Why do people feel the need...

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Replies

  • MRBDDB
    MRBDDB Posts: 14 Member
    Years ago when I lost a lot of weight on Atkins I had a woman I worked with notice I was losing weight and she said "wow you're going to be so pretty when you lose all that weight". Then caught herself and said that I was already pretty but would be even prettier. Ten years later and I still remember that hurtful comment.
  • yasef13
    yasef13 Posts: 63 Member
    @Cutemesoon your reply had me on the floor! Thanks for having my back ;) !
    I wish I had you on my support team!
  • Cutemesoon
    Cutemesoon Posts: 2,646 Member
    You DO have me on your support team! That's what this community is for! I'll cheer you on from cyberspace.
  • Chef_Barbell
    Chef_Barbell Posts: 6,644 Member
    amusedmonkey wrote: »
    Wow.. I had no idea people were that sensitive.. Makes me think twice before complimenting anyone.. I mean are we actually supposed to come up with a convoluted long winded forced compliment not to offend anyone like "you have always looked great, but now you have this extra glow about you, not that you weren't glowing before, it just that your hard work is paying off and no doubt you are proud of what you have achieved, not assuming or anything, it's just.. bah forget it.. you look great"

    Or you can just not say anything at all.
  • A_poetiq
    A_poetiq Posts: 52 Member
    This has happened to me. Backhanded compliments get no respect in my book. I make it known immediately that it's rude and they can keep further compliments like that to themselves.
  • CincyNeid
    CincyNeid Posts: 1,249 Member
    I don't know. Maybe I have thick skin. I get that comment all time from people. MY wife tells me all the time "I never seen it before", "I never thought you were that big" or stuff like that.

    I just know I'm doing it for me, and not for her and I let it roll off my back.
  • Morgaen73
    Morgaen73 Posts: 2,817 Member
    When I was in art school I did a project with fashion models. My art teacher looked at me and said "Why do you always work with beautiful people, why dont you use yourself as a subject more often?" I weighed 162kg at the time.

    It was hurtful but not the worst thing anyone has said to me.

    When I lost 62kg I got comments similar to what you are getting and I chose to take the compliment and ignore the insult.

    You have a choice in how you want to interpret what is being said. You can either choose to see it as a disguised insult or you can choose to see it as a badly delivered compliment, whichever is more valuable to you.

    I can honestly not think that you mother and husband would knowingly try to hurt you. if so, then you need to get out of both relationships.





  • Domomallow
    Domomallow Posts: 87 Member
    Yeah, that just sounds hurtful and unnecessary. I would tell them exactly what you just said. You're the same person you were before, and if they wouldn't say those things to you when you carried more weight, what makes it okay to say now? Just because it's in the past doesn't mean it's safe to joke about.

  • Fursian
    Fursian Posts: 548 Member
    amusedmonkey wrote: »
    Wow.. I had no idea people were that sensitive.. Makes me think twice before complimenting anyone.. I mean are we actually supposed to come up with a convoluted long winded forced compliment not to offend anyone like "you have always looked great, but now you have this extra glow about you, not that you weren't glowing before, it just that your hard work is paying off and no doubt you are proud of what you have achieved, not assuming or anything, it's just.. bah forget it.. you look great"

    You bring up good points and I'd agree, where do we draw the line?, but the "comments" in the OP were not quite a compliment.
    yasef13 wrote: »
    Hey all,
    I have recently reached the 50lbs mark with still about the same to lose.
    I've been hearing things from my husband, my mother and some other people that really get to me. They keep insulting my 'former self' to pay a compliment to my 'new self'!!
    Does this happen to anyone else? And does it bother anyone else?
    My mother just said to me after seeing a pic I posted online, "you look so nice, your face is long again instead of that awful round face you had" !!! Whaaaaah??
    My husband keeps saying things like "wow, I was married to a whale before" ! Oookay?!
    Am I being too sensitive? I'm still the same person! You can't insult me and expect me to take it as a compliment, just because I look different. I mean I don't even see that big of a difference.
    Rant over! But I still would like to hear some insights.

    The trouble with all this is that people are maybe *too* nice to say things at the time (when we were overweight/obese), goodness knows I've been presented with such questions before, and for the life of me I couldn't bring myself to *say it*, even though it might *do them some good*. It's difficult, but I get it.
  • Kimo159
    Kimo159 Posts: 508 Member
    I second the person who said to say "Wow that was mean" and walk away. Some people just say things without thinking about how they come out or how it will perceived by the other person. I wouldn't take it to heart. I would, however, have a conversations with my husband and tell him that his backhanded compliments are really hurtful. He may not even realize what he's saying is rude. Try not to let what they say get to you, I'm sure that's hard because some really hurtful things were said. But it's your body, how you feel in your body is the only thing that matters. Letting people's hurtful comments getting to you is in a way, letting them win. Who cares why they say it anyway. Are they jerks? Are they bad with words? Do they honestly have no idea that what they said was offensive? Trying to dig into the psyche of people is often a waste of time. Water off a ducks back I say.
  • iecreamheadaches
    iecreamheadaches Posts: 441 Member
    No, not too sensitive at all. I'd be offended just as much.

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