The body-face dilemma after 40
Replies
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I am 42 and have also lost about 30 pounds. I did it slowly, but I have wrinkles now, for the first time in my life. I've learned to accept them and my boyfriend swears they are sexy. <shrug> I think he's too busy staring at my booty and abs to notice.
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I am almost 44...when I had lost the first 30lbs...I got mistaken for my son's older sister...so yah no.1
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I think it depends on the shape of your face. I like my face better when I'm thin because I have nice cheekbones and it's nice when they aren't covered by fat. But more importantly I really dislike a fat neck.
But time takes it's toll on your face whether you are heavy or thin. I'll happily settle for people thinking I'm younger based on my tight *kitten* and toned arms instead of my face.1 -
Fifty-five here. Lots of drooping. Change your image of what beauty is, because nobody has found a cure for gravity yet. (There may be openings at the space station).
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I'm 66 going on 67; dropped 51-52 lbs over the last year +. I've never felt better or have had so much energy in my life. That's beauty. None of us can stop time and I don't know that I'd want to. My 96 year old mother is still going strong and is beautiful inside and out. Just the fact that we're vertical is all the beauty we need.7
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First off, there's no magic number that everything starts falling apart. Genetics, lifestyle , yoyo dieting, lack of sun protection, smoking and medication use, poor eating habits, all contribute to aging but people start to show the effects at different ages.
I'm not of the camp that it is what it is.
At 55, I don't look like I did at 20 or even 40, but I try and live a healthy lifestyle and do the best with what I have at THAT age.
Believe me, 70 year old you will look at your current photos and think how great you look.
I also believe that the best part of being a woman is the things we have available today to enhance our looks.
I take advantage of good creams, vitamins, hair color (damn, you can do it yourself in 30 minutes at home for $10 a box) fake back tanning and a great sunscreen.
While I've gotten a little help from a good doctor with fillers and Botox from time to time. I haven't in 5 years and feel I'm due.
I do understand what you're saying though, because once at around 38 I crashed dieted on a 1000 calorie a day diet for a pool party event and thought I looked great and when I saw photos I was mortified at how terrible my skin firmness was.
I never forgot that and since have aimed for 1/2 lb to 1 lb TOPS in weight loss per week.
Go see a cosmetic surgeon if you're so inclined. Or just accentuate your favorite body parts!!0 -
I'm 66 going on 67; dropped 51-52 lbs over the last year +. I've never felt better or have had so much energy in my life. That's beauty. None of us can stop time and I don't know that I'd want to. My 96 year old mother is still going strong and is beautiful inside and out. Just the fact that we're vertical is all the beauty we need.
I love everything about this^^
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Like I said earlier, I turn 40 next month. I am really excited about it.
I was in such a bad place when I turned 35 and that birthday was very hard--bad job, bad physical shape, just felt terrible. I can remember telling a friend that I figured it was my mid-point because I wouldn't live past 70 and the thought that it was all downhill from there was completely depressing. Talk about being a Debbie Downer!
Now here I am, five years later, feeling better than I ever have in my adult life. I'm healthy and it shows in my face, my body, and my overall outlook. If I'm fortunate I'll live to a ripe old age but for now, bring on 40!5 -
Being happy and healthy looks better on everyone.
Photos are me at 42 and then yesterday at 55.
Do I look the same?? Heck no. But I'm healthy, happy, and above ground!!
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Heartisalonelyhunter wrote: »Remember that health is the root of all beauty- both in mind, body and spirit.
(On a practical note, I noticed some sagginess when I lost weight initially too (mostly on my thighs/derrière) but after a year of maintaining this has mostly gone away. You may find that your sagginess improves slowly over time too.
Finally, I use retin-A on my face, which I started in my 20s because of bad acne but now I use for anti-aging. This may be something you want to try. I've also started taking Biosil which is supposed to be good for both skin and bone density.
Hope this helps
)
Do you think Biosil is worth the $?
It's probably best to do your own research on this- but I think Biosil is worth the money, especially for the possible bone density effects. I have used it for about 3 months and it does seem like my skin, hair and nails have improved but the change is subtle and it's hard to be certain.
Right now, I'm using the liquid which is a little cheaper than taking the pills. Be warned, however, it does taste pretty bad. You will want to mix it with some water or somethings before taking it (!)
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You're focusing on the wrong things to ever transition to being older.2
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I was not aware of this dilemma and I am 42. Make the best of what you have and be confident. 1
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At 46, I am happy to embrace the changes I'm experiencing as I age. Today I was quite happy with my looks, despite brown spots and wrinkles and probably drooping neck. I've lost almost a 100 pounds in the past two years and would definitely choose that over whatever else. Like someone else said, it is what it is. I have another at least 100 to go, and I am sure more stuff will drop. But I'll be even stronger and more active and by default, living a happier life. I choose that.
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frankiesgirlie wrote: »Being happy and healthy looks better on everyone.
Photos are me at 42 and then yesterday at 55.
Do I look the same?? Heck no. But I'm healthy, happy, and above ground!!
You look way different without the mustache!
(Just teasing! You're beautiful!)7 -
frankiesgirlie wrote: »Being happy and healthy looks better on everyone.
Photos are me at 42 and then yesterday at 55.
Do I look the same?? Heck no. But I'm healthy, happy, and above ground!!
You look way different without the mustache!
(Just teasing! You're beautiful!)
I love that!!1 -
I have the neck thing. As someone else said, it is what it is and I've made my peace with it. I am still very much in the overweight range, but I have stopped losing for now. I have seen too many women get too thin and wizened when they lose weight at my age. I'm 51. I am not putting women down. Everyone's skin/body is different. I have skin that has never bounced back from weight gain. I get stretch marks at the drop of a hat. But really, on the whole, I'm pleased with how my body is shaping up. I wish I could magically tighten everything up, but gravity has other plans.
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wisdomfromyou wrote: »I know you guys love motivation and success stories on this forum but I'm not a success story ( just yet). More like a mess story. To make a long story very short, last year I lost 30 lbs with the initial 10 lbs dropped unintentionally as a result of a pneumonia bout and another health scare which sent me into a pretty serious depressive episode. When I finally came around after about 3 months, I took advantage of the initial weight loss and continued with calorie counting and exercise over the summer. Total weight loss: 30 lbs.
Then in the fall things started to storm up badly at work and I entered another very stressful period during which I tend to overeat / lose track of how/what I eat / need lots of comfort food.
Result: In a year, I pretty much regained all the weight I'd lost. How simple is that?
In the meantime, I also noticed that the 30 lbs weight loss was not exactly without taxation. The volume loss in the face led to some cheek flattening and the very first signs of droopiness/ jowl tendency.
I am 43, granted, but up until this weight loss episode (at 42 yo) my face was picture perfect. The changes happened too abruptly not to be related to the weight fluctuation.
Now I am afraid that if I go back down in weight, the droopy/flat cheeks will get even worse.
I once read somewhere that after 40, women must choose between their face and their body.
Kinda depressing, especially for those women who had always carried more stock in face than in body ...
Rationally, I know one should probably choose body because of the health factor - buts one of us don't cope well with face-related vanity either.
Any advice ?
Thank you all.
Just throwing this out there...these things are often a perception of our minds eye and not reality...
My wife is 42 and we've both lost quite a bit of weight...her face isn't droopy in the least...she looks fantastic and fit and she looks younger in the face.0 -
frankiesgirlie wrote: »Being happy and healthy looks better on everyone.
Photos are me at 42 and then yesterday at 55.
Do I look the same?? Heck no. But I'm healthy, happy, and above ground!!
I think you look better older! Very fortunate bone structure and big eyes, so less cushioning looks dramatic and beautiful, not gaunt or droopy. You don't look younger, you look older but BETTER!3 -
cwolfman13 wrote: »wisdomfromyou wrote: »I know you guys love motivation and success stories on this forum but I'm not a success story ( just yet). More like a mess story. To make a long story very short, last year I lost 30 lbs with the initial 10 lbs dropped unintentionally as a result of a pneumonia bout and another health scare which sent me into a pretty serious depressive episode. When I finally came around after about 3 months, I took advantage of the initial weight loss and continued with calorie counting and exercise over the summer. Total weight loss: 30 lbs.
Then in the fall things started to storm up badly at work and I entered another very stressful period during which I tend to overeat / lose track of how/what I eat / need lots of comfort food.
Result: In a year, I pretty much regained all the weight I'd lost. How simple is that?
In the meantime, I also noticed that the 30 lbs weight loss was not exactly without taxation. The volume loss in the face led to some cheek flattening and the very first signs of droopiness/ jowl tendency.
I am 43, granted, but up until this weight loss episode (at 42 yo) my face was picture perfect. The changes happened too abruptly not to be related to the weight fluctuation.
Now I am afraid that if I go back down in weight, the droopy/flat cheeks will get even worse.
I once read somewhere that after 40, women must choose between their face and their body.
Kinda depressing, especially for those women who had always carried more stock in face than in body ...
Rationally, I know one should probably choose body because of the health factor - buts one of us don't cope well with face-related vanity either.
Any advice ?
Thank you all.
Just throwing this out there...these things are often a perception of our minds eye and not reality...
My wife is 42 and we've both lost quite a bit of weight...her face isn't droopy in the least...she looks fantastic and fit and she looks younger in the face.
I lost 80 pounds and look 5 years older sadly.0 -
I will turn 49 next month. After losing 18 lbs everyone says I look way younger. Guess it is because my neck looks a lot thinner, my face still looks chubby. Also lifting weights have toned up my flabby arms and tummy area.
In fact today I had gone to the passport office to renew my passport. The lady there while going through my papers was surprised when she saw my age, looked up at me and said I looked 20 years younger. Also said in the old passport photo I looked way older.
I've been using Retin A for several years now, and am diligent about using sunscreen.
Being healthy and happy is what counts in the end.2 -
I am 47 and definitely do not have the face/body I once had. However, my goals have changed. I'm losing weight and plan to run my first marathon when I turn 50. I would like to be the strongest I've ever been. I lift heavy and have every intention of transforming my body.
That being said, I also have every intention of getting some kind of neck skin surgery once I'm in good shape. I'm just rolling with the punches so to speak.1 -
I get mistaken for younger or older, it has to do with CONTEXT only, as far as I can tell.
If I have only my younger kids with me, people think I'm in my late 30s
If I have only my older kids with me, people think I am my age, I get comments about "sisters" but that's shameless flattery, not estimation of age.
If I have all my kids with me, people think I am a grandma.
I don't think people really have a good handle on what different ages look like.
My car wash guy is 50, he asked me the other day why I didn't have a kid with the Fiance...I nearly spit out my drink since he knows we already have NINE kids between us, but he said "why not make it an even ten? You are just thirty-something, right?" I told him sure, I am thirty-eighteen. He looked shocked. But I don't think he was basing this on looks. I think it's just that in his world women have kids YOUNG so it was reasonable that I'd have a 24 year old as my oldest but be thirty something, and less reasonable that I would have a nine year old and be nearly his age.
@ the OP
Give it time, skin can bounce back over time, and like some previous responses I recommend the Retin-A, just get the generic cream, it's not too crazy expensive and does keep skin looking better.1 -
Look at you, radiosilents, rocking the lipstick! Huzzah!!0
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I'm younger than you guys, but I have had some similar face negativity since losing weight. It's not that I think I look old, and I love having a defined jaw and slender neck, but the last time I weighed what I currently weigh, I was 19.
I'm 30 now, and I have lost 180 pounds. I uncovered a face that is 30. Maybe late 20's. This would be fine if it didn't seem to happen overnight. I had the 19-year-old image in my head, but naturally, that was unrealistic. So it's an adjustment.1 -
wisdomfromyou wrote: »I know you guys love motivation and success stories on this forum but I'm not a success story ( just yet). More like a mess story. To make a long story very short, last year I lost 30 lbs with the initial 10 lbs dropped unintentionally as a result of a pneumonia bout and another health scare which sent me into a pretty serious depressive episode. When I finally came around after about 3 months, I took advantage of the initial weight loss and continued with calorie counting and exercise over the summer. Total weight loss: 30 lbs.
Kinda depressing, especially for those women who had always carried more stock in face than in body ...
Thank you for posting your problem. I am maintaining at 20 pounds over because I am afraid of what you are complaining about. It took a long time to get accustomed to my daughter's face after her 130 pound loss but it eventually "got there". when I was your age I went to this mini face tuck place that they advertise on TV, very minimal invasion, wide awake. After I sat in the chair I panicked and left. I'm 67 now and I'm still afraid of that jowl thing. But I need to let go of this 20 pounds. I'm extremely vain but I guess I will take my chances. I hope you get answers.0 -
Finally, I use retin-A on my face, which I started in my 20s because of bad acne but now I use for anti-aging. This may be something you want to try. I've also started taking Biosil which is supposed to be good for both skin and bone density.
Hope this helps )[/quote]
I used the retin-A for acne in my 30s, and I'm using it for acne and anti aging now at 66. There is a commercial by Clearasil that tells this kid "acne will not last" - they need to check that lie out and retract that statement, my whole old age family and most of my old friends have acne! But yes Retin-A, I love it, will not be without it.
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I'm 47 and I am so much happier with my body now than I ever was. I do have some issues with my neck but not my face. I'm self conscious about it and don't like the way it looks but I wouldn't trade how much better I feel or look for my neck to not look the way it does. I've attached my before and after of my face. I'm much happier with the way I look now even with the neck issue.
Your slim face makes your beautiful eyes pop!! Great job!!1 -
frankiesgirlie wrote: »Being happy and healthy looks better on everyone.
Photos are me at 42 and then yesterday at 55.
Do I look the same?? Heck no. But I'm healthy, happy, and above ground!!
I think you look better older! Very fortunate bone structure and big eyes, so less cushioning looks dramatic and beautiful, not gaunt or droopy. You don't look younger, you look older but BETTER!
Thank you. I appreciate that. I live a MUCH healthier life now than I did back then.0 -
I'm over forty and a thin person and I don't have saggy jowls, sunken cheeks and wrinkles. When I'm carrying more weight my face just looks bloated, not youthful. I think it's different for everyone, though.
To me, if you're gonna get old either way, you might as well be fit and old. I can't say that I have ever found a fat, round, younger-looking face to be inherently more attractive than an thinner, supposedly-older looking face. I'd personally rather look like a fit, attractive older woman than a mediocre, out-of-shape younger one. That's just my personal preference though. Other people might think I'm crazy. Whatever.
I think people should be whatever they want to be. 2 -
frankiesgirlie wrote: »Being happy and healthy looks better on everyone.
Photos are me at 42 and then yesterday at 55.
Do I look the same?? Heck no. But I'm healthy, happy, and above ground!!
You look beautiful- and I love your smile! I can feel your energy coming through your picture!0
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