Partner not helping

So I have only started trying to loose weight from the beginning of this week and I have set out a meal plan that I've been sticking to all week as has my partner. He wants to loose weight too so he has been having the same meals as me but almost every day he keeps trying to get out of it by saying things like "can't we just have takeaway tonight" or "im getting a takeaway, what do you want?"

I have been good and resisted but it's just getting annoying and I might not be so strong in the future.
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Replies

  • jemhh
    jemhh Posts: 14,261 Member
    Tune him out. Make your meals and if he decides to eat something else, wrap up his and eat it as leftovers later.
  • Rocknut53
    Rocknut53 Posts: 1,794 Member
    You are doing this for yourself. Just do what you need to do for you and when you lose and he doesn't, that's his fault, not yours.
  • janjunie
    janjunie Posts: 1,200 Member
    He doesn't seem ready to lose weight. That's fine, take care of yourself and your goals.
  • philippakate197
    philippakate197 Posts: 125 Member
    You can only be responsible for what you eat. However much he says he wants to lose weight, if he caves and gets a take away that's on him, you can't fix it or make him change. Keep doing what you're doing and you'll be rewarded by the results! And maybe if he sees you getting great results he'll want to join you!

    Keep going, you've got this!
  • RoxieDawn
    RoxieDawn Posts: 15,488 Member
    edited May 2016
    Well this is going to take some time.. no doubt about it.. but it will happen..

    If you are serious about your weight loss (which you sound like you are), you do need to continue with what you are doing and if he wants take out, let him do takeout.

    After about 3 - 4 weeks and longer as you are making progress, he will see that. Your results will inspire him to jump on the train with you. If some chance he does not, you can not change what another person is doing or feeling, the only one you can control is you and what you do from here on out..

    I would make a bet in one month you loose X weight, he notices and then wants some of that too!!!
  • RodaRose
    RodaRose Posts: 9,562 Member
    Consider ordering take a ways that will fit into your plan.
  • Rach0792
    Rach0792 Posts: 44 Member
    It's more that he is trying to pressure me into eating crap and I'm just afraid that one of these days I will crack and just eat something I shouldn't.
  • I_Will_End_You
    I_Will_End_You Posts: 4,397 Member
    edited May 2016
    There really is nothing that you shouldn't eat, unless you are allergic to it, it's spoiled, fell on the ground, etc. You can eat take out, it's okay. Just try to log it as accurately as possible and stay within your calorie goal. Weight loss is about the amount of calories you eat, not where the calories come from. Having a few pieces of pizza or some sesame chicken is fine, just don't over do it.
  • rosecropper
    rosecropper Posts: 340 Member
    Get used to being around food you're not going to eat. Might as well happen at home- it happens everywhere else.
  • RodaRose
    RodaRose Posts: 9,562 Member
    Rach0792 wrote: »
    It's more that he is trying to pressure me into eating crap and I'm just afraid that one of these days I will crack and just eat something I shouldn't.

    What do you consider "crap"?
  • kshama2001
    kshama2001 Posts: 28,052 Member
    edited May 2016
    Rach0792 wrote: »
    So I have only started trying to loose weight from the beginning of this week and I have set out a meal plan that I've been sticking to all week as has my partner. He wants to loose weight too so he has been having the same meals as me but almost every day he keeps trying to get out of it by saying things like "can't we just have takeaway tonight" or "im getting a takeaway, what do you want?"

    I have been good and resisted but it's just getting annoying and I might not be so strong in the future.

    Are you trying to feed him the same portions as you? My OH is a foot taller than me so needs a lot more calories.

    I've trained my OH to give me notice if he wants something high calorie like pizza so I am able to work it into my calorie budget.
  • chunky_pinup
    chunky_pinup Posts: 758 Member
    It's not your partners job to help you. You are only accountable for your own actions.
  • Francl27
    Francl27 Posts: 26,371 Member
    I'd love it not to have to cook once in a while... just pick healthier options. Nothing wrong with take out.
  • callsitlikeiseeit
    callsitlikeiseeit Posts: 8,626 Member
    unless hes shoving the food in your mouth..... what you eat is all on you.

    i lost almost 90 pounds living with my ex who eats any and everything and almost always take out.

    I ate the same stuff, just less of it, and worked out to compensate for it as well.

    dont make excuses, just do what you need to do and dont worry about what hes doing.
  • Rach0792
    Rach0792 Posts: 44 Member
    I consider "crap" to be things like pizza and burgers from pizza places or McDonald's or KFC. I know I could go for a 'healthier option' but that's not really what I want to do.

  • Rogstar
    Rogstar Posts: 216 Member
    Being married for over 10 years has got me into this mess! It's not my husband's fault, it's mine. At first, I figured I could eat what he does. It worked in college, it should work forever right? I didn't realize until a few years ago that I don't need anywhere near the amount of food he does! We're talking a difference of over 1000cals!

    You do not need to eat what he eats. If you don't want it, don't eat it. If you want it, eat less. Eat it with a ton of veggies so you are full and can't eat it all. Order something different if you don't feel like cooking!

    A few nights ago, he made Mac & Cheese from scratch. In the old days, I'd give him half, and I'd eat the other half. Now, I eat way less of it (i only had 4 bites of it) and ended up making an egg with peppers and onions for dinner instead. I love Mac & Cheese, it tastes great, but I don't think it's worth it to eat too much of it. We still eat together, but we don't eat the same things.

    He takes the kids to McDonalds or Culver's Custard after swimming once a week. Every time he calls and asks me if I want something. Sometimes I say yes, sometimes I say no. It depends on what I've eaten already that day and what I can fit in. Custard is hard to pass on so I try to save room! He doesn't get offended if I decline, and I appreciate that he always asks just in case.

    Good for you for sticking with your plan for a week. I promise you, it does get easier.
  • I_Will_End_You
    I_Will_End_You Posts: 4,397 Member
    Rach0792 wrote: »
    I consider "crap" to be things like pizza and burgers from pizza places or McDonald's or KFC. I know I could go for a 'healthier option' but that's not really what I want to do.

    It's just carbs, protein and fat like any other food. If you want fast food every once in awhile, just eat a little less through out the day to make room for it.
  • LeahP527
    LeahP527 Posts: 17 Member
    I see this becoming an issue with my boyfriend as well. He also wants to lose weight but we are only about a week into trying to lose weight and he has told me a couple days this week that they were "bad days" or "a cheat day". I know that I have to do this for myself and I think once I start seeing results that he may really fully get on board with this but I also know that I can't make him do it and that he has to do it for himself. I just have to stick to it and do this for myself!
  • LazSommer
    LazSommer Posts: 1,851 Member
    How do I blame my partner when I fail squat reps?
  • NaturalNancy
    NaturalNancy Posts: 1,093 Member
    Do your own thing, focus on your goal and most men need more calories compared to women.
    Plan accordingly, if u can eat the take away and fit it in then go for it otherwise don't.
  • _Waffle_
    _Waffle_ Posts: 13,049 Member
    Just break up.


    Seriously, it's the first week. Give it time and keep working on it.
  • Francl27
    Francl27 Posts: 26,371 Member
    Ok well honestly... I lost 80 pounds, while my husband probably gained 15.

    If you want it, you'll do it.
  • pebble4321
    pebble4321 Posts: 1,132 Member
    Did he have any input into the meal plan that you set up? I wonder if he's feeling pressured into eating the way you have chosen and is looking for alternatives?

    Either way, you eat what you planned, let him do his own thing. He's an adult, not a child so he gets to choose his own meals even if you consider them crap.
  • RoxieDawn
    RoxieDawn Posts: 15,488 Member
    edited May 2016
    this is the second thread where mozilla had hosed my responses and doubled posted... sorry folks..
  • RoxieDawn
    RoxieDawn Posts: 15,488 Member
    Rach0792 wrote: »
    It's more that he is trying to pressure me into eating crap and I'm just afraid that one of these days I will crack and just eat something I shouldn't.

    Say no to crap! The more you say no, the more he will stop asking!

    I like what @_waffle says.. just break up.... nahh... What happens if you cave in? What are the consequences?

    Well only you know how to deal with these questions and all you have to do is just say No.. Folks around you will get the hint soon enough, you just need to be stead fast in your goals and not let another person or circumstance derail you!
  • Rach0792
    Rach0792 Posts: 44 Member
    pebble4321 wrote: »
    Did he have any input into the meal plan that you set up? I wonder if he's feeling pressured into eating the way you have chosen and is looking for alternatives?

    Either way, you eat what you planned, let him do his own thing. He's an adult, not a child so he gets to choose his own meals even if you consider them crap.

    Yer we both sat down together and to be honest he did have more input than I did. Although we didn't add in snacks so when he gets hungry I will suggest fruit or something but he will automatically suggest something really high in calories.
  • pebble4321
    pebble4321 Posts: 1,132 Member
    Fair enough, it sounds as though he's just not as committed to the idea of sticking to an eating plan, so you are going to have to practice saying no, or check the menus for an acceptable option.
  • kandeye
    kandeye Posts: 216 Member
    I understand it may feel difficult at first, but you are two different people who can make individual choices. You will have to learn that nobody is pressuring you to do anything, if you don't want a certain food, don't eat it. It's a part of life to make choices. Last night my boyfriend wanted a root beer float. Man did that sound good, but I literally had no calories left so I did without. It didn't bother me that he wanted it, in fact I made it for him. Today I'm leaving room for some ice cream because I want it. As time goes on find the dynamic that works for you guys, maybe you aren't the type of couple that can easily lose weight together.
  • cerise_noir
    cerise_noir Posts: 5,468 Member
    edited May 2016
    There really is nothing that you shouldn't eat, unless you are allergic to it, it's spoiled, fell on the ground, etc. You can eat take out, it's okay. Just try to log it as accurately as possible and stay within your calorie goal. Weight loss is about the amount of calories you eat, not where the calories come from. Having a few pieces of pizza or some sesame chicken is fine, just don't over do it.
    This is perfect. Relaxed and flexible. And, stress-free. Both of you will be happier just weighing your foods, logging the calories and relaxing. Pick a reasonable amount of calories and stick to it.
  • nixxthirteen
    nixxthirteen Posts: 280 Member
    For the most part, my SO and I eat the same things but my portions are tweaked to fit my specific needs.

    We have the same breakfast, but I eat one piece of toast folded into a half sandwich, while he has 2 pieces of bread.

    Lunch time, we have lean meat sandwiches, or chicken salad wraps, or frozen entrees occasionally. He just gets more lunchtime snacks than I do because his job is really physical and he gets super hungry.

    At dinner, we split veg and salad 50/50. I weigh out my 100g of rice, and my portion of meat. He plates his own food with however much meat and grains he wants.

    Dessert, I have a 90cal ice cream bar, and his might be 180cal.

    IF we go to McDonalds, he gets fries but I get a garden salad with my meal. He gets crispy chicken wraps, I go for grilled.

    Basically, as long as I'm taking care of my own needs and eating enough for myself, I don't care what he eats. Granted, my SO is careful not to pig out if he thinks I may be out of calories and jealous hahah. He's thoughtful and considerate, so I don't stop him from eating the things HE wants. We went out for 900cal burritos recently because he had a craving, and I just ate half of mine. Compromise :).

    My one piece of advice is, pre-cook in large batches. That way he can grab takeaway on the way home and you've got a delicious healthy meal that just needs to be heated up. No one wants to cook after a long day, which is why convenience food seems like such a good idea. Try to stop that BEFORE it happens by being prepared. I like cooking up tons of chicken breast pieces in some spice, because it goes great thrown into a tortilla with some toppings and tzatziki. And veg side dishes, like roasted asparagus, take 15 min in the oven tops.