On-line date winner ? I may win....
This was the text I got after a first date I went on with a man I met online. I had sent him a full pic, taken from 5 days before. No filter, unedited, picture.
Ok, perhaps I read too much into that initial reaction. From my perspective, I think you have a beautiful face, I mean, I got a little mesmerized looking at you across the table a couple of times. You have an A+ personality, and clearly have a very big heart. Listening to you talk about your camp and your work with special needs kids left me humbled. You're a very special person. In the last several months of being an OKC member, I spent a lot of time perusing profiles and deciding what was most important to me. I decided that sense of humor was most important, and you have demonstrated that you have plenty of that. So you really check all the right boxes with me. Now I want to be totally honest with you, no BS. I was a little surprised by your weight. Your pics seemed to indicate that you were thinner. Is that a show stopper? Not necessarily. It's an issue if it gets out of control. I guess I would like to know if it's something you're working on, is it something you see as important to work on? I don't need you to have a perfect body, I just want a partner who thinks it's important to maintain a healthy weight. I'm not asking you to lose weight for me, that would make me a real *kitten*. I guess I'm asking if you are in the process of losing weight and going in the direction. If so, I definitely want to see more of you. If not, I don't think it would work between us, and that pains me to type because I think you're a really special woman
Ok, perhaps I read too much into that initial reaction. From my perspective, I think you have a beautiful face, I mean, I got a little mesmerized looking at you across the table a couple of times. You have an A+ personality, and clearly have a very big heart. Listening to you talk about your camp and your work with special needs kids left me humbled. You're a very special person. In the last several months of being an OKC member, I spent a lot of time perusing profiles and deciding what was most important to me. I decided that sense of humor was most important, and you have demonstrated that you have plenty of that. So you really check all the right boxes with me. Now I want to be totally honest with you, no BS. I was a little surprised by your weight. Your pics seemed to indicate that you were thinner. Is that a show stopper? Not necessarily. It's an issue if it gets out of control. I guess I would like to know if it's something you're working on, is it something you see as important to work on? I don't need you to have a perfect body, I just want a partner who thinks it's important to maintain a healthy weight. I'm not asking you to lose weight for me, that would make me a real *kitten*. I guess I'm asking if you are in the process of losing weight and going in the direction. If so, I definitely want to see more of you. If not, I don't think it would work between us, and that pains me to type because I think you're a really special woman
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Replies
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OMG - The picture of you looks awesome...unfortunately you need to keep lookin for a better man. Good Luck5
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That's a lot of BS for a first date. How did you reply?1 -
I told him I wanted to be wanted without conditions.... He said he was sorry he ruined things! I should have mentioned his bald spot(s)!
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BULLET DODGED!
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Yeah..happens to me all the time.. I dont bother sending a text full of compliments. I just ignore her until she goes away. He seems like a horrible person for sure. Just disappearing is definitely the better way to go for everybody!0
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Wow. What an idiot1
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Unbelievable. You are a very pretty lady. Good riddance1
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Asshat....1
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What a jerk!! You look beautiful!
I've had many bad ones! It's tough out there!1 -
Online dating is a cruel world. That guy is an idiot. You're beautiful!2
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He did not say all that!!! He's so rude! Next!1
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Jerk! you don't need that type of individual in your life.1
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So. . I have to ask.. First off, the OP looks fantastic (if that's what she really looks like) . . HOWEVER!. . I have been on enough online dates to know that the rule (not the exception) is that the person that shows up doesn't look like their pictures and is generally much heavier than their pictures suggest. I suppose I'm an asshat and a jerk and all that stuff for not being able to "see past it" etc. . but sorry. . can't.
So.. the question is.. What should the guy have done? How SHOULD he have dealt with this. . And I'm not asking for judgy comments about how he shouldn't be so vain or superficial. People like what they like. I am intimately aware of this curse. I am asking this because I genuinely would like advice on this. The reason I don't online date anymore is because I hate the part where I have to tortuously explain that I like her but "we just aren't a match". This is especially painful when we've spent too much time getting to know each other before the date. In my case I don't even bother asking if she's working on it. .I just dump her. . Is that the preferred option?
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He is an idiot. You are very pretty . There is a better man out there for you.0
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From my perspective, at least he was being honest. Would it have been better for him to lead her on waiting to see if she lived an active and fit lifestyle only to dump her a few months down the road when he realized that she wasn't his type physically? The text came across rude and shallow but I would appreciate a woman that told me exactly what she was looking for instead of being passive aggressive. This kind of stuff happens to guys all of the time, "You're a great guy, but..." and we live with it and don't take it personally. OK, I get it, I'm not your type, time to move on. This was only the first date after all and for a lot of men, physical aspects are pretty important to begin with and may not matter as much later down the line.
My opinion, don't take it personnally, You aren't his type and obviously, neither is he yours. He was being honest and up front about his thoughts and feelings, as douchebaggery and shallow as you may think that is. It saved you both a lot of time. I think he could have handled it better but men are just men, and women will have a problem understanding us, just like men have a problem understanding women. To a guy, his statement makes sense. Get your wants and desires out in the open and if they aren't what both parties want, move on.5 -
I could see it if you were way overweight, but you look in decent shape from your pictures
Just move on and take no offense. 1 -
WTH! What he want skin and bones. You look good! SO keep looking.0
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On the plus side...at least he was honest so you didn't waster too much more time on him.0
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Cameron_1969 wrote: »So. . I have to ask.. First off, the OP looks fantastic (if that's what she really looks like) . . HOWEVER!. . I have been on enough online dates to know that the rule (not the exception) is that the person that shows up doesn't look like their pictures and is generally much heavier than their pictures suggest. I suppose I'm an asshat and a jerk and all that stuff for not being able to "see past it" etc. . but sorry. . can't.
So.. the question is.. What should the guy have done? How SHOULD he have dealt with this. . And I'm not asking for judgy comments about how he shouldn't be so vain or superficial. People like what they like. I am intimately aware of this curse. I am asking this because I genuinely would like advice on this. The reason I don't online date anymore is because I hate the part where I have to tortuously explain that I like her but "we just aren't a match". This is especially painful when we've spent too much time getting to know each other before the date. In my case I don't even bother asking if she's working on it. .I just dump her. . Is that the preferred option?
I think it's the way he went about it that is kind of douchy. I think a simple hey it was nice meeting you but I don't think we're a fit right now. That way she could have fumed and been miffed rather than feeling so superficially judged.2 -
Cameron_1969 wrote: »So. . I have to ask.. First off, the OP looks fantastic (if that's what she really looks like) . . HOWEVER!. . I have been on enough online dates to know that the rule (not the exception) is that the person that shows up doesn't look like their pictures and is generally much heavier than their pictures suggest. I suppose I'm an asshat and a jerk and all that stuff for not being able to "see past it" etc. . but sorry. . can't.
So.. the question is.. What should the guy have done? How SHOULD he have dealt with this. . And I'm not asking for judgy comments about how he shouldn't be so vain or superficial. People like what they like. I am intimately aware of this curse. I am asking this because I genuinely would like advice on this. The reason I don't online date anymore is because I hate the part where I have to tortuously explain that I like her but "we just aren't a match". This is especially painful when we've spent too much time getting to know each other before the date. In my case I don't even bother asking if she's working on it. .I just dump her. . Is that the preferred option?
I think it's the way he went about it that is kind of douchy. I think a simple hey it was nice meeting you but I don't think we're a fit right now. That way she could have fumed and been miffed rather than feeling so superficially judged.
Why should be fume about it not working out or be miffed about it? Not everyone is everyone else's type. Anyway, everyone likes what they like. For some, the physical may be more important than to others. How can we be judgmental about the guy and slam him for being judgmental? She wasn't his type physically, that's understandable. Move on. Who are we to judge what he likes or dislikes? He obviously liked her personality, or so he said. Maybe he just wants what he considers the entire package? Who knows.
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Cameron_1969 wrote: »So. . I have to ask.. First off, the OP looks fantastic (if that's what she really looks like) . . HOWEVER!. . I have been on enough online dates to know that the rule (not the exception) is that the person that shows up doesn't look like their pictures and is generally much heavier than their pictures suggest. I suppose I'm an asshat and a jerk and all that stuff for not being able to "see past it" etc. . but sorry. . can't.
So.. the question is.. What should the guy have done? How SHOULD he have dealt with this. . And I'm not asking for judgy comments about how he shouldn't be so vain or superficial. People like what they like. I am intimately aware of this curse. I am asking this because I genuinely would like advice on this. The reason I don't online date anymore is because I hate the part where I have to tortuously explain that I like her but "we just aren't a match". This is especially painful when we've spent too much time getting to know each other before the date. In my case I don't even bother asking if she's working on it. .I just dump her. . Is that the preferred option?
I think it's the way he went about it that is kind of douchy. I think a simple hey it was nice meeting you but I don't think we're a fit right now. That way she could have fumed and been miffed rather than feeling so superficially judged.
I agree with this in principal, but there really doesn't seem to be any 'good' way to go about doing what it is he was trying to do. It seems to me the guy actually did like her and figured he'd at least try rather than just give up. In fact, he seems to have seen long-term potential. If she posted about how he never talked to her again, or how he said "we just aren't a match" . the responses would have all been the same. ."douche, jerk, dodged bullet, etc, etc, etc,". Compared to some of the truly mean-spirited things that I've heard guys say, and some that have been said to me by women. . I think this guy was pretty clearly well-intentioned. .It's a no win situation.2 -
Markdjones83 wrote: »I could see it if you were way overweight, but you look in decent shape from your pictures Just move on and take no offense.
Why is this comment so funny to me?0 -
_incogNEATo_ wrote: »Markdjones83 wrote: »I could see it if you were way overweight, but you look in decent shape from your pictures Just move on and take no offense.
Why is this comment so funny to me?
Because it just is!. .0 -
Cameron_1969 wrote: »Cameron_1969 wrote: »So. . I have to ask.. First off, the OP looks fantastic (if that's what she really looks like) . . HOWEVER!. . I have been on enough online dates to know that the rule (not the exception) is that the person that shows up doesn't look like their pictures and is generally much heavier than their pictures suggest. I suppose I'm an asshat and a jerk and all that stuff for not being able to "see past it" etc. . but sorry. . can't.
So.. the question is.. What should the guy have done? How SHOULD he have dealt with this. . And I'm not asking for judgy comments about how he shouldn't be so vain or superficial. People like what they like. I am intimately aware of this curse. I am asking this because I genuinely would like advice on this. The reason I don't online date anymore is because I hate the part where I have to tortuously explain that I like her but "we just aren't a match". This is especially painful when we've spent too much time getting to know each other before the date. In my case I don't even bother asking if she's working on it. .I just dump her. . Is that the preferred option?
I think it's the way he went about it that is kind of douchy. I think a simple hey it was nice meeting you but I don't think we're a fit right now. That way she could have fumed and been miffed rather than feeling so superficially judged.
I agree with this in principal, but there really doesn't seem to be any 'good' way to go about doing what it is he was trying to do. It seems to me the guy actually did like her and figured he'd at least try rather than just give up. In fact, he seems to have seen long-term potential. If she posted about how he never talked to her again, or how he said "we just aren't a match" . the responses would have all been the same. ."douche, jerk, dodged bullet, etc, etc, etc,". Compared to some of the truly mean-spirited things that I've heard guys say, and some that have been said to me by women. . I think this guy was pretty clearly well-intentioned. .It's a no win situation.
^^^---this. There is no "nice" way to say, "Hey, I really like you but physically I'd like you to look different." Honesty is always better than not.0 -
_incogNEATo_ wrote: »Markdjones83 wrote: »I could see it if you were way overweight, but you look in decent shape from your pictures Just move on and take no offense.
Why is this comment so funny to me?
Umm, maybe because it makes no sense. Underweight, overweight, waaay overweight, either way the guy was saying that he wasn't satisfied with her physical fitness level. Should it matter to what extreme or lack thereof she is, was or is not?0 -
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_incogNEATo_ wrote: »Markdjones83 wrote: »I could see it if you were way overweight, but you look in decent shape from your pictures Just move on and take no offense.
Why is this comment so funny to me?
Umm, maybe because it makes no sense. Underweight, overweight, waaay overweight, either way the guy was saying that he wasn't satisfied with her physical fitness level. Should it matter to what extreme or lack thereof she is, was or is not?
Why did he have to say it at all? Weight is always a touchy subject. Also it is rather shallow like saying well you had brown hair in your pic you sent me and now you're blond I like brunettes. Ya it's honest but sounds incredibly superficial.
Sometimes it's easier just to say it didn't work out. Let's move on0 -
as they say about online dating
women worry they will get raped or murdered , men's biggest concern is they will meet a fat woman
you will find someone who is actually worthy , no worries4
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