Date decided I was too fat after getting naked
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daydreams_of_pretty
Posts: 506 Member
This is embarrassing.
A couple of weeks ago a guy I'd been dating decided after seeing me naked got the first time that I'm too fat, and he doesn't find me attractive anymore. He did (helpfully) provide a list of the parts of me that ARE attractive (basically everything but my torso). His comments are really messing with my head, especially since I'm not happy with my body and already losing weight. (I've been on MFP for two years now.)
I spend so much time trying to convince myself that having this extra weight doesn't nullify my other good qualities, but he straight up told me it did. He told me he was falling in love with me and that everything else about me was perfect and unique, but he didn't think he could ever be attracted to me again because of the fat.
This has lead to a lot of my friends and relatives remarking, "You're not even that fat."
Annnddddd I'm *kitten* things up with a new guy because I'm all worried about it now. What if he does the same thing?
I'm working out a ton right now.
So, yeah.
A couple of weeks ago a guy I'd been dating decided after seeing me naked got the first time that I'm too fat, and he doesn't find me attractive anymore. He did (helpfully) provide a list of the parts of me that ARE attractive (basically everything but my torso). His comments are really messing with my head, especially since I'm not happy with my body and already losing weight. (I've been on MFP for two years now.)
I spend so much time trying to convince myself that having this extra weight doesn't nullify my other good qualities, but he straight up told me it did. He told me he was falling in love with me and that everything else about me was perfect and unique, but he didn't think he could ever be attracted to me again because of the fat.
This has lead to a lot of my friends and relatives remarking, "You're not even that fat."
Annnddddd I'm *kitten* things up with a new guy because I'm all worried about it now. What if he does the same thing?
I'm working out a ton right now.
So, yeah.
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Replies
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Remember you are beautiful no matter what size you are. His loss...15
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I'm wondering if he got "some" before telling you that.
In either case-what an *kitten*!
Good thing he showed you who he is before you wasted anymore time with him!
You are beautiful and worthy of a man who loves everything about you!
My man (married 42 years) has loved me wholeheartedly in all my physical states!15 -
what an a-hole! Everyone is entitled to their opinion and you can like or not like whomever, but seriously, if you can't be comfortable around your partner, then they are not the right one for you. I'm sorry he is messing with your head, but just remember, when you meet that someone special, they will love you for all of you and not just for the way you look.7
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Whew! Sounds like you dodged a bullet.
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He is just a tit! Honestly who has the right to do that and i bet he has major insecurities of his own and that was his way of feeling better about himself! Ignore him! He clearly is not the person you want to be in a relationship with and he certainly does not deserve happiness to bring someones self esteem down so far with his loudy words. Dont let him see it has affected you, move on and focus on this new guy.. if he is in love with you.. he is in love eith all of you, he has made a deep emotional connection with you and will love every wobble and curve.. that other guy can go lie on his own lonely!!10
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I am so sorry this happened to you. That is my nightmare right there, and one of the reasons I don't even bother to date right now. How kind of him to be so helpful by pointing out the various parts that meet with his approval.
I would think, statistically speaking, that the chances of 2 guys in a row being that clueless and mean are quite low. And if your profile photo is any indication of the shape you're in, you look great! Good luck with the new guy! 7 -
Seriously, he sounds like a complete *kitten*. Whatever his good qualities are, they don't nullify his personality. First, for being so completely shallow that slight physical imperfection (something so NOT obvious about you he didn't even see it until you were naked) overrides everything he did like about you. (And really, he was mentally judging your body in a moment of passion? Who DOES that??) Second, for being so classless and insensitive to TELL you that after you literally bared yourself to him and trusted him to be that vulnerable. (Whatever happened to, "It's not you; it's me"?) Third, for being so CLUELESS as to think that telling you specifically which parts of your body were good or bad was anything but the biggest jerk move of all.
It's not you, darlin'. It's HIM.13 -
Agreed. Bullet dodged.
Keep in mind that while he saw one small thing that he didn't like, he also showed off one HUGE thing that YOU didn't (and shouldn't!) like - his shallow personality!
*Edit because I'm not through being angry: If he ever contacts you again, hit him where it hurts. Tell him that if he can make an exception for your "fat" stomach, you can make an exception for his small d*%&.28 -
To give you a complete honest, no holds barred response to this, your date sounds like a right d1ckhead. How dare he criticise you in this way? Your weight and how happy you are with your body is your own prerogative. Is your date completely perfect? Would you criticise him or bring him down low in this way? I bet you wouldn't and he has no right to do it to you either.
I would concentrate on your journey and how you feel about yourself and try to distance yourself from drainers like this person and to the others who say 'you're not even that fat'. Stick with the people who make you feel good about yourself. You are worth so much more than this.
Sending you a big, uncritical hug. Xx5 -
What a kittening kittarse. What the kittening kitten did the kittenhead thing he was kittening well doing. Is he some kind of kittening miracle of modern attractiveness
tell him to kitten the kitten off and when he gets there kitten off some more
(and yes I typed every single one of those kittens cos
55 -
I have been with the same man for 20 years - he loved me thin, pregnant, chubby, obese, and fit
He thought I was gorgeous thin, pregnant, chubby, obese and fit
He would never take one body part and make a deal out it
I'm unreasonably infuriated by the petulant arsey child you apparently found yourself with
Please list his good and bad qualities23 -
Yep - dodged a bullet. I feel sorry for whoever he ends up with, lest she become pregnant, gain a few pounds, need a mastectomy, or (God forbid) grow old and saggy & wrinkly. Of course he will remain Adonis-like his entire life, I am certain. Ugh. Loser.4
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Sounds to me like he doesn't know what real love is. Been married 21 years and my husband has seen the good, the bad and the ugly. Sometimes all at once! Real love sees through all that.
I agree with all the kittening going on above me!
Sorry this happened.5 -
How nice. You thought you were dating a person, and he thought he was dating a collection of body parts. He thought he was falling in love with "you" - really? So he fell in love with your boobs and butt, but the love did not extend to your gut? (Sorry, not making fun of your bod, it just rhymed nicely).
What a guy!!! What a catch!!! I think the truly terrible part is telling you he was falling in love with you, but you were too fat for him - just plan old cruel, and I think, intentionally cruel. Please don't think if you lost weight he would then love all of you - he wouldn't. He would find something else to criticize, and then something else, and it would go on and on. Truly, you are lucky he left, but I feel sorry for the next poor woman he dates. I looked at your pictures, you are as cute as a bug, so give yourself a hug and be thankful that he wasn't your husband. 13 -
I have been with the same man for 20 years - he loved me thin, pregnant, chubby, obese, and fit
He thought I was gorgeous thin, pregnant, chubby, obese and fit
He would never take one body part and make a deal out it
I'm unreasonably infuriated by the petulant arsey child you apparently found yourself with
Please list his good and bad qualities
I bet his junk was lumpy like matzo ball soup.
I apologize to matzo ball soup, and anyone who likes it. The matzo ball soup did nothing to deserve such a comparison.
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Well, he sounds like 180lb you're well rid of.1
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People use the word love way too loosely now a days. Sorry this ish happened to you.2
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Wow I'm sorry you heard that. BTDT. Not to threadjack but share my story - best male friend for years and we crossed the line during a weekend trip (we took trips as friends sometimes) and has sex. Several times over 2 days. We're in our 40s and there was some ED but not every time. Immediately to him sex means relationship so he's calling every day. Then 2 weeks later he dumps me in an email because it was a mistake and didn't want to ruin our friendship. Two years later I find out (as my wounds healed and I gradually spoke to him again) that my weight was an issue and he wasn't attracted to me that way. So I was OK with being friends as we had a lot in common. During those two years, not knowing weight was the issue, I went from 230 to 175. He compliments how I look and he's dating a very thin woman who is probably also bipolar because he finally can't take it. So we still hang out as friends due to common interests and suddenly he wants to date citing our compatibility. I said I thought he wasn't attracted to me and he says sometimes things change. Yeah, I'm stable, fun and responsible and he just ended a relationship 6 months prior with an unstable woman. I said sure but haven't slept with him and know I need to end it. I know his tastes didn't change - he decided he could settle for me (lights off, maybe?) because we are 90% compatible and I think I also decided he was very compatible. But I think I deserve more than settling. I know that once sex is in the picture, the first time ED is an issue (he's not overweight) I'll assume it's that he can't get it up for ME, not that he can't get it up. I'll worry every time I eat something high calorie or if I gain weight (which I have - that's why I'm here again) that he won't be attracted to me. And I don't want a relationship like that.
We are attracted to what we are attracted to. I don't blame anyone for not being attracted to someone carrying any amount of extra weight just like some prefer blondes or straight teeth or men with hair vs. bald. And I think it's important to not gain a huge amount of weight after marrying someone and creating a physical bait-and-switch. BUT having sex and THEN telling me was the careless part. That guy knew your shape before he saw you naked. That was mean and careless of your feelings and THAT is why he is a *kitten*, not because he has a physical preference. We were attractive enough to get that far but not attractive enough to continue? No way.5 -
Wow, what an *kitten*! Your pictures are gorgeous! He was just a little insecure child, you're much better off. Something similar happened to me, except he was my (ex) husband. Thank God it didn't go that far and his true colors showed before you married the idiot.
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Ah,he obviously has issue with his " kitten" Trust me.Its good he's gone,he would have tortured you to no end with criticism.1
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