Jelious

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kpom72
kpom72 Posts: 17 Member
in Chit-Chat
Why do I get so jelions when my boyfriend looks at other women or even on tv..is it just me..how do I stop being so jelious
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  • arditarose
    arditarose Posts: 15,575 Member
    edited March 2016
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    All men look at other women.
  • usmcmp
    usmcmp Posts: 21,220 Member
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    It could be personal projection. If you aren't happy with some aspect of yourself or you let your eyes wander it's more likely that you will fear that your partner is looking elsewhere. All people look at others. If you have a happy and fulfilling relationship there's no need to be jealous.
  • timmy9613
    timmy9613 Posts: 25 Member
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    very well said
  • kpom72
    kpom72 Posts: 17 Member
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    I just don't know how to stop..I really don't want to be the jelious girlfriend
  • usmcmp
    usmcmp Posts: 21,220 Member
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    To add to what I said:

    There were two times in life when I experienced irrational jealousy. The first was when I hated how I looked and the second was when my husband (now ex) did very suspicious things and was distant in the relationship. The first one I fixed by learning to love myself and making myself a priority. The second one was fixed when I found out he was cheating and ended the relationship.

    If he's not doing other things that make you suspicious then maybe it's time for personal reflection.
  • timmy9613
    timmy9613 Posts: 25 Member
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    how unlucky he must feel now
  • kpom72
    kpom72 Posts: 17 Member
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    No he's an amazing boyfriend soon to be my husband...thank you
  • usmcmp
    usmcmp Posts: 21,220 Member
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    timmy9613 wrote: »
    how unlucky he must feel now

    I don't think he thinks about it. I did start out the weight loss thing to make him jealous, but success comes best when you are in it for yourself.

    @kpom72 What do you do for yourself? How do you focus on self improvement? Not necessarily fitness/weight loss/health related self improvement. Could be a hobby or work related pursuits.
  • timmy9613
    timmy9613 Posts: 25 Member
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    I surround myself with good solid people which helps me stay grounded.
  • Angela937
    Angela937 Posts: 514 Member
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    Its a matter of trust. If you don't truly trust him to be faithful, or trust that he truly loves you, jealousy will run rampant. Whether its sub conscious or not.

    Often times a person who allow themselves to look at eye candy or lust after someone else will be jealous and paranoid that their partner will also do it.

    Address these issues and be sure to resolve them before marriage, or your marriage will struggle.
  • kpom72
    kpom72 Posts: 17 Member
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    I do trust him. I know he is with me and only me but it is still hurtful especially since I've gained 40 pounds in the last year
  • Angela937
    Angela937 Posts: 514 Member
    edited March 2016
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    Then you need to talk to him about it. Don't go into a marriage with unresolved issues. Talk it out, express your concerns and hurts without accusing or blaming him. He probably has no idea what's going on. Most men don't!
  • kpom72
    kpom72 Posts: 17 Member
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    Thanks
  • whmscll
    whmscll Posts: 2,254 Member
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    Is he looking discreetly? Or is he blatant about ogling other women when you are with him? If it's the latter, he is showing you total disrespect and you need to talk that through with him.
  • kpom72
    kpom72 Posts: 17 Member
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    No. But he also hasn't been in a relationship for 15 years so he is still learning how to be in one
  • wmccarter33
    wmccarter33 Posts: 41 Member
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    arditarose wrote: »
    All men look at other women.

    Don't be silly...all women look at other men...and..other women. ......
  • kpom72
    kpom72 Posts: 17 Member
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    He is the only man I care to look at..I guess I'm not like other women
  • rewb81
    rewb81 Posts: 4 Member
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    It's male nature. Men are easily attracted by visual stimulation. What matters is that your the one who has him
  • majigurl
    majigurl Posts: 660 Member
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    is the root of the problem is that you are scared he will leave you for another women?

    Figure out WHY you feel this way. If you are afraid he will leave you because he is "looking" you need to address that. Or whatever other reason ...

    Jealousy is a strong feeling and can turn into other ugly emotions and behaviours.

    The GOOD thing is you get you are being irrational.

    Which means you can have open honest conversation and figure out how you can fix it.

  • wmccarter33
    wmccarter33 Posts: 41 Member
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    kpom72 wrote: »
    He is the only man I care to look at..I guess I'm not like other women

    How do you not look at people....and it is a proven fact that women are extremely judgemental of other women...

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