My heart has shattered
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My heart is shattered and I'm struggling to stay a float.
Here is my last relationship summed up.
11 months together. 2 smal arguments that we always got over. He told me I'm the one girlfriend he has ever had that he didn't want to just say "f it I'm done" whenever there was an issue. We talked about moving in together. And he was set to move in with me in about 6 months which would be 1 year and 3 months together. Not to brag but we were that couple that everyone said was adorable, perfect and amazing. We are both very weird and our relationship seriously was full of laughter, cry laughing, deep talks, and pure love. We never had an issue that a 10 minute conversation couldn't fix. He even asked me my ring size. His whole family loved me and my family loves him.
Well this is where my heart breaks...
My boyfriend, my love, as I said we were just under our one year mark. When he went camping with all his guy friends.
He came back and texted me that he wanted to come see me and the dogs.
I felt right away something was wrong because he always invites me to his place. Not the other way around.
Well he got here. Kissed me, hugged me, and talked to me about my day.
Then he said "I need to say something and I need you to really listen and understand"
He said our relationship is unhealthy because he is holding me back from my potential. (Which he isn't. I'm going to college just as much as I did without him. And hanging out with my friends just as much as I did without him)
Anyway he said he is holding me back. He said he loves me more than anyone he has ever loved. That he doesn't want to leave me. But he has to. For me. For my future. He said that I have to go through the hard times like he did and make mistakes.
But I told him he wasn't holding me back. He is motivating me even more. And I told him its not fair for him to say he is holding me back or to say what I need. I have made mistakes. Not the ones he has. But I've made my own path and I live on the safe side.
He was bawling I was bawling and he just kept hugging me and kissing me. But he said he made up his mind and he had to break up with me. To let me grow.
He said "when you find a flower in a field of weeds, it's beautiful and you want to pick it. But if you do, it's going to die. You have to let the flower grow where it's at"
I'm heartbroken. Completely heartbroken.
He said when I'm ready, I can come get my stuff from his house.
Which I will do, but once I'm not as emotional over this all.
Do you think I should talk to him again and tell him again that he isn't holding me back and I would tell him if he was?
Or should I just let it go?
He said man camp had nothing to do with it. He said he was at the gas station earlier that day and it just hit him. I could tell he had been crying before he came over. Part of my wants to hold on because I think he is just having a breakdown and made an impulse decision. But the other part of me says to just let him go.
I just hope he realizes he is making a mistake.
I dont know what to do or think.
I'm shaking from anxiety and can't calm down. Even his friends are completely surprised. They said he talks about me all the time and how much he loves me and how I'm so different than any other woman he met.
My heart is in shambles.
Here is my last relationship summed up.
11 months together. 2 smal arguments that we always got over. He told me I'm the one girlfriend he has ever had that he didn't want to just say "f it I'm done" whenever there was an issue. We talked about moving in together. And he was set to move in with me in about 6 months which would be 1 year and 3 months together. Not to brag but we were that couple that everyone said was adorable, perfect and amazing. We are both very weird and our relationship seriously was full of laughter, cry laughing, deep talks, and pure love. We never had an issue that a 10 minute conversation couldn't fix. He even asked me my ring size. His whole family loved me and my family loves him.
Well this is where my heart breaks...
My boyfriend, my love, as I said we were just under our one year mark. When he went camping with all his guy friends.
He came back and texted me that he wanted to come see me and the dogs.
I felt right away something was wrong because he always invites me to his place. Not the other way around.
Well he got here. Kissed me, hugged me, and talked to me about my day.
Then he said "I need to say something and I need you to really listen and understand"
He said our relationship is unhealthy because he is holding me back from my potential. (Which he isn't. I'm going to college just as much as I did without him. And hanging out with my friends just as much as I did without him)
Anyway he said he is holding me back. He said he loves me more than anyone he has ever loved. That he doesn't want to leave me. But he has to. For me. For my future. He said that I have to go through the hard times like he did and make mistakes.
But I told him he wasn't holding me back. He is motivating me even more. And I told him its not fair for him to say he is holding me back or to say what I need. I have made mistakes. Not the ones he has. But I've made my own path and I live on the safe side.
He was bawling I was bawling and he just kept hugging me and kissing me. But he said he made up his mind and he had to break up with me. To let me grow.
He said "when you find a flower in a field of weeds, it's beautiful and you want to pick it. But if you do, it's going to die. You have to let the flower grow where it's at"
I'm heartbroken. Completely heartbroken.
He said when I'm ready, I can come get my stuff from his house.
Which I will do, but once I'm not as emotional over this all.
Do you think I should talk to him again and tell him again that he isn't holding me back and I would tell him if he was?
Or should I just let it go?
He said man camp had nothing to do with it. He said he was at the gas station earlier that day and it just hit him. I could tell he had been crying before he came over. Part of my wants to hold on because I think he is just having a breakdown and made an impulse decision. But the other part of me says to just let him go.
I just hope he realizes he is making a mistake.
I dont know what to do or think.
I'm shaking from anxiety and can't calm down. Even his friends are completely surprised. They said he talks about me all the time and how much he loves me and how I'm so different than any other woman he met.
My heart is in shambles.
1
Replies
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His reasoning sounds like a cheap cop out, imo.28
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i think that he is freaked out by the intensity of the relationship and needed to get out of it
he possibly might realize it was a mistake but whats done is done and you should mourn the relationship as you normally would
just leave it alone and see what happens
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The truth is he doesn't want commitment. Many guys don't want commitment until they know they are going to be settling down for good. And it doesn't sound like that. And he's right, he's holding you down because if his intent was just to string you along without committing, then you miss opportunities available to you.
Love isn't kind sometimes and you have to take what life gives you. Him saying this should be a sign that he's not ready to keep a commitment yet. And say you stayed together................how do you know that he doesn't want out, but can't tell you because you'll beg him to stay again and he can't handle that.
You're young. There are 4 billion people in the world, so there's someone else other there. Personally myself, I went through a couple of hard breakups before I met my wife.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
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Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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Whether he's right or not about holding you back isn't the issue and shouldn't be the bottom line for you. It should be this. He's done with the relationship, and you need to move on. There will be someone, somewhere, just for you. Give yourself a bit of time to get over this first tho! xo8
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I agree with everyone. He probably had a dude weekend and they told him some stuff about him being in a relationship changing him or someone else was available gawd only know. I'm sorry this happened to you
But he is not tell you the truth. 2 -
I agree with everyone. He probably had a dude weekend and they told him some stuff about him being in a relationship changing him or someone else was available gawd only know. I'm sorry this happened to you But he is not tell you the truth.
This was my first thought too.
To the OP:
Hang in there, kid; this too shall pass.1 -
Another chick for sure.......Hang in there4
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You can't change him, and you should never change. Sucks, but take the time to really keep building on yourself. You are doing wonderful and whatever comes from this point will be that much better.
All the best.3 -
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One of my friends broke up with a girl because he felt he wasn't good enough for her, so it really does happen. However, I would find that horribly patronising and it might be a sign that it wouldn't work out anyway.0
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Hey! I'm the OP and I assure you it's not another girl. My guy was single for 7 years before being with me. And his last relationship crushed him.
He actually jjust called me crying again and told me what he didn't want to tell me yesterday. The real reason he is pushing me away. He said his alcohol addiction is getting bad and he wants to go to rehab. But he doesn't want to bring me down with him.
But I told him if I let him bring me down then I am a weak person. Which I'm not, and when you love someone you are all in or your out. And I'm all in. I told him I won't give up on him and he doesn't need to push me away. My love for him so strong and I want to help him.
I wasn't doing it in a begging manner either. I was just reassuring him that love isn't only when time is easy. It's the hard times that prove the extent of love.
Thanks everyone for your comments and messages!
I'm still hurting but feel more at ease now that he told me the real reason.3 -
Has he shown issues with alcohol during the year you dated him?0
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Honestly, as I was reading this it felt like it was going to end with him killing himself. I just lost a client to suicide and she was an alcoholic that pushed everyone out of her life near the end. That being said, don't let him push you away so easily. Help him get help and let him know you're there for him no matter what. If it was just a break up, you'll feel an attitude change soon, but if he's really in a bad place though, you did everything you could.4
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Honestly, as I was reading this it felt like it was going to end with him killing himself. I just lost a client to suicide and she was an alcoholic that pushed everyone out of her life near the end. That being said, don't let him push you away so easily. Help him get help and let him know you're there for him no matter what. If it was just a break up, you'll feel an attitude change soon, but if he's really in a bad place though, you did everything you could.
listen to her3 -
He drank a lot yes. With me not as much cause I'm not a big drinker. Glass of wine every other night or so.
However he works at a bar. And even when he is done closing the kitchen he stays at the Bar till the bartenders are done cleaning, and they will give him a ride home. Or if he walked he will still stay after if the female bartender is there. There has been tons of break ins in the neighborhood and the female bartenders are like his sisters and he stays just in case something bad happened.
However because he stays after for a few hours. He will drink. And then he will continue that when he is home.
He knows his job is toxic for him but he makes such good money there. Money he couldn't make at a different location. He has been there 6 years and makes double the amount as me and I work in a hospital. So he wants to leave but he needs to make ends meet financially.
He said he wants to go into rehab.
And I'll support him and still be here for him whether we are together or not.
For a few months in our relationship he stopped drinking as much and he was feeling awesome about it. But all his friends and band mates are heavy drinkers so he got caught up in it again.1 -
Ugh. Bad spot to be in. At least he wants help and recognizes he has a prob. My BF drinks too much and doesn't think he has a problem. Good luck!!1
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And.... Now you can add my heart also.0
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Oh no. Message me if you need to. You were there for me. I'll be there for you.denise123177 wrote: »And.... Now you can add my heart also.
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