How to be less clingy with guys?
Options
Replies
-
Yeah... I know I should only be friends but I really want that closeness. I'll never be happy with someone until I love myself but idk how to. I have generalized anxiety disorder lol. I was seeing a psychologist but she moved 90 minutes from where I amFrancine_rivas wrote: »madhatter2013 wrote: »Love yourself more than them.
How do you love yourself when you feel so terrible about yourself?
I'm a Taurus also
Well, if you feel so terrible about yourself.. you REALLLY shouldn't be dating. Not yet. Seek help to help with the anxiety and emotional issues you are currently dealing with. The sooner you can find help, the sooner you can be open for a relationship.
I'm very big on the idea that if you need someone in your life, you shouldn't be with them. I you should "want" them in your life.. but if they are not there or not, you know you can be great all on your own.
You HAVE to be ok with being alone before others will want to be with you.
I really don't want to start seeing a new psychologist so I'm just going to go on meds. Hopefully that helps with my anxiety!
0 -
Also, you're really young. I wouldn't put so much pressure on yourself if I were you. Do you have hobbies? Are you in school? Do you work? Do you have friends? Like others have said, if you fill your life with things that are meaningful to you, backing off from guys will become easier. Put yourself first and really learn how much value you have as a person. What you've described has you putting way too much of your energy on the guys you're interested in. Some guys like girls that are a little clingy, others don't and a little clingy is okay - it's all about learning how to balance it.
Also, women show a man how to treat us. If you're chasing after a guy you're telling him that you're not valuing yourself enough to make him come to you, and then will backfire. I wish you luck.
**Disclaimer** What I'm saying is based solely on my experiences in my personal life. I don't intend my advice or words to be perfect for everyone. I've been there, done that. I'm 31-years-old, and happily single. As I've gotten older, I've learned to pay way less attention on men, and way more attention on myself and I've never been happier.0 -
Francine_rivas wrote: »
Yeah... I know I should only be friends but I really want that closeness. I'll never be happy with someone until I love myself but idk how to. I have generalized anxiety disorder lol. I was seeing a psychologist but she moved 90 minutes from where I amFrancine_rivas wrote: »madhatter2013 wrote: »Love yourself more than them.
How do you love yourself when you feel so terrible about yourself?
I'm a Taurus also
Well, if you feel so terrible about yourself.. you REALLLY shouldn't be dating. Not yet. Seek help to help with the anxiety and emotional issues you are currently dealing with. The sooner you can find help, the sooner you can be open for a relationship.
I'm very big on the idea that if you need someone in your life, you shouldn't be with them. I you should "want" them in your life.. but if they are not there or not, you know you can be great all on your own.
You HAVE to be ok with being alone before others will want to be with you. I really don't want to start seeing a new psychologist so I'm just going to go on meds. Hopefully that helps with my anxiety!
That's the problem though. you just said it .. you want that closeness. So the moment you feel like they pull away you feel anxiety. it's why it doesn't work.
Ok.. maybe not "love" yourself.. but like being with yourself. Take yourself out girl! go to the movies with just you.. coffee shop dates and museums.. make yourself laugh..
go out with friends.. Do dumb stuff that makes you happy. take an art class.. volunteer somewhere you think is meaningful...
Once you start liking being around you and seeing how much fun you are ( TRUST ME YOU ARE! WE ALL ARE! ).. you will be able to show others this side of you and you will learn to have more confidence.. it wont happen over night..
0 -
I'm doing my pre requisites for nursing school and the only hobby I had is running but haven't run in 3 months because of heart problems and I'm cleared by the doctor but I'm scared to run lol I'm trying to get back into it. It's so easy for me to put energy into other people but not myself:/FellyFabulous wrote: »Also, you're really young. I wouldn't put so much pressure on yourself if I were you. Do you have hobbies? Are you in school? Do you work? Do you have friends? Like others have said, if you fill your life with things that are meaningful to you, backing off from guys will become easier. Put yourself first and really learn how much value you have as a person. What you've described has you putting way too much of your energy on the guys you're interested in. Some guys like girls that are a little clingy, others don't and a little clingy is okay - it's all about learning how to balance it.
Also, women show a man how to treat us. If you're chasing after a guy you're telling him that you're not valuing yourself enough to make him come to you, and then will backfire. I wish you luck.
**Disclaimer** What I'm saying is based solely on my experiences in my personal life. I don't intend my advice or words to be perfect for everyone. I've been there, done that. I'm 31-years-old, and happily single. As I've gotten older, I've learned to pay way less attention on men, and way more attention on myself and I've never been happier.
0 -
madhatter2013 wrote: »Love yourself more than them.
I actually don't know if I love myself, I seem to annoy myself quite a bit, but I have never been a clingy person; I think some of it has to do with personality type. As an introvert, being in the presence of others who need something from me constantly is exhausting.0 -
Francine_rivas wrote: »
I'm doing my pre requisites for nursing school and the only hobby I had is running but haven't run in 3 months because of heart problems and I'm cleared by the doctor but I'm scared to run lol I'm trying to get back into it. It's so easy for me to put energy into other people but not myself:/FellyFabulous wrote: »Also, you're really young. I wouldn't put so much pressure on yourself if I were you. Do you have hobbies? Are you in school? Do you work? Do you have friends? Like others have said, if you fill your life with things that are meaningful to you, backing off from guys will become easier. Put yourself first and really learn how much value you have as a person. What you've described has you putting way too much of your energy on the guys you're interested in. Some guys like girls that are a little clingy, others don't and a little clingy is okay - it's all about learning how to balance it.
Also, women show a man how to treat us. If you're chasing after a guy you're telling him that you're not valuing yourself enough to make him come to you, and then will backfire. I wish you luck.
**Disclaimer** What I'm saying is based solely on my experiences in my personal life. I don't intend my advice or words to be perfect for everyone. I've been there, done that. I'm 31-years-old, and happily single. As I've gotten older, I've learned to pay way less attention on men, and way more attention on myself and I've never been happier.
Oh! I'm like that.
congrats on pre nursing! woot! that's awesome.
Sorry to hear about the medical issues. I hear you on them. It can be scary to get back to it.
Is there anything else you enjoy doing? BTW.. hobbies are a great way to find other like minded people to both be friends with and potentially date later on. Just don't start those hobbies for that purpose lol No one likes kindling over an interesting and finding out it was all a lie lol
0 -
Unless you count Netflix and reading random books, I have no other hobbies lol.Francine_rivas wrote: »
I'm doing my pre requisites for nursing school and the only hobby I had is running but haven't run in 3 months because of heart problems and I'm cleared by the doctor but I'm scared to run lol I'm trying to get back into it. It's so easy for me to put energy into other people but not myself:/FellyFabulous wrote: »Also, you're really young. I wouldn't put so much pressure on yourself if I were you. Do you have hobbies? Are you in school? Do you work? Do you have friends? Like others have said, if you fill your life with things that are meaningful to you, backing off from guys will become easier. Put yourself first and really learn how much value you have as a person. What you've described has you putting way too much of your energy on the guys you're interested in. Some guys like girls that are a little clingy, others don't and a little clingy is okay - it's all about learning how to balance it.
Also, women show a man how to treat us. If you're chasing after a guy you're telling him that you're not valuing yourself enough to make him come to you, and then will backfire. I wish you luck.
**Disclaimer** What I'm saying is based solely on my experiences in my personal life. I don't intend my advice or words to be perfect for everyone. I've been there, done that. I'm 31-years-old, and happily single. As I've gotten older, I've learned to pay way less attention on men, and way more attention on myself and I've never been happier.
Oh! I'm like that.
congrats on pre nursing! woot! that's awesome.
Sorry to hear about the medical issues. I hear you on them. It can be scary to get back to it.
Is there anything else you enjoy doing? BTW.. hobbies are a great way to find other like minded people to both be friends with and potentially date later on. Just don't start those hobbies for that purpose lol No one likes kindling over an interesting and finding out it was all a lie lol
0 -
Ok, this might come off as rude, but I hope it's taken in the vein of tough love. Finding a dude that likes you as a STAGE 5 CLINGER would be alarming in and of itself. Work on you. Let them chase you for awhile. It's always easier to be the chased then chaser.
Plus, think on this...don't tie your happiness solely to one person. Things happen, people come and go, nothing stays the same. I love my husband. But I also love my self, kids, parents, friends, etc. If something happened to my hubby tomorrow I would be devastated. But I could still find moments of happiness with my other "loves."
Oh and @jofjltncb6 thanks for making me snort hot tea up my nose at work.
0 -
tcunbeliever wrote: »You are an amazing human being, the only one of you that is ever going to exist in the whole of the universe through all of time...there's nothing terrible in that, just be you!
How do you know this person is amazing?0 -
Focus on yourself and not guys...0
-
Francine_rivas wrote: »Get more hobbies. Learn to be clingy to yourself...
And.. what type of "clingy" are we talking about? Like, Call every 5 mins, taking his phone when he's preoccupied to see if he has txt other people, keeping clumps of his hair type of clingy?
I get anxious when they don't text me everyday and I'm always checking my phone and get sad when they don't text and I always am scared they will cheat on me so I want them to hang with me as much as possible and I think about the person way too much.
therapy0 -
I'm kind of clingy person as well so I went through exactly what you are going through. Experience does say it will only cause heartache. It was so hard though. What worked is I pretended I was a fisherman. Put myself at the party, at the coffee shop, whatever...with no expectations. Sometimes the fish will bite and sometimes they won't. Try taking life, and relationships a little seriously. Make it a game. It worked for me!
I totally agree with finding a hobby. Something you want to become skilled at so that you use some mental energy thinking about it.0 -
Soccermavrick wrote: »Until you love yourself, and value yourself, no one else will.
If you love yourself, and find things that interest you, then you will probably find that you have less time to obsess over them. In addition, you will start to find that you have value. And when you have value, others see that too and appreciate it. (Yes some guys and gals are a**holes, but not everyone.)
good answer. I agree0 -
Just curious (and I didn't read this whole thread yet so sorry if this has already been asked) do you have some really good close friends? Cause maybe you're craving human connection because you don't have enough close people in your life?
Just a shot in the dark. I have an amazing group of friends and I find that makes it easier to realize that I'm lovable and also to not care as much about needing someone to be close to if that makes sense.0 -
yourhiddengem wrote: »Just curious (and I didn't read this whole thread yet so sorry if this has already been asked) do you have some really good close friends? Cause maybe you're craving human connection because you don't have enough close people in your life?
Just a shot in the dark. I have an amazing group of friends and I find that makes it easier to realize that I'm lovable and also to not care as much about needing someone to be close to if that makes sense.
This! I agree with her. No worries sweetheart, I was a clingy person too. Deep down for me it was because I didnt have other people around me to love or even spent enough time to love myself. My advice: put the phone down. Not just when you're talking to a guy. (Except mfp because of fitness.)
I started going places by myself, concerts, parks, even new events. Really tried to meet people and friends. Joined a sorority and took fun girl trips and fun nights just with friends. I learned that I was worthy and also that people around me really loved me the way I was. It made not feel a "need" for partnership. When I talked to a guy, I still kept myself busy with things. I promise you, you will be so much more satisfied when you fall in love with yourself. Then the cute guy who's attracted to you will just be extra nice. ❤️0 -
And I did it all with my PHONE DOWN. Social media does nothing but make you feel extra alone in your house. Promise you. Instead be the person who has the cool stuff to post0
-
Find a guy that is like you. Everyone is crazy, clingy, needy, etc. in their own ways. Some of us are just lucky enough to find someone who compliments our own crazy.0
-
Francine_rivas wrote: »
Yeah... I know I should only be friends but I really want that closeness. I'll never be happy with someone until I love myself but idk how to. I have generalized anxiety disorder lol. I was seeing a psychologist but she moved 90 minutes from where I amFrancine_rivas wrote: »madhatter2013 wrote: »Love yourself more than them.
How do you love yourself when you feel so terrible about yourself?
I'm a Taurus also
Well, if you feel so terrible about yourself.. you REALLLY shouldn't be dating. Not yet. Seek help to help with the anxiety and emotional issues you are currently dealing with. The sooner you can find help, the sooner you can be open for a relationship.
I'm very big on the idea that if you need someone in your life, you shouldn't be with them. I you should "want" them in your life.. but if they are not there or not, you know you can be great all on your own.
You HAVE to be ok with being alone before others will want to be with you.I really don't want to start seeing a new psychologist so I'm just going to go on meds. Hopefully that helps with my anxiety!
If you don't think you're worth the effort why should a quality guy?
Meds might help with anxiety, but I doubt they will help with the underlying issue. What did your psychologist recommend when she moved?0
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 391.5K Introduce Yourself
- 43.5K Getting Started
- 259.7K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.6K Food and Nutrition
- 47.3K Recipes
- 232.3K Fitness and Exercise
- 392 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.4K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 152.7K Motivation and Support
- 7.8K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.3K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.2K MyFitnessPal Information
- 22 News and Announcements
- 926 Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.3K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions