Self sabotage! Why??
nvigliotte
Posts: 6 Member
Can't lose last 2lbs. Every time I get to 1lb from my goal I sabotage myself and eat a lot and go back to being 2lbs away from my goal. Why do I do this? It's almost like I won't let myself be happy. Don't deserve it.
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Replies
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Does one or two pounds really make a difference in how you look? Maybe you need a different goal? A fitness goal or something like that.18
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1 lb is the difference between happiness and unhappiness? But to address your point, my guess would be that you are pushing too hard. Slow it down.6
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Well I guess no it shouldn't make a difference in how I look or feel so I guess I shouldn't be unhappy. It's just that I was trucking right along in my weight loss feeling good and motivated to reach my goal. Then I got to 2lbs to my goal and I just.. stopped. And I mean it's been months. I've been trying to lose 2lbs for months. I know it's silly I just wanted to reach that goal I set for myself and I feel like I'm constantly failing. I'm starting to lose the happiness and appreciation I felt for coming this far.0
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You need to change your mindset then. The stress of not reaching your goal is not helping you.7
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I sometimes deliberately sabotage myself, so I may understand -- to a point.
That one or two pounds is likely not about how you look but about how you feel about yourself. How much have you lost? Can you celebrate that? 3 -
sounds like the thermostat needs to be re-set to the lower weight. this is where persistence is key4
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I guess, I don't understand the mindset of being in maintenance. I can't grasp it. What I mean by that I think is I don't understand being in a mindset where you are satisfied with your body. I've never been there.3
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nvigliotte wrote: »I guess, I don't understand the mindset of being in maintenance. I can't grasp it. What I mean by that I think is I don't understand being in a mindset where you are satisfied with your body. I've never been there.
Ah! That explains it! I understand that completely! Hee-hee! I once stood in a women's clothing store and argued with the saleslady that I could not possibly find anything in the department she recommended that would fit me. Well, I did. And it wasn't their larger clothes either!
You'll get used to it, then you be celebrating it!
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Being ashamed of my body has become part of my identity. The idea of suddenly liking it is sort of unsettling. Like, won't that make me conceited? Won't that make me like the people I always made fun of? Wont that make me less relatable?4
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nvigliotte wrote: »I guess, I don't understand the mindset of being in maintenance. I can't grasp it. What I mean by that I think is I don't understand being in a mindset where you are satisfied with your body. I've never been there.
New clothing did it for me!! Go shopping and buy something amazing!!3 -
This isn't really sabotage. This is just human nature. We ALL go through this where we have good days and bad days. I'm going through a bad week myself but I've done this before and I just keep my thumb on it and keep on and don't let it get out of control.
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I don't think it really applies in this situation (cause one pound either way ain't a huge deal) but if you are interested in self-sabotage there is an excellent book called Thinking Fast and Slow about different brain systems; your rational human brain vs your instinctive, limbic or reptilian brain. Your rational brain is where you set goals, have a coherent sense of identity etc. Your limbic brain keeps you alive, makes you breath, has your fight or flight response and only responds to pleasure v pain decisions. These two systems are actually quite disconnected. What this means in this scenario is when you set the rational goal "Lose weight" and then see cake your limbic systems sees pleasure and goes for it i.e. self-sabotage is the results of an inbuilt part of your operating system. One thing other neuroscience study has shown to help align your limbic system with your rational system is to visualise the pleasure experience of meeting a goal. E.g. when you think about losing weight, what will that feel like, what's a situation that will be really different once you have. For me it's being confident and happy with my friends at the beach. Then you need to visualise that you are there, on that beach, feeling awesome, having a great time, sand under toes, smell of salt, the whole deal. You limbic system can only understand experience, not words, so saying "I'll feel great" to your self won't help, but visualising and therefore experiencing the pleasure response will help align your limbic system to the goal. You can do this daily, or in times when you're reaching for the cake to help redirect your thinking.
This is something that helps me, in weight loss but with lots of other goals too.
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My final pounds were really hard also. It's like I got close enough where I was a little more casual about the dieting and that slowed things way down. I also started getting hungrier. Those last pounds can be a struggle. You'll get through it.2
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nvigliotte wrote: »Being ashamed of my body has become part of my identity. The idea of suddenly liking it is sort of unsettling. Like, won't that make me conceited? Won't that make me like the people I always made fun of? Wont that make me less relatable?
- No. It will mean you are normal.
- Why do you make fun of people? Is it to feel better about yourself? At any rate, you need to stop making fun of people.
- No. It will mean you have a healthy frame of mind, unlike now. Being ashamed of your body is no way to live.
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I have been 15 lbs away form my goal weight for about 6 months. It is frustrating and there is no good excuse for me other than I have also sabotaged myself when I started to feel satisfied by how far I have come. Go back to basics and eat whole foods at your calorie deficit until you drop the last two lbs! Mindful eating and sticking with your workout plan is key. I need to take my own advice!0
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I totally get this! I was 2lbs away from goal for aaages (a year) sometimes more, but never less! I would work hard, see a scale change, then reward myself but taking a step off the gas and not get any closer! The question is. .. If you were honestly that bothered, wouldnt you continue it? Deep down do you know it actually makes no difference that 1lb so I would make a decision : allow you self to stick at it and get there, or accept your goal is 1lb higher and give yourself a break!!!0
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you do realize that your body weight fluctuate +/- five pounds a day right?2
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Really interesting Jecka987. Thanks for the summary.0
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I've got a few lbs left to lose as well. My problem is that I don't want it bad enough. I know what I need to do, but i have no desire to reduce my calories or give up dessert etc etc to get there.
Maybe change your goal weight to 5lbs less than you are now, unless of course it puts you in the underweight category. Then when you get there the fluctuations will go up and down and around your current goal weight.2 -
nvigliotte wrote: »I guess, I don't understand the mindset of being in maintenance. I can't grasp it. What I mean by that I think is I don't understand being in a mindset where you are satisfied with your body. I've never been there.
And what makes you think that losing 2 lbs is going to change that?
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nvigliotte wrote: »Being ashamed of my body has become part of my identity. The idea of suddenly liking it is sort of unsettling. Like, won't that make me conceited? Won't that make me like the people I always made fun of? Wont that make me less relatable?
This li'l ol' lady sez, being all granny-like:
IMO, all of us ought to be gradually evolving our identities all of the time, because learning & growing is fun.
Liking your body, in the sense of being comfortable in your own skin, is very, very different from being giddily in love with your body completely out of proportion to its service to you, or its appeal to others, and showing off that self-admiration to others to the point of being a self-involved jerk. The latter is "being conceited".
Being comfortable with yourself is a happier state, and (ideally) one where you can mentally be more generous with others besides. There's no reason to make fun of people when you feel comfortable and confident with yourself - you don't need to rank people ("I'm better than her", "He's better than me" - just no).
And, when you find this place of comfort and self-acceptance, and it lets you feel more kind and compassionate about others' bodies as well . . . and poof, you'll be more relatable, not less.
It's a triple win: Comfortable, compassionate, relatable.
And you can think that way now, or in two pounds (plus or minus), or five . . . .
Self-sabotaging that last few pounds sounds like fear, to me. No need for fear.13 -
nvigliotte wrote: »Being ashamed of my body has become part of my identity. The idea of suddenly liking it is sort of unsettling. Like, won't that make me conceited? Won't that make me like the people I always made fun of? Wont that make me less relatable?
This li'l ol' lady sez, being all granny-like:
IMO, all of us ought to be gradually evolving our identities all of the time, because learning & growing is fun.
Liking your body, in the sense of being comfortable in your own skin, is very, very different from being giddily in love with your body completely out of proportion to its service to you, or its appeal to others, and showing off that self-admiration to others to the point of being a self-involved jerk. The latter is "being conceited".
Being comfortable with yourself is a happier state, and (ideally) one where you can mentally be more generous with others besides. There's no reason to make fun of people when you feel comfortable and confident with yourself - you don't need to rank people ("I'm better than her", "He's better than me" - just no).
And, when you find this place of comfort and self-acceptance, and it lets you feel more kind and compassionate about others' bodies as well . . . and poof, you'll be more relatable, not less.
It's a triple win: Comfortable, compassionate, relatable.
And you can think that way now, or in two pounds (plus or minus), or five . . . .
Self-sabotaging that last few pounds sounds like fear, to me. No need for fear.
Will you be my grandmother?
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nvigliotte wrote: »Being ashamed of my body has become part of my identity. The idea of suddenly liking it is sort of unsettling. Like, won't that make me conceited? Won't that make me like the people I always made fun of? Wont that make me less relatable?
This li'l ol' lady sez, being all granny-like:
IMO, all of us ought to be gradually evolving our identities all of the time, because learning & growing is fun.
Liking your body, in the sense of being comfortable in your own skin, is very, very different from being giddily in love with your body completely out of proportion to its service to you, or its appeal to others, and showing off that self-admiration to others to the point of being a self-involved jerk. The latter is "being conceited".
Being comfortable with yourself is a happier state, and (ideally) one where you can mentally be more generous with others besides. There's no reason to make fun of people when you feel comfortable and confident with yourself - you don't need to rank people ("I'm better than her", "He's better than me" - just no).
And, when you find this place of comfort and self-acceptance, and it lets you feel more kind and compassionate about others' bodies as well . . . and poof, you'll be more relatable, not less.
It's a triple win: Comfortable, compassionate, relatable.
And you can think that way now, or in two pounds (plus or minus), or five . . . .
Self-sabotaging that last few pounds sounds like fear, to me. No need for fear.
Will you be my grandmother?
You'll have to fight me for her
3 -
Christine_72 wrote: »nvigliotte wrote: »Being ashamed of my body has become part of my identity. The idea of suddenly liking it is sort of unsettling. Like, won't that make me conceited? Won't that make me like the people I always made fun of? Wont that make me less relatable?
This li'l ol' lady sez, being all granny-like:
IMO, all of us ought to be gradually evolving our identities all of the time, because learning & growing is fun.
Liking your body, in the sense of being comfortable in your own skin, is very, very different from being giddily in love with your body completely out of proportion to its service to you, or its appeal to others, and showing off that self-admiration to others to the point of being a self-involved jerk. The latter is "being conceited".
Being comfortable with yourself is a happier state, and (ideally) one where you can mentally be more generous with others besides. There's no reason to make fun of people when you feel comfortable and confident with yourself - you don't need to rank people ("I'm better than her", "He's better than me" - just no).
And, when you find this place of comfort and self-acceptance, and it lets you feel more kind and compassionate about others' bodies as well . . . and poof, you'll be more relatable, not less.
It's a triple win: Comfortable, compassionate, relatable.
And you can think that way now, or in two pounds (plus or minus), or five . . . .
Self-sabotaging that last few pounds sounds like fear, to me. No need for fear.
Will you be my grandmother?
You'll have to fight me for her
But I'm good at sharing!
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Christine_72 wrote: »nvigliotte wrote: »Being ashamed of my body has become part of my identity. The idea of suddenly liking it is sort of unsettling. Like, won't that make me conceited? Won't that make me like the people I always made fun of? Wont that make me less relatable?
This li'l ol' lady sez, being all granny-like:
IMO, all of us ought to be gradually evolving our identities all of the time, because learning & growing is fun.
Liking your body, in the sense of being comfortable in your own skin, is very, very different from being giddily in love with your body completely out of proportion to its service to you, or its appeal to others, and showing off that self-admiration to others to the point of being a self-involved jerk. The latter is "being conceited".
Being comfortable with yourself is a happier state, and (ideally) one where you can mentally be more generous with others besides. There's no reason to make fun of people when you feel comfortable and confident with yourself - you don't need to rank people ("I'm better than her", "He's better than me" - just no).
And, when you find this place of comfort and self-acceptance, and it lets you feel more kind and compassionate about others' bodies as well . . . and poof, you'll be more relatable, not less.
It's a triple win: Comfortable, compassionate, relatable.
And you can think that way now, or in two pounds (plus or minus), or five . . . .
Self-sabotaging that last few pounds sounds like fear, to me. No need for fear.
Will you be my grandmother?
You'll have to fight me for her
But I'm good at sharing!
LOL ok, part time each it is!
Hows about we let Ann pick who her favourite adopted child will be, we know all grandma's have one 1 -
Christine_72 wrote: »Christine_72 wrote: »nvigliotte wrote: »Being ashamed of my body has become part of my identity. The idea of suddenly liking it is sort of unsettling. Like, won't that make me conceited? Won't that make me like the people I always made fun of? Wont that make me less relatable?
This li'l ol' lady sez, being all granny-like:
IMO, all of us ought to be gradually evolving our identities all of the time, because learning & growing is fun.
Liking your body, in the sense of being comfortable in your own skin, is very, very different from being giddily in love with your body completely out of proportion to its service to you, or its appeal to others, and showing off that self-admiration to others to the point of being a self-involved jerk. The latter is "being conceited".
Being comfortable with yourself is a happier state, and (ideally) one where you can mentally be more generous with others besides. There's no reason to make fun of people when you feel comfortable and confident with yourself - you don't need to rank people ("I'm better than her", "He's better than me" - just no).
And, when you find this place of comfort and self-acceptance, and it lets you feel more kind and compassionate about others' bodies as well . . . and poof, you'll be more relatable, not less.
It's a triple win: Comfortable, compassionate, relatable.
And you can think that way now, or in two pounds (plus or minus), or five . . . .
Self-sabotaging that last few pounds sounds like fear, to me. No need for fear.
Will you be my grandmother?
You'll have to fight me for her
But I'm good at sharing!
LOL ok, part time each it is!
Hows about we let Ann pick who her favourite adopted child will be, we know all grandma's have one
HahahaaHA! In real life, I have no grandchildren, so I have room in my life for a whole brood on MFP. Be forewarned: I'm an eccentric and assertive li'l ol' lady! 7 -
So stop now. Maybe you are already where you need to be...1
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usually if I have a little bit of something I am craving I am ok. Remind myself often how I love fitting in my clothes, checked my closet today and can wear stuff I bought 4 yrs ago, this is big for me.2
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