How to stay on track when your SO doesn't want to eat like you.
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My husband eats what I cook - sometimes a few more helpings than I do, but he's easing back into a healthier lifestyle (I hope). He still has choice at lunch at work and I buy him the cereal he likes.0
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courtneyallisonatx wrote: »Thank you everyone for your feedback. I just thought I would get a little help, as this has been an issue as of late. He thinks it's stupid to cook two meals or gets frustrated when I tell him I can't have something because it doesn't fit in my calories. I know he he just isn't used to this type of eating and it's just different and a new routine. I just wanted to know if anyone else had ever had any pushback in this area.
Thank You for the advice.
I'll be honest...he doesn't sound very supportive at all if he can't handle you eating different food. Not like you're telling him he has to change his eating.3 -
If you're bringing home restaurant/fast food, it's really easy to keep bags of pre-washed salad mix or frozen veggies at home. You can have a piece of pizza or a lighter entree (or even 1/2 of an entree) with a big salad or a veggie side, while he eats whatever he wants.0
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These are all really great ideas, this is still relatively new for me. We just recently moved in together, I am used to just eating my meals the way I want and not having to worry about anyone else. I appreciate all the genuine responses. Thinking about it a different way now than before.
I guess another issue, which is solely my own, is that I have a serious addiction to food, I have very little self restraint, which I am actively working on, so I tend to just try and stay away from the foods I would rather eat all of than just a smaller amount. Just try to reduce the temptation to binge eat.1 -
courtneyallisonatx wrote: »
By taking personal responsibility for what I eat.How to stay on track when your SO doesn't want to eat like you.
If that means I cook then I cook. If it means we have different portions or different sides it's not a big issue. Or I might have an extra snack - loads of options to cater for different needs.
Do wonder why you have to radically change your diet but your BF doesn't?
Is your diet (noun) so bad you have to change or are you switching to diet (verb) foods?
It's changing because I need to lose weight but he doesn't think he does. He could stand to lose weight, but its not my place to make that decision for him. We used to go out and eat almost every meal, mainly Italian places and pizza. I am trying to have that only once in a while but he is still wanting to eat it all the time.
He may change but you are right he needs to make that choice for himself.
Maybe a compromise is cooking Italian at home where you can control the ingredients and portions?
Making it a joint activity may turn it from a divisive issue into something that you can do together.
Just a thought - best of luck.2 -
courtneyallisonatx wrote: »Thank you everyone for your feedback. I just thought I would get a little help, as this has been an issue as of late. He thinks it's stupid to cook two meals or gets frustrated when I tell him I can't have something because it doesn't fit in my calories. I know he he just isn't used to this type of eating and it's just different and a new routine. I just wanted to know if anyone else had ever had any pushback in this area.
Thank You for the advice.
Have you shown him how MFP works? My OH gets the calorie budget concept, and that when I'm low on calories I have to be judicious on how I spend this.
We used to get ice cream at ice cream stands until I figured out their "smalls" were 8-10 ounces. Now I get the Ben & Jerry's 4 oz mini cups. But before that, he'd ask if I wanted ice cream and I'd tell him I couldn't afford the calories / didn't have the calories to spend.0 -
Be your own person and do your thing. He can either deal with it, join you, or fix his own food.5
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courtneyallisonatx wrote: »I am having such a hard time with this. My boyfriend is wonderful and wants me to do what makes me happy, but he is very happy with his eating habits. He doesn't want to eat the things I NEED to eat to make myself better. I am having a hard time figuring out a way to approach the situation with him and how to work around his food wants. Do I just cook separate meals each night, or make my own and tell him he is own his own for meals. Has anyone else had this problem? Would love to know how you handled it.
My husband and I eat very differently due to dietary restrictions/different goals. So he cooks what he eats and I cook what I eat. It's not difficult. You don't HAVE to have identical meals. Tell your boyfriend if he wants to eat something then he can make it. It's not your job.1 -
If he gets fast food, cook something for yourself. You can still coordinate and eat at the same time.
Or you can meal plan together and find things which meet both your needs and then make the food together. Or take a healthy cooking class to get ideas.
I think you should cook what you need to eat and make enough for him if he wants it. You're under no obligation to cook one thing for him and another for yourself. If he doesn't want to eat what you're making, he can find his own food.1 -
courtneyallisonatx wrote: »These are all really great ideas, this is still relatively new for me. We just recently moved in together, I am used to just eating my meals the way I want and not having to worry about anyone else. I appreciate all the genuine responses. Thinking about it a different way now than before.
I guess another issue, which is solely my own, is that I have a serious addiction to food, I have very little self restraint, which I am actively working on, so I tend to just try and stay away from the foods I would rather eat all of than just a smaller amount.
I get that...it takes awhile before you get used to figuring out meals for two people when you've just moved in together. Another thing that my BF and I have found helpful is to think of our meals more as a base + additions that we can customize (I don't eat meat, but he does). We'll do things like make pasta with marinara, plus meatballs for him, or veggies for both of us but he adds butter/cheese and I might not. Or I'll make garlic bread for him.1 -
I cook for myself, by SO and my sister (we all live together so I cook and they do the dishes since I enjoy cooking). They eat what I make. I cook based on both my calorie budget and their suggestions. They suggest things they like and I try to accommodate, make them lighter in calories in some ways or just take smaller portions.
If they want pasta I will make something like grilled chicken with melted mozarella on it, size salad or veggies, and a single serving of pasta+sauce. It's a slightly lighter meal that meets everyone's needs and desires.
Burgers, I cook everything and eat it without a bun or will grill chicken breast for me.
If they don't like what I am making they can feel free to make their own side dishes or meals.
It may be helpful to discuss your calorie intake with your boyfriend. Explain what your calorie limits are each day and offer examples of what things are calorie-wise to get an understanding of why you can't eat exactly what you used to. Education can be really helpful for someone to support you in your goals0 -
Have you guys sat down and had a heart-to-heart on how you really want to handle meals, or have you just let it shake out however? When I moved in with my ex, we didn't have a long discussion about it, so I cooked a lot and he ate what I cooked. When I decided I wanted to eat healthier, what I thought in my own head was that he wouldn't want to eat lighter meals, that I was putting him out, that I might have to make two meals, I started resenting and stewing. Then I actually talked to him about it and realized that although he didn't want everything I wanted to make, he did enjoy the lighter meals I made and had 0 issue with us having separate dinners a few times a week so he didn't have to replace all his high-calorie meals and I could cook things he wasn't interested in eating. I was feeling bad over not cooking for him all the time when he couldn't care less, and I never would've known if I hadn't asked him if he cared.
If you frame it as "we need to work together to find a good eating plan for both of us that satisfies both our needs", I bet he's more open to compromise than you think!0 -
courtneyallisonatx wrote: »These are all really great ideas, this is still relatively new for me. We just recently moved in together, I am used to just eating my meals the way I want and not having to worry about anyone else. I appreciate all the genuine responses. Thinking about it a different way now than before.
I guess another issue, which is solely my own, is that I have a serious addiction to food, I have very little self restraint, which I am actively working on, so I tend to just try and stay away from the foods I would rather eat all of than just a smaller amount. Just try to reduce the temptation to binge eat.
There's a lot of give and take when you're getting used to each other's routines and habits. I think it would be helpful, as some others have mentioned, to explain to him how calorie counting works. Just like a food budget, you have a calorie budget every day and being a female you have a smaller budget than he does, in any event. If you blow that budget on a high calorie take out meal you'll be pretty hungry the rest of the day.
Trust me, you are not the only person who has been in this situation before. I have been living with my husband since 1987 and we still bump heads on this issue from time to time. He's a foot taller than me and can eat a lot more than I can and maintain his weight. He also could stand to lose about 30 pounds or so but that's his deal, not mine. I'm supportive when he mentions it and don't talk about it when he's eating ice cream after dinner. I make dinners that are large enough that he can get what he needs and I always have a green salad and veggies so I can fill up on those and have just a little of the main course.
If your issue is coming down to him wanting to eat out all of the time you might approach it from a monetary budget perspective as well as a calorie budget one. Eating out is expensive! You could save a lot of money if you cooked your meals at home. Is there something you'd like to do as a couple that you'd need to save for? Are you even thinking about a wedding at this point? Eating at home can literally save you hundreds of dollars per month to put towards that goal.2 -
I think it depends on what you want to eat. Neither of you should have to give up your favorite foods just because you want to lose weight. (Trigger foods is another issue.) If he is okay with changing what he eats, fine. It would be nice to eat the same foods, but if that isn't possible, make your own meals. What are you eating that he doesn't want? What is he eating that you don't want? Any way to meet in the middle/tweak recipes to suit both of you? You could eat the parts and portions of meals that are appropriate for you, and he take care of his own needs.1
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I eat most of the same food I always did. I still eat fast food once a week. My family eats what they want. Lost 28 lbs with no special diet.
Put more vegetables on your plate. Take smaller portions of higher calorie stuff. Eat a smaller breakfast or lunch and save more calories for dinner.
Look up nutritional info for restaurants you usually go to and make choices in advance. I get a burger with a side salad and unsweetened tea for example.
You are both adults. If you want something buy it and cook it. He can buy and cook what he wants something different. Your plates do not have to match. Compromise on a menu that meets both your needs or agree to do your own thing.
I'm cooking salmon, rice and veggies tonight. I'm skipping the rice tonight. Not a big deal.1 -
I'm from louisiana, us women are to be the perfect wife for our man...we are programmed at a young age...as was i. We have to serve and cook for our man. After MANY years of doing this, I realized....NOBODY will take care of me BUT ME! I stopped being a southern Belle and now, I do for me. Occasionally I cook for him, but I see it as: he has two hands he can cook for himself. I refuse to do it all for him anymore. I have to take care of myself so I can be around. Either he eats what I cook ....which is healthy. If not, he can cook for himself.6
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I am not saying that I haven't been eating correctly BECAUSE of him. I am sticking to my calories as best as I can. I just wasn't sure if anyone else had issues in this area. So the condescending comments are pretty unnecessary.0
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courtneyallisonatx wrote: »I am not saying that I haven't been eating correctly BECAUSE of him. I am sticking to my calories as best as I can. I just wasn't sure if anyone else had issues in this area. So the condescending comments are pretty unnecessary.
The trick is learning that what you eat doesn't have to be tied to what he eats. It's humorous to many of us because it seems that many people have a very hard time with this concept. If you don't have kids just wait until you do and they're enjoying ice cream, pancakes, and other treats you also can't have as often as them. Self control in the face of temptation is just one of those things.7 -
The issue me and my husband has is he gets tons more calories a day than I do, which sucks. I can only eat 1480 to lose what I need to per week. For him to lose the same, he can eat like 2100 calories. So while I'm over here having a small piece of BBQ chicken, no pasta side, and lots of veggies. He'll be eating a large BBQ chicken breast, pasta side, and veggie. Sometimes at the end of the day I'll be out of calories and still hungry, while he still has 500 calories left to eat. Point being...even if your boyfriend was trying to lose weight, he'd still be able to eat more than you or have the freedom to eat more of the "bad foods". I can't do my husband to eat at my calorie goal because I don't want to see him eat more than me. I just have to make smart choices for myself and let him worry about his calories. The best thing I can advise is, explain to him how many calories you can eat and try to fit what he wants sometimes into your goal. If he wants pizza, have one slice and add a salad to that. If he wants pasta, maybe choose a kids portion or have soup or salad instead.
I do make 2 meals a lot of time in my house and it really isn't too bad. Tonight I'm making meatloaf, pasta, and veggie for the family. I'm making some oven baked chicken, brown rice, and steamed zucchini for myself. I make several chicken breasts so that I have meals for a few days and that helps. Reason I do two meals is because stuff like meatloaf I wouldn't be able to have much of. I'm a volume water and would rather have a big helping of chicken that a small slice of meatloaf
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courtneyallisonatx wrote: »cwolfman13 wrote: »How exactly do you eat? Part of the problem is often people think that because they're on a diet everything has to be bland and boring...I make all kinds of deliciousness using primarily whole food/minimally processed food ingredients...like tomorrow night I'm grilling some sirloin steaks that are marinating in some carne asada sauce I whipped up...I'll do baked potatoes and likely roast some asparagus...what's not to love? My wife and I will both eat a healthy meal in portions that are appropriate for us.
Most of our dinners are some kind of grilled meat, poultry, or fish with some kind of starch or grain and a veggie side...usually sauteed or roasted.
My boyfriend is very much addicted to fast food. He also loves carbs, all the time every meal.
In which case, he easily can shift for himself, the majority of the time. He's a grown up and doesn't need you to organise/heat it up. If you do enjoy fast food, no need to completely give it up, but it is hard to feel full and meet your macros on a lot of it. Plus, it's expansive! Edit, expensive, even, though expansive is part of the problem with some of it!2 -
I cook the food and anyone is welcome to eat it who wants it. Otherwise they can take care of themselves. My husband loves what I cook though. Or at least he knows better than to complain!
If your boyfriend does the cooking, then it's trickier. You would have to use portion control, or make something for yourself and just not have what he has.0 -
My husband has a lot more calories to play with than me, too. I tend to cook us the same thing, but might give him a slightly bigger portion of carbs. He's a bit of a snacker, so tends to make up calories that way - handfuls of nuts or peas from their pods, or a piece of fruit here and there (I'm not really a fan of fruit - it's not a fan of me!)0
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sunnybeaches105 wrote: »So if he eats a donut do you gain weight?
This^^^
What my husband eats has nothing to do with what I eat. I cook 2 meals if he's eating something I can't or won't eat.
He eats fried foods, meat,Ben & jerrys.
I eat none of these.
Because I can't eat them and look the way I want too doesn't mean he shouldn't eat them if that's what he wants.
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Sit down together and talk him about your needs and his needs and figure out a way to compromise. Such as, you fix what you prefer and he can make something extra to round it out, pasta, potato, cake, or whatever. Or he fixes dinner and you add on your own salad & veggies. Or alternate nights or weeks as to who is the primary cook. If you just fix what you want and announce that he's on his own from now on, it might not make for the best relationship.
My hubby likes what I fix but also he gets a lot his own snacks. Sometimes his frequent evening snacking makes me nuts, but I just have to try and block it out. He doesn't eat horrible as he also is losing weight, he just needs and wants a lot more than I do and a broader range of foods.0 -
Does he cook?0
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I have a handful of recipies that we make regularly, and then just add in some carbs for the spouse. For example, we'll have grilled chicken and green beans, then I'll make him some baked beans or rice and either eat a small amount, or skip it altogether. Bonus points if you make extra and have it for lunch the next day. With minor give and take on both sides, you'll make it work.1
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If my husband doesn't want to eat what I cook then he is on his own. I don't make special food for him. He eventually got on board and lost 40lbs.0
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johnnylondon wrote: »It all depends how strict I'm being. If I'm doing a spell of 5:2 then we'll eat different meals. If I'm trying to maintain then I'll portion the same meal out differently.
It can be a real struggle! We've been together for 6 years and I'd put on 20kg! I just had to realise that we can't eat in the same way as each other because we're just built differently.
What is a 5:2?
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I would either make my own food, or adapt the main meal he is having to fit how I wanted to eat.
That's fair if he's cooking, but if she's cooking why should his preferences matter more?
Plan meals that work for both of you; there may be one or two things that he'll eat and you won't. e.g. Steak, potatoes and veggies. He gets lots of all three (or mostly steak and potatoes if that's what he prefers). You get properly portioned steak, lots of veggies and properly portioned potatoes (optional). e.g. Burgers, fries and salad. Homemade burgers (they taste *so* much better) - either skip the bun (putting the patty right on top of a pile of baby spinach is delish) or make sure you're using a small bun; you have lots of salad and either skip the fries or have just a few; he picks up his favourite fast food fries and he treats salad as optional.1 -
davinapoole wrote: »johnnylondon wrote: »It all depends how strict I'm being. If I'm doing a spell of 5:2 then we'll eat different meals. If I'm trying to maintain then I'll portion the same meal out differently.
It can be a real struggle! We've been together for 6 years and I'd put on 20kg! I just had to realise that we can't eat in the same way as each other because we're just built differently.
What is a 5:2?
5:2 is the Fast Diet. For 2 non-consecutive days you effectively fast by limiting your calorie intake to 500 or 600.0
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