How do you deal with being called "FAT"

ari7l
ari7l Posts: 38 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
Ever since I was a teenager, I was not overweight but my body frame is kinda wide, i have wider a wider bone structure than most girls. So Ive mostly been called fat all my life, sometimes when I get a comment from certain people, instead of motivating me it just makes it worse for me. Esp when a boyfriend/husband passes a comment like that idk why it hits a women like me so hard.
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Replies

  • size102b
    size102b Posts: 1,370 Member
    A boyfriend / husband ?
  • jandsstevenson887
    jandsstevenson887 Posts: 296 Member
    I don't allow jerks in my life.
  • philippakate197
    philippakate197 Posts: 125 Member
    I've been overweight for almost all my adult life but I have never been called fat. And I never will be because I absolutely won't tolerate it. I also won't tolerate being called stupid, ugly or any other shaming insult you can think of. There is no excuse for someone to behave that way towards you, but there are also no excuses for you putting up with it. Hold your head high, walk away from the people who cannot see your real worth, you deserve better.
  • GreenIceFloes
    GreenIceFloes Posts: 1,491 Member
    I've always been a large-framed person. So my reaction is always

    34662254.jpg

    Seriously, though, tell them it hurts you. I'm sure they'll stop.
  • Pascooty
    Pascooty Posts: 48 Member
    It used to bug me, the word "fat". However, it really is just a descriptive word... and I am fat. I think now it depends on how someone would say it to me. If they intend it to be cruel? Yes, it would bother me. But if it's just used as a harmless description, it doesn't really bother me.
  • gothomson
    gothomson Posts: 215 Member
    There is no excuse for that, especially from someone close to you. "Fat" as a term is just plain insulting and is not designed to motivate you. Frankly I'd say in an assertive way that the term is unacceptable to you as it hurts. If the person has your best interests at heart they'll stop, heck they should apologise or feel sorry too. If not? Get that jerk outta your life you don't need that kinda crap.
  • koreangurl
    koreangurl Posts: 59 Member
    If someone calls you fat its just more motivation to lose weight. Turn the experience into a positive one
  • rsleighty
    rsleighty Posts: 214 Member
    Yeah, I had a boyfriend who used to try to motivate (control!) me by criticizing my looks/weight. It took years to get over. Today if someone called me fat I would probably respond with something like "I can't believe you just said that. You really are a *kitten*".

    Get those people out of your life. NOBODY needs to be talked to like that.
  • abadvat
    abadvat Posts: 1,241 Member
    Embrace it or do something about it.
  • snowflake954
    snowflake954 Posts: 8,399 Member
    I think it's harder at your age. I was always tall and thin with a large bone structure, and blonde to boot so I always felt huge and like a lighthouse walking around. It was impossible to be inconspicuous, and I tried, how I tried. Eventually I just accepted myself--that's the way I am. If someone doesn't like it, that's too bad. That's been such a liberation. You can always better yourself though. Take a look at what you're got and who you are and improve a little here and there. You'll be fine.
  • zyxst
    zyxst Posts: 9,147 Member
    Nowadays, it's "Yeah, and?" The source of the comment depends on my reaction, too. Very young kids get a pass because they don't have that mouth control yet.

    I find that when people use fat as an insult, it's to get a reaction so they can have fun or it's a controlling mechanism.
  • jennifer_417
    jennifer_417 Posts: 12,344 Member
    No boyfriend or husband should be calling you fat. The problem doesn't lie with you.
  • MillyMooMummy1994
    MillyMooMummy1994 Posts: 42 Member
    I got called fat back when i was in school, a memory that stuck is when a girl put her leg next to to mine and said my thigh was about 10× the size of hers. And i just laughed but hurt inside. Wish id had the balls to tell her where to go! You dont need people in your life like that! Let it motivate you rather than put you down. You can lose your weight but people like that will always have an ugly personality xx
  • tomteboda
    tomteboda Posts: 2,171 Member
    My ex-husband told me I was "too fat to *kitten*" . Yes, it really was that vulgar. This occurred 16 years ago and I still cringe when I remember it.

    I lost 220 lbs of unwanted weight shortly thereafter and I'm happy to report THAT weight has never returned. Unfortunately I don't have a magic pill to dealing with the scars of that kind of abuse except to say that time and distance are helpful.
  • trjjoy
    trjjoy Posts: 666 Member
    Fat is a descriptor. Like tall or short.
  • lil_lizt
    lil_lizt Posts: 275 Member
    My mum calls me fat every time I see her. I used to be a uk 4-6 when I worked at a stables but I've shot up to a size 14. My mum has been on a starvation diet (literally a bag of crisps and bar of chocolate a day) and for the first time ever she's slimmer than me. She freely admits that she was always jealous of my smaller size so now gloats at me that I'm larger. I try to just ignore it. My boyfriend still assures me I'm beautiful even though I've gained a stone in the year we've been together
  • VisofSer
    VisofSer Posts: 130 Member
    I am fat and working to change that. No ones opinion or observation of myself has as much value as my own. I have been fat for a long time, I had a middle aged beer belly since I was 14 so I experienced enough grief that these comments are water off a duck's back. I know what I need to do and why. Anything else is a waste.
  • Francl27
    Francl27 Posts: 26,371 Member
    Kinda curious about the boyfriend/husband thing too. Hopefully he's only the former and it will be easier when you get rid of him.
  • Rocknut53
    Rocknut53 Posts: 1,794 Member
    Nothing inspires me me more than people saying things to me like my doctor saying "you're borderline obese," my ex telling me, "you're too dumb to go to college." I have this stubborn streak in me that wants to prove them wrong...and it works.
  • NYRhockey00
    NYRhockey00 Posts: 1,196 Member
    Fat comments are usually followed by "Those jokes were funny in kindergarten, you can do better than that"
  • xtina315
    xtina315 Posts: 218 Member
    I would drop his booty like a sake of potatoes. When I have been called fat since I became over weight I just say "no sh*** sherlock, I must be blind." I don't get hurt by it, because I'm making strides on getting back to a healthy weight.
  • mespreeman
    mespreeman Posts: 70 Member
    ari7l wrote: »
    Ever since I was a teenager, I was not overweight but my body frame is kinda wide, i have wider a wider bone structure than most girls. So Ive mostly been called fat all my life, sometimes when I get a comment from certain people, instead of motivating me it just makes it worse for me. Esp when a boyfriend/husband passes a comment like that idk why it hits a women like me so hard.

    It's never really bothered me.

    It's not like they are telling me something I didn't already know. :)

  • scolaris
    scolaris Posts: 2,145 Member
    I'm of two minds on this...
    'Fat' should not be bandied about like 'stupid' or any other belittling term in anger or bullying. That's wrong. Don't take it. Walk away from any interaction that devolves to that level.
    Unfortunately being over fat, carrying an excess of adipose tissue, is a very real & very prevalent condition that costs billions of dollars to treat in the way of adult onset diabetes, heart conditions, etc. etc. It may be hard to hear from a loved one, but we shouldn't walk around fooling ourselves if we are over fat. Our bodies were not designed to carry 40-50% excess tissue in the form of fat. That's a symptom of over feeding and under moving and should be remedied. Facts are facts. All the feelings in the world can't refute the science of fat.
  • AskTracyAnnK28
    AskTracyAnnK28 Posts: 2,817 Member
    Why would you stay with a boyfriend who calls you names? why would you marry someone like that??

    You can always come back with "I may be fat, but you're an *kitten* - and I can diet"
  • Sandra37405
    Sandra37405 Posts: 20 Member
    I am fat. It's not an opinion, it's a fact. I just own it. If I want do something about it I can and should. I'm also short. Big deal.
  • MissDeeDee78
    MissDeeDee78 Posts: 415 Member
    First of all, hugs to you. Second of all being of larger frame than the women in my family (I take after my dad) I know how you feel. Don't let it get to you, easier said than done, right? It took years for me to appreciate my big wide round rump. Gotta love yourself first, then the rest will follow.
  • Need2Exerc1se
    Need2Exerc1se Posts: 13,575 Member
    ari7l wrote: »
    Ever since I was a teenager, I was not overweight but my body frame is kinda wide, i have wider a wider bone structure than most girls. So Ive mostly been called fat all my life, sometimes when I get a comment from certain people, instead of motivating me it just makes it worse for me. Esp when a boyfriend/husband passes a comment like that idk why it hits a women like me so hard.

    It's hard to tell from this short post but it seems like there might be some denial at play here. Why would anyone call you fat if you are not overweight? And if they did, why would it bother you or 'make it worse' if you are not overweight?
  • hope516
    hope516 Posts: 1,133 Member
    As Eleanor Roosevelt once said, "no one can make you feel inferior without your consent."

    Don't give words power. Don't give someone the power to hurt you. On the same hand if someone is verbally abusive, that is a whole other story to be addressed.

    Lastly I would say don't be afraid of the word fat. Its like any other term...tall, short, round, brown....its a descriptive word. If you have excess fat, you are fat. I am fat. The problem comes in because society has lumped in lazy, slob, and other actual NEGATIVE terms with fat. I am none of those other things. I just love food so I am fat. And I am doing something about it. You are here so you are doing something about it. Don't let anyone steal your sparkle!!!
  • gramarye
    gramarye Posts: 586 Member
    edited April 2016
    Pascooty wrote: »
    It used to bug me, the word "fat". However, it really is just a descriptive word... and I am fat. I think now it depends on how someone would say it to me. If they intend it to be cruel? Yes, it would bother me. But if it's just used as a harmless description, it doesn't really bother me.

    Yes. Treating fat as a neutral descriptor removes the power from it. I have fat on my body -- especially in my legs and stomach. I am not slim. These are true statements about my body, and have absolutely zero bearing on my value. Getting to that point sucks, especially when you know people say "fat" to be a-holes, but it's a relief when you let it wash over you.

    Also: don't let a-holes treat you badly. If you care about them, tell you how it makes you feel. If they don't care about you, then cut them out of your life.
  • devilwhiterose
    devilwhiterose Posts: 1,157 Member
    edited April 2016
    "You can fix fat but you can't fix ugly."

    Truthfully though, don't tolerate that. If someone doesn't have something nice to say, they shouldn't say anything at all. And they really can't...if they're missing their teeth.

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