Maybe I like food more than I like being thin
AriesGal329
Posts: 236 Member
I'm seriously wondering if this is the case. 8 years ago I lost weight and was a perfect size 6. I felt amazing, beautiful and loved buying clothes. It felt so good. But over the years I've gained the pounds back and am struggling to fit into size 12's. I have the same pattern- I get disgusted and unhappy, go back on MFP, have some success for a few days, then get bored or lazy or just decide I really want Thai food and a bottle of wine and I stop tracking and trying. I also hate working out- hate gyms. I walk a lot because I have a dog, but I don't get much true cardio. So maybe I just like eating and drinking more than I like being fit and looking good. Is that possible? Am I depressed?
5
Replies
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I wasn't able to start losing weight until I was able to begin addressing my emotional issues. Have you ever been to a therapist? It can be a huge help!6
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I'll share a few personal things here. I like food. I enjoy eating, and food can be a reward and enjoyable in the right context. Food is not the enemy. Your body is not the enemy.
Here's where I'm at personally with losing weight-- you have to want it, badly. You have to want health, fitness, and being in shape and sometimes that takes sacrifices.
There are plenty of people who enjoy eating and drinking, and they're also fit and look good. It's about moderation because what's the point of enjoying a fit body if you can't have a glass of wine every now and then? People do it all the time.
One thing I've read online from people who are "naturally" thin is one thing-- they stop eating when they're full or feel the sensation of initial fullness. They don't keep eating and eating. They've learned to have that slice of pizza at a party with some chips and soda without overeating. I see those people at family parties and weddings have a plate of food they know they can eat, have a small piece of cake, and stop eating. They're done after that. They still enjoyed their food and had their cake.
I personally enjoy making cakes, and eating them. I make those decadent layered cakes that people say looking at them make them fat. Those are for special occasions or just because (husband usually wants just because, lol). Still, I've managed to lose more than 30 pounds while enjoying it. It means I track my food, I log my recipes, I exercise, and I track my measurements/weight. Tracking helps me keep accountable, and it helps me keep a record of my progress (and recipes, which is super helpful). It doesn't have to be torture, but it does require a change of mindset.16 -
My first thought is that your goal is likely too restrictive. You've likely put your calories at a place that makes you feel deprived and is unsustainable. Reset your account and your mindset to .5lbs a week to ease into it and see if it makes a difference for satiety. That way you can still enjoy wine and thai food and still lose weight.6
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i actually wrote a post about this the other day. I think that the issues you're having is from a lack of sense of self, purpose, a strong goal, or enjoyable activities/hobbies.
I often see the pattern you're talking about in those who are depressed and only "half-in".
http://blog.pop.fitness/2016/07/09/519/
check out the post for more information, but here's some of the tips i included on self soothing and acts of self-love without relying on food to fill our emotional needs:- Eat a sustainable calorie goal. Whether it be for weight loss, muscle gain, or maintenance of body weight we believe that eating a calorie goal which you can sustain is incredibly important. If you wish to lose weight we recommend cutting calories minimally over a long period of time as opposed to short-term “crash” dieting.
- Never deprive yourself of your favorite foods. You can easily fit your favorite foods into your calorie goal and if the item is too high-calorie you can easily emulate it to fit your dietary needs.
- Do not restrict certain food groups, (low fat, low carb, low sugar, etc.). This leads to food phobias and is unsustainable long-term.
- Do not look at foods are wholly “good” or “bad”. This is particularly common in the “clean eating” mentality. Unfortunately, as calories are the only determining factor when it comes to overall body weight often these mentalities do far more harm than good. The truth is we should be looking at the big picture of our overall diet instead of judging individual food items. Very often you can incorporate foods such as icecream, cookies, chocolate, etc. into an otherwise nutritionally complete diet. And you can still easily over-consume your calorie needs on foods which are generally perceived as “healthy”.
- Use your choice of beauty products to soothe sore muscles, cleanse/moisturize/care for your skin.
- Take warm soaking baths or showers. Bonus if you take the time to light candles, dim the lights, listen to some relaxing music, and really connect with your body!
- Take care of your general hygiene at all times. This can be as simple as developing routines for your teeth, hair, skin, and nails. I personally enjoy taking care of my feet (via pedicures) and getting my nails and eyebrows done professionally. Some may enjoy getting their hair cut/colored, getting faux tans, etc.
- Keep your environment at work and home organized, decluttered, warm, inviting, and clean at all times. Your external environment reflects your internal environment. By keeping your external environment clean and clear you can focus on more important matters instead of wading through mental and physical junk.
- Light candles, lay out comfy blankets, keep fresh flowers, and have an area outside of the bedroom in which you can relax and unwind.
- Take the time out of your day to focus just on your thoughts, feelings, and emotions. A great way to do this would be journaling when you first wake up and before you go to sleep.
- Listen to audiobooks, read your favorite books, watch netflix, etc. Sometimes it can be great to focus your attention on something external especially when you’re receiving rapid/worrying thoughts.
- Practice good nighttime habits including: No electronics in the bedroom, no artificial (blue) light from phones/tablets/computers within an hour before bed. No laying around in bed when you’re not actively trying to sleep. And lastly, avoiding caffeine a few hours before sleep.
- Performing SMR with foam rollers, a stick roller, massage balls, and hands. This along with stretching can help you connect with your body and help in recovery from exercise.
- Finding and performing regular exercise which distresses you. This can be going for a walk in nature, swimming, yoga, weight lifting, dancing, and more.
- Creating a vision board or clear plan for your future along with the actions needed to reach your goals. By having a clear idea of where you’re headed and being mindful of the motivations behind your daily actions you can be assured you’re on the right path. We recommend each and every day finding at least one action that brings you closer to your goal.
- Finding hobbies which bring you joy or interaction with others. By keeping yourself busy and involved in hobbies you are receiving more intellectual stimulation and bonding with others. Oftentimes we can become content in the monotonous ins and outs of our lives which can lead to depression, isolation, and worst of all… boredom.
- Taking the time of the day to practice mindfulness and gratitude for all of the positive aspects of our life.
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I like rainbowbows post. There's a lot of helpful advice in there.1
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lauragreenbaum148 wrote: »I'm seriously wondering if this is the case. 8 years ago I lost weight and was a perfect size 6. I felt amazing, beautiful and loved buying clothes. It felt so good. But over the years I've gained the pounds back and am struggling to fit into size 12's. I have the same pattern- I get disgusted and unhappy, go back on MFP, have some success for a few days, then get bored or lazy or just decide I really want Thai food and a bottle of wine and I stop tracking and trying. I also hate working out- hate gyms. I walk a lot because I have a dog, but I don't get much true cardio. So maybe I just like eating and drinking more than I like being fit and looking good. Is that possible? Am I depressed?
I "failed" and yo-yoed for years, because I always thought it was an "either-or" type situation. That if I ate a cookie, or some peanut butter, or anything with fat or sugar, my diet "over".
Now i recognize that I can eat things I enjoy, in moderation. I do have to weight everything. I do eat a lot of vegetables. I also eat things I love, and lose weight at the same time.
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I have the same issue and trying to find a balance in life has proven difficult for me. It seems like a never ending battle. I am good with working out on a regular basis, that habit took and I have been regular with it for 7 years, my eating habits, they are not so good. I like to go out to eat with my friends, have cocktails with my friends, etc. I have been trying to find things to do with them that include activity for regularly. One friend and I go walking with our dogs a lot, another will sign up for 5Ks with me....so it does help2
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troutlilly wrote: »I like rainbowbows post. There's a lot of helpful advice in there.
Yep. That first sentence described me too. Rainbowbows nailed it. You'll get there. I was the same way. Five sisters, all skinny as we grew up. I was the "big boned one." Nice. I spent 45 years thinking I was fat (I was really only fat for about the last 15 of those years.) Now I'm down 20 pounds, probably need to drop another 10-15, but not really interested yet. I'm happy that the 20 have stayed off for 3 years. In the meantime, I have found activities I love, some new recipes for foods that weren't doing much for me, and I've learned what my triggers are.
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I could relate to much of your post. Until you asked if you are depressed. I have no inclination to be as thin as I was for most of my adult life, but it's not from depression. Quite the opposite actually.
But, if you have to ask if you are depressed that might be something you need to think seriously about.2 -
You can like food and still be lean. Over consumption is the issue for most.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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I am a food addict. I just went out for a curry with my hubby! And I ate a crunchie earlier because I was hangry. I will always be a food addict, its the first thing I think of when I wake up! I trainee myself to love other types of food, and to use my addiction to fuel my body and allow myself indulgence when I want it. It's self diciplin, not an love of food that keeps me thin!1
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lauragreenbaum148 wrote: »then get bored or lazy or just decide I really want Thai food and a bottle of wine and I stop tracking and trying. I also hate working out- hate gyms. I walk a lot because I have a dog, but I don't get much true cardio.
Believe me I have consumed more then my fair share of wine & years ago I would have said 1 bottle is a portion size. I still struggle with drinking my calories more then eating them but I'm trying to improve. I know tomorrow & this weekend will be "bad" days & I'm trying to be OK with that but I'm also adding in extra exercise to counteract it. That is the 1st time I have done that. Usually I just gave up.
What do you hate about gyms? I hate a lot about them. You have to find one that speaks to you. Years ago I went to one where all the machines talked to you, like a personal coach. That helped but the chain went out of business. I love to swim & when I worked across the street from a community college & could use the pool after work I got up to 1 mile 3x per week. Alas there are no convenient pools around here. I wasted several hundred dollars on the Y because it was in an inconvenient location & I didn't go as often as I should have to justify the expense but I miss the swimming. They also had all these cool water based classes which made things more fun. Their gym was incredibly intimidating & their cardio room was too small, too hot & just uncomfortable for me. I did strength training once per month. All this led me to Planet Fitness, which a lot of people on here don't like but I feel like I fit in there so it makes it easier to go.
Can you take the dog on a longer walk? Would you consider getting a bike & riding while the dog runs along side you? My dog loved doing that. We have a lot of what are called rails to trails around here . . . the state ripped out old unused rail lines so now people have a flat cool place to run, walk, ride bikes & horses without cars. It was one of my dog's favorite things (except for the horses which he hated).
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If you are getting "bored" eating healthy, you are over-restricting yourself. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wine or Thai food. The only hang-up with the foods that got you overweight in the first place, are your portions of them. Have wine, but put it in a small glass that only holds 5oz. Limit your portions to just one. When you go out to eat, ask them to box up half, so you only see half the portion on your plate. Take the other half home and have it for lunch the next day.0
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When you give up, what triggers it? Is it missing specific foods, missing quantity, or missing the setting you enjoy food in? Other people can probably help you more on the first couple of points, but here's my perspective on the third:
I've managed to maintain a size 4 for a few years now, but I still go through phases where I feel like I'm choosing between the healthy, fit goals I've set for myself and enjoying myself by indulging in food. A lot of my struggle is because my social life is set up around food and drink - my best friend is a food critic so I tag along for dinners often, my husband and I love going out to nice dinners, all of our friends drink quite a bit so happy hour is a frequent thing, my girl friends and I met at a cooking class and do those together from time to time. Giving up going out with them to shed a few pounds wasn't working for me, so I find a way to work it in. Logging, even loosly, helps me be mindful of how much I'm eating. I cook at home most of the time and go out once or twice I week. I bank calories for weekend meals. When in a deficit, I choose a very small weight loss goal. I work out more if I need to. I try to recognize when being "healthy" is stressing me out and making me feel like I'm not having fun, and I take steps to fix that before I completely fall off the wagon out of frustration.2 -
Stories like yours frighten me. But I'll be ok. I figure if something was going to tempt me to quit it would have acted by now.1
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JeromeBarry1 wrote: »Stories like yours frighten me. But I'll be ok. I figure if something was going to tempt me to quit it would have acted by now.
Sorry, didn't mean to scare you. I should mention I got divorced last year and dating is about the last thing on my mind, so that may be part of my lack of motivation.1 -
OP I hear you. It's tough! I've been maintaining for 2 years but I'm not as thin as I'd like because I just like food too much...0
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Sometimes I feel this way too, like it will ALWAYS be a battle to not have that 2nd brownie and NOT order a pizza & side & dessert when I'm too tired to cook and there's nothing I fancy in the fridge anyway.
The only thing that helps me is STAYING on MFP, not ditching it every time I fall off the wagon. Log that Thai food and wine and be over by 1300 calories that day - then move on from it and tomorrow, try to stay on track. I've had days where I'm over by 300-600 EVERY DAY for a week, and I still come back because I'm determined to face this hard bit and stick with it because I KNOW it works. I haven't ever gotten to a size 6 but I've lost the same 25lbs a couple of times using MFP.
And walking IS true cardio, it's great for your heart and joints, and it burns calories. I hate gyms too so I walk and run around in my neighbourhood. Give yourself credit for it! We can do this!
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So pick a weight/clothing size that makes you feel great, but is easy to maintain while enjoying food. Maybe it's not a size 6 or 18% body fat. I'm a bit chubby now but it's easy to maintain and I like how I look. If I really wanted to I could just hang out here for life (I won't though because I do want to get ripped eventually).4
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I relate to this so much! I've tried to diet so many times just to have a complete change of heart and give up. This is the longest I've stuck to a diet so far, but I still sometimes get moments when I'm like "you know what I just want to eat whatever I want I don't really care anymore". I think everyone gets those moments. What works for me is usually just thinking about all the terrible ways I feel when I'm at a higher weight and all the great ways I feel when I'm at a lower weight. I remind myself that I give up everytime and that's why this is yet another summer than I'm not happy with myself when I could have been. I like to look at pictures of other people's weight loss too (on here, or Instagram, or other social media), which usually helps me snap out of it
If you feel like you'd rather eat, try eating at maintenance for a couple days. That won't ruin your progress and you might decide to go back to losing after a few days of eating more. Or just give yourself a cheat day but force yourself to get back on track the next day. Sometimes you just need it, and there's nothing wrong with that. Good luck! 2 -
Yup! I love food too! This is why I set a goal weight that permits me to eat out once in awhile, eat the foods I enjoy. I picked walking for my exercise ...only 3x week. I. Set my goal to lose 1/2 pound each week and ended up losing more. Be realistic about your goal weight. It is your decision...only you can make the choice.0
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lauragreenbaum148 wrote: »I should mention I got divorced last year and dating is about the last thing on my mind, so that may be part of my lack of motivation.
You had a huge life change. Your whole world view is different & change can be scary. There is more going on here then you liking food more then being thin. There is probably an element of self soothing through food & drink. Not judging. Been there. Just pointing it out since you originally asked if you could be depressed. There is probably an element of depression mixed in.
Don't despair. This too shall pass. FWIW, they say the gym is good place to meet somebody.
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I had gained 50lbs and then last November I had enough. I started running and eating better completely changed my lifestyle and lost 25lbs! However during May of this year I injured myself. And these last 2months due to not being able to walk I became very depressed and binge ate. It was horrible. I am now able to walk and do light exercises. But I am motivated and ready to kick *kitten*.
I completely understand what you mean as far as feeling like you like food more than the thought of being thin/fit. Add me and we can motivate each other lol. Teamwork girlfriend.0 -
Haha it won't let me say bad words. I meant to say donkey. Lol.1
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rainbowbow wrote: »i actually wrote a post about this the other day. I think that the issues you're having is from a lack of sense of self, purpose, a strong goal, or enjoyable activities/hobbies.
I often see the pattern you're talking about in those who are depressed and only "half-in".
http://blog.pop.fitness/2016/07/09/519/
check out the post for more information, but here's some of the tips i included on self soothing and acts of self-love without relying on food to fill our emotional needs:- Eat a sustainable calorie goal. Whether it be for weight loss, muscle gain, or maintenance of body weight we believe that eating a calorie goal which you can sustain is incredibly important. If you wish to lose weight we recommend cutting calories minimally over a long period of time as opposed to short-term “crash” dieting.
- Never deprive yourself of your favorite foods. You can easily fit your favorite foods into your calorie goal and if the item is too high-calorie you can easily emulate it to fit your dietary needs.
- Do not restrict certain food groups, (low fat, low carb, low sugar, etc.). This leads to food phobias and is unsustainable long-term.
- Do not look at foods are wholly “good” or “bad”. This is particularly common in the “clean eating” mentality. Unfortunately, as calories are the only determining factor when it comes to overall body weight often these mentalities do far more harm than good. The truth is we should be looking at the big picture of our overall diet instead of judging individual food items. Very often you can incorporate foods such as icecream, cookies, chocolate, etc. into an otherwise nutritionally complete diet. And you can still easily over-consume your calorie needs on foods which are generally perceived as “healthy”.
- Use your choice of beauty products to soothe sore muscles, cleanse/moisturize/care for your skin.
- Take warm soaking baths or showers. Bonus if you take the time to light candles, dim the lights, listen to some relaxing music, and really connect with your body!
- Take care of your general hygiene at all times. This can be as simple as developing routines for your teeth, hair, skin, and nails. I personally enjoy taking care of my feet (via pedicures) and getting my nails and eyebrows done professionally. Some may enjoy getting their hair cut/colored, getting faux tans, etc.
- Keep your environment at work and home organized, decluttered, warm, inviting, and clean at all times. Your external environment reflects your internal environment. By keeping your external environment clean and clear you can focus on more important matters instead of wading through mental and physical junk.
- Light candles, lay out comfy blankets, keep fresh flowers, and have an area outside of the bedroom in which you can relax and unwind.
- Take the time out of your day to focus just on your thoughts, feelings, and emotions. A great way to do this would be journaling when you first wake up and before you go to sleep.
- Listen to audiobooks, read your favorite books, watch netflix, etc. Sometimes it can be great to focus your attention on something external especially when you’re receiving rapid/worrying thoughts.
- Practice good nighttime habits including: No electronics in the bedroom, no artificial (blue) light from phones/tablets/computers within an hour before bed. No laying around in bed when you’re not actively trying to sleep. And lastly, avoiding caffeine a few hours before sleep.
- Performing SMR with foam rollers, a stick roller, massage balls, and hands. This along with stretching can help you connect with your body and help in recovery from exercise.
- Finding and performing regular exercise which distresses you. This can be going for a walk in nature, swimming, yoga, weight lifting, dancing, and more.
- Creating a vision board or clear plan for your future along with the actions needed to reach your goals. By having a clear idea of where you’re headed and being mindful of the motivations behind your daily actions you can be assured you’re on the right path. We recommend each and every day finding at least one action that brings you closer to your goal.
- Finding hobbies which bring you joy or interaction with others. By keeping yourself busy and involved in hobbies you are receiving more intellectual stimulation and bonding with others. Oftentimes we can become content in the monotonous ins and outs of our lives which can lead to depression, isolation, and worst of all… boredom.
- Taking the time of the day to practice mindfulness and gratitude for all of the positive aspects of our life.
I read your blog post and it is very spot on with a lot of issues I personally have. Thank you for the good tips and suggestions.1 -
I had a moment like that the other day. I was grocery shopping and passed the Little Debbie snacks and all of the sudden I thought "Sometimes I just want to say F@&$ it and eat everything in the store." I got over it, but I hear you. Sometimes it just gets tough and boring and you wonder if you will ever be able to truly enjoy food. I eat junk still, but feel guilty about it.0
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I think the issue for me always was not having a sustainable plan and thinking every day should be perfect and you will finish by xyz date. I was going to exercise like crazy and "eat right" and it got hard because everything I love to do is sedentary or involves food. I have never loved exercise. I like to eat the same food as my family.
This time I decided I would eat normally just smaller portions. I want pizza so I have 1-2 slices of pizza with a salad. If I go over my calories one day I try to do better the next day. I exercise moderately. There isn't going to be an end to this if I want to be a healthy weight. I do want to be a healthier weight. It is like brushing my teeth. So far I have stuck with it long term
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I agree with onefortyone, a lot of us go off MFP after a fail because we feel bad about ourselves and I usually feel like a debbie downer whining about my failures when everyone seems so positive. Tomorrow is another day, I hope it's a good one. Best wishes!1
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You've got a lot of people here who are supportive. Some really good advice as well. We've all been there and we can relate on some or all levels. It's a lifestyle. 23 years ago I was about 40lbs overweight and one morning I looked at myself in the mirror and DID NOT LIKE what I saw. I said enough is enough. No more dieting!!!! I realized that I would have to change for the rest of my life. I lost the 40 lbs and kept it off for the most part (hashimoto thyroid made it difficult for a few years) .
You don't have to starve yourself, you can indulge once in a while. Just get back on track.
The most important question you need to ask yourself (and be honest with yourself ) is what do I want?0 -
You might want to see a psychiatrist or a therapist, depression isn't something you can just snap out of or even will your way out of. Even with all this great advice here, it will be difficult without addressing depression. I have some major depression, last summer when life was especially miserable I put on another 12 lbs of depression weight. After I saw a psychiatrist who was able to address my needs, I felt mentally and physically better, thus making healthier eating and movement habits easier to maintain. Since then I've lost a significant amount of weight and have learned what triggers my anxiety and depressive episodes and try to cope with them in ways other than eating and drinking. I still eat my favorite foods, but in moderation, and I try to only eat them away from home.
When I'm stressed or angry I go for a long walk and focus more on nature rather than my pace and if I'm doing enough cardio. Catching the sunrise or the sunset can do a lot to improve someone's mood. I think when movement or exercise is oriented around better mental health rather than weight loss, it becomes a lot easier (and the weight does come off anyway). I still struggle with binge eating when I'm lonely, but I try to log those binges anyway to stay accountable.
It's also okay to hate the gym. Maybe find some other ways to move around that you enjoy. I take a water aerobics class with my mom, I'm usually the youngest person there but the music is good and playing in the water with is fun! I've also started working out at home in the mornings using Fitness Blender. Exercising at home removes the intimidation factor (or even gross factor) of the gym. I could go on for days about how much I love FB, their videos are free on YouTube and they're really down to earth people who are realistic about health and fitness; they never body shame and even offer modified workouts.
I also just want to say that being a size 12, looking good and being fit are not mutually exclusive. If a size 6 is what you want that's fine, but body shaming yourself (or others) will only make your journey more difficult.1
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