Myfitnesspal

Message Boards Motivation and Support
You are currently viewing the message boards in:

I Thought Everything Was Okay? What Would You Do From Here?

2

Replies

  • jaynee7283jaynee7283 Member Posts: 160 Member Member Posts: 160 Member
    If this keeps up and continues to bother you, go to your doctor and get a certificate saying that in his opinion you are healthy. Wave it under anyone's nose if they stick it in your business.

    This. Go have a physical at a physician office complete with bloodwork - get your numbers done to show that your glucose, cholesterol, triglycerides, blood pressure, et al are all good. Next time they complain, show them the test results and tell them to mind their beeswax.
  • rankinsectrankinsect Member, Premium Posts: 2,238 Member Member, Premium Posts: 2,238 Member
    A lot is probably just that people who know you well have one particular mental image of you and by looking different than that image, they see you differently than a stranger would.

    A BMI of 20 is fine from a medical standpoint. Up to nobody else but you to decide if you like that weight from an aesthetic standpoint.
  • NewMEEE2016NewMEEE2016 Member Posts: 192 Member Member Posts: 192 Member
    jaynee7283 wrote: »
    If this keeps up and continues to bother you, go to your doctor and get a certificate saying that in his opinion you are healthy. Wave it under anyone's nose if they stick it in your business.

    This. Go have a physical at a physician office complete with bloodwork - get your numbers done to show that your glucose, cholesterol, triglycerides, blood pressure, et al are all good. Next time they complain, show them the test results and tell them to mind their beeswax.

    Actually, next time show them the test results and ask THEM to get THEIRS done- because you are worried about THEIR health and obesity. GO ON THE OFFENSIVE!
  • dlcshandlcshan Member Posts: 45 Member Member Posts: 45 Member
    People having a habit of hearing what they want to hear and pay more attention to what they see.

    I would suggest writing a letter to your parents, maybe including a couple of pictures of other females your age, height and weight side-by-side with pictures of other females that are your previous height/weight, asking them which looks like they are healthier. Point out how it makes you feel to be treated like an invalid when you are actually in a much healthier (and likely stronger) body than you used to be.

    Also, I would write another kind of open letter to all the gossipers who are saying such negative things. In this letter, tell them about how you are eating healthier to take care of the only body you ever get, what healthy exercise you do, sharing any specific details you feel comfortable with and that would make your point. Include the same pictures as the other letter. Point out the harm their hurtful gossip is causing to your parents. Explain that you are an adult and are being responsible for your own life and health, including feeding yourself. Finish it off by requesting that they stop causing emotional harm with their incorrect assumptions and judgments. Then give multiple copies of this to your parents/relative to give out whenever anyone expresses "concern" for your health.
  • rankinsectrankinsect Member, Premium Posts: 2,238 Member Member, Premium Posts: 2,238 Member
    dlcshan wrote: »
    People having a habit of hearing what they want to hear and pay more attention to what they see.

    I would suggest writing a letter to your parents, maybe including a couple of pictures of other females your age, height and weight side-by-side with pictures of other females that are your previous height/weight, asking them which looks like they are healthier. Point out how it makes you feel to be treated like an invalid when you are actually in a much healthier (and likely stronger) body than you used to be.

    Also, I would write another kind of open letter to all the gossipers who are saying such negative things. In this letter, tell them about how you are eating healthier to take care of the only body you ever get, what healthy exercise you do, sharing any specific details you feel comfortable with and that would make your point. Include the same pictures as the other letter. Point out the harm their hurtful gossip is causing to your parents. Explain that you are an adult and are being responsible for your own life and health, including feeding yourself. Finish it off by requesting that they stop causing emotional harm with their incorrect assumptions and judgments. Then give multiple copies of this to your parents/relative to give out whenever anyone expresses "concern" for your health.

    I would just do the opposite - ignore the comments rather than get defensive over them. It's probably not the first and certainly won't be the last time others hold different opinions on how she should live her life. If she ignores them, they'll get over it in time.
  • DearestWinterDearestWinter Member Posts: 595 Member Member Posts: 595 Member
    That man is a creep and also rude. He was evaluating your attractiveness - not your health. Which means your relative was sitting around going, "you know @neldabg was hotter when she had a few more pounds on her". So icky.

    Everyone approaches weight loss from their own perspective. Someone who is chronically heavy tends to see heavy as the norm (perhaps less heavy than them but heavier than ideal) whereas someone who is thin sees thin as the norm. I've known obese people who called me a "skinny little thing" when I was borderline overweight. I've known thin people who have "encouraged" me to work out (or eat a salad) when I had a BMI of 23. (I was not impressed with those comments, btw.)

    Then we get to family (and close friends) who sometimes act like they have a sense of ownership over your body and try to get you to change yourself so they feel better about themselves. Which is what it sounds like your family is doing. It doesn't matter whether they are genuinely worried or are trying to conceal some resentment that you've been able to do something they can't - what matters is that it isn't their business. If you are medically healthy and you feel good about yourself (or where you're heading) then what they think doesn't matter. Even if you weren't medically healthy then you're an adult and it's not their business. (Barring mental competency issues and such.)

    If they try to pull this *kitten* again then I would say "I'm an adult. I have labs proving I'm healthy. I feel lousy when you make these comments and if you make a comment about my weight then I will walk away." Then follow through. Get up and leave the dinner table if they say something. If they enlist your creepy relative again then the moment he says something about your appearance say "I am an adult and I do not have to tolerate having my body criticized." and then walk away. Be consistent. Best wishes, OP!
  • JeromeBarry1JeromeBarry1 Member Posts: 10,183 Member Member Posts: 10,183 Member
    OP, One of my daughters, at the age of 13, was slim. At the age of 14, she was obese. At the age of 16, she started working 3 part-time jobs and on her 18th birthday she moved out to escape her mother, whom she detested. Of such are family dynamics. That daughter completed her RN studies after a year of sharing apartment expenses with some girl she'd found by some means, then started working as an RN and moved into a different apartment complex. She then proceeded to complete her BSN, get married, and complete her MSN. Then she started working as a Nurse Practitioner, bought a house, and then moved on in her career to become a orthopedic surgical first assist. During all that she kicked her husband back into school and got him into a good job. I admire that girl. She's freaking scary smart. I did not criticize or interfere with her plans to move out. She didn't even ask my opinion. In 11 years she has returned for 1 brief visit only to search for school records which she may have left in her old room. She never calls. Of such are family dynamics. We love her. We're proud of her. She's done with us. She had a gastric bypass a couple of years ago and lost most of her excess weight. Since she stopped using facebook, I don't know what's going on. I understand you have family dynamics. If you want to move on, move on. If you want to stay connected, stay connected. Just don't complain about which you choose.
  • Rushbrook60Rushbrook60 Member Posts: 92 Member Member Posts: 92 Member
    I am totally gobsmacked at what your family/friends/neighbours are saying! I don't see where, in any of what was said, the applause was for your effort to get to your goal. It seems like everyone is focusing too much on what everyone else saying and really it sounds like jealousy that you achieved something that they didn't.

    Sticks and stones may break your bones but words can never hurt you...remember that when some nasty piece of work is raining on your parade and bi*ch*ng about you behind your back.

    Keep your chin up and carry on feeling fantastic about what you doing
  • joannemonette1joannemonette1 Member, Premium Posts: 99 Member Member, Premium Posts: 99 Member
    It sounds like they are behaving this way to satisfy themselves - instead of just being happy for you or expressing any appreciation for what you've been through. You're an adult and it's time they stopped ignoring your feelings or treating you like a child.

    On the flipside - It's understandable that they are having trouble adjusting. They are trying to somehow feel as if they have some control - You're an adult of course - but you're also still young and they want to feel like you're still their child. I have a niece that I only see once in awhile - and it's hard to separate the child from the adult in my ahead (I love her to death - but I know better than to start judging her). Your parents might be going through the same thing - and they want to feel as if they somehow have some kind of say in what you can do with your life.

    It's perfectly okay for you to speak up and voice your disapproval of their behavior in a firm but gentle way. Let them know that you've managed just fine without any of their input - and they need to see you as an adult and not a child any longer. Stand your ground -- but try to also see them as just trying to adjust to you seeing you as your own person now.

    Good luck :-) (And congratulations on your weight loss! That's a big deal - and they REALLY need to recognize how much work that took!)
    edited May 2016
  • itsbasschickitsbasschick Member Posts: 1,591 Member Member Posts: 1,591 Member
    if you're truly concerned, get a check-up from your regular doctor. then you can honestly tell your parents "look, i not only look and feel better, the doctor says i'm 100% healthy." if you're really worried, get a letter from your doctor and give a copy to your folks. they might be genuinely - although misguidedly - worried for you, and if they are, word from your doctor would allay their worries.

    seems like your parents wanted a non-medical pro, non-fitness pro adult to come over and confirm their concerns. that not only seems pretty manipulative to me, but for god's sake, why would you listen to a person with no real knowledge about weight loss or health?
    edited May 2016
  • joannemonette1joannemonette1 Member, Premium Posts: 99 Member Member, Premium Posts: 99 Member
    Oh -- and just try to ignore the overly-concerned/controlling behavior from them -- they seem somewhat unfamiliar or unsure how to treat the *new you*. Someone losing weight on such an impressive scale is a little hard for them right now -- They only know how to view your changes as "sick" or "incapable". They may have grown up around others who weren't slender and they can't process it or know how to reconcile it with your old you.

    Whatever you do, don't let it get to you -- CELEBRATE who you are now.

    Your body has been through a lot -- And often when losing weight, it takes a little time for the rest of you to catch up - so to speak.

    Don't worry about what others are thinking. Just be patient. Once they see that you can function just fine, they'll realize it's themselves that need to change - NOT YOU.
  • scolarisscolaris Member Posts: 2,145 Member Member Posts: 2,145 Member
    Cut the apron strings in your own mind. It's not your problem what anyone thinks. I'd look into not moving back home again if I were you.
  • scolarisscolaris Member Posts: 2,145 Member Member Posts: 2,145 Member
    Yeah I certainly wouldn't dignify what they are doing with a heartfelt letter and a bunch of visual exhibits. Bwaa ha ha. Nope!
  • rankinsectrankinsect Member, Premium Posts: 2,238 Member Member, Premium Posts: 2,238 Member
    scolaris wrote: »
    Cut the apron strings in your own mind. It's not your problem what anyone thinks. I'd look into not moving back home again if I were you.

    Yup.

    OP - the best thing about this is you have complete and absolute control here. Your family can talk, and that's well within their rights. And it's well within your rights to choose your own path even if they recommend otherwise. That's part of what adulthood is all about - making decisions for yourself. While I think it's important to listen to others and not dismiss them out of hand, your life is yours, and you need to consider people's points of view but still make your own decisions to the best of your ability.

    You don't have to try to get them to see your point of view because it really doesn't matter if they do or don't - unless they are going to kidnap you and force-feed you, and I doubt that, your diet is entirely within your control.
  • NewMEEE2016NewMEEE2016 Member Posts: 192 Member Member Posts: 192 Member
    I'm curious how things are going now. Did you try any of our suggestions? Has there been any change?
Sign In or Register to comment.