Birthdays and holidays

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Replies

  • kshama2001
    kshama2001 Posts: 26,132 Member
    edited September 2016
    I'm not kind to myself. I don't recall a time that I have *ever* been kind to myself.

    So yes I am punishing myself for being fat and disgusting. This is my punishment for getting to where I am now. No fun stuff.
    I saw on another thread that you want to be back at 115 so you want to lose 58 lbs. 173. I was expecting at least double that the way you speak. You really are setting yourself up for more disordered eating

    @KurumiSophia I've lost 52 pounds (10 before MFP) without punishing myself. Therapy helped me and perhaps it will help you as well.

    Meanwhile, what's your exercise program? Happy hormones from exercise help tremendously with my state of mind.
  • GYATagain
    GYATagain Posts: 141 Member
    This is all part of the process....learning how to live your life. You choose or not choose to eat the cake, cookies, pastries, eggnog. If you feel you just cannot have a small portion - then don't do it. However, also, don't say anything about it! I was that unfortunate relative/friend that pronounced to the whole world what I would eat or wouldn't eat when I first started my journey almost 4 years ago. For whatever reason, it does irritate others. Now, I say nothing - I just do my thing. For example, went to a pig roast Saturday night for my husband's company. I choose not to eat pork for my own reasons, but, certainly say nothing to anyone else that does eat it. Needless to say, there was very little there for me to eat, I said nothing, took some salad (skirted around the ham), some fruit and a couple pieces of cheese. Said nothing, and went about my business. Don't make a big deal about it. Smile and move on. I promise everyone will get used to your saying no thank you. It does not need to be a killjoy. And yes, punishment seems to be our way. I hope for you to find that peace in a new lifestyle and get away from punishment. Most all of us are on MFP because we are/were "fat and disgusting".
  • Emily3907
    Emily3907 Posts: 1,460 Member
    For me personally, family birthdays and holidays work out to about one day a month. So, on that day, I eat a very light breakfast and then enjoy myself at the family event. Life happens and one day a month is not going to ruin everything.
  • aimforhealthy
    aimforhealthy Posts: 449 Member
    First of all, you are not at all "disgusting" for not being where you'd like to be fitness and bodywise, and I'm very sorry you feel that way. You're just at the start of your journey. Your journey will (and should) include social occasions - that's a GOOD thing! Weight isn't the be-all, end-all of happiness. Having a good support system around you with friends and people who care and not being isolated will actually help you in the long run.

    I have a massive sweet tooth. I don't eat for emotional reasons - I eat because I love the tastes and textures of my favorite foods - sensory reasons - so this may be different for you. But if given a whole cake, I will eat a whole cake in one day by myself. So I try out a bunch of different strategies for portion control: Having a few bites of a huge slice of cake before giving it to a family member, dividing sweets into portions and freezing all but one, etc.

    You HAVE to learn moderation if you're going to make these changes stick. Extreme deprivation simply won't work and may even backfire or make you ill. Reach out for help with any and all of this - it's there waiting for you!
  • bethannien
    bethannien Posts: 556 Member
    My mother in law's birthday was a few weeks ago. Her daughter, my SIL is an AMAZING cook. But I've learned the key to eating at her house is to load up on the veggies (of which there are always many) and take a small portion of the entree and ooey gooey delicious side (usually cheesy potatoes, my favorite thing on this earth). I leave the table satisfied because I'm not hungry after all the veggies and satisfied because I ate something delicious.

    Moderation is hard for me too. My sons birthday is a few days after my MILs, plus Labor Day barbecues; from the end of August to the new year, I'm faced with an endless stream of temptations. And I don't want to be miserable any more than I want to be fat. So the choice is LEARN to indulge in moderation, or be miserable (or fat). It's hard. It's hard to drink 8 oz of egg nog instead of however much you feel like. It's hard to eat a sliver of pumpkin pie when you want a hearty slice. You just have to decide what you're willing to do to get where you want to be.

    And as far as being a killjoy, I always felt like that too. So I kind of just stopped talking about it at gatherings. For one thing, it's gotten embarrassing to keep talking about losing weight and then never having anything to show for it if I fall back to old patterns. And for another, it's no ones responsibility but mine to make the changes I need to make.
  • callsitlikeiseeit
    callsitlikeiseeit Posts: 8,633 Member
    ive lost 80 some pounds in 2 year. havent missed a single birthday or holiday, or vacation, or nights out with friends and drinking, or anything else.

    this difference is, i PLAN for it, and limit my choices, or make other choices to allow an overindulgence.
  • salembambi
    salembambi Posts: 5,605 Member
    this is such a sad thread :(

    OP i really hope you can start to be kinder to yourself . Enjoying holidays and your birthday is a great part of life and you should never have to dread them. I always always take the entire week of Christmas off from logging or worrying about calories. i rather enjoy my time with everyone i love and eat lots of lovely food. Also there is no way in hell i would ever waste time worrying about calories and my weight on my birthday weekend. yea i said weekend, always take the entire weekend off for that too.

    Halloween is coming up right... you bet i will be eating some extra treats & snacks I will probably go over my calories but i dont care Halloween is one of my favourite times of year
  • WanderingRivers
    WanderingRivers Posts: 612 Member
    kshama2001 wrote: »
    I'm not kind to myself. I don't recall a time that I have *ever* been kind to myself.

    So yes I am punishing myself for being fat and disgusting. This is my punishment for getting to where I am now. No fun stuff.
    I saw on another thread that you want to be back at 115 so you want to lose 58 lbs. 173. I was expecting at least double that the way you speak. You really are setting yourself up for more disordered eating

    @KurumiSophia I've lost 52 pounds (10 before MFP) without punishing myself. Therapy helped me and perhaps it will help you as well.

    Meanwhile, what's your exercise program? Happy hormones from exercise help tremendously with my state of mind.

    I walk on all my breaks at work. Food is taken at my desk. If I could, I would only eat dinner but my husband would have a bloody fit. I am now walking the dog after work too. Trying for no more then 1200 calories in a day. When crappy weather hits, there's a stairwell by my desk I can climb for my breaks. I am in this to drop the fat.

    Therapy is on my list but I have other stuff that takes precedence, like work, right now.
  • snowflake930
    snowflake930 Posts: 2,188 Member
    My take on this.
    Been there, done that. Apprehension for the seasons of "eating" occasions.
    Been on MFP for 4-1/2 years. The past almost 3 on maintenance.

    Allow yourself to indulge. Perhaps a small taste of everything. Try to log as honestly as possible.
    If you go over, don't over worry about it. Get back on track the next day, just don't let it be an excuse to give up on what you want to achieve to become healthier. Don't let one day become the pattern to many days. In the long term scheme of things, a day here and there shouldn't make a difference.


  • Chef_Barbell
    Chef_Barbell Posts: 6,647 Member
    kshama2001 wrote: »
    I'm not kind to myself. I don't recall a time that I have *ever* been kind to myself.

    So yes I am punishing myself for being fat and disgusting. This is my punishment for getting to where I am now. No fun stuff.
    I saw on another thread that you want to be back at 115 so you want to lose 58 lbs. 173. I was expecting at least double that the way you speak. You really are setting yourself up for more disordered eating

    @KurumiSophia I've lost 52 pounds (10 before MFP) without punishing myself. Therapy helped me and perhaps it will help you as well.

    Meanwhile, what's your exercise program? Happy hormones from exercise help tremendously with my state of mind.

    I walk on all my breaks at work. Food is taken at my desk. If I could, I would only eat dinner but my husband would have a bloody fit. I am now walking the dog after work too. Trying for no more then 1200 calories in a day. When crappy weather hits, there's a stairwell by my desk I can climb for my breaks. I am in this to drop the fat.

    Therapy is on my list but I have other stuff that takes precedence, like work, right now.

    Mental health should always take precedence.
  • WanderingRivers
    WanderingRivers Posts: 612 Member
    kshama2001 wrote: »
    I'm not kind to myself. I don't recall a time that I have *ever* been kind to myself.

    So yes I am punishing myself for being fat and disgusting. This is my punishment for getting to where I am now. No fun stuff.
    I saw on another thread that you want to be back at 115 so you want to lose 58 lbs. 173. I was expecting at least double that the way you speak. You really are setting yourself up for more disordered eating

    @KurumiSophia I've lost 52 pounds (10 before MFP) without punishing myself. Therapy helped me and perhaps it will help you as well.

    Meanwhile, what's your exercise program? Happy hormones from exercise help tremendously with my state of mind.

    I walk on all my breaks at work. Food is taken at my desk. If I could, I would only eat dinner but my husband would have a bloody fit. I am now walking the dog after work too. Trying for no more then 1200 calories in a day. When crappy weather hits, there's a stairwell by my desk I can climb for my breaks. I am in this to drop the fat.

    Therapy is on my list but I have other stuff that takes precedence, like work, right now.

    Mental health should always take precedence.

    My position is contract based. Therefore, if I'm not at work, I'm not paid. As the sole income in my family, I have to work. Taking time off is not an option.
  • Chef_Barbell
    Chef_Barbell Posts: 6,647 Member
    kshama2001 wrote: »
    I'm not kind to myself. I don't recall a time that I have *ever* been kind to myself.

    So yes I am punishing myself for being fat and disgusting. This is my punishment for getting to where I am now. No fun stuff.
    I saw on another thread that you want to be back at 115 so you want to lose 58 lbs. 173. I was expecting at least double that the way you speak. You really are setting yourself up for more disordered eating

    @KurumiSophia I've lost 52 pounds (10 before MFP) without punishing myself. Therapy helped me and perhaps it will help you as well.

    Meanwhile, what's your exercise program? Happy hormones from exercise help tremendously with my state of mind.

    I walk on all my breaks at work. Food is taken at my desk. If I could, I would only eat dinner but my husband would have a bloody fit. I am now walking the dog after work too. Trying for no more then 1200 calories in a day. When crappy weather hits, there's a stairwell by my desk I can climb for my breaks. I am in this to drop the fat.

    Therapy is on my list but I have other stuff that takes precedence, like work, right now.

    Mental health should always take precedence.

    My position is contract based. Therefore, if I'm not at work, I'm not paid. As the sole income in my family, I have to work. Taking time off is not an option.

    You don't need to take time off of work to take care of your mental health.
  • WanderingRivers
    WanderingRivers Posts: 612 Member
    I do to get to therapy and medication appointments so until I'm hired permanently, they are on the back burner.
  • Alyssa_Is_LosingIt
    Alyssa_Is_LosingIt Posts: 4,696 Member
    I do to get to therapy and medication appointments so until I'm hired permanently, they are on the back burner.

    But punishing yourself and developing unhealthy ideas about food and weight loss are front and center?
  • WanderingRivers
    WanderingRivers Posts: 612 Member
    Yep because I am tired of being fat. I look pregnant which is not a good look on me.
  • WinoGelato
    WinoGelato Posts: 13,456 Member
    Yep because I am tired of being fat. I look pregnant which is not a good look on me.

    Negatively focusing only on outward appearance and not on your overall health (including mental health) seems to be a consistent trend here.