you have less time to obsess over them. In addition, you will start to find that you have value. And when you have value, others see that too and appreciate it. (Yes some guys and gals are a**holes, but not everyone.)
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Francine_rivas wrote: »madhatter2013 wrote: »Love yourself more than them.
How do you love yourself when you feel so terrible about yourself?
Narrow down what you don't like about yourself and change it. I'm not sure how long you've been in and out of relationships but it sounds like you need to "find" yourself (I don't mean that in a bad way). But take some time to learn to love you. Remember this: you came in this world alone and you will leave this world alone. You don't need someone else's validation to prove you are worth something.0 -
You are an amazing human being, the only one of you that is ever going to exist in the whole of the universe through all of time...there's nothing terrible in that, just be you!0
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madhatter2013 wrote: »Love yourself more than them.
^^^ This times infinity.
I've been where you're at and trust me, it gets you no where. Don't put any guy on a pedestal unless they are your husband, and even though, You still have to put yourself first. You'll be happier and more secure, trust...0 -
Very few people love themselves. I wouldn't wait until I love myself before I start dating. Get some hobbies. Work out. Do stuff. And perhaps the guy you're with/is crushing on isn't the one for you. The right guy would want to contact you frequently, especially in the beginning.0
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http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10345807/going-to-ask-this-lady-out/p1
You're welcome.
Also, I expect an invite to the wedding.0 -
realize that you are your own human being who is worth spending time with and enjoying your own things... they aren't the center of your world.
Space. hobbies. self esteem... all the things.0 -
Yeah... I know I should only be friends but I really want that closeness. I'll never be happy with someone until I love myself but idk how to. I have generalized anxiety disorder lol. I was seeing a psychologist but she moved 90 minutes from where I amFrancine_rivas wrote: »madhatter2013 wrote: »Love yourself more than them.
How do you love yourself when you feel so terrible about yourself?
I'm a Taurus also
Well, if you feel so terrible about yourself.. you REALLLY shouldn't be dating. Not yet. Seek help to help with the anxiety and emotional issues you are currently dealing with. The sooner you can find help, the sooner you can be open for a relationship.
I'm very big on the idea that if you need someone in your life, you shouldn't be with them. I you should "want" them in your life.. but if they are not there or not, you know you can be great all on your own.
You HAVE to be ok with being alone before others will want to be with you.
I really don't want to start seeing a new psychologist so I'm just going to go on meds. Hopefully that helps with my anxiety!
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Also, you're really young. I wouldn't put so much pressure on yourself if I were you. Do you have hobbies? Are you in school? Do you work? Do you have friends? Like others have said, if you fill your life with things that are meaningful to you, backing off from guys will become easier. Put yourself first and really learn how much value you have as a person. What you've described has you putting way too much of your energy on the guys you're interested in. Some guys like girls that are a little clingy, others don't and a little clingy is okay - it's all about learning how to balance it.
Also, women show a man how to treat us. If you're chasing after a guy you're telling him that you're not valuing yourself enough to make him come to you, and then will backfire. I wish you luck.
**Disclaimer** What I'm saying is based solely on my experiences in my personal life. I don't intend my advice or words to be perfect for everyone. I've been there, done that. I'm 31-years-old, and happily single. As I've gotten older, I've learned to pay way less attention on men, and way more attention on myself and I've never been happier.0 -
Francine_rivas wrote: »
Yeah... I know I should only be friends but I really want that closeness. I'll never be happy with someone until I love myself but idk how to. I have generalized anxiety disorder lol. I was seeing a psychologist but she moved 90 minutes from where I amFrancine_rivas wrote: »madhatter2013 wrote: »Love yourself more than them.
How do you love yourself when you feel so terrible about yourself?
I'm a Taurus also
Well, if you feel so terrible about yourself.. you REALLLY shouldn't be dating. Not yet. Seek help to help with the anxiety and emotional issues you are currently dealing with. The sooner you can find help, the sooner you can be open for a relationship.
I'm very big on the idea that if you need someone in your life, you shouldn't be with them. I you should "want" them in your life.. but if they are not there or not, you know you can be great all on your own.
You HAVE to be ok with being alone before others will want to be with you. I really don't want to start seeing a new psychologist so I'm just going to go on meds. Hopefully that helps with my anxiety!
That's the problem though. you just said it .. you want that closeness. So the moment you feel like they pull away you feel anxiety. it's why it doesn't work.
Ok.. maybe not "love" yourself.. but like being with yourself. Take yourself out girl! go to the movies with just you.. coffee shop dates and museums.. make yourself laugh..
go out with friends.. Do dumb stuff that makes you happy. take an art class.. volunteer somewhere you think is meaningful...
Once you start liking being around you and seeing how much fun you are ( TRUST ME YOU ARE! WE ALL ARE! ).. you will be able to show others this side of you and you will learn to have more confidence.. it wont happen over night..
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I'm doing my pre requisites for nursing school and the only hobby I had is running but haven't run in 3 months because of heart problems and I'm cleared by the doctor but I'm scared to run lol I'm trying to get back into it. It's so easy for me to put energy into other people but not myself:/FellyFabulous wrote: »Also, you're really young. I wouldn't put so much pressure on yourself if I were you. Do you have hobbies? Are you in school? Do you work? Do you have friends? Like others have said, if you fill your life with things that are meaningful to you, backing off from guys will become easier. Put yourself first and really learn how much value you have as a person. What you've described has you putting way too much of your energy on the guys you're interested in. Some guys like girls that are a little clingy, others don't and a little clingy is okay - it's all about learning how to balance it.
Also, women show a man how to treat us. If you're chasing after a guy you're telling him that you're not valuing yourself enough to make him come to you, and then will backfire. I wish you luck.
**Disclaimer** What I'm saying is based solely on my experiences in my personal life. I don't intend my advice or words to be perfect for everyone. I've been there, done that. I'm 31-years-old, and happily single. As I've gotten older, I've learned to pay way less attention on men, and way more attention on myself and I've never been happier.
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madhatter2013 wrote: »Love yourself more than them.
I actually don't know if I love myself, I seem to annoy myself quite a bit, but I have never been a clingy person; I think some of it has to do with personality type. As an introvert, being in the presence of others who need something from me constantly is exhausting.0 -
Francine_rivas wrote: »
I'm doing my pre requisites for nursing school and the only hobby I had is running but haven't run in 3 months because of heart problems and I'm cleared by the doctor but I'm scared to run lol I'm trying to get back into it. It's so easy for me to put energy into other people but not myself:/FellyFabulous wrote: »Also, you're really young. I wouldn't put so much pressure on yourself if I were you. Do you have hobbies? Are you in school? Do you work? Do you have friends? Like others have said, if you fill your life with things that are meaningful to you, backing off from guys will become easier. Put yourself first and really learn how much value you have as a person. What you've described has you putting way too much of your energy on the guys you're interested in. Some guys like girls that are a little clingy, others don't and a little clingy is okay - it's all about learning how to balance it.
Also, women show a man how to treat us. If you're chasing after a guy you're telling him that you're not valuing yourself enough to make him come to you, and then will backfire. I wish you luck.
**Disclaimer** What I'm saying is based solely on my experiences in my personal life. I don't intend my advice or words to be perfect for everyone. I've been there, done that. I'm 31-years-old, and happily single. As I've gotten older, I've learned to pay way less attention on men, and way more attention on myself and I've never been happier.
Oh! I'm like that.
congrats on pre nursing! woot! that's awesome.
Sorry to hear about the medical issues. I hear you on them. It can be scary to get back to it.
Is there anything else you enjoy doing? BTW.. hobbies are a great way to find other like minded people to both be friends with and potentially date later on. Just don't start those hobbies for that purpose lol No one likes kindling over an interesting and finding out it was all a lie lol
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Unless you count Netflix and reading random books, I have no other hobbies lol.Francine_rivas wrote: »
I'm doing my pre requisites for nursing school and the only hobby I had is running but haven't run in 3 months because of heart problems and I'm cleared by the doctor but I'm scared to run lol I'm trying to get back into it. It's so easy for me to put energy into other people but not myself:/FellyFabulous wrote: »Also, you're really young. I wouldn't put so much pressure on yourself if I were you. Do you have hobbies? Are you in school? Do you work? Do you have friends? Like others have said, if you fill your life with things that are meaningful to you, backing off from guys will become easier. Put yourself first and really learn how much value you have as a person. What you've described has you putting way too much of your energy on the guys you're interested in. Some guys like girls that are a little clingy, others don't and a little clingy is okay - it's all about learning how to balance it.
Also, women show a man how to treat us. If you're chasing after a guy you're telling him that you're not valuing yourself enough to make him come to you, and then will backfire. I wish you luck.
**Disclaimer** What I'm saying is based solely on my experiences in my personal life. I don't intend my advice or words to be perfect for everyone. I've been there, done that. I'm 31-years-old, and happily single. As I've gotten older, I've learned to pay way less attention on men, and way more attention on myself and I've never been happier.
Oh! I'm like that.
congrats on pre nursing! woot! that's awesome.
Sorry to hear about the medical issues. I hear you on them. It can be scary to get back to it.
Is there anything else you enjoy doing? BTW.. hobbies are a great way to find other like minded people to both be friends with and potentially date later on. Just don't start those hobbies for that purpose lol No one likes kindling over an interesting and finding out it was all a lie lol
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Ok, this might come off as rude, but I hope it's taken in the vein of tough love. Finding a dude that likes you as a STAGE 5 CLINGER would be alarming in and of itself. Work on you. Let them chase you for awhile. It's always easier to be the chased then chaser.
Plus, think on this...don't tie your happiness solely to one person. Things happen, people come and go, nothing stays the same. I love my husband. But I also love my self, kids, parents, friends, etc. If something happened to my hubby tomorrow I would be devastated. But I could still find moments of happiness with my other "loves."
Oh and @jofjltncb6 thanks for making me snort hot tea up my nose at work.
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tcunbeliever wrote: »You are an amazing human being, the only one of you that is ever going to exist in the whole of the universe through all of time...there's nothing terrible in that, just be you!
How do you know this person is amazing?0 -
Focus on yourself and not guys...0
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