Fat Shamed at Grocery Stores

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Replies

  • Amarie295
    Amarie295 Posts: 9 Member
    edited July 2016
    nutmegoreo wrote: »
    While I don't disagree with the bulk of your message, the point that stands out to me is the bolded-italicized part. If she is allowing some random persons ignorant comments effect her to the point of overeating two days in a row, her mindset is not healthy. She needs to sort out her own emotions, or this type of thing will continue to derail her, repeatedly.

    I can definitely see where you are coming from, and I do agree with you. It is unhealthy to let someone's words have so much power over you, and it is definitely something that she would benefit to work on. But I also don't think that this setback should negate the positive decisions she was making before this happened. When you lead an unhealthy lifestyle, even taking that very first step towards eating healthier is a HUGE accomplishment. It is so much easier to go to the store and load up the cart with unhealthy, comfortable choices. And anyone who resists that urge deserves credit. The first step to recovering from anything, whether it be unhealthy eating habits or something else entirely, is realizing that you have an issue in the first place. Every step you take to overcome the issue, no matter how small, is an accomplishment that you should be proud of. By acknowledging that her unhealthy eating habits are an issue and working to improve herself, she is engaging in a healthy mindset. That is more than can be said for the people she encountered who are clearly not attempting to better themselves in regards to the way that they treat others. Regardless of her recent setback, she has done more to confront her issues than they have.

    When you are very overweight you are unfortunately taught sometimes to be ashamed of your own existence, and that's really not an easy thing to overcome whatsoever. So it's important to applaud yourself for the things you have done right, regardless of any current setbacks. If she chooses to dwell on the fact that she made a bad decision in her reaction to their behavior, she is just going to feel worse and worse about herself and entirely lose the motivation she had previously. If she focuses on the mindset she had before this happened, her positive mindset will encourage her to continue making positive choices for her body and her health, and the longer she does this the more capable she will become of staying strong against the judgment and opinions of others.
  • ouryve
    ouryve Posts: 572 Member
    I"m just so embarrassed to go back even to that first store even though it happened a month ago. Actually more like 2 months ago. I know I didn't do anything wrong but I feel so ashamed to go back in there. I guess I do need to be more assertive and confident.

    Rather than embarrassment, look upon it as not wanting to spend another penny in a store with such rude staff.

    You're losing that extra weight. They'll always be arseholes.
  • rainbowbow
    rainbowbow Posts: 7,490 Member
    Amarie295 wrote: »
    nutmegoreo wrote: »
    While I don't disagree with the bulk of your message, the point that stands out to me is the bolded-italicized part. If she is allowing some random persons ignorant comments effect her to the point of overeating two days in a row, her mindset is not healthy. She needs to sort out her own emotions, or this type of thing will continue to derail her, repeatedly.

    I can definitely see where you are coming from, and I do agree with you. It is unhealthy to let someone's words have so much power over you, and it is definitely something that she would benefit to work on. But I also don't think that this setback should negate the positive decisions she was making before this happened. When you lead an unhealthy lifestyle, even taking that very first step towards eating healthier is a HUGE accomplishment. It is so much easier to go to the store and load up the cart with unhealthy, comfortable choices. And anyone who resists that urge deserves credit. The first step to recovering from anything, whether it be unhealthy eating habits or something else entirely, is realizing that you have an issue in the first place. Every step you take to overcome the issue, no matter how small, is an accomplishment that you should be proud of. By acknowledging that her unhealthy eating habits are an issue and working to improve herself, she is engaging in a healthy mindset. That is more than can be said for the people she encountered who are clearly not attempting to better themselves in regards to the way that they treat others. Regardless of her recent setback, she has done more to confront her issues than they have.

    When you are very overweight you are unfortunately taught sometimes to be ashamed of your own existence, and that's really not an easy thing to overcome whatsoever. So it's important to applaud yourself for the things you have done right, regardless of any current setbacks. If she chooses to dwell on the fact that she made a bad decision in her reaction to their behavior, she is just going to feel worse and worse about herself and entirely lose the motivation she had previously. If she focuses on the mindset she had before this happened, her positive mindset will encourage her to continue making positive choices for her body and her health, and the longer she does this the more capable she will become of staying strong against the judgment and opinions of others.

    I'm sorry, but you don't get extra goody points for not eating junk, overeating consistently, using food as a coping mechanism, etc. This is what any normal healthy person would do.

    You also don't get extra goody points because you ate healthily for a short period of time before succumbing to old habits.

    The results are clearly reflecting in the way your body works. Even if you eat "healthy" foods, and engage in some sort of physical activity, you still face the negative consequences of having excess body fat over time. There is no such thing as "healthy and fat".

    You know nothing about the individuals who may (most likely did not) say these things to her. Not who they are, where they are on their journey, etc. We only have one side of the story here, and that's OP. Trying to convince her that she's a better person, more moral, etc. isn't helping her fix her own problems. From that victim state to her own accountability.

    Your original post is just seeping with your own insecurities. There is nothing wrong with wanting to have and maintain a healthy body weight (yes, even if someone is below a size 10!). Being very overweight is bad. It's not attractive. It's unhealthy for both body and mind.
  • Nightmare_Queen88
    Nightmare_Queen88 Posts: 304 Member
    That sucks that this happened to you. I've never been fat shamed going to stores but back when I was in middle school I did. Big time. And it led me to cutting myself and trying to commit suicide. Its not fair how kids AND adults get away with this crap. But luckily I got over it and it doesn't bother me anymore. As for what you can do: unfortunately talking to the manager may not do anything do to the fact that's it's been so long. I would suggest just going back to that same store and if they say anything then that's when you speak to a manager. Oh and like some of the above posters said, be assertive. Tell them to go f*** themselves. But most importantly don't let what anyone says about you bring you down. Their opinion of you doesn't matter in the slightest. I hope everything works out for you. :)
  • solieco1
    solieco1 Posts: 1,559 Member
    Speak to the store manager. This is ridiculous!
  • dbanks80
    dbanks80 Posts: 3,685 Member
    I guess I am too much of a B! I would have cursed her out from A - Z she would have been crying!

    Then I would have told the store manager!
  • astrampe
    astrampe Posts: 2,169 Member
    dana70520 wrote: »
    When I grocery shop with my husband I just get looks from this one cashier. She just scans my items and give me a look. I can read the look and it does hurt. I can't say anything about it as she hasn't said anything. It is just a look. So I usually try not to go to her lane when she is there checking out.

    I went to the doctor last week for my A1C and on Wednesday my usual Doctor isn't there. So it was this older man. He made a comment that caught me off guard and had me going "huh?!" He asks me "how is my cholesterol?" I say it is good. He then asks "are you on any cholesterol meds?" I tell him nope. He then mumbles and says "really and your cholesterol is good." That caught me off guard. I have never had an issue with my cholesterol. I looked at my husband and told him later was that comment because I am fat and I should have bad cholesterol? I am just glad he isn't my doctor. I usually get my feelings hurt easily but that was more of a surprise than anything. I was just ready to go to the lab and get my blood drawn as they were having issues getting it that day.

    I'd say ignore it but I know the kind of person I am and I wouldn't be able to. I'd be embarrassed and most likely cry but I for sure would have said "May I speak to your manager" Those words can make any employee rethink what they said unless the manager is a jerk as well.

    So you can read minds?? I think not, I think YOU think that they must be thinking something bad...And a doctor asking you questions is offensive?
    really.....
  • Amarie295
    Amarie295 Posts: 9 Member
    rainbowbow wrote: »

    I'm sorry, but you don't get extra goody points for not eating junk, overeating consistently, using food as a coping mechanism, etc. This is what any normal healthy person would do.

    You also don't get extra goody points because you ate healthily for a short period of time before succumbing to old habits.

    The results are clearly reflecting in the way your body works. Even if you eat "healthy" foods, and engage in some sort of physical activity, you still face the negative consequences of having excess body fat over time. There is no such thing as "healthy and fat".

    You know nothing about the individuals who may (most likely did not) say these things to her. Not who they are, where they are on their journey, etc. We only have one side of the story here, and that's OP. Trying to convince her that she's a better person, more moral, etc. isn't helping her fix her own problems. From that victim state to her own accountability.

    Your original post is just seeping with your own insecurities. There is nothing wrong with wanting to have and maintain a healthy body weight (yes, even if someone is below a size 10!). Being very overweight is bad. It's not attractive. It's unhealthy for both body and mind.

    The OP is clearly in a state where she is incredibly insecure and beating herself up about her current habits, so I really don't see what good it does to remind her of how unhealthy she is being. There are so so many setbacks when you are overweight and trying to be healthy that it is NATURAL to get incredibly discouraged. If there are some people who are able to make the decision to be healthy and then stick with it right away, good for them, they should be proud. But there are some people who have severe insecurity and really struggle with coping with the increased insecurity that they may feel when they are trying to lose weight. Continuing to tell someone that they are unhealthy is not going to motivate them, it is going to increase the self hatred they already have and decrease their chances of getting healthier.

    I am sorry but when you are severely overweight and have eaten badly all of your life, you should feel proud of yourself for choosing to eat healthy. Do you know how many people are simply content in their unhealthy lifestyles? I have met so many. Clearly the OP is not content in being this way, and that alone is something that she should feel good about herself for. The fact that she is posting here rather than giving up and going back to being content in her old ways is something that she should be happy with herself for. The decisions she has made since this happened are obviously not healthy, and I would never argue that. But the OP does not need to be reminded of her bad decisions, the people she encountered already did that for her. She needs to be reminded of what inspired her to get healthy so that she can get back to that state of mind.

    I never said that it was okay to be fat. But it is often made out to be far too black and white. How do you know that someone who is fat isn't currently working every day to lose weight and be healthy? Being healthy is not all about your current state, it's about the work you are doing to get to where you should be. You might not be fat and healthy, but you can still be fat and in the process of living a healthier lifestyle.

    I also never said there was something wrong with wanting to be below a size ten. However, there is something wrong with people of ANY size enforcing their judgment and opinions on others. It is undeniable that if these things were said, they were completely out of line and wrong, and that for someone to become so rude to an overweight person, they must be suffering from insecurities of their own.

    Having a negative mindset is harmful in so many ways, and my only intent was to help the OP look at things in a more positive way. Having a positive mindset will help you in all areas of life, including your physical health. There is no point in reminding her of how unhealthy she is when she clearly already knows that, so it seems much more beneficial to help her get back to the mindset she had when she began to make more positive decisions. If you don't agree with my approach in doing that then that is your right and you should share with her your own opinions and advice. But arguing over whether or not my opinion is right or wrong isn't really helpful to anyone.
  • dr_soda
    dr_soda Posts: 57 Member
    edited July 2016
    A lot of you are saying I should tell the manager of the stores, but I don't want to get anyone fired :/

    Some people lack the qualifications to perform the jobs they've been hired for. An example would be people operating in a public facing sales role openly showing disrespect to a company's customers, antagonizing them, and making them feel bad about doing business with the company. These people should find other work that suits their talents and proclivities better so that their talents will actually have a use, while the job positions are opened for people who have an actual talent and fully developed skill set to perform the job without making a mess of things.

    If by their actions these people lose their jobs, they'll be free to find that better fitting position and those sales positions will be open for people who have an actual interest, desire, or aptitude for sales.
  • nakima
    nakima Posts: 37 Member
    edited July 2016
    People have to much nerve these days no filter! How dare they treat anyone like that. I would turn them into their Superiors pronto! They should be fired if they talk to all their costumers that way they will cause the store to lose business. Sometimes we have to do what we have to do.They didn't seem to be worried about your feelings or how their words effected your life. Some people just need to learn the hard way. I'm sorry they treated you this way you did nothing to deserve that.They need to be called out. I'm sure their boss would just give them a warning then you would be saving someone else from getting hurt. Just my 2 cents I'm appalled.
  • JessicaMcB
    JessicaMcB Posts: 1,503 Member
    Way back in March when I was still in low 170's/high 160's my husband and I packed up our kids to go buy a ton of furniture- I'm talking $1000's here. When we declined an additional warranty I had a salesman tell me that we needed it because "...you're such a big woman.". At the time I was so shattered and embarassed that he'd said that to me (a) since I'd lost a LOT of weight already at that time and (b) because there was another much thinner woman sitting right there when he said it that we paid and left before I even told my husband about it. We eventually brought it to the stores' attention which is precisely what you need to do. No one has the right to say anything to you about your body, especially not people who wouldn't have jobs without your patronage.

    Hugs to you <3
  • deedoe83
    deedoe83 Posts: 14 Member
    Wow, I would make a formal complaint to management. That's not okay for them to say that. Beyond that, know that they are sad, pathetic little people. If I was you I would be really tempted to go back to that cashier and hope for them to say something rude so I could put them in their place. Something like, "since you're giving unsolicited input on my body should I tell you everything that's wrong with yours, or just tell you what a rude *kitten* you are?" And follow it up with they don't get to make comments about your body. Ever. If it continues ask for a manager.
    Sorry you experienced that. Be your awesome self, and don't take that crap.
  • RachelElser
    RachelElser Posts: 427 Member
    How are those people not fired??!! I would immediately talk to a manager and ask them if that's how they want their customers treated!
  • MikaMojito
    MikaMojito Posts: 680 Member
    It's happened to me even though it wasn't as awful as in your case. I was staying abroad and used my limited access to transportation to also limit my food intake. I was only able to go shopping once a week because the supermarkets were too far away to walk there. So I always made a list and only bought enough to JUST about last for a week. One week I bought a bunch of bananas because hey, a banana for breakfast is pretty healthy. The cashier then commented on how bananas are very fattening and I shouldn't be eating them. I then educated her about the health benefits of eating all kinds of fruit and that the no-sugar craze was no something I bought into.

    I guess I figured that I can hardly blame her for being stupid.

    If it had been more offensive, I might have called for the manager even though that's not something that people really do in my home country.
  • IkiM23
    IkiM23 Posts: 3 Member
    I applaud you for being transparent and reaching out. What I have learned is that most of the time, it's not about the person being offended it's the person causing the offense that fails to look within themselves, and deal with their issues. Keep your eyes on the prize, and remember that you are loved. It starts within ourseleves and WE must rely on ourselves and God to complete the picture. ( That's what has pushed me to better myself, and I love a good comeback story) Dont't we ALL, Good luck on your journey
  • Elaina291
    Elaina291 Posts: 87 Member
    I"m just so embarrassed to go back even to that first store even though it happened a month ago. Actually more like 2 months ago. I know I didn't do anything wrong but I feel so ashamed to go back in there. I guess I do need to be more assertive and confident.

    They are dealing with their own deep insecurities if they feel the need to talk to you that way. Keep that in mind, and keep it moving. Don't let it stop you from shopping at that store.

    This! Every single person whose ever bullied me or said something offensive to me I found out in someway to have really bad insecurities about themselves or they turned out not doing so great years later.

    When people see the potential you have (whether its looks, personality, finance, etc), they try to thwart it because they don't have it themselves or even if they do, they don't believe they possess it because a really secure person wouldn't think to insult someone whose obviously down or not where they want to be in life.

    2 years ago, I probably would have cried after someone told me something like that, but now I would just laugh and be like "Is that the best you can do?"

    I know deep down if someone were to insult me, its only because they are insecure about themselves.

    Don't run away. Running away never solves anything. It makes things worse.

  • NaturalNancy
    NaturalNancy Posts: 1,093 Member
    Dude. I would've not left the store until her manager came out.
    Rude, unhappy, mean troll.
    Sorry she was rude!
    I would specifically go in her line and dare her to say something again then talk to her boss.
  • LosinginJersey
    LosinginJersey Posts: 21 Member
    I'm so sorry this happened to you, people are so ignorant. I have never had this happen to me before (I live in Jersey and that is so opposite of a small town, we have stores within a mile of one another) ... But if someone did ever say that to me, I wouldn't be able to hold my tongue ... I would just tell them that I can lose weight and be beautiful, you will always be an *kitten*.
    Hugs to you!
  • fineporcelain01
    fineporcelain01 Posts: 23 Member
    I was a cashier for a certain high profile mega discount store. The management knows that there are days that you are going to have bad customers, and I am not saying that she wasn't wrong because she was. 100 Percent. But with your very small shopping choices DONT let these little girls make you feel bad. You are better than that. One commenter said that you should use your phone and record all of your check out transactions. This is a very good idea, and you should do this. Not only for you to have leverage to chat with the manager, but you can also use it for your own motivation. If the manager sees it in real time or recorded then shown, the chances are better that he will do something. Remember, we are here to support you, to motivate you, but you have to stand up for yourself. After the first time, it will get easier for you to do. Log everything you eat, all of your exercises, drink lots of water. REMEMBER, IT DIDN'T GO ON OVERNIGHT AND IT WILL NOT COME OFF OVERNIGHT. Even if you don't see results as quick as you want, dont give up. It takes your body time to adjust and catch up with you. People put others down because there is something in their life that they dont like, so to make them feel better, they have to be mean to someone else. We are here for you. Just dont give up on yourself. Feel free to send me a friend request as I also need support and motivation.. YOU GOT THIS !!! I BELIEVE IN YOU!!!! YOU ARE A STRONG PERSON!!!
  • VeryKatie
    VeryKatie Posts: 5,961 Member
    Alluminati wrote: »
    VeryKatie wrote: »
    Those people should go trip, fall, and break both of their legs. They suck.

    If that every happens to you ever again at any store, your response should be to look them in the eye and say "go get your boss and bring them here immediately". And stare at them until they do, no matter what they say or how they protest. Hell, even take out your cell and dial the store number and hope it has a switchboard that allows you to call the manager's office directly.

    Barring that, get the store email address or mailing address. Write and send an email/letter immediately that day. Take note of the cashier's name tag so you can name names, as is appropriate in this situation.

    But if you want a come back, I agree with a poster above who mentioned to have one prepared.

    "No wonder you're fat if all you eat is carbs" gets a response of "No wonder you work as a cashier since your brain isn't capable of doing anything worthwhile." (Not that you actually have to think being a cashier isn't worthwhile, but you can still say it!)

    "They don't pay me enough blah blah" gets "Actually I think they're paying you too much. You better believe I'll be working on getting you fired. Then you won't be paid at all." Or something.

    Fine, but please don't do this OP. Most likely I'll be the one next in line and stuck while you guys duke it out and I have to pee. I always pick the wrong lines, i swear. Take your issues to customer service and keep it moving people!


    This has been a public service announcement.

    If I were the person behind her and I heard that, you bet I wouldn't be standing there telling her to get out of her way. I'd be telling her I'm willing to back up her story.

    But customer service is an option too. I just doubt it would be as effective - especially in a small town grocery store that likely doesn't have a customer service area.
  • Alluminati
    Alluminati Posts: 6,208 Member
    VeryKatie wrote: »
    Alluminati wrote: »
    VeryKatie wrote: »
    Those people should go trip, fall, and break both of their legs. They suck.

    If that every happens to you ever again at any store, your response should be to look them in the eye and say "go get your boss and bring them here immediately". And stare at them until they do, no matter what they say or how they protest. Hell, even take out your cell and dial the store number and hope it has a switchboard that allows you to call the manager's office directly.

    Barring that, get the store email address or mailing address. Write and send an email/letter immediately that day. Take note of the cashier's name tag so you can name names, as is appropriate in this situation.

    But if you want a come back, I agree with a poster above who mentioned to have one prepared.

    "No wonder you're fat if all you eat is carbs" gets a response of "No wonder you work as a cashier since your brain isn't capable of doing anything worthwhile." (Not that you actually have to think being a cashier isn't worthwhile, but you can still say it!)

    "They don't pay me enough blah blah" gets "Actually I think they're paying you too much. You better believe I'll be working on getting you fired. Then you won't be paid at all." Or something.

    Fine, but please don't do this OP. Most likely I'll be the one next in line and stuck while you guys duke it out and I have to pee. I always pick the wrong lines, i swear. Take your issues to customer service and keep it moving people!


    This has been a public service announcement.

    If I were the person behind her and I heard that, you bet I wouldn't be standing there telling her to get out of her way. I'd be telling her I'm willing to back up her story.

    But customer service is an option too. I just doubt it would be as effective - especially in a small town grocery store that likely doesn't have a customer service area.

    The post was tongue in cheek but I would hope that you and OP would be respectful of everyone else that's in the line behind who want to just pay for their jug of milk or tampons and go instead of being caught up in the drama.

    Every modern grocery store I have been to from the city to the country has a customer service counter for people who have issues/returns/questions, specifically designated so the lines in a supermarket are not held up. *shrug*
  • Alluminati
    Alluminati Posts: 6,208 Member
    benjaminhk wrote: »
    This one time I was fat-shamed by a whole town of people so I got back at them by making myself sick at a pie eating contest. After completing several pies, I started to vomit all over Bill Travis. Before he knew it, he was covered with five pies worth of used blueberries. The women in the audience screamed. Bossman Bob Cormier took one look at Bill Travis and barfed on Principal Wiggins, who barfed on the lumberjack that was sitting next to him. Mayor Grundy barfed on his wife's t.i.t.s. But when the smell hit the crowd, that's when my plan really started to work. Girlfriends barfed on boyfriends. Kids barfed on their parents. A fat lady barfed in her purse. The Donnelley twins barfed on each other, and the Women's Auxiliary barfed all over the Benevolent Order of Antelopes. And I just sat back and enjoyed what I'd created-a complete and total barf-o-rama!

    980x.gif

    Re-post for the brilliant Prince gif!!

    Repost of a repost because I literally laughed out loud. The whole thing was brilliant!
  • butterfli7o
    butterfli7o Posts: 1,319 Member
    edited July 2016
    Hm, I see your point about telling the boss. I guess I Just feel it might be a bit extreme to possibly have them lose their job over this. I know it's my fault for not having enough self control to not comfort eat after this and that's my responsibility. Maybe I can just call the stores and tell them but not say who it is. Then they would probably mention it to everyone who works there.

    Really grateful for the support...it's been emotionally hard, I'm sensitive.

    Not sure what to make of the comments that I made this up. How would it benefit me to get advice about a fictional thing?

    I"m going to try to stop comfort eating and get back to my routine of cutting out the junk food and exercising. I do want to be healthy.

    There's so much wrong in these posts. I can't believe two separate cashiers in two totally different stores talked to you this way? And you didn't do anything about it? Where do you live that people talk to strangers like this? I would have no issues getting them fired!
    And I know this sounds horrible, but you are at fault for the comfort eating. You're giving way too much control to these people who don't even know you. Girl, get your head out of the sand and care about yourself a little. Does the comfort eating make you feel better? Maybe for ten minutes, right? Don't derail any progress you've made because of the comments of strangers.
    And yes, if it was me and I would have demanded to speak to a manager NOW and then proceeded to write a letter to corporate.
  • michelleepotter
    michelleepotter Posts: 800 Member
    Hm, I see your point about telling the boss. I guess I Just feel it might be a bit extreme to possibly have them lose their job over this. I know it's my fault for not having enough self control to not comfort eat after this and that's my responsibility. Maybe I can just call the stores and tell them but not say who it is. Then they would probably mention it to everyone who works there.

    Really grateful for the support...it's been emotionally hard, I'm sensitive.

    Not sure what to make of the comments that I made this up. How would it benefit me to get advice about a fictional thing?

    I"m going to try to stop comfort eating and get back to my routine of cutting out the junk food and exercising. I do want to be healthy.

    It's good to take responsibility for your decision to deal with your feelings by overeating. Yes, your choices about food are your own, and nobody made you do it. HOWEVER, the people who made these terribly rude comments to you are responsible for THEIR actions, too. They didn't just hurt you (which is bad enough). They hurt the reputation of their stores. (If I was grocery shopping, and I overheard a cashier making rude remarks like that, I wouldn't want to shop there anymore either! Is she going to judge my purchases, too? I buy a LOT of food every time I shop, because I have a large family. I don't want to deal with rudeness about that.) They also lost their store a customer (you). Not to mention setting up an expectation that such comments are acceptable, which might lead to that cashier making more comments or to other cashiers doing the same. If I was a manager, I would definitely want to know about this and deal with it harshly. It is absolutely NOT acceptable, even from a purely business sense.

    This whole thing just makes me so angry. I've dealt with a few rude comments from strangers in my time, usually about my large family. When it happens to me, I'm so taken aback that I don't know what to say. But on the occasion that I've seen it happen to someone else, for whatever reason, I can't help but speak up. Bullying like this is NOT ok, and ought to be confronted whenever it happens.
  • Therealobi1
    Therealobi1 Posts: 3,262 Member
    i was in aldi few months back and this lady went absolutely crazy because they wouldn't let her take her basket full of shopping to the car. you are not allowed to take baskets out of the shop
    sooooooooooooo
    i dont really understand this story. there is no way i would be giving my money to any cashier insulting me. i wouldnt slap them but we would insult each other until the manager is paged. I dont understand this situation.Also the cashier is some rude stranger, why let them get into your head?