After he cancelled our 2nd date....

24

Replies

  • myfavoriteyear
    myfavoriteyear Posts: 31 Member
    Lol :D He was practically begging to see me a little while ago. I said I'd let him know.
    _Waffle_ wrote: »
    dianeh47 wrote: »
    Keep your guard up. Sounds like he booked a date with you and then someone else called. Easier to cancel with you and go with the other person he may have know longer. I say move on. If you aren't worthy of his trust, he's not worthy of your time.

    If a guy can't drop his entire life to be with you after a single date then he's not worth your time. Move on!

  • ElkeKNJ
    ElkeKNJ Posts: 207 Member
    What would make YOU happier? Going on another date with him or not? Decide on that basis. You are now still practically strangers and don't owe each other anything yet. I would go out with him. Sounds as if you would enjoy his company, and he would enjoy yours. You pick the place, and split the bill.
  • wilsoncl6
    wilsoncl6 Posts: 1,280 Member
    From a guys perspective, here is a list of the possibilities:

    1. Something actually came up and he wasn't comfortable going into detail. It was only the second date after all.
    2. He was hoping to get some when he came over but had second thoughts about it. Guys woose out all of the time and he may have not wanted/felt confident enough to put himself in that position. What guy asks a woman to come over to her place on the second date and not have sex in the plans?
    3. He made multiple plans with multiple women and the other plans panned out so he had to either cancel with you or decided to go with the other woman instead. Some guys cast a wide net and when they catch more fish than they can eat, some fish have to be tossed back or put in the cooler for later.
    4. He is married/has a girlfriend and couldn't get away.

    I say, give him a chance to either hang himself or redeem himself. Just pay attention to the signs and if the BS flag starts going up, it's time to move on. Trust your gut.
  • LaMartian
    LaMartian Posts: 478 Member
    Well, pry a little bit. Get some info. Maybe he had a good reason... or maybe he'll give you the willies and you'll know he's full of crap.
  • Guns_N_Buns
    Guns_N_Buns Posts: 1,899 Member
    Maybe he legitimately had something come up/happen. I've eaten too much broccoli before and had to cancel a date...I say chill TFO and not take every little thing a person does personally; go with the flow.
  • beagletracks
    beagletracks Posts: 6,034 Member
    synchkat wrote: »

    if you really like him don't play games. Life is too short for that and you might end up missing out

    Agreed. Listen to the advice of a very wise woman.
  • synchkat
    synchkat Posts: 37,368 Member
    synchkat wrote: »

    if you really like him don't play games. Life is too short for that and you might end up missing out

    Agreed. Listen to the advice of a very wise woman.

    With age comes wisdom....thank goodness something comes of it
  • Peter_Brady
    Peter_Brady Posts: 3,750 Member
    synchkat wrote: »
    Lol :D He was practically begging to see me a little while ago. I said I'd let him know.
    _Waffle_ wrote: »
    dianeh47 wrote: »
    Keep your guard up. Sounds like he booked a date with you and then someone else called. Easier to cancel with you and go with the other person he may have know longer. I say move on. If you aren't worthy of his trust, he's not worthy of your time.

    If a guy can't drop his entire life to be with you after a single date then he's not worth your time. Move on!

    if you really like him don't play games. Life is too short for that and you might end up missing out

    Look at you being the voice of reason now. :)
  • synchkat
    synchkat Posts: 37,368 Member
    synchkat wrote: »
    Lol :D He was practically begging to see me a little while ago. I said I'd let him know.
    _Waffle_ wrote: »
    dianeh47 wrote: »
    Keep your guard up. Sounds like he booked a date with you and then someone else called. Easier to cancel with you and go with the other person he may have know longer. I say move on. If you aren't worthy of his trust, he's not worthy of your time.

    If a guy can't drop his entire life to be with you after a single date then he's not worth your time. Move on!

    if you really like him don't play games. Life is too short for that and you might end up missing out

    Look at you being the voice of reason now. :)

    Look at you all gushy. :p
  • melmelw03
    melmelw03 Posts: 5,332 Member
    Clearly it's time to get all stalkerish and find him on every social media outlet you can and message him asking "Why....why...WHY?!" Ask ALL the questions!

    Just kidding. You met him on Saturday and already had plans 2 days later? Don't be so damn available. It's cool to be interested in someone, but don't drop everything because he wants to come over. TAKE YOUR TIME. No need to rush things if it's going to be good. Unless you just want the casual hookup, then go do your thing.
  • wilsoncl6
    wilsoncl6 Posts: 1,280 Member
    melmelw03 wrote: »
    Clearly it's time to get all stalkerish and find him on every social media outlet you can and message him asking "Why....why...WHY?!" Ask ALL the questions!

    Just kidding. You met him on Saturday and already had plans 2 days later? Don't be so damn available. It's cool to be interested in someone, but don't drop everything because he wants to come over. TAKE YOUR TIME. No need to rush things if it's going to be good. Unless you just want the casual hookup, then go do your thing.

    Going on a second date 2 days later is being too available? If I asked a woman that I liked out on a date 2 days later and she had told me no without having a good reason, I'd be on the phone calling someone else. Nothing wrong with a woman, or a guy, going out again soon after meeting. There aren't any rules to the game.
  • Jonesingmucho
    Jonesingmucho Posts: 4,902 Member
    x gets comfy in the lazy boy to watch this unfold x
  • This content has been removed.
  • finny11122
    finny11122 Posts: 8,436 Member
    synchkat wrote: »
    Lol :D He was practically begging to see me a little while ago. I said I'd let him know.
    _Waffle_ wrote: »
    dianeh47 wrote: »
    Keep your guard up. Sounds like he booked a date with you and then someone else called. Easier to cancel with you and go with the other person he may have know longer. I say move on. If you aren't worthy of his trust, he's not worthy of your time.

    If a guy can't drop his entire life to be with you after a single date then he's not worth your time. Move on!

    if you really like him don't play games. Life is too short for that and you might end up missing out

    Exactly Ali . Women are natural bonders and connectors . If she feels like reaching out , she should . Dont ever hold back and play games , especially with a guy who values himself . A real man will see when a woman is not acting naturally and holding back and playing games and will just leave until he finds someone who acts totally natural and goes with the flow .
  • PamelaW41
    PamelaW41 Posts: 287 Member
    I would probably give him the benefit of the doubt and go on a second date. I would not go to his place and I'd meet him somewhere so i have my own car. I dont trust people and assume everyone is a crazy until i get to know them. But thats just me. :)
  • melmelw03
    melmelw03 Posts: 5,332 Member
    wilsoncl6 wrote: »
    melmelw03 wrote: »
    Clearly it's time to get all stalkerish and find him on every social media outlet you can and message him asking "Why....why...WHY?!" Ask ALL the questions!

    Just kidding. You met him on Saturday and already had plans 2 days later? Don't be so damn available. It's cool to be interested in someone, but don't drop everything because he wants to come over. TAKE YOUR TIME. No need to rush things if it's going to be good. Unless you just want the casual hookup, then go do your thing.

    Going on a second date 2 days later is being too available? If I asked a woman that I liked out on a date 2 days later and she had told me no without having a good reason, I'd be on the phone calling someone else. Nothing wrong with a woman, or a guy, going out again soon after meeting. There aren't any rules to the game.

    To be fair, he didn't ask her on a date. He wanted to come over. That indicates something entirely different. And I don't recall anyone saying "no" without a good reason, although there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. I've told a guy no to a date/meet up because it was the night of the OKC Thunder season opener and I wanted to just watch it on tv. He got mad. He obviously wasn't the guy for me, so no big loss.

    No rules to the game......I guess dating can be a game. For some.

  • This content has been removed.
  • dolliesdaughter
    dolliesdaughter Posts: 544 Member
    You met him over the weekend and was going to go over his house after he called at night. Sounds like a winner. Your were the back up, back up. I can't believe you are actually questioning this.
  • ClubSilencio
    ClubSilencio Posts: 2,983 Member
    He's a scumbag serial online dater. These types of guys run a very sloppy operation.

    Canceling a date he made earlier that morning without giving a valid reason is pathetic. A true gentleman is honest, always. Even a sociopath would come up with something brilliant to keep you in good spirits. This guy is such a bum lol.

    Texting four times the next day professing his desire to see you again is the sign of a desperate dirtbag.

    Some guys are so lame. Can't steer the ship, can't right it. Just terrible.

    And he's still gonna get laid anyway! What a wonderful world!


  • wilsoncl6
    wilsoncl6 Posts: 1,280 Member
    melmelw03 wrote: »
    wilsoncl6 wrote: »
    melmelw03 wrote: »
    Clearly it's time to get all stalkerish and find him on every social media outlet you can and message him asking "Why....why...WHY?!" Ask ALL the questions!

    Just kidding. You met him on Saturday and already had plans 2 days later? Don't be so damn available. It's cool to be interested in someone, but don't drop everything because he wants to come over. TAKE YOUR TIME. No need to rush things if it's going to be good. Unless you just want the casual hookup, then go do your thing.

    Going on a second date 2 days later is being too available? If I asked a woman that I liked out on a date 2 days later and she had told me no without having a good reason, I'd be on the phone calling someone else. Nothing wrong with a woman, or a guy, going out again soon after meeting. There aren't any rules to the game.

    To be fair, he didn't ask her on a date. He wanted to come over. That indicates something entirely different. And I don't recall anyone saying "no" without a good reason, although there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. I've told a guy no to a date/meet up because it was the night of the OKC Thunder season opener and I wanted to just watch it on tv. He got mad. He obviously wasn't the guy for me, so no big loss.

    No rules to the game......I guess dating can be a game. For some.

    Well, you did imply that seeing a guy 2 days after the first date was being too available. That tells me that you believe that the answer should typically be no, good excuse or not, if asked to meet. Additionally, there are no rules to what is classified as a date and what isn't. Is someone going over to another person's house to spend time with them not a date now? I thought a date was anything you did with someone else that opened the door to possible romance? In my book, that would also include hanging out at someones place. You're taking my words too literally. People date for different reasons, and to some it is a game. Some people date to find the significant other, while some date just to have fun meeting new people. I don't judge and I'm also not going to suggest that there are some kind of arbitrary rules as to how people are supposed to interact in the dating scene.
  • Jonesingmucho
    Jonesingmucho Posts: 4,902 Member
    edited May 2016

    gotta disagree.

    "whoever cares least wins"

    Awwww... that is so sad that my mood just changed ...
    x starts listening to Let it Go by James Bay and sobbing quietly at her desk x

  • jofjltncb6
    jofjltncb6 Posts: 34,415 Member
    wife either busted him or was close to it. maybe he figured she'd be at work or something and she had a shift change. something like that.

    Yup.
  • melmelw03
    melmelw03 Posts: 5,332 Member
    wilsoncl6 wrote: »
    melmelw03 wrote: »
    wilsoncl6 wrote: »
    melmelw03 wrote: »
    Clearly it's time to get all stalkerish and find him on every social media outlet you can and message him asking "Why....why...WHY?!" Ask ALL the questions!

    Just kidding. You met him on Saturday and already had plans 2 days later? Don't be so damn available. It's cool to be interested in someone, but don't drop everything because he wants to come over. TAKE YOUR TIME. No need to rush things if it's going to be good. Unless you just want the casual hookup, then go do your thing.

    Going on a second date 2 days later is being too available? If I asked a woman that I liked out on a date 2 days later and she had told me no without having a good reason, I'd be on the phone calling someone else. Nothing wrong with a woman, or a guy, going out again soon after meeting. There aren't any rules to the game.

    To be fair, he didn't ask her on a date. He wanted to come over. That indicates something entirely different. And I don't recall anyone saying "no" without a good reason, although there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. I've told a guy no to a date/meet up because it was the night of the OKC Thunder season opener and I wanted to just watch it on tv. He got mad. He obviously wasn't the guy for me, so no big loss.

    No rules to the game......I guess dating can be a game. For some.

    Well, you did imply that seeing a guy 2 days after the first date was being too available. That tells me that you believe that the answer should typically be no, good excuse or not, if asked to meet. Additionally, there are no rules to what is classified as a date and what isn't. Is someone going over to another person's house to spend time with them not a date now? I thought a date was anything you did with someone else that opened the door to possible romance? In my book, that would also include hanging out at someones place. You're taking my words too literally. People date for different reasons, and to some it is a game. Some people date to find the significant other, while some date just to have fun meeting new people. I don't judge and I'm also not going to suggest that there are some kind of arbitrary rules as to how people are supposed to interact in the dating scene.

    So....are you and I gonna Netflix and chill or nah?
  • jofjltncb6
    jofjltncb6 Posts: 34,415 Member
    My rule 1 of dating - First 3 Dates must be "OUT", meaning I either meet you at a place or you come pick me up and we go somewhere. NO House dates until date 4. That way you weed out men who just want some.

    You were either sloppy seconds or he almost got caught (either girlfriend or wife was home). You are better than that. RUN!

    You don't think men are willing to go on four dates to get some?

    LOLsigh
  • DYELB
    DYELB Posts: 7,407 Member
    key his car
  • myfavoriteyear
    myfavoriteyear Posts: 31 Member
    So was it a mistake to tell him "I'll let you know" if I can see him tonight? I really would like to. What should I do now?
  • glassyo
    glassyo Posts: 7,739 Member
    melmelw03 wrote: »
    wilsoncl6 wrote: »
    melmelw03 wrote: »
    Clearly it's time to get all stalkerish and find him on every social media outlet you can and message him asking "Why....why...WHY?!" Ask ALL the questions!

    Just kidding. You met him on Saturday and already had plans 2 days later? Don't be so damn available. It's cool to be interested in someone, but don't drop everything because he wants to come over. TAKE YOUR TIME. No need to rush things if it's going to be good. Unless you just want the casual hookup, then go do your thing.

    Going on a second date 2 days later is being too available? If I asked a woman that I liked out on a date 2 days later and she had told me no without having a good reason, I'd be on the phone calling someone else. Nothing wrong with a woman, or a guy, going out again soon after meeting. There aren't any rules to the game.

    To be fair, he didn't ask her on a date. He wanted to come over. That indicates something entirely different. And I don't recall anyone saying "no" without a good reason, although there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. I've told a guy no to a date/meet up because it was the night of the OKC Thunder season opener and I wanted to just watch it on tv. He got mad. He obviously wasn't the guy for me, so no big loss.

    ^^^^^ exactly

  • jennifer_417
    jennifer_417 Posts: 12,344 Member
    edited May 2016
    Look, there's no real way of knowing what actually happened. I've had all kinds of random circumstances pop up over the course of my life, as I'm sure everyone else has, too. Life is complicated. After one date, you don't really know anything about a person.
    Having said that, you really should just go with your gut. If it were me, I wouldn't write him off just yet, but I'd for sure be on my guard. But you've had more time with him than any of us. He might indeed be playing the field, but it's not like you were expecting a lifetime commitment after 1 date, I'm sure.
This discussion has been closed.