Are you ever embarrased?

nlevesque11887 · May 2016

Ok, I have a strange question. I've lost 178 lbs since December 2014. I still have about 75 more to go but I know I'll get there. For the first time in my life, I'm doing this for ME and that is what has made a difference. But, that being said, I'm embarrassed to admit to people the exact amount of weight I've lost and still need to lose. My dh knows as do a few other close friends but does anyone else have the same feelings?

jen_bush · May 2016

I tell people how much I lose, but never how much I weigh... my boyfriend only found out the other day after a year of us living together. It's nobody's business after all

richiemarez · May 2016

never be embarrassed about something you have done to better yourself

enterdanger · May 2016

Unfortunately, I think I have a character defect where I don't feel embarrassed about anything. Makes things socially awkward sometimes.

That said, I don't know why you need to tell people how much weight you've lost. It's really no ones business but yours. I think you should be proud how much you lost. If someone is rude enough to ask for a number just tell them "some but not all" or my personal favorite "a justin bieber" or something like that.

You are doing great!

shinycrazy · May 2016

I was at first. I didn't want to say out loud that I started at 300lbs. But, as time went on and I got to the 100lbs lost mark, people would be shocked that I've lost that much. I usually answer by saying well I started at 300lbs! Most people are kind enough to act surprised. For me, it's about owning this process and owning what I was and what I will be. As Jen said though, it's truly no one's business and if it makes you uncomfortable, don't share! Congratulations on your continued success! Be proud of that!

brb_2013 · May 2016

I don't tell people numbers when they ask, I find it very personal and rude. But I'm one who would prefer not one to notice my losses at all.

AnthonyThrashD_ · May 2016

congrats on your loss, the amount you lost is personal, reveal the amount to people you feel comfortable with

zyxst · May 2016

It's worth seeing the shock on their faces when I tell them I've lost as much as they weigh. I don't like the attention it brings though, I will say that.

nuffer · May 2016

Well done on the loss, that is awesome!
For my first year, I would answer questions about "how much" with evasive answers or strange units like "I've lost a toddler" -- made the questioners laugh and change the subject.

When I got up around three toddlers lost, I tried answering truthfully a few times but the reactions were not to my liking. So now I'm back to "quite a lot" or "more than two big bags of dog food".

nlevesque11887 · May 2016

Thanks for the responses. I am proud of what I've accomplished. I have been overweight most of my life but over the last 15 - 18 years, it really started to get bad. A serious health scare did the trick and I've towed the line ever since. I realized that I didn't want to die young or leave my dh a widower. But I was afraid I wouldn't die, I'd just stroke out or have a heart attack and linger. When you are faced with those thoughts, it's a real wake up call. No one thought I would come this far but I want to live a long happy and healthy life. MFP has been such a huge help in my journey.

I walk 3 - 4 miles every day and I will probably start toning exercises soon. I have never posted on the boards but I get a lot of helpful info from reading the posts. It's a great community of wonderfully supportive people. I guess I'm just embarrassed at where I started from and I feel badly that I let myself get so out of control. Being a sugar addict was a huge part of my problem. I've learned that it's like a drug to me. It's funny that people don't realize food can be so addictive.

Ultima_Morpha · May 2016

I know exactly how you feel. It was embarrassing that I let myself get to 285 pounds. I do share that I've lost 135 pounds with those who I know are cheering me on. Everyone else gets less detailed responses.

I have an extra level of complication to weight loss discussions due to the fact that I had weight loss surgery...not only did I allow myself to become obese but I lost it the "easy" way.

Luckily, my biggest supporters see that it is still work and discipline that have gotten me to the best shape of my life.

nlevesque11887 · May 2016

amandacanales wrote: »

I know exactly how you feel. It was embarrassing that I let myself get to 285 pounds. I do share that I've lost 135 pounds with those who I know are cheering me on. Everyone else gets less detailed responses.

I have an extra level of complication to weight loss discussions due to the fact that I had weight loss surgery...not only did I allow myself to become obese but I lost it the "easy" way.

Luckily, my biggest supporters see that it is still work and discipline that have gotten me to the best shape of my life.

From what I've seen and heard, the surgery is not the "easy" way out. Both choices have pluses and minuses. I was afraid of complications and figured I would get every one possible so I wanted to do it without surgery. So far, it has worked but again, I don't believe anyone that chooses surgery should be looked upon as "cheating the system". We all have to make decisions as to what will work best for us. All that matters is that we are getting healthier and have a great support system here. How we get to that life is a personal choice and shouldn't matter. Congrats on your 135 loss!! That is awesome.

mochapygmy · May 2016

I used to be embarrassed but now I don't care. I don't judge someone because of their size so why was I judging my former heavier self? Acceptance is not just for others but for myself as well. Anyone who looks down on me because of my current or former weight is not a person I would want to be friends with anyway. They are just numbers in my opinion. I get to choose how I feel about them.

jacki865 · May 2016

Im really an open book. Good and bad thing I guess. I don't broadcast my weight on Facebook but every now and then I will post a selfie or body pic of my progress. I have about 300 friends on there so its no secret I'm losing weight. If someone ask how much lost I generally don't have a problem answering. I even told a guy I was seeing I am working to lose weight and we ended up in a conversation about it. Sometime in the conversation I told him I have dropped about 30lbs and started at 235 and hope to get to 130. With that info its not hard to figure out how much I weigh now or how much more I need to lose.

I don't mind. If anything I feel like It shows people that I follow up on what I say I will do. To me, being embarrassed by it dosent change the reality that I was once that size. People will judge for anything but at least they cant say I don't accomplish my goals.

nlevesque11887 · May 2016

jacki865 wrote: »

Im really an open book. Good and bad thing I guess. I don't broadcast my weight on Facebook but every now and then I will post a selfie or body pic of my progress. I have about 300 friends on there so its no secret I'm losing weight. If someone ask how much lost I generally don't have a problem answering. I even told a guy I was seeing I am working to lose weight and we ended up in a conversation about it. Sometime in the conversation I told him I have dropped about 30lbs and started at 235 and hope to get to 130. With that info its not hard to figure out how much I weigh now or how much more I need to lose.

I don't mind. If anything I feel like It shows people that I follow up on what I say I will do. To me, being embarrassed by it dosent change the reality that I was once that size. People will judge for anything but at least they cant say I don't accomplish my goals.

So true. It's not like I can hide how overweight I was (and still am to a degree). I guess it's denial in myself that I don't want to admit how much it was. I look at pictures and think " wow, why did I let it get to that point?"

I have learned more about myself in the last 2 years than I did in the previous 40 lol. I guess it's a good thing.

And, congrats on your weight loss too. That's great!

STEVE142142 · May 2016

Everybody is different as far as this but I guess it's whatever you're comfortable with. By telling somebody it may give them hope. Congratulations and enjoy the journey.

Juliemoo1960 · May 2016

I think we all look back and wonder how we managed to get so big. The positive is that we are all doing something about it for whatever reason and by whatever means. That is a huge step and we should all be proud of what we have achieved. We should celebrate the small steps along the way and if you want to tell someone how much you have lost go for it. Be Beautiful, Be Happy, Be Bold.

Ultima_Morpha · May 2016

nlevesque11887 wrote: »

amandacanales wrote: »

I know exactly how you feel. It was embarrassing that I let myself get to 285 pounds. I do share that I've lost 135 pounds with those who I know are cheering me on. Everyone else gets less detailed responses.

I have an extra level of complication to weight loss discussions due to the fact that I had weight loss surgery...not only did I allow myself to become obese but I lost it the "easy" way.

Luckily, my biggest supporters see that it is still work and discipline that have gotten me to the best shape of my life.

From what I've seen and heard, the surgery is not the "easy" way out. Both choices have pluses and minuses. I was afraid of complications and figured I would get every one possible so I wanted to do it without surgery. So far, it has worked but again, I don't believe anyone that chooses surgery should be looked upon as "cheating the system". We all have to make decisions as to what will work best for us. All that matters is that we are getting healthier and have a great support system here. Congrats on your 135 loss!! That is awesome.

Thank you! Less than five pounds to a normal BMI. I think BMI is a crap indicator for individuals but I want to be normal SO BAD.

Be proud of your journey!

You're right. Not much was easy about it...lol, that's why I put it in quotation marks.

Not the decision...it took me two years to decide.

Not the preparation or two week liquids only diet prior to surgery.

Not the wait to find out if I had esophageal cancer after the prerequisite upper endoscopy revealed irregularities.

Not the 5 day hospital stay for pancreatitis and pneumonia 10 days after my surgery...I only stayed one night for surgery!

Certainly not navigating the minefield that is food now! I spend a significantly greater amount of time thinking about what and when I will eat now; unlike before when I could just eat whatever was available to me. Business travel is a huge challenge for me.

The rewards have far outweighed the obstacles. I'd do every bit of it again.

nlevesque11887 · May 2016

One of the most helpful things I read here was a sentence saying
"enjoy the journey". I have referred back to that many times over the last 18 months. The journey is a learning process and even during weeks (and months) that the scale didn't move, I learned that I need to be happy with what has changed in my life and how far I've come already.

famousmel · May 2016

nlevesque11887 wrote: »

One of the most helpful things I read here was a sentence saying
"enjoy the journey". I have referred back to that many times over the last 18 months. The journey is a learning process and even during weeks (and months) that the scale didn't move, I learned that I need to be happy with what has changed in my life and how far I've come already.

I like your "why did I get this big" as opposed to "how". Those 3 letters can be life changing!! Like "when" instead of "if"

chatterbox3110 · May 2016

I do tell people that I've lost 165lbs "so far" - this is a journey that I've committed to and I want to feel proud of myself after so many years of feeling ashamed. Only a few people know my actual weight, and the rest don't ask anyway, but most know that I still have a way to go as I'm waiting for surgery and my BMI has to be a certain point.

Be proud of your achievement, you're doing this for you x

nlevesque11887 · May 2016

chatterbox3110 wrote: »

I do tell people that I've lost 165lbs "so far" - this is a journey that I've committed to and I want to feel proud of myself after so many years of feeling ashamed. Only a few people know my actual weight, and the rest don't ask anyway, but most know that I still have a way to go as I'm waiting for surgery and my BMI has to be a certain point.

Be proud of your achievement, you're doing this for you x

Great job Chatter. That is awesome. And you're correct, this has to be a commitment. I am committed to getting to a healthy weight and staying there for the rest of my life, however long that will be. Good luck with the surgery. I hope all goes well for you!

Kerryatoon · May 2016

I can understand this completely. I have other "addictions" that I have recovered from and I can use all the tools in my journey to fitness as well. I was told what others here have already said, you don't have to disclose anything you don't want to about your journey. It's your business. In my experience, you will most likely reach a point where you detach "who you are" from "your behaviors/body/past" and the shame will no longer be there. You will realize that you are valuable and loved no matter what, and that you have the unique ability to help where others can't.

What we are doing is a form of recovery.. we are changing our lives through self-love and commitment, and our experiences will be our greatest gift to those around us. We can offer compassion, understanding, and hope, as someone who has "been in the trenches". We are uniquely qualified by our past.

This is an excerpt called "The Promises" from a great book that changed my life.

"If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through.

We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.

We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.

We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.

No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.

That feeling of uselessness and self pity will disappear."

Congratulations on all you have accomplished!! You're a miracle!

amusedmonkey · May 2016

I'm not embarrassed. Having been heavy is not embarrassing to me. I just don't associate "fat" with "bad" in the pure sense of things one should be embarrassed about. Yes, it's bad for my health and that's why I chose to change it, but it was not something I feel I need to apologize for or a character defect. It's interesting how we go all up in arms when people fat shame, but fat shaming ourselves or our past selves is okay. I just feel I'm a decent gal, regardless of my weight. If anything, I'm awesome for having set a goal and worked my butt off to achieve it. I didn't magically become awesome when I lost weight, I made that decision and stuck to it when I weighed more than 300 pounds.

laur357 · May 2016

I feel weird about it. I'm proud that I've lost 60 pounds so far, and I know I can handle the next 50 to get to my goal weight. I'm proud that I can do difficult exercises I wouldn't have even tried in the past. I'm proud that I've done it without fads or pyramid schemes and that I'm much healthier than before.
But, I'm really ashamed that ever I allowed myself to hit my highest weight, so I have a hard time talking about exact numbers with family and friends. Especially since they're supportive of my efforts (and they could physically see that I was very fat - it's not like it was a secret). I get really embarrassed if they ask direct questions about what I'm doing and how much I've lost, even though I can see they're impressed by my progress. I finally admitted to my mother how much my highest weight was because I was so happy I was finally back in the 100s, though I felt uncomfortable doing it. It was too hard to be vague about leaving the 200s behind.

rumswood · May 2016

I definitely know what you mean! I started out at 201 and I'm down to 155 on my way to goal of 130-135. I feel proud that I've lost what I have a far, bit at t h e same time I feel ashamed of letting myself go to that point.

AllSpiceNice · May 2016

Congrats on your success! Always remember, YOU get to choose what you share and with whom you share it! My starting weight, current pounds lost, goal weight, current weight - all are personal information and no one else's business. If others are comfortable sharing this info with anyone and everyone, that's great! I, however, am not.

Oddly, it is the people who I don't know well who seem most compelled to ask what I perceive as overly personal questions. I appreciate support, and understand the curiosity - I lost almost 90 pounds in less than 2 years, the change was visible and significant. So I would politely respond with a smile and something like "making progress but still working on it".

If they keep pushing, I look them straight in the the eye, smile, and repeat my first statement.

Anyone that pushes the question a third time gets "kitten" slapped. ;-)

The good news is that those questions are decreasing now that I'm in maintenance and no longer in loss mode.

OlyCapitalChick · May 2016

I tell people with pride after I feel like it is appropriate in a conversation.
People are shocked generally. I figure its part of my healing. I also told each man I talked to when I was doing online dating. I figured why hide what I eventually could need their support in. Plus weeded out shallow people.

fidangul · May 2016

I don't feel embarrassed. But for me to give an answer It depends on who's asking and why... If I feel it's a genuine question, yeah I'll share. But if I feel it's just to judge or size me up, then no. At the end of the day it's up to me if I want to share info or not.... However, I always share on MFP, I feel like its the whole point of it.

AllSpiceNice wrote: »

Oddly, it is the people who I don't know well who seem most compelled to ask what I perceive as overly personal questions. I appreciate support, and understand the curiosity - I lost almost 90 pounds in less than 2 years, the change was visible and significant. So I would politely respond with a smile and something like "making progress but still working on it".

^^^ It's the same in my experience!!

AliceAxe · May 2016

you should be proud of your accomplisment! and also in the telling is a chance to raise awarness for people with wieght issues and tell your success story. They might have a loved one who is strugglign with weight issues or misconceptions of their own and it is a chance to enlighten them. No one should ever have to feel ashamed of who they are and where they have been in their journey. if they are going to judge negativly or use that info for the wrong reasons its on them, not on you. Keep on your good path and dont let the fear of others opinions bring you down. And if its your opinion of yourself, when ever you feel ashamed it is a lesson and wake up call for you that you have inner work to do and drop some of the weight of all those negative thoughts and feelings. And they do weight us down, our spirits and our effots as much as the physical weight does.

nlevesque11887 · May 2016

Thanks for all the great responses. I am grateful to have a safe place on MFP to ask questions and get support. Everyone here "gets it" whereas outside of MFP, not everyone does. I am proud of what I've achieved thus far. My dh has been a huge support and has lost 65 lbs himself! I guess I'm still a work in progress dealing with the emotional issues that contributed toward the weight issues and probably always will have to work at it.

I'll post pics when I get to my final goal. Sometimes, I forget just how far I've come and then I catch a look at myself in a full length mirror and think "hmm, it really does show". lol

Are you ever embarrased?

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