Compliment or Criticism...?
Replies
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I was talking to my sister about this the other day. She's never been over weight. She gets comments all the time about her low (normal) weight. She was training for a Spartan race which included heavy lifting. She started dropping her already low BF% as a result. People came out of the woodwork to tell her that she was too thin, eat more, blah blah blah. From what I gather comments on weight is something that thin people deal with frequently, and we are now experiencing it. What is the saying, people judge you based upon how they view themselves?3
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I had my head snapped off by one of my sister's friends when I said she looked great. Nothing else. I compliment her on her clothes or hair specifically now since I know she's overly sensitive.
Some folks are just insecure or looking to be offended. I try to not be one of them, males my life less stressful.k0 -
My husband's been told to get me a sandwich.
I've been told by a registered dietitian to get my wife ice cream, dinner rolls, butter.
She was suffering with a degenerate disk in her neck and had quit eating. She had no appetite. I let her lose 40 lb and was willing to let her go 10 more but her psychologist referred her to the dietitian. That's all been resolved and she's back up.0 -
I think the "you aren't still trying to lose, are you?" is intended to be nice/as a compliment, to tell you you look like you are at a goal weight. I basically ignore it, as it's none of their business (but is intended positively). I laugh it off or just say "working on fitness, and whatever happens happens" or something like that. I don't feel compelled to explain my goal weight and why I picked it! ;-)
I get the cancer thing too, as I have a friend who has lost a bunch of weight (and looks good) while fighting cancer. I knew about the illness before the weight loss, but I'm sure that could be awkward if someone did not and said "you look great, how'd you do it!"
I actually heard that my former assistant was asking around to confirm I was not sick when I first lost weight.0 -
There's another thread on here asking "why hasn't anyone noticed I've lost 10lbs (or something)?"
Humans confuse me sometimes, must be easier being a bear, just growl at humans, scaring them, and spend the day looking for food.5 -
MalcolmX1983 wrote: »There's another thread on here asking "why hasn't anyone noticed I've lost 10lbs (or something)?"
Humans confuse me sometimes, must be easier being a bear, just growl at humans, scaring them, and spend the day looking for food.
Heh, too true.0 -
STEVE142142 wrote: »Maybe it's my personality but it really doesn't bother me what they say. What I'm going to say next may sound arrogant but a lot of the people here probably understand where I'm coming from. We have a different mindset and a different perspective then a lot of people out there have.
One of the biggest insults someone who is successful hears is that you're so lucky. What the average person doesn't understand is all you've had to sacrifice and endure. Al luck is when opportunity and preparedness meet.
They don't understand the time and effort we've put in into this journey the planning thinking about what we're going to have and how much and the consequences of not doing the right thing. Simple truth is many of them aren't willing to do what we do.
So enjoy the journey all you lucky people.
How many times can I jam that "awesome" button for this post?0 -
i have heard it all, from "are you ill" to "you look great" to being told how to do it better. dont worry about what others say. do it for yourself1
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I used to in the beginning from my mother-in-law. I think because they might only see once a month or so that they just haven't gotten used to seeing me this way. It is annoying, but I know that I am at a healthy weight for my height and age. I have started running and getting ready to run a half marathon in August, last weekend I told my mother-in-law I would take the local trail on an 8 mile run, her comment was you have to run that far to maintain...I quickly told her no that I enjoy running and it makes me feel good & I am training to run for the marathon, kind of shut her up. So whether it is a compliment or criticism or jealousy I really don't care at this point cause I know I look amazing.0
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"Thanks! I feel really great! How are you?" Turning the conversation to the other person always works
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It's so weird to me how people will tell you that you are too skinny, but not tell you that you're overweight. Both are rude. Unless you are a person who is close to me and we have enough rapport for you to discuss my weight, just DON'T.
I gained over 10 lbs last year when I neglected my health and when I finally got sick of feeling like a stuffed sausage in all my work clothes I told folks I was about to tighten up ship, SO MANY people said "You are already thin!" or "You don't need to lose anything!". Well I know what weight I like to be at, I wasn't at it, and was tired of having muffin top and wearing big tops and leggings. Let me do me, you do you!5 -
I have one coworker whom did this once a week for months, usually in the break room while i was fixing my lunch. I finally started speaking to her first, "Hi, Tami. Yes, I am eating I had breakfast today too.""5
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I have been thinking about responding as follows to those who comment on the weight I lost - Say something like - yes I lost the weight, I am sorry you found it, no need to return it. Or if they ask how much you have lost - say less than you gained.2
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RosieRose7673 wrote: »I've had that happen before. I've also been told that I need to stop lifting weights because "guys don't find that attractive", right after that same person said that people shouldn't put as much importance on what others think of them... If I remember correctly, they were saying that because they were "a little chubby" (their words, not mine) and they'd rather "keep drinking wine than lose weight".
I feel like all sorts of comments about others bodies tend to come from some kind of insecurity within themselves. Of course, you may get the person who's genuinely concerned, but for the most part, success of any sort is often met with backhanded compliments due to insecurities.
This is my personal pet peev too. My body is not solely created for the male gaze. I do the fitness I do because I enjoy it and I do not give a flying *kitten* if they find it attractive or not.
I also agree that usually comments on other's bodies are stemmed from a person's insecurities. Remind yourself that it is about them and not you and be proud of yourself for your fantastic accomplishment.3 -
Being told your fat (to me) would compound the hurt that got you there. Being told that your skinny (again to me) is just a minor display of ignorance. One I feel I can easily forgive.It's so weird to me how people will tell you that you are too skinny, but not tell you that you're overweight. Both are rude...0 -
CaptainJoy wrote: »CindyFooWho wrote: »My husband lost 65 pounds in 9 1/2 months last year and the world.. I mean the entire world including his grown daughters that do not see him but a couple of time a years all asked "you lost weight, are you sick"?? or "you lost weigh are you sure everything is ok in life?"
I have....THREE separate times....complimented (I thought) someone on their obvious weight loss only to find out that they HAVE been sick, or depressed. And that's worse! So I've learned. Now I just tell someone "you look great." If they've been working to lose weight, they know what I mean. If they've been sick, it still sounds like a compliment.
The best comment I received came from an older woman in my church. She sits behind me and asked, "Have you been trying to lose weight?" When I answered, "Yes I have," she then said what a great job I've been doing and that I looked great. We've have a lot of people who have or have had cancer. Some have died. I think she did an excellent job of opening up the topic. If I had been sick or had cancer, she'd have felt horrible for telling me how great I was doing.
That's how people tend to approach the subject with me. I still get told I don't need to lose anymore weight, but I know I do. I even stared telling people I've stopped losing weight just so they couldn't comment. Silly I know.2 -
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2011rocket3touring wrote: »
Being told your fat (to me) would compound the hurt that got you there. Being told that your skinny (again to me) is just a minor display of ignorance. One I feel I can easily forgive.It's so weird to me how people will tell you that you are too skinny, but not tell you that you're overweight. Both are rude...
Agreed, but they are still both rude and unnecessary comments.
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CaptainJoy wrote: »
The best comment I received came from an older woman in my church. She sits behind me and asked, "Have you been trying to lose weight?" When I answered, "Yes I have," she then said what a great job I've been doing and that I looked great. We've have a lot of people who have or have had cancer. Some have died. I think she did an excellent job of opening up the topic. If I had been sick or had cancer, she'd have felt horrible for telling me how great I was doing.
I think that's an excellent way of approaching it. I personally have a rule that I won't comment on someone's weight at all unless they have already mentioned or talked about trying to lose. Often people who are open to compliments will be open about their weight loss efforts on some level. Otherwise, if they don't say anything, I don't say anything. It's not up to me to comment on something so personal just because it's so visible, unless I really feel close to somebody.1 -
MalcolmX1983 wrote: »There's another thread on here asking "why hasn't anyone noticed I've lost 10lbs (or something)?"
Humans confuse me sometimes, must be easier being a bear, just growl at humans, scaring them, and spend the day looking for food.
Maybe you saw a different thread than me, but the ones I've seen was one asking when other peoples' weight loss started becoming noticeable, and another thread where someone was a bit down for not being able to see/feel a difference after 25 lbs lost. I hope you're not exaggerating to make fun of others...0 -
I think it's generally meant as a compliment. At the same time, people are also constantly told about the dangers of anorexia and they've lost all idea of what a normal range of thinness looks like so they get alarmist.
Alternatively, people are undermining you because they feel insecure that you're changing for the better.5 -
MalcolmX1983 wrote: »There's another thread on here asking "why hasn't anyone noticed I've lost 10lbs (or something)?"
Humans confuse me sometimes, must be easier being a bear, just growl at humans, scaring them, and spend the day looking for food.
Maybe you saw a different thread than me, but the ones I've seen was one asking when other peoples' weight loss started becoming noticeable, and another thread where someone was a bit down for not being able to see/feel a difference after 25 lbs lost. I hope you're not exaggerating to make fun of others...
This was an actual thread. I'm to lazy to look it up, but it's in the general forum.1 -
It's all about perspective and what people are used to seeing.
So much this! A friend of mine and I are within an inch of each other in height and nearly the same weight (within 5lbs). I've lost 110lbs already and would like to lose 50 more. But she thinks I'm good where I am (but she still wants to lose 30lbs). She thinks my body looks different. I think it's because I look drastically different than I used to. If someone meet me now, they wouldn't think I looked thin. For most people, I take it in stride, smile, say thank you and change the subject.
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Some of the replies you've gotten have comebacks that are funny. Some are snarky. Only you know why you are doing what you do. For me it's strength and health.
I believe that when people say that they aren't telling you what to do, "oh, Person! I don't have a medical degree but play one on the internet daily and WebMD tells me I need to tell you that you are going to starve and waste away!"
It's more like an automatic response similar to saying "Bless You" after a sneeze. Even a stranger will say "bless you!" You know they don't really care if you are blessed!
When they tell you not to lose any more weight, you can always tell them you are actually working on gains! Muscle gains, strength gains, mental health gains, etc.
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MalcolmX1983 wrote: »There's another thread on here asking "why hasn't anyone noticed I've lost 10lbs (or something)?"
Humans confuse me sometimes, must be easier being a bear, just growl at humans, scaring them, and spend the day looking for food.
Maybe you saw a different thread than me, but the ones I've seen was one asking when other peoples' weight loss started becoming noticeable, and another thread where someone was a bit down for not being able to see/feel a difference after 25 lbs lost. I hope you're not exaggerating to make fun of others...
He is talking about the "I lost 13 lbs since January and nobody has noticed" thread in particular. Good to know the Exaggeration Cop is on the beat and keeping an eye on things--you'll find a lot to keep you busy.4 -
Oh, I'd love to get this comment whether it was mean-spirited or not!!! = D0
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jmbmilholland wrote: »MalcolmX1983 wrote: »There's another thread on here asking "why hasn't anyone noticed I've lost 10lbs (or something)?"
Humans confuse me sometimes, must be easier being a bear, just growl at humans, scaring them, and spend the day looking for food.
Maybe you saw a different thread than me, but the ones I've seen was one asking when other peoples' weight loss started becoming noticeable, and another thread where someone was a bit down for not being able to see/feel a difference after 25 lbs lost. I hope you're not exaggerating to make fun of others...
He is talking about the "I lost 13 lbs since January and nobody has noticed" thread in particular. Good to know the Exaggeration Cop is on the beat and keeping an eye on things--you'll find a lot to keep you busy.
Oh please don't be that way! As I said "maybe you saw a different thread than me", and he did! Thanks for clarifying. I am quickly realizing there's a lot going on here at MFP, with lots of threads with similar themes going at the same time.2 -
jmbmilholland wrote: »MalcolmX1983 wrote: »There's another thread on here asking "why hasn't anyone noticed I've lost 10lbs (or something)?"
Humans confuse me sometimes, must be easier being a bear, just growl at humans, scaring them, and spend the day looking for food.
Maybe you saw a different thread than me, but the ones I've seen was one asking when other peoples' weight loss started becoming noticeable, and another thread where someone was a bit down for not being able to see/feel a difference after 25 lbs lost. I hope you're not exaggerating to make fun of others...
He is talking about the "I lost 13 lbs since January and nobody has noticed" thread in particular. Good to know the Exaggeration Cop is on the beat and keeping an eye on things--you'll find a lot to keep you busy.
Oh please don't be that way! As I said "maybe you saw a different thread than me", and he did! Thanks for clarifying. I am quickly realizing there's a lot going on here at MFP, with lots of threads with similar themes going at the same time.
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