Body image and intimacy
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Isabelle_1929 wrote: »marty_smith wrote: »Women, seriously, if you get to the point where you're in a position to have rudies in the bedroom - i can guarentee the bloke isn't worried about what you look like with your clothes off, if anything hes probably desperate for you to take them off. Chances are hes thinking exactly the same thing about himself aswell. Be confident for crying out loud, no body is perfect. Smile and have fun.
Well, you're a lucky men, and never had the bad surprised of being turned down by what you saw when the clothes dropped on the floor. Because, yes, it does happen.
I've been there and its is the worst, most personal kind of rejection possible. Avoidance, unfortunately, seems to me to be the best way possible to avoid the hurt and humiliation that come with these types of experiences.0 -
jemhh wrote:I feel the same way. I'm fine clothed but cringe at my naked self. I was so good at just not looking at myself when I was heavier. Now I look in the mirror and try to see how far I've come but mostly just see how far I have to go. It feels very weird to be almost 40 and just now start having body image issues when I'm the healthiest/fittest I've ever been (fat or thin.)
I was wondering this too. I've been heavy before and lost weight but this time around when I started losing weight, no one ever told me that I'd be less happy with my body now than when I was fat. Sometimes I also wonder whether this anxiety has now replaced the happiness I found from eating what I pleased. Obviously, that didn't work and I'm glad I made changes to get healthier but I'm definitely having to put in a lot more effort into managing expectations.
The irony is that my coworkers are telling me to stop losing weight because I look "too thin" (I'm not) but its hard to tell them that it is not what they see in the mirror, it is what I see...and without clothes on. I just want to feel just one time what it might be like to have the type of body that is as close to ideal as possible. Now I'm thinking with the stretch marks, lose skin etc; that may never happen so hopefully I'll learn to make peace with it eventually.
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Both me and my girlfriend have body image issues. Quite the pair. We are both attracted to each other, shower each other with compliments, we are careful about how we talk about our own bodies around each other. We are very non judgmental, but our intimacy suffers. She still feels uncomfortable in her own skin. I think that's more important than anything else.
No matter how much you hear that you're attractive, if you don't buy it, you won't feel comfortable. So it's about finding a patient and non judgmental partner, not just someone who thinks you're hot (though that's important too).0 -
No matter how much you hear that you're attractive, if you don't buy it, you won't feel comfortable. So it's about finding a patient and non judgmental partner, not just someone who thinks you're hot (though that's important too).
I agree but no way to guage that without the possibility of getting hurt.0 -
Isabelle_1929 wrote: »meganridenour wrote: »Isabelle_1929 wrote: »meganridenour wrote: »In some ways I find myself more attractive since I've lost so much weight (i.e. when I'm wearing clothes). When I'm naked, it's a whole other story. I cannot stand the way my naked body looks. I think I have just as poor a body image if not worse now than I did 90lb ago. I am in this awkward place where I have both extra fat AND extra skin. Who wants to look at that?? It's hard for me to believe my boyfriend finds my naked body attractive. I just deal with it, though and try not to think about it when we're getting busy.meganridenour wrote: »In some ways I find myself more attractive since I've lost so much weight (i.e. when I'm wearing clothes). When I'm naked, it's a whole other story. I cannot stand the way my naked body looks. I think I have just as poor a body image if not worse now than I did 90lb ago. I am in this awkward place where I have both extra fat AND extra skin. Who wants to look at that?? It's hard for me to believe my boyfriend finds my naked body attractive. I just deal with it, though and try not to think about it when we're getting busy.
Well your BF does, so what is the problem?
Clearly the problem is how I feel about my own body, and that I do not like the way it looks... So that's a problem because it lowers my self esteem every time I see myself without clothes.
Well I understand it would be great if you liked what you saw in the mirror, but that body of yours allows you to have love, and companionship, and a sexual life, and eventually have a family if you wish. I know physical attraction is not all, but it's essential. Men can't fake it, even if they wanted.
So don't take it for granted.
I am sure it would help your self-esteem to recognize this, and to be grateful for it, next time you pass a mirror.
You see, I am grateful for being healthy. Sounds cheesy, I know. But when I look at my body, which I hate and makes my life so lonely, I try to remind myself that it is strong, and took me to 45 years-old without a single serious illness or injury. Not one. It's significant, and it helps to change the way I look at myself.
I understand what you're saying. I don't take for granted the love and attention I get from my boyfriend and the fact that he is attracted to me now and was attracted to me 90lb ago. That is huge for me, and it means a lot that he is so supportive of me.
It's just hard to understand how someone can find my nude body attractive because I'm always drawn to the flaws when I see it in the mirror.
I try to think back at men I've been with in previous relationships and how I felt about their bodies. I actually had a very long-term relationship with a man I didn't even find physically attracted to in the least (at first) - until I got to know him and being attracted to his personality, ended up finding his appearance attractive as well. That's me, though. I think men are usually very visual.0 -
I'm reading through this, and it got me that it makes me so mad. The media tells us all of the time that we should be ashamed of ourselves. It doesn't matter what size we are, the color of our skin, or what we look like. From day one we are told that we need to be better. We are pointing out our flaws, and trying to change them in to something that has been photoshopped. Even the weight watchers commercials...Oprah is telling us how miserable she was when she was bigger, as if that's the norm. Ugh...0
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Fit4LifeAR wrote: »I'm reading through this, and it got me that it makes me so mad. The media tells us all of the time that we should be ashamed of ourselves. It doesn't matter what size we are, the color of our skin, or what we look like. From day one we are told that we need to be better. We are pointing out our flaws, and trying to change them in to something that has been photoshopped. Even the weight watchers commercials...Oprah is telling us how miserable she was when she was bigger, as if that's the norm. Ugh...
And what's crazy is that the media does not represent the diversity of what people actually find attractive!0 -
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ctrygrldwn2erth wrote: »Yes. Find it harder to think I look the way he sees me. My husband sees me .... all I see is how much overweight I am. I want to feel what he says he sees.
Good Luck!0 -
meganridenour wrote: »In some ways I find myself more attractive since I've lost so much weight (i.e. when I'm wearing clothes). When I'm naked, it's a whole other story. I cannot stand the way my naked body looks. I think I have just as poor a body image if not worse now than I did 90lb ago. I am in this awkward place where I have both extra fat AND extra skin. Who wants to look at that?? It's hard for me to believe my boyfriend finds my naked body attractive. I just deal with it, though and try not to think about it when we're getting busy.
Ask Ellen Degenerate. I'll bet she thinks your body's rockin! You need to be more secure. Than you WOULD be more attractive. Selah0 -
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stmokomoko wrote: »Yep.
Flirting and dates are okay, but when it's nearing time to seal the deal? PANIC MODE! ABORT! ABORT! I can never trust anyone when they say "I don't care what you look like", years of comparing myself against widely accepted standards of attractiveness has taken its toll.
They're liars. They care...-3 -
Beautiful_Warrior94 wrote: »
Proverbs 23:7 For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he:
You need intense psychotherapy! You need to learn to love You. Good luck-3 -
Beautiful_Warrior94 wrote: »I use to feel this way.
But am starting to drip from that. Sure I do want to get my body healthier and I'm at a good weight and have a fiancé who loves me no matter what. I could be overweight and he would love me the same. You just have to find someone who loves you no matter what size you are. Find someone who doesn't focus on your body but how you are inside, because that is what matters.
Your fiancé will be miserable post marriage b/c you don't love you. You can't give away what you don't have darlin! He will be so frustrated, his skull will cave in from all the drama!-2 -
Yes. Mine isn't necessarily associated with weight (I am low normal) though I have significant body dysmorphia. Mine has more to do with my disease (I have Crohn's). I am scared of a man seeing that.0
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Sorry Jeff, but, there isn't nearly as much pressure on men to look a certain way, as there is on women. Heck, as men get older they look "distinguished", as women age they look "haggard". There is a huge double standard in our society about body image. The fact of the matter is that you CAN love yourself AND1
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SHALLON1979 wrote: »Sorry Jeff, but, there isn't nearly as much pressure on men to look a certain way, as there is on women. Heck, as men get older they look "distinguished", as women age they look "haggard". There is a huge double standard in our society about body image. The fact of the matter is that you CAN love yourself AND
Yes true but just as women have the Barbie, thin, slender= good influences men have the GI Joe, hulk, muscle, body builder, strong= good.0 -
be uncomfortable with your naked self. I love who I am as a wife, mother, all round human being, and love what my body has allowed me to do over the years. Now that I am getting older and life has really taken a toll on my body, I am not as comfortable in my own skin as I was in my twenties. And that is ok. I accept the fact that I am not perfect nor will ever be societies idea of perfect, but that isn't going to stop me from trying to be the best version of me that I can. So, I am losing weight, working out, getting healthier and those things are life style changes, not an end point of a journey.
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I feel this way sometimes. I am shy of being overweight. Need to find a way of feeling better. ...losing weight, being active, eat well...0
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singingflutelady wrote: »SHALLON1979 wrote: »Sorry Jeff, but, there isn't nearly as much pressure on men to look a certain way, as there is on women. Heck, as men get older they look "distinguished", as women age they look "haggard". There is a huge double standard in our society about body image. The fact of the matter is that you CAN love yourself AND
Yes true but just as women have the Barbie, thin, slender= good influences men have the GI Joe, hulk, muscle, body builder, strong= good.
Do many hetero women think the Hulk, He-Man, or modern bodybuilders are that attractive? I always thought massively muscled was a male power fantasy, about being strong, more than it was about what pleased women.0
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