Fit Shaming
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CaffeinatedConfectionist wrote: »Willbenchforcupcakes wrote: »I have coworkers who think that have any level of visible muscle is gross and disgusting and masculine. Also that anyone who does have visible definition must be on steroids.
I simply tell them to keep their judgements on anyone else's bodies to themselves unless they want to be subject to the same shaming.
I also get *kitten* from my coworkers. Which is weird, because generally I have incredibly kind and supportive coworkers (in my line of work we have to be pretty tight or things can go south quickly). But there is a constant, low-level passive-aggressive snark in terms of my fitness level and especially my eating habits - I do IF and I don't eat at work and every day is a minor battle. It's been a year and a half with my current crop of coworkers, and that is slowly starting to change, unless I actually eat something at work and then it's like the world is coming to a freakin' end.
And god forbid I feel insecure or unhappy with my body; just because I'm reasonably fit doesn't mean I'm 100% secure in my body or myself, but because many of my coworkers are less in shape than I am, if I in any way infer that there are things about myself, especially physically, that I don't like, my coworkers appear to take it as a personal insult. *kitten*, please. My insecurities and my thoughts about my body have absolutely nothing to do with you. Your body is your business, and I'm not going to judge you for how you eat, your fitness habits, etc. I don't care if you're in shape or out of shape. But please give me the courtesy of permitting me to have normal, human feelings and insecurities about myself.
I'm in commissioned sales - it can get unbelievably catty at times. At least they know for the most part to leave me alone - I don't bore them with lifting talk and they don't bore me with talk about tv shows that I've never seen. We all do ooh and ahh over each others food a lot - most of us bring lunch instead of eating food court food day in and day out.
Having my gym be a strength focused gym is a saving grace in terms of body image. When your performance matters more than your aesthetics to everyone you train around, it's far easier to see your body in terms of what it can do and celebrate that. But live in person I don't talk about body and body image to anyone outside the gym. Problem solved4 -
Yes. Its constant. Ive lost 35 lbs so far im 5'7 and not around 138lbs so im not skinny im normal. But now anytime i eat a healthy meal i hear from my family "is that for your diet? Or if youre hungry just eat what you want.. or counting calories isnt worth it just eat what you want" or my favorite is "youre getting too skinny you look good you need to stop" im 25 years old and have 2 children im sick of people telling me that worring about my health is too much work because being fat is easier and telling me when i should stop. Ill never stop eating healthy and i have fallen in love with running. I ran 5 5ks this week and i dont plan on quitting anytime soon.
I know exactly what you mean i just stopped listening. You look great and im sure you feel great and thats all that matter.6 -
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shrinkingstepht wrote: »
Me three1 -
People are always gonna tease you for something, but I like to hope that most of what you are facing is just good-natured ribbing. Most people I have seen make comments like that (not to me because I am a fatty, but to people I know) are teasing in a way that is meant to be lightly jabbing, but mostly flattery and congratulations without gushing.
If you are facing any more than that, just remember that nobody is exempt from the human tendency to put others down to feel better about themselves. Its not about what you do, but who they are inside.3 -
One thing I noticed is that people judge what I eat. While most coworkers eat chips, chocolate and whatever restaurant food they bought (I don't judge them for that, it's their life, they can do whatever they want), I always get weird comments from those same people when they see me eat food like artichokes,
This! But for me everyone is so used to me eating well that when I chose to eat some chips, or chocolate or whatever I get "wow, I can't believe you're eating that!" Or something like "having a bad day?" Do I ask them that when they consume it all day everyday? No! Let me eat the *kitten* chocolate in peace!! I'm lucky that I mainly exercise at home and do shift work so everyone is used to me not being around much anyway so skip that negativity. I've generally found any negative comments or "but why do you bother" type comments come from people who complain about themselves in the same breath so meh, let them feel bad and try to take me down with them, im the one who isn't sick all the time! !
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momofamadhouse wrote: »So...if I actually do achieve my fitness goals and build the body I want to live in, there's just going to be a whole new group of haters? Is there some sort of magical place to stop where no one gaf about what you look like? The only thing worse for me than people telling me I needed to lose weight is them making a huge deal out it every time I've dropped another 10 pounds since the last time they saw me. Why the way someone else looks is generally considered an appropriate topic of conversation for others just bewilders me. Our bodies typically showcase the choices we've made. Mine looked like I sat on the couch and binged on Butterfingers...which I did. Then I got off my *kitten* and made different decisions and now it looks different. I guess it's just easier to scoff at others than it is to take personal inventory and work for what you really want.
Depends on the people you deal with. I've gone from obese to more fit than the majority of my peers and haven't ever had a rude comment come my way. But I also don't discuss my diet or exercise habits unless asked and have only been asked by people who were interested/positive about the changes I've made.
Also, I work at a university where there are thousands of attractive young folks. I might be fit for an almost 40 year old but I'm pretty much invisible when thrown into that mix.3 -
I seem to encounter negativity in all aspect of fitness. Whether it is people trying to tell me how my diet is to restricted or unrealistic from people telling me lifting weights will make me unattractive. I just go by the general rule of never taking advice from someone I wouldn't trade bodies with! People are very uneducated about the benefits of fitness. Don't let it bother you!4
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chaney3000 wrote: »Oh man. I could write a book on this. It's been a long road for me to get here. I used to try and lift everyone with me but their lack of desire kept me back.
I came to the conclusion that I will no longer wait for you anymore. If I want it, I will have to go get it myself. So I go to the gym, run and do whatever without anyone else.
Now that I'm doing that, I'm getting ALL kind of backlash. "I'm selfish." "You only think about yourself." "You've changed." "Can you take the weekends off?" "Do you have to go to the gym today?" "You going to run again?"
So I have been branded as a bad guy for wanting to better myself. And now that I'm older, I'm fine with that. Come of it what it may, I don't care anymore! I guess I'm burning bridges along the way.
It's really hard.
I've had people in my life that would tag along to the gym, but then they make a habit of not showing up, or wanting to chat more than workout at the gym.
In the end I find it better relying on myself.
I find time for people otherwise but won't let them prevent me from achieving and maintaining my goals.arditarose wrote: »chaney3000 wrote: »Oh man. I could write a book on this. It's been a long road for me to get here. I used to try and lift everyone with me but their lack of desire kept me back.
I came to the conclusion that I will no longer wait for you anymore. If I want it, I will have to go get it myself. So I go to the gym, run and do whatever without anyone else.
Now that I'm doing that, I'm getting ALL kind of backlash. "I'm selfish." "You only think about yourself." "You've changed." "Can you take the weekends off?" "Do you have to go to the gym today?" "You going to run again?"
So I have been branded as a bad guy for wanting to better myself. And now that I'm older, I'm fine with that. Come of it what it may, I don't care anymore! I guess I'm burning bridges along the way.
I think it can be hard to find a balance. There was a time when I let dieting and lifting interfere with my personal relationships too much. Not because I spent too much time doing it, but because it was all I could THINK about. Someone might be telling me something important at a restaurant and I'm just staring at the food thinking "I want that, but I'll never get lean. Eat your lettuce". In the end, I had to realize that I wasn't being a supportive friend either. But yeah, difficult to find balance.
Definitely need to find a balance, unless fitness really is your life (fitness competitor of any sort).
Usually if I need to socialize and overeat, instead of making a big deal of it infront of people, I'll just eat what there is and cut things out the next few days after in order to balance my calorie budget.One thing I noticed is that people judge what I eat. While most coworkers eat chips, chocolate and whatever restaurant food they bought (I don't judge them for that, it's their life, they can do whatever they want), I always get weird comments from those same people when they see me eat food like artichokes, fennel or whatever healthy food/snack I bring. I always get comments like "Why do you actually eat that?" or the famous line "I can't eat like you because I have one life to live, so I might as well enjoy it". Mind you, I will have a cheat meal once in awhile, but in my line of work I see a lot of people in their 50's or 60's who have the health of an 80 year old and that's one of the reasons why I started to take care of myself (both by eating well and doing exercices). Food and exercises may not guarantee that you will live healthy until 100, but it does give you a better shot at it than the average person.
I get a lot of stares as if I was some unimaginable weirdo when I am eating my post-workout cereal/yogurt/protein combo on my way out of the gym, but if I was scarfing down a juicy burger no one would look twice.
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momofamadhouse wrote: »So...if I actually do achieve my fitness goals and build the body I want to live in, there's just going to be a whole new group of haters? Is there some sort of magical place to stop where no one gaf about what you look like? The only thing worse for me than people telling me I needed to lose weight is them making a huge deal out it every time I've dropped another 10 pounds since the last time they saw me. Why the way someone else looks is generally considered an appropriate topic of conversation for others just bewilders me. Our bodies typically showcase the choices we've made. Mine looked like I sat on the couch and binged on Butterfingers...which I did. Then I got off my *kitten* and made different decisions and now it looks different. I guess it's just easier to scoff at others than it is to take personal inventory and work for what you really want.
pretty much- people are all about labels and groups- and if you aren't in one- then your in another and it's free game to mock.
But- upside- you'll make all new friends- and they will be encouraging and supportive of you goals.3 -
If you run.....you're going to wreck your knees, if you cycle......you'll be hit by a car, if you lift.....you're going to get bulky and musclebound (I wish...)
I ignore the naysayers as they typically haven't lifted anything heavier than a six pack in years and I'll be able to outrun them when the zombie apocalypse happens....
Seriously though, when someone tells me I shouldn't be doing this stuff at 60 I remind them that it's precisely because I'm 60 that I need to be doing this unless I want to be one of those frail old men you see who can barely walk........
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I haven't read the whole thread, so I may be rehashing. There is always a group of people out there who don't have what you have, and will be jealous for it. It seems to be human nature to enjoy bringing people down a peg, especially if they have achieved things you want.
I have learned to just do what I do and be happy with myself. Just as I learned that making changes shouldn't be for others, I don't really care what others think about my choices.
Let them snicker. I'm too busy passing them during rides and races. I feel good, I'm not afraid to take off my shirt at the beach, and I can do things most of them can't. I worry about me, and let them say and do whatever makes them feel better.
One last thing I've learned: I'm guessing at least some of us judge too harshly the other way, and may be quick to tell people who haven't achieved what we have what they should or shouldn't do. If you do this, you deserve what you get, as it is just natural for people to defend themselves. I've learned to keep advice to myself unless someone asks for it.4 -
I get the same thing!!! how dare me to have a little success in my fitness journey! hahaha0
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I get it every time I attend any work and non work function with my husband. Either it's when I decline food, or ladies compliment me and ask if I work out. I say that I do and watch my diet. Oh boy! Here they go with the shaming. I've even had a guy tell me I'm in good shape and I need to help my husband as if I don't try! Said it's my responsibility as his help mate. What the what?! My husband has been fat before me and over the 15 yrs I've known him. It's my fault he loves to eat? Let's not talk about coworkers calling me anorexic! I lose wt up top first, so my clavicle becomes more pronounced. I am 5'5 1/2", 132lbs (I fluctuate between 128-132) sometimes I drop to 126lbs. 126-128 is when I am called anorexic even by my Husband! Really? My BMI is what..21.6? They don't know how hard I work and resist just to maintain! I don't put junk in the house because I get weak too! Wooosaaah! Thanks for letting me vent!3
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I mostly encounter good comments about my body but there are some who feels disgusted on how I look
I'm very sensitive so it hurts (they win). However, I am not changing my lifestyle just because I got hurt. Three negative comments got me. First one was my husband's coworker told me that my Bicep is big and scary yadda yadda. Second one was at the hospital lobby guy told me "I look fit and disgusting" due to my low bodyfat. I am 20% though smh. The last one was the ladies behind the pharmacy window told me that I should stop working out, because I look super fit already. 2 -
Three years ago I lost a significant amount of weight and willingly talked about it to people who asked, which made them feel they could say anything. I gained it all back and nobody said anything. I was embarrassed, of course...I am sure they were thinking a lot of things. This time I am not talking about my weight loss, food plan, or exercise plan to anybody except on MFP. If somebody says or asks about my weight or food, I make direct eye contact and say gently but firmly that I am not discussing my weight, food, or appearance with anyone, but I know their interest is genuine and I appreciate it. I figure if I don't invite it, I won't set myself or others up to enter in to an uncomfortable dialogue.2
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I have been struggling with this lately. I am not one to give into the guilt trips from others but I've been getting it from all sides lately it seems. I work full time, in Grad school full time, and go to the gym 5-6 days a week for a min of 90 mins each time. Work, homework, and working out is my life right now.
I've miss celebrations because I had research papers due, miss holidays because I traveled for work, and now I cut my family holiday short by two days because I didn't want to miss another session with my trainer. It is what makes me happy.
My friends don't understand the high I get when I realize I just did a workout I couldn't do a month ago. Or that I skipped the morning on the beach in exchange for running my first treadmill 5k. Instead I get comments about it being vacation and I should take a break. But I can't, that is how I got this way. I had nothing but excuses before and now it is inexcusable to me to go a week without a good workout.
What makes this time different than all the times I've tried in the past is that I stopped listening to what others say. The guilt trips, the underhanded complements, the peer pressure, none of works anymore. I have goals beyond weight loss. I want a different lifestyle and I'm living it. I'm enjoying the confidence that comes with my new strength. I love working towards goals and smashing them. I do it for me and for no one else.2 -
AbigailC17 wrote: »I mostly encounter good comments about my body but there are some who feels disgusted on how I look I'm very sensitive so it hurts (they win). However, I am not changing my lifestyle just because I got hurt. Three negative comments got me. First one was my husband's coworker told me that my Bicep is big and scary yadda yadda. Second one was at the hospital lobby guy told me "I look fit and disgusting" due to my low bodyfat. I am 20% though smh. The last one was the ladies behind the pharmacy window told me that I should stop working out, because I look super fit already.
Really? Generally speaking, I think because obesity is so prevalent particularly in the US, seeing someone fit is an anomaly. Good thing you have good restraint because I'm sure you could have pointed out a few flaws!KetoneKaren wrote: »Three years ago I lost a significant amount of weight and willingly talked about it to people who asked, which made them feel they could say anything. I gained it all back and nobody said anything. I was embarrassed, of course...I am sure they were thinking a lot of things. This time I am not talking about my weight loss, food plan, or exercise plan to anybody except on MFP. If somebody says or asks about my weight or food, I make direct eye contact and say gently but firmly that I am not discussing my weight, food, or appearance with anyone, but I know their interest is genuine and I appreciate it. I figure if I don't invite it, I won't set myself or others up to enter in to an uncomfortable dialogue.
I think keeping your goals to yourself is wise. It's pathetic how catty people are! BTW, they never say anything when you gain because misery loves company.3 -
I liked reading through all of these. This describes a lot of what I'm dealing with right now. As a woman with an already athletic build (yay sports) I'll always get *kitten* from my coworkers, family, and friends, like "Don't get *too big*" "Are those really YOUR arms?" "Wow you have big legs for a girl" "You can really eat ALL that?" "But you're already SOOO skinny!" My favorite snide remarks are when others accuse me of always looking this way when I was actually a pretty chubby kid growing up. And the list goes on.. I just ignore it. Keep doing you. People will always have something to say whether you're fit, tall, fat, skinny, whatever. Use that type of negativity to motivate you even more!
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KetoneKaren wrote: »I'm curious if any of the posters above are from outside of the USA? Just wondering if this is a global societal issue, or more or less unique to the U.S.?
It does happen in the UK as well - "you've lost too much weight", "don't lose any more" or "you're obsessed" - all very supportive comments from some of my family and co-workers.
My daughter did once comment on a picture of Jessica Ennis-Hill that visible abs were "gross", which rather surprised me, as at the time she was a keen kick-boxer, and in pretty good condition. I saw the same picture and was thinking that I wished my abs were as good as JE-H's!0 -
Yes and I agree with other posters that I receive more negative comments now than when I was heavy. People say things like "you're obsessed" and "you're getting to small."
I have also had a lot of negative comments in regards to the exercise I choose. I lift 3x per week and box for conditioning/cardio and good ol' fashion fun. The comments I receive as a woman boxing are endless. I ignore it and keep doing what I love and people have to accept that we will keep doing what we love.
I will make one comment in regards to stereotypes when it comes to men who are fit. I was very nervous the first time I walked into the boxing gym because I was afraid the men there would be unsupportive or make comments about someone just learning. Turned out the group is amazing and the men were so good at helping me with technique while still being hard enough on me to get good!4 -
For the guys (and maybe the girls), do more people try to start crap with you? Like trying to fight?0
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Montepulciano wrote: »My feeling is that those comments made are much more about the person saying them then about you. Obviously they have not taken the time to get to know you and what motivates you. Their issues, let them carry them.
Well done on the fitness!
Precisely. As someone else pointed out... her views softened when she had other experiences with fit people (paraphrase). The person doing the judging - is the person with the issue - not what you do to better yourself. You cannot control what others say, feel or do.....don't worry about it. It's not you - even if others try to make it seem that way.
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Agree with poster above and want to add that I make a point of banking observations about my coworkers and acquaintances so that I can head them off at the pass...as they are peering at my plate or eyeballing me up & down, I open my mouth first and say something like, "How is that sweet puppy Riley doing?" Or - "Please tell me how your vacation was, I'm dying to hear about it!" So much more interesting than my food or appearance.0
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For the guys (and maybe the girls), do more people try to start crap with you? Like trying to fight?
I do remember getting a comment in a bar about 2 years ago that was clearly directed at me when I was looking the other direction, but I smiled, finished my drink, put my arm around my wife and left. It's that rare. Most of the comments I've received have been very positive, and I find other guys tend to be pretty cool. I have no desire to feed the occasional *kitten* hat's ego.0 -
It wasn't until I removed the toxic influences from my life (friends/family/habits), which wasn't easy to do, and surrounded myself with those who are on the same page as me in terms of fitness, nutrition, exercise... until that point I felt fit-shamed and thin-shamed and even muscle-shamed LOL! The looks I get from both men and women when I'm walking my dog down the street wearing a tank top. Yup, I am muscular and yup, I love it! I am not over-muscular but more so than most women.0
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robertw486 wrote: »Fit shaming is real, usually coming from the less fit.
I was very disturbed recently when I found out my daughter actually had an interest in some school sports, and decided not to pursue them due to the larger kids fit shaming the more fit/healthy weight kids. It's a shame that people these days are so quick to judge anyone different from themselves.
Wow, that really sucks. It's a shame how different kids' experiences can be just because of where they go to school. My son is 14 and just finished 8th grade. He is big into sports, and is totally supported in that by the other athletic kids and the kids with other interests. I should note that the kids who don't play his sport (basketball) aren't particularly impressed (negatively or positively) by the kids who do - they just think it's cool that he enjoys it. He's the same way toward kids who do dance or drama or photography.
Also, more than a quarter of the kids in his middle school ran track this spring, and it was awesome --- there were kids of all sizes and shapes running, and they all seemed really supportive. Also, with their numbers, they won almost every meet (and got second in the city championships) despite being the smallest school competing.2 -
Since losing over 80 lbs (and during, to be honest!), I haven't been able to have one family gathering, or girls day without comments. They are usually off-handed, I'm sure not meant maliciously, but they still sting. My family doesn't think highly of people who exercise, or calorie count, or even mention weight loss; Eyes roll, eye contact between my sisters, saying some silent message that my brain thinks MUST be an insult to me..and likely is. Everyone around me, except my children, hubby and Kodi Rose, are overweight by alot, and are in no hurry to do anything about it.3
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I have been fit shamed more than I was ever fat shamed. The absolute worst examples of so called attempts at "shaming" have come after loosing weight and getting fit.
I would get comments like "are you sick" and the worst was "you look like a cancer patient". I have heard these many times since loosing weight.
This fit shaming always comes from obese people, I strongly believe this is just jealousy!3
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