Anyone have any good jokes? I'd like a good laugh right about now. T

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2

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  • cee134
    cee134 Posts: 33,711 Member
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    Why don't cats play poker in the jungle?
    Too many cheetahs.
  • Erika2011MaBelleFille
    Erika2011MaBelleFille Posts: 75 Member
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    Sorry, I'm kind of new to this community thing on FP. What does the whole "flagging" mean. How does it happen?
  • Erika2011MaBelleFille
    Erika2011MaBelleFille Posts: 75 Member
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    P.s. There are some pretty good jokes on here though.
  • cee134
    cee134 Posts: 33,711 Member
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    Flagged Content, Reported Posts, & Warning Points This will explain flags and how to use them.
  • deadliftsandnoodles
    deadliftsandnoodles Posts: 312 Member
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    How do you blindfold an Oriental person?

    With dental floss
  • G085H173
    G085H173 Posts: 516 Member
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    Pat and Mick sitting on the stairs of their local church
    Pat says "I did"
    Mick says " you didn't"
    Pat - "I'm tellin ya, I did"
    Mick - "And I'm tellin ya, ye didn't"
    Pat - "I fookin did!"
    Mick - "Ya fookin didn't!"
    Suddenly the priest comes running out the church and shouts "what's all this swearing about, and on the church steps??"
    "Father" says Mick "will you tell Pat that there is no such thing as a 2 foot tall nun!"
    "What??" Says the priest "of course not! I have never heard the like!"
    "Ha" shouts Mick, turning to Pat, "I told ya, you were shagging a penguin!"
  • kevinf2380
    kevinf2380 Posts: 256 Member
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    If an athlete gets athletes foot what does an astronaut get?

    Missile Toe!


    What shakes and lies at the bottom of the ocean?

    A nervous wreck.
  • kevinf2380
    kevinf2380 Posts: 256 Member
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    nm212 wrote: »
    Did you hear about that new movie called "Constipation"?
    No? That's because it hasn't come out yet...

    Did you hear about the movie "Procrastination"?

    It was never completed.
  • deadliftsandnoodles
    deadliftsandnoodles Posts: 312 Member
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    During a boozy night out I met a stunning redhead who invited me back to her apartment. She took off her dress and sat on the bed gazing seductively at me and whispered "f*** me with 8 inches and make me bleed"

    So I f***** her twice with my 4 incher and punched her in the nose
  • nm212
    nm212 Posts: 570 Member
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    What did the pirate say when he turned 80?
    Eye-matey!
  • nm212
    nm212 Posts: 570 Member
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    Why did Sally fall off the swings?
    Because she had no arms.
    Knock knock
    Who's there?
    Not Sally!
  • lenoresdream
    lenoresdream Posts: 522 Member
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    Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
    Dude, that picture is offensive. They look like random women or friends in a bar and some obnoxious weed made a joke out of that.

    There are people here who may look like that. They already feel like *kitten* and they don't need to see fat jokes over and over.

    I think you are a funny guy but this one time, it's poor judgement.

    Thank you, cutaway.
  • lenoresdream
    lenoresdream Posts: 522 Member
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    This one is so lame but I love this: termite walks into a bar and asks, "where's the bar tender? "

    You get it?! Heh! :D
  • lenoresdream
    lenoresdream Posts: 522 Member
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    nm212 wrote: »
    What did the pirate say when he turned 80?
    Eye-matey!

    This took me a minute lol! :D
  • distinctlybeautiful
    distinctlybeautiful Posts: 1,041 Member
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    The past, the present, and the future walked into a bar. It was tense.
  • DetroitDarin
    DetroitDarin Posts: 955 Member
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    What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
  • DetroitDarin
    DetroitDarin Posts: 955 Member
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    Q: How do mathematicians scold their children?

    A: “If I’ve told you n times, I’ve told you n+1 times …”

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