Body image and intimacy
ups14
Posts: 17 Member
I'm curious if anyone else avoids intimacy or relationships (maybe even to extreme levels) because they have body image issues, either during or after significant weight loss. These are not things that someone can bring up with anyone in a conversation casually, so this seems like a safe place to ask and hope that people are candid. Thanks!
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Yes. Find it harder to think I look the way he sees me. My husband sees me .... all I see is how much overweight I am. I want to feel what he says he sees.0
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I avoid relationships due to the way my body looks. The only hope would be to find someone who would become madly in love with me and would accept not being attracted physically.
Good luck with that.
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Need find a guy that enjoys a thicker woman like myself0
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I never avoided it, but I used to be very uncomfortable being naked in front of someone with the lights on. Or I felt like I really couldn't let go when I wanted to be intimate. I know it's not the same...but I struggled with it and think it made my sex life not as good as it could have been.
Losing weight has definitely helped.0 -
I personally do not. I am very lucky and greatful to have a incredibly loving and supportive significant other. There is no judgment even though my body is far from perfect. I know he loves me thick or thin. I know he will love me and find me attractive when I meet my weight loss goals too. Loose skin and all.
That being said. I am on this journey for me and only me. If someone did not want to be with me because of how I looked naked. F*** them. They can take a hike.1 -
Lights off and everything is good!1
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Isabelle_1929 wrote: »I avoid relationships due to the way my body looks. The only hope would be to find someone who would become madly in love with me and would accept not being attracted physically.
Good luck with that.
Haha, echoing my thoughts. I agree; its pretty challenging especially when all I see when I look around are beautiful and thin women. I know its possible to have those issues even as a thin/average sized person, bits what you see and all I see whether it is in media or real life are thin, beautiful people.0 -
Any single thicker women around?0
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queenliz99 wrote: »Lights off and everything is good!
That's really great, I think when it comes to stuff like that, I relate to what cntrygrl mentioned:ctrygrldwn2erth wrote: »Yes. Find it harder to think I look the way he sees me. My husband sees me .... all I see is how much overweight I am. I want to feel what he says he sees.
I feel like even with lights off, he can feel but thats just me personally. I understand its not that way with everyone.0 -
Isabelle_1929 wrote: »I avoid relationships due to the way my body looks. The only hope would be to find someone who would become madly in love with me and would accept not being attracted physically.
Good luck with that.
Haha, echoing my thoughts. I agree; its pretty challenging especially when all I see when I look around are beautiful and thin women. I know its possible to have those issues even as a thin/average sized person, bits what you see and all I see whether it is in media or real life are thin, beautiful people.
Well don't presume that because a women is thin she is attractive. In my case, I am not overweight but have a disgusting skin, by breast are unattractive and ... well I'll leave the rest for your imagination. Don't envy others, you never know.0 -
Totally. But that's not the only reason I avoid relationships. Then again my body image and self worth has been pretty terrible from the start. With anxiety, depression, eating disorders, mental and physical discomforts and just my lack of desire to let anyone get to know me I've choosen to forgo relationships until further notice. I'm sounding really bitter for a 25 year old, sorry!
But I hope you find some way to heal and love yourself! You're more then just your weight and once you see that you're beautiful someone special will see that too! ❤️1 -
PS: I think the same folks are posting on two different threads, the other one being http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10168625/body-image#latest so I got them mixed up myself! Sorry!
And re:isabelle, fellow skin-sufferer here: hyperpigmentation, eczema and KP
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PS: I think the same folks are posting on two different threads, the other one being http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10168625/body-image#latest so I got them mixed up myself! Sorry!
And re:isabelle, fellow skin-sufferer here: hyperpigmentation, eczema and KP
I hear you. I wish there was a diet for that. But no. No cure at all.
This is why I try to remain reasonably thin, because at least I don't look bad in clothes, as if it's any consolation.0 -
i have had weight issues all my life i am now in my 50s and met someone 5 yrs ago and am now having the best sex life i have ever had and all because a friend tought me that men just do not see us the way we see ourselves . it doesnt matter how you look, if you act like u have a bit of confidence then any man would find you sexy.believe me i am living proof of it !!!2
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I personally do not. I am very lucky and greatful to have a incredibly loving and supportive significant other. There is no judgment even though my body is far from perfect. I know he loves me thick or thin. I know he will love me and find me attractive when I meet my weight loss goals too. Loose skin and all.
That being said. I am on this journey for me and only me. If someone did not want to be with me because of how I looked naked. F*** them. They can take a hike.
Amen!!! Love your last but here. Doing this for me, my hubs has loved me fat skinny and fat again and now on my journey of being thinner and healthy. I definitely liked my sexy times better when i was thinner. Didnt have to suck in or worry about what was bouncing around.
Also, i liked finding cute little nightys and sexy stuff to wear because i felt like it held things in place a bit. Hahaha0 -
incidently i started this weight loss journey 10 months ago for myself and for my health NOT for my partners sake0
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Isabelle_1929 wrote: »I avoid relationships due to the way my body looks. The only hope would be to find someone who would become madly in love with me and would accept not being attracted physically.
Good luck with that.
Yep. This.0 -
Howdoyoufeeltoday wrote: »Totally. But that's not the only reason I avoid relationships. Then again my body image and self worth has been pretty terrible from the start. With anxiety, depression, eating disorders, mental and physical discomforts and just my lack of desire to let anyone get to know me I've choosen to forgo relationships until further notice. I'm sounding really bitter for a 25 year old, sorry!
But I hope you find some way to heal and love yourself! You're more then just your weight and once you see that you're beautiful someone special will see that too! ❤️
I'm really sorry you are going through this. I hope you are getting help because, as I can attest, it doesn't get any better at 52!0 -
Also keep in mind we are fed super unrealistic expectations through media. The most beautiful women who have all the $$ in the world for every surgery, makeup, body care whatever's are flaunted in our faces all day long and they STILL PHOTOSHOP THEM!! it's crazy!2
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I hear you. I wish there was a diet for that. But no. No cure at all.
This is why I try to remain reasonably thin, because at least I don't look bad in clothes, as if it's any consolation.[/quote]
Spot on! I'm trying to tell myself that how I use mind/body is more important but it's easier said than done. Its nice to know that I'm the only one who doesn't feel that being thin will maybe hopefully mitigate the bad skin (and in my case, looks as well). I was judged pretty harshly by a younger coworker for mentioning some ssort of topical treatment and that never helps either.
I try to eat healthy as much as I can but some days are better than others. In any case, its nice to know that ppl have had different types of experiences with this.0 -
mdrichardsons wrote: »Also keep in mind we are fed super unrealistic expectations through media. The most beautiful women who have all the $$ in the world for every surgery, makeup, body care whatever's are flaunted in our faces all day long and they STILL PHOTOSHOP THEM!! it's crazy!
Couldn't agree more! Nearly unattainable standards!1 -
No issues here. I did notice my testosterone level is off the charts now & it drives my wife crazy...
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I don't have any problem with these but other people seem to have problem with how I look. Sick and tired of getting called ugly and fat and not being good enough because of them
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I use to feel this way.
But am starting to drip from that. Sure I do want to get my body healthier and I'm at a good weight and have a fiancé who loves me no matter what. I could be overweight and he would love me the same. You just have to find someone who loves you no matter what size you are. Find someone who doesn't focus on your body but how you are inside, because that is what matters.0 -
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Yep.
Flirting and dates are okay, but when it's nearing time to seal the deal? PANIC MODE! ABORT! ABORT! I can never trust anyone when they say "I don't care what you look like", years of comparing myself against widely accepted standards of attractiveness has taken its toll.0 -
stmokomoko wrote: »Yep.
Flirting and dates are okay, but when it's nearing time to seal the deal? PANIC MODE! ABORT! ABORT! I can never trust anyone when they say "I don't care what you look like", years of comparing myself against widely accepted standards of attractiveness has taken its toll.
Haha, this is EXACTLY what I do! Movie, dinner, etc; but when things go any further...I run like there's no tomorrow! What's worse is when they say that, I immediate think I'm about to get used and thats the most personal rejection. I know its not like that always, but as you said - when the standard of beauty has been widely disseminated and internalized, its hard to believe someone when they say they don't care.0 -
I am a married fifty-five and I call it Ugly People Sex. I'm all for it.0
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arditarose wrote: »I never avoided it, but I used to be very uncomfortable being naked in front of someone with the lights on. Or I felt like I really couldn't let go when I wanted to be intimate. I know it's not the same...but I struggled with it and think it made my sex life not as good as it could have been.
Losing weight has definitely helped.
This. I didn't even lose much weight, but when I'm more active and feeling good about myself, my husband can definitely tell.0 -
In some ways I find myself more attractive since I've lost so much weight (i.e. when I'm wearing clothes). When I'm naked, it's a whole other story. I cannot stand the way my naked body looks. I think I have just as poor a body image if not worse now than I did 90lb ago. I am in this awkward place where I have both extra fat AND extra skin. Who wants to look at that?? It's hard for me to believe my boyfriend finds my naked body attractive. I just deal with it, though and try not to think about it when we're getting busy.0
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