dealing with negative comments

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steviejanedrake
steviejanedrake Posts: 43 Member
in Motivation and Support
I have been really positive through this experience so far, and it has been really working for me. yesterday I had someone very close to me tell me they were glad I was losing weight because I was starting to get a " front but" I think it was meant to be some kind of compliment but it has really bothered me. anyone deal with this kind of thing?
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  • inezbruce
    inezbruce Posts: 110 Member
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    just ask them what they meant.
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,079 Member
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    People (OTHER people, not me. Never me,) say dumb stuff. Most of us don't have the best mouth-filters. Ignore/forgive, move on.
  • _Waffle_
    _Waffle_ Posts: 13,049 Member
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    inezbruce wrote: »
    just ask them what they meant.

    Sounds like they meant they thought she was starting to get fat. Real friends will tell you if you have a booger in your nose.

    It sounds like they're being helpful and encouraging from their point of view. I mean if you honestly think that you were not getting a belly and that they're just making *kitten* up then feel free to be pissed, otherwise they sound encouraging to me.
  • Cutemesoon
    Cutemesoon Posts: 2,646 Member
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    People around me made rude comments all the time. I ignored their foolishness. My advice to you is to, "Put on your big girl pants & toughen up!" This will help you throughout your journey. People will say things when they feel you are too heavy. Then they will turn around and give their unsolicited $.02 when they feel you are "getting too skinny." Bottom line: Haters will always have something to say. I'm sure you are losing weight for YOU and NO ONE ELSE!!! With that being said, try REALLY hard to ignore negative comments you're receiving. Their opinion about YOUR BODY is irrelevant. Some people are just evil & don't like to see other people improving themselves. Continue doing what you are doing. Good luck with your journey!
  • emdeesea
    emdeesea Posts: 1,823 Member
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    Oh the backhanded compliment, that's so cute.

    When they could have said, "You're doing a great job you look great," and ended it there. But they just have to throw in the neg to throw you off balance. Adorable.

    Depending on who this person is, I might consider spending less time with someone that juvenile.
  • _Waffle_
    _Waffle_ Posts: 13,049 Member
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    GenevraLittlejohn wrote: »
    Firstly, anyone who says that is toxic, "well-meant" or not. Second--I agree with Inezbruce, the most enjoyable thing to do in that situation is to say--with a very flat face--"I don't understand. Please explain." And then when they try, let them wind down and say again "I don't understand what you mean." and watch them get further and further into realizing that they're pretty much a waste of O2.

    This also works really well for racism and sexism, if you can keep the flat face and not get super angry.

    Truth is toxic? It's not like they said "Hey fatty! Lose some weight." They probably always thought that the OP was "starting to get a front" but never said a word about it. They saw that the OP was successfully losing weight and wanted to say congratulations.

    Of course they could mean that the OP was "starting to get a front" in an organized crime type of way and then I'd agree that they're not being helpful in that instance. Better ask what they meant.
  • MissusMoon
    MissusMoon Posts: 1,900 Member
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    emdeesea wrote: »
    Oh the backhanded compliment, that's so cute.

    When they could have said, "You're doing a great job you look great," and ended it there. But they just have to throw in the neg to throw you off balance. Adorable.

    Depending on who this person is, I might consider spending less time with someone that juvenile.

    THIS.
  • steviejanedrake
    steviejanedrake Posts: 43 Member
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    truth is appriciated I just felt is was a little harsh. there are better ways to compliment someone I guess. if this was just from a friend it wouldn't bother me as much. I was just feeling really good about losing 15 pounds and getting under 200. and this kinda took me down a peg, like maybe I'm not doing as well as I think I am. I'm 5'10 and now at 192 pounds so I am not that far from my goal. I guess you guys are right I need a thicker skin. I do think it was a back handed compliment though.
  • steviejanedrake
    steviejanedrake Posts: 43 Member
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    _Waffle_ wrote: »
    GenevraLittlejohn wrote: »
    Firstly, anyone who says that is toxic, "well-meant" or not. Second--I agree with Inezbruce, the most enjoyable thing to do in that situation is to say--with a very flat face--"I don't understand. Please explain." And then when they try, let them wind down and say again "I don't understand what you mean." and watch them get further and further into realizing that they're pretty much a waste of O2.

    This also works really well for racism and sexism, if you can keep the flat face and not get super angry.

    Truth is toxic? It's not like they said "Hey fatty! Lose some weight." They probably always thought that the OP was "starting to get a front" but never said a word about it. They saw that the OP was successfully losing weight and wanted to say congratulations.

    Of course they could mean that the OP was "starting to get a front" in an organized crime type of way and then I'd agree that they're not being helpful in that instance. Better ask what they meant.

    he said I was starting to get a " front butt" haha
  • Lleldiranne
    Lleldiranne Posts: 5,516 Member
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    cmriverside wrote: »
    People (OTHER people, not me. Never me,) say dumb stuff. Most of us don't have the best mouth-filters. Ignore/forgive, move on.

    This is probably the best advice. Give them the benefit of the doubt and realize that they are likely kicking themselves saying the negative part.

    Of course, if they are regularly saying things like this, they may have a filter issue or just be that kind of person. You can decide whether it's worth it to keep them in your life.
  • kmbrooks15
    kmbrooks15 Posts: 941 Member
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    Talk about a back-handed compliment. Like when my kids say, "Well, Mom, you're not THAT old." Gee, thanks...
  • emdeesea
    emdeesea Posts: 1,823 Member
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    steviejanedrake wrote: »
    truth is appriciated I just felt is was a little harsh. there are better ways to compliment someone I guess. if this was just from a friend it wouldn't bother me as much. I was just feeling really good about losing 15 pounds and getting under 200. and this kinda took me down a peg, like maybe I'm not doing as well as I think I am. I'm 5'10 and now at 192 pounds so I am not that far from my goal. I guess you guys are right I need a thicker skin. I do think it was a back handed compliment though.

    ... and that's precisely what this type of comment is supposed to do. Recognize it for what it is.

  • _Waffle_
    _Waffle_ Posts: 13,049 Member
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    steviejanedrake wrote: »
    _Waffle_ wrote: »
    GenevraLittlejohn wrote: »
    Firstly, anyone who says that is toxic, "well-meant" or not. Second--I agree with Inezbruce, the most enjoyable thing to do in that situation is to say--with a very flat face--"I don't understand. Please explain." And then when they try, let them wind down and say again "I don't understand what you mean." and watch them get further and further into realizing that they're pretty much a waste of O2.

    This also works really well for racism and sexism, if you can keep the flat face and not get super angry.

    Truth is toxic? It's not like they said "Hey fatty! Lose some weight." They probably always thought that the OP was "starting to get a front" but never said a word about it. They saw that the OP was successfully losing weight and wanted to say congratulations.

    Of course they could mean that the OP was "starting to get a front" in an organized crime type of way and then I'd agree that they're not being helpful in that instance. Better ask what they meant.

    he said I was starting to get a " front butt" haha

    With that additional bit of information I might change my opinion. Of course if you follow the current Instagram beauty standards the more butt you have the prettier you are. Having one in the front gives you a huge advantage over other women. :laugh:
  • tulips_and_tea
    tulips_and_tea Posts: 5,715 Member
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    Sorry about the way the comment affected you but by NO means should it set you backwards! You've made great progress. Just keep going. Some people aren't good at giving compliments. Some people are more blunt than others. The good thing (other than the fact that you are actively improving your health) is that your friend recognized your weight loss. The comment was a bit odd but most of the time people mean well and don't realize how their words will affect others.
  • sallygroundhog
    sallygroundhog Posts: 133 Member
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    "hey, you're doing great. Let me point out specifically what part of your body I used to find objectionable. Also, I will use a slang term for that body part."
  • Vickilick
    Vickilick Posts: 81 Member
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    Firstly, I'd like to say I'm not totally sure what a 'front but' is exactly...?
    Anyway, if you took offence to the comment just tell the person not to say things like that.
    If they're a friend they'll do as you ask.
    If doesn't even have to be a big deal.

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