How do you deal with being called "FAT"
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By boyfriend/husband are you referring to other women's boyfriends and husbands calling you fat? If so, that's inappropriate.
I agree with someone else about not giving those people power over you. They have insecurities of their own about their own bodies or else they wouldn't take the time to try and knock you down. In fact, we all have things that have been said to us that hit us to the core and make us feel bad. I've always been treated differently over being short (4'11") and while I laugh it off it does bother me that I never got to make it to at least 5'0 or a little taller. I'd love to know what it's like to be a little taller but I never will because I wasn't born that way. Just be happy with yourself. I think we all get to an age/point in life where we finally decide to do that and it really does help.
If you need a friend - feel free to add me!0 -
Really you have two choices...Deal with being "fat" or change it. People usually use that to make you feel bad about yourself. I'm changing my lifestyle to be healthier not prettier. Some people think just because you're not a size 2 that you arent pretty. I remember at my last job inmates would say that to me to make me feel bad about myself. Problem is I don't think at this weight or at any weight that ive been that I was unattractive. Besides ive always been this weight, ive never been skinny so to call me "fat" I would look at you like ...duh capt. obvious! lol Don't let someone tear you down by making that comment. And remember "fat" isn't synonymous with ugly.0
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MillyMooMummy1994 wrote: »I got called fat back when i was in school, a memory that stuck is when a girl put her leg next to to mine and said my thigh was about 10× the size of hers.
"And so's my brain!"0 -
Such people are either trying to deliberately get a reaction or are bad at filtering their thoughts, so my usual reaction is "meh". This way the those who want a reaction don't get it, and those who suffer from foot-in-mouth syndrome don't feel more embarrassed by the slip up than they already are. It doesn't usually bother me though.
This reminded me of an incident from back when I was in college. A guy passing by randomly stopped and called me fat, to which I replied "how very observant of you to state the obvious" and apparently it was so unexpected that the guy just stared blankly and looked stupid, causing the other kids to laugh at him.. but I digress..
Since in your case it's a boyfriend, not a stranger, and he is deliberately trying to make you feel bad about yourself, re-evaluate your relationship. Do you really want to spend your life with someone who enjoys insulting you on purpose?0 -
My ex-boyfriend also called me fat once and that I looked pregnant in a new skirt I had just bought.0
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id be finding a new boyfriend ....0
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My grandparents used to call me fat until i proved them wrong. I was in the "overweight" category and i changed the way i eat and exercised more often. Now i'm in the normal category, happier than i ever was !
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I've found that the true universal definition of 'fat' is nowhere to be found. It's different for everybody. All they're sharing is that you meet their criteria, and that they for some reason feel their opinions cannot be controlled by their mouth orifice. I've seen fit people being called fat simply because they didn't reach the expectations that magazines, etc call for. It's not really something to be concerned about, what matters is how you experience life. But I do understand that it does hurt...I find it helps to consider what else that person might criticize, and how ridiculous their logic is.0
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I'm seeing a lot of threads lately with a similar topic, and all I can think is that there are a lot of neanderthal a-holes on this planet. Or maybe I've just been very lucky not to have come across anyone that called me fat (to my face). Is general consideration for peoples' feeling not a thing anymore?
Mini-rant over.1 -
When someone calls me fat to my face Ill let you know.
Those in my life wouldnt dare because they arent asshats- and no one is without flaws- physical or otherwise.
Those who dont know me i dont give a flip about.
I know how I look. I know what I am, and what I am not.
Im perfectly fine with what I am.
The things I dont like I work to change them. Its between me, myself and I.
If anything use their disgusting comments as fuel to your flame, not water.
xoxo
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I'm fat.
It only bothers me if someone talks about my weight like I'm not working on it... hmm I've only lost 73 pounds already and everyone knows I'm still working on it so... zip it! Lol. I know I'm fat, usually it doesn't bother me when people talk about it like it's just a fact, but when people get all judgy I get annoyed.
If you're talking to me about my fat in a constructive way then sure, if you're just being a jerkface then you can go fly a kite.0 -
I think that the word fat is nothing more than an adjective, however subjective, the intent from the person using it is what matters. I am not fat but there are days I may refer to myself as such because it's how I feel or even look in an outfit. There are occasions when I am eating everything within reach and a family member, friend, or even my hubby may refer to me as being fat. They aren't meaning it to be hurtful but are teasing me. Idk how the ppl in your life are using the word but regardless if your feelings are being hurt by it then let them know.0
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I was "fat". I'm not any more. The word "fat" is a noun and and an adjective. It is neutral until used by someone in a particular context. It can be used to wound, to heal, or to describe.0 -
I was "fat". I'm not any more. The word "fat" is a noun and and an adjective. It is neutral until used by someone in a particular context. It can be used to wound, to heal, or to describe.
Like a fat piece of cheesecake...or a big fat hug.... those are equally healing.
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MommyMeggo wrote: »
I was "fat". I'm not any more. The word "fat" is a noun and and an adjective. It is neutral until used by someone in a particular context. It can be used to wound, to heal, or to describe.
Like a fat piece of cheesecake...or a big fat hug.... those are equally healing.
I didn't comment about how the words were used. I just said that they could be used in various ways.
One a few occasions when I was pretty heavy, Mrs Jruzer bluntly discussed the impact to my health about being so fat. It was meant to help. On another occasion a small child splashed me and called me "fat". That was meant to hurt.
Listen, there's no way in hell I would ever call a woman "fat". For goodness sake I've been married for 19 years and I'm not stupid! But people need to learn not to be delicate, and to be charitable to others. I'm astounded at how many people's first response is "just break up."0 -
Ever since I was a teenager, I was not overweight but my body frame is kinda wide, i have wider a wider bone structure than most girls. So Ive mostly been called fat all my life, sometimes when I get a comment from certain people, instead of motivating me it just makes it worse for me. Esp when a boyfriend/husband passes a comment like that idk why it hits a women like me so hard.
Is being called fat that makes you feel awful? Or is it really the feeling that you aren't good enough for those certain people? Think about the difference for a while. It's not the word doing this to you, it's the feeling you connect to that specific word. It could be any other word to describe things in you but as long as it is the thing you fear is the reason why you won't get accepted by those people... That's why it can hit you so hard.0 -
I'm not here to give relationship advice, but I find it quiet saddening that the person you chose to give yourself to emotionally and physically is calling you "fat". Do know communication is key. If he does not know it is hurting you, you should tell him it does, especially from him. Ask for his support. If he is not understanding, cut every tie with him and anyone else who views you as an inferior. A true man overlooks your imperfections and reminds you are worth it every second he lives!
I've grown up called "fat". ~80kg at 1.5m when I was just 14y/o. Want to know what I did? I raised my middle finger in the air and waved it like I just didn't care (not literally but yeh, haha). But then I got sick and tired of being fat, and decided to turn the name callings as my motivation to silence them. Long story short, I'm living a new healthier lifestyle, feeling much leaner. Now I'm trying to get "fat" (bulking), haha.
Same way with height, I consider myself short (5'6 for a male). it's not something we have control over and so I chose to accept it. Just be confident about it. Confidence radiates. Besides, short ain't bad.0 -
MommyMeggo wrote: »
I was "fat". I'm not any more. The word "fat" is a noun and and an adjective. It is neutral until used by someone in a particular context. It can be used to wound, to heal, or to describe.
Like a fat piece of cheesecake...or a big fat hug.... those are equally healing.
I didn't comment about how the words were used. I just said that they could be used in various ways.
One a few occasions when I was pretty heavy, Mrs Jruzer bluntly discussed the impact to my health about being so fat. It was meant to help. On another occasion a small child splashed me and called me "fat". That was meant to hurt.
Listen, there's no way in hell I would ever call a woman "fat". For goodness sake I've been married for 19 years and I'm not stupid! But people need to learn not to be delicate, and to be charitable to others. I'm astounded at how many people's first response is "just break up."
I know, right? My boyfriend and I call each other fat all the time, sometimes teasingly and sometimes out of concern.
It would've been a different story if it were done out of spite/hate/jealousy, because then the problem goes much deeper, obviously. But if that is not the case, I fail to see the reason to "break up" lol.0 -
I'm of two minds on this...
1. 'Fat' should not be bandied about like 'stupid' or any other belittling term in anger or bullying. That's wrong. Don't take it. Walk away from any interaction that devolves to that level.
2. Unfortunately being over fat, carrying an excess of adipose tissue, is a very real & very prevalent condition that costs billions of dollars to treat in the way of adult onset diabetes, heart conditions, etc. etc. It may be hard to hear from a loved one, but we shouldn't walk around fooling ourselves if we are over fat. Our bodies were not designed to carry 40-50% excess tissue in the form of fat. That's a symptom of over feeding and under moving and should be remedied. Facts are facts. All the feelings in the world can't refute the science of fat.
Well put.
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Bbeliever215 wrote: »I think that the word fat is nothing more than an adjective, however subjective, the intent from the person using it is what matters. I am not fat but there are days I may refer to myself as such because it's how I feel or even look in an outfit. There are occasions when I am eating everything within reach and a family member, friend, or even my hubby may refer to me as being fat. They aren't meaning it to be hurtful but are teasing me. Idk how the ppl in your life are using the word but regardless if your feelings are being hurt by it then let them know.
That's great that you can look at it from this perspective but most people can't. The word fat has been used negatively for decades, and even though OP didn't specify the context of the interaction, we can assume that it was not used it an innocuous descriptor.
Calling oneself fat is not the same as someone else calling you fat. Unless they're calling you phat. Is that still a thing?0 -
I generally just sit on them at that point. It proves that they were correct.0
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Has anyone noticed there are a lot of *kitten*s in this thread? The subject obviously brings out some strong feelings0
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I'm guessing you wouldn't be AS offended or upset if you lost weight and people started saying, "wow, you've gotten quite slim". You'd probably high-five them back if they called you a skinny little b.
But if they tell you you're fat, it's totally inappropriate? It's not an insult (an insult would be 'fatso', 'fat *kitten*' etc). But being told you're fat or thin, is a simple statement of fact. If you don't like being fat, just lose weight.0 -
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Traveler120 wrote: »I'm guessing you wouldn't be AS offended or upset if you lost weight and people started saying, "wow, you've gotten quite slim". You'd probably high-five them back if they called you a skinny little b.
But if they tell you you're fat, it's totally inappropriate? It's not an insult (an insult would be 'fatso', 'fat *kitten*' etc). But being told you're fat or thin, is a simple statement of fact. If you don't like being fat, just lose weight.
Pretty simplistic, no?0 -
My friends and I are all considered overweight/obese. Some not by a lot, some only weight 170 but are considered overweight but we always joke with each other and call each other fat or fatties. We all do it but its not meant as something as an insult, we've all just been friends for ten years and joke around about it. I can't say that anyone has ever called me fat with the intention to insult me or make me feel bad. To me, its no secret that I'm fat so I don't think I would get insulted if someone called me fat lol0
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MommyMeggo wrote: »
I was "fat". I'm not any more. The word "fat" is a noun and and an adjective. It is neutral until used by someone in a particular context. It can be used to wound, to heal, or to describe.
Like a fat piece of cheesecake...or a big fat hug.... those are equally healing.
I didn't comment about how the words were used. I just said that they could be used in various ways.
One a few occasions when I was pretty heavy, Mrs Jruzer bluntly discussed the impact to my health about being so fat. It was meant to help. On another occasion a small child splashed me and called me "fat". That was meant to hurt.
Listen, there's no way in hell I would ever call a woman "fat". For goodness sake I've been married for 19 years and I'm not stupid! But people need to learn not to be delicate, and to be charitable to others. I'm astounded at how many people's first response is "just break up."
I was just celebrating other ways to use the word fat that gave me the warm fuzzies.
Guess no one wants to play with me.
Its because Im fat, isnt it?
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I disagree with using stuff like this as motivation. There are plenty of positive reasons to lose weight and get healthy, but trying to please some jerk or throw it in their face is not worth your time and energy. It doesn't matter how much you weigh or what your body type is, people should not be commenting on anyone else's weight, certainly not pejoratively.1
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A couple of thousand years ago, a Greek philosopher (Epictetus) said something like "People are disturbed not by things, but by the views that they take of them." Love that quote.
Jerks call other people "fat". That's their problem. Why listen to jerks? Moreover, teenage girls will call anyone anything nasty, irrespective of facts - it's social ranking behavior. You can choose to take the view that their absurd opinions are beneath notice.
You know who you are; you have excellent qualities (make a list, right now!). Value yourself, not fools' opinions.
I see on your profile that you're 19. Truly, it does get better - some people (i.e., the name-callers and bullies) develop more sense and compassion as they grow up. And you can choose, yourself, to grow toward internalizing the idea that it's meaningless what stupid, cruel people say about you in order to make their own scared, pathetic selves feel superior. It's not an instant thing, but you can work on that - that's part of growing up, too. (I wouldn't go back to high school for a million bucks, I swear.)
Work on accomplishing your goals, and being the best you that you can be. Ignore the distracting crap.0
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