Strange comments from others after weight loss!?
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Mmm...two oddest for me:
Man I knew fairly well did not recognize me. Knew him for a few years (was friends with his now ex-wife) and saw him for a couple of hours 2 nights running (visiting wife/party and a play date for our daughters). He messaged me on FB the next day with "oh, so sorry, just realized who you were." Never replied. It was a nice enough message, just weird.
My mom doesn't like to hug me so much now. Expressed disappointment repeatedly my last visit on missing her "huggy bear" and how it is like hugging air. She is happy for me as far as my health, but was genuinely sad that I'm not so nice to hug anymore. Sorry mom...
Buy her one of those stuffed pot belly Teddy Bears to hug.1 -
[quote="DebSozo;37756971"
Buy her one of those stuffed pot belly Teddy Bears to hug.[/quote]
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ChristinaOne21 wrote: »I'm looking forward to being where you all are now and getting compliments about my weight loss
And I think I will easily brush off even the not-so-PC comments too.
I'm very open about discussing my own weight, so I guess I've invited people to have their say whether I like what they are saying or not. In fact I have got into a really bad habit of putting myself down and inadvertently drawing more attention to my weight, just because I think I have to get in before anyone else says anything. Reality is they are probably not even thinking about it.
I'm also pretty open with my own compliments and have been making encouraging remarks every time I see my future father in law on his weight loss journey. However, last time I saw him I did think he looked really gaunt and old and actually had gone too far and was now unhealthily skinny. I only met him two years ago and he was tall and strong with broad shoulders like his sons - now he looks really small and wasted away. I didn't say anything, as I didn't want to be rude or negative and he may also have other health things going on that I don't know about.
And then again, whose going to listen to an obese person telling them they are too skinny anyway?!
My Step-Mother has also lost too much weight - everybody is worried about how she is skin and bones now and she is constantly complaining about people mentioning it, but then she brings the subject up herself all the time - putting it out there for discussion, but only listening to what she wants to hear. People are only worried for her health and well-being though - they are certainly not jealous or trying to be mean in any way.
So, I wouldn't mind my friends telling me I was going too far either way.
You know how fat creeps up on you and you don't notice until you see a bad photo, or you catch a reflection of yourself in a shop window or mirror walking next to other people who you thought were the same size - and then you realise too late that you have ballooned? Sure I knew I had put on weight as the size tags on new clothes got into higher digits each time I went shopping and I would pick up a pair of jeans I hadn't worn for a long time and think they must be someone else's, because they looked so small held up against my legs - but for a long time there I still felt I was okay and blind to just how big I was actually getting.
So it is very likely many people go the other way and lose too much, but still feel they are that fat person they once were and don't see the true image of what they are really looking like now.
One sign of losing too much weight seems to be the face looking older - some people simply look better with a bit of 'plumpness' in their face and I guess thats one positive thing about being overweight as I often get compliments about my smooth, unwrinkled skin and looking younger than others my age.
Of course I respond with; "well I guess there's a bright side to being fat"
It sounds like you think too much about what other people look like, honestly. I find it strange that you were complimenting your future father-in-law so much and so frequently and only later thought about potential health issues. Did he ever bring the topic up himself or express he was trying to lose weight?
Keep in mind though that in the U.S. and many other nations, overweight has become average. Our perception of what a healthy weight looks like has been altered dramatically. Do you know for a fact the people you mentioned are underweight, or do they just look "too thin" to you? One of the things I'm worried about when I start nearing my goal weight are comments like that. My ultimate goal is 120 lbs, at 5'4.5" inches. That's perfectly healthy. Last time I lost weight (in high school) I was 150 lbs and people were telling me I was way too thin when I was actually overweight. It sabotaged me because I took it to heart and looking back at photos from that time, I can tell you I was definitely not too thin.
I think it's a combination of people not being able to recognize a healthy weight anymore, and people not being used to seeing someone at a lower weight and thus it makes them uncomfortable. Also, I find when people are still wearing their old clothes that are kind of baggy, it makes them look more "sickly" or "gaunt" than they are.
I hope you ease up on your poor step-mother, unless you know for a fact her BMI is less than 18.5.
I think the not being used to seeing me was a significant factor in all the negative comments I got.
I moved to the state where I live now, and started my job here, three years ago. I was overweight then.
But that's not me. I had only been overweight a couple years. For the 40-something years before that, I was slender. So when I lost my weight and dropped back to my usual slender self, I had some people who were complimentary but a lot of people were negative and I had a lot of comments about losing too much weight.
But this is me! This is the weight I have lived most of my life at. This is the person I am comfortable being.
And I knew I just had to wait it out ... wait until all the "negative nellies" got used to me. It's been almost a year since I reached this weight, and happily the comments are few and far between now. I think people are finally used to this being me.
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Therealobi1 wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »
No one should feel uncomfortable at work period. If they felt uncomfortable they have a right to complain. This is why work conversations should stay work related. *shrug*playmadcats wrote: »
Nothing at all but I work in engineering. We have a couple of delicate girls that run off complaining about the most trivial of things. Eg one was bragging about her forthcoming holiday and how she was buying new swimwear at weekend. Guy piped up bet you look awesome in a bikini. Then she complains about it. She was one bought up the swimwear topic.Chef_Barbell wrote: »What is wrong with complaining about inappropriate sexual comments at work? :huh:
Guy who made boobserved comment is usually quiet type which was probably why it was so unexpected.
Edit to fix quotes.
Disagree with last part, that's sounds boring. People should just behave appropriately at work and all will be fine
"Behaving appropriately" is why people get into sexual harassment lawsuits and have no idea WTF happened. But keep on. *shrug* I would rather a "boring" workplace than to feel uncomfortable at work about my body.4 -
louann_jude wrote: »A few people who see my before pictures swears that those pictures aren't me. Every time we do progress pictures my SO swears I am getting taller. It's not that I have more confidence so I am standing more straighter. I have had another family member tell people I was on drugs. She has never been around to see me weigh and log everything I eat. It's the same one that said I would gain it all back.playmadcats wrote: »Got a guy at work state my boobs looked more like oranges than melons. Was so gobsmake he could come out with such a statement ( luckily knew him well enough not to go running up to human resources moaning about it as some of the girls here would). Still not sure if it was a compliment of my before or after figure though.
I understand what you mean here. I really think real sexual harassment should be reported. Those things that makes a woman feel unsafe and demean her as a woman. A friend of mine and my SO at his old job almost lost his job because of a lady complained on him. The place they worked at all of them has know each other 10-15 years some more. Any way they were all out smoking and he had complimented this friend on her new outfit which had leggings. He said something in the lines I wonder if I had legs to pull those leggings off like you. They all had a good laugh over it and went about their day. A week later he was pulled in to HR because a new lady there had complained saying it made her uncomfortable. A man almost lost his job and our friend was so mad and told HR that she never felt threatened or uncomfortable. If she had she would have complained herself.
Sexual harassment is sexual harassment. One person's uncomfortable might not bother another person which is why people should err on the side of caution if they want to keep their jobs.3 -
playmadcats wrote: »Got a guy at work state my boobs looked more like oranges than melons. Was so gobsmake he could come out with such a statement ( luckily knew him well enough not to go running up to human resources moaning about it as some of the girls here would). Still not sure if it was a compliment of my before or after figure though.
Yeah omg totally ..why would someone report sexual comments made by male co-workers?! As part of the "laid back chicks club" we understand it's just a joke and should never be taken offensively...boys will be boys right?! THAT IS WHAT YOU SOUND LIKE. I would just like to say to women that might take these words to heart.. you aren't moaning and no matter how close you are to someone at work this is NEVER ok of it makes you uncomfortable.8 -
My boss telling me she received compliments for my weight-loss...
She made is sound like it was due to her that (at the time) I was 10kg down. It actually really pissed me off and I just walked away...5 -
Chef_Barbell wrote: »Therealobi1 wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »
No one should feel uncomfortable at work period. If they felt uncomfortable they have a right to complain. This is why work conversations should stay work related. *shrug*playmadcats wrote: »
Nothing at all but I work in engineering. We have a couple of delicate girls that run off complaining about the most trivial of things. Eg one was bragging about her forthcoming holiday and how she was buying new swimwear at weekend. Guy piped up bet you look awesome in a bikini. Then she complains about it. She was one bought up the swimwear topic.Chef_Barbell wrote: »What is wrong with complaining about inappropriate sexual comments at work? :huh:
Guy who made boobserved comment is usually quiet type which was probably why it was so unexpected.
Edit to fix quotes.
Disagree with last part, that's sounds boring. People should just behave appropriately at work and all will be fine
"Behaving appropriately" is why people get into sexual harassment lawsuits and have no idea WTF happened. But keep on. *shrug* I would rather a "boring" workplace than to feel uncomfortable at work about my body.
They know exactly what happened they take it too far. Most of us have code of conduct at work
I keep my hands to myself and don't play dangerous games and I expect others to behave the same. Simple
You can still have fun at work and respect each other.2 -
Therealobi1 wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »Therealobi1 wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »
No one should feel uncomfortable at work period. If they felt uncomfortable they have a right to complain. This is why work conversations should stay work related. *shrug*playmadcats wrote: »
Nothing at all but I work in engineering. We have a couple of delicate girls that run off complaining about the most trivial of things. Eg one was bragging about her forthcoming holiday and how she was buying new swimwear at weekend. Guy piped up bet you look awesome in a bikini. Then she complains about it. She was one bought up the swimwear topic.Chef_Barbell wrote: »What is wrong with complaining about inappropriate sexual comments at work? :huh:
Guy who made boobserved comment is usually quiet type which was probably why it was so unexpected.
Edit to fix quotes.
Disagree with last part, that's sounds boring. People should just behave appropriately at work and all will be fine
"Behaving appropriately" is why people get into sexual harassment lawsuits and have no idea WTF happened. But keep on. *shrug* I would rather a "boring" workplace than to feel uncomfortable at work about my body.
They know exactly what happened they take it too far. Most of us have code of conduct at work
I keep my hands to myself and don't play dangerous games and I expect others to behave the same. Simple
You can still have fun at work and respect each other.
Yeah and I don't think talking about a co-workers boobs follows that "code of conduct". *shrug* But what do I know?2 -
Chef_Barbell wrote: »Therealobi1 wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »Therealobi1 wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »
No one should feel uncomfortable at work period. If they felt uncomfortable they have a right to complain. This is why work conversations should stay work related. *shrug*playmadcats wrote: »
Nothing at all but I work in engineering. We have a couple of delicate girls that run off complaining about the most trivial of things. Eg one was bragging about her forthcoming holiday and how she was buying new swimwear at weekend. Guy piped up bet you look awesome in a bikini. Then she complains about it. She was one bought up the swimwear topic.Chef_Barbell wrote: »What is wrong with complaining about inappropriate sexual comments at work? :huh:
Guy who made boobserved comment is usually quiet type which was probably why it was so unexpected.
Edit to fix quotes.
Disagree with last part, that's sounds boring. People should just behave appropriately at work and all will be fine
"Behaving appropriately" is why people get into sexual harassment lawsuits and have no idea WTF happened. But keep on. *shrug* I would rather a "boring" workplace than to feel uncomfortable at work about my body.
They know exactly what happened they take it too far. Most of us have code of conduct at work
I keep my hands to myself and don't play dangerous games and I expect others to behave the same. Simple
You can still have fun at work and respect each other.
Yeah and I don't think talking about a co-workers boobs follows that "code of conduct". *shrug* But what do I know?
No one should be talking about body parts at work. Simple
Are you saying no general chit chat at all or no taking about people parts and talk where it gets personal. If the latter we are on the same page.
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Therealobi1 wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »Therealobi1 wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »Therealobi1 wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »
No one should feel uncomfortable at work period. If they felt uncomfortable they have a right to complain. This is why work conversations should stay work related. *shrug*playmadcats wrote: »
Nothing at all but I work in engineering. We have a couple of delicate girls that run off complaining about the most trivial of things. Eg one was bragging about her forthcoming holiday and how she was buying new swimwear at weekend. Guy piped up bet you look awesome in a bikini. Then she complains about it. She was one bought up the swimwear topic.Chef_Barbell wrote: »What is wrong with complaining about inappropriate sexual comments at work? :huh:
Guy who made boobserved comment is usually quiet type which was probably why it was so unexpected.
Edit to fix quotes.
Disagree with last part, that's sounds boring. People should just behave appropriately at work and all will be fine
"Behaving appropriately" is why people get into sexual harassment lawsuits and have no idea WTF happened. But keep on. *shrug* I would rather a "boring" workplace than to feel uncomfortable at work about my body.
They know exactly what happened they take it too far. Most of us have code of conduct at work
I keep my hands to myself and don't play dangerous games and I expect others to behave the same. Simple
You can still have fun at work and respect each other.
Yeah and I don't think talking about a co-workers boobs follows that "code of conduct". *shrug* But what do I know?
No one should be talking about body parts at work. Simple
Are you saying no general chit chat at all or no taking about people parts and talk where it gets personal. If the latter we are on the same page.
Then we are definitely on the same page... I am referring to this thread and how some people perceive talking about body parts and such as general conversation one should have at work. I personally keep work at work and talk mostly about work, keeps the conversation from even swaying in that direction.2 -
Chef_Barbell wrote: »Therealobi1 wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »Therealobi1 wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »Therealobi1 wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »
No one should feel uncomfortable at work period. If they felt uncomfortable they have a right to complain. This is why work conversations should stay work related. *shrug*playmadcats wrote: »
Nothing at all but I work in engineering. We have a couple of delicate girls that run off complaining about the most trivial of things. Eg one was bragging about her forthcoming holiday and how she was buying new swimwear at weekend. Guy piped up bet you look awesome in a bikini. Then she complains about it. She was one bought up the swimwear topic.Chef_Barbell wrote: »What is wrong with complaining about inappropriate sexual comments at work? :huh:
Guy who made boobserved comment is usually quiet type which was probably why it was so unexpected.
Edit to fix quotes.
Disagree with last part, that's sounds boring. People should just behave appropriately at work and all will be fine
"Behaving appropriately" is why people get into sexual harassment lawsuits and have no idea WTF happened. But keep on. *shrug* I would rather a "boring" workplace than to feel uncomfortable at work about my body.
They know exactly what happened they take it too far. Most of us have code of conduct at work
I keep my hands to myself and don't play dangerous games and I expect others to behave the same. Simple
You can still have fun at work and respect each other.
Yeah and I don't think talking about a co-workers boobs follows that "code of conduct". *shrug* But what do I know?
No one should be talking about body parts at work. Simple
Are you saying no general chit chat at all or no taking about people parts and talk where it gets personal. If the latter we are on the same page.
Then we are definitely on the same page... I am referring to this thread and how some people perceive talking about body parts and such as general conversation one should have at work. I personally keep work at work and talk mostly about work, keeps the conversation from even swaying in that direction.
Oh gosh that's not general conversation for me I stay right away from that.
More like conversations re films, TV, holidays,
Some colleagues go over last night football or cricket2 -
People that check my ID don't believe it is me. Maybe it's time for a new one. I've gotten a comment about my collarbone0
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I've had a couple folks who said they wanted to say something, but were concerned that I had some sort of negative medical condition that was causing the weight loss - which I guess I can understand. I'm not the type of person that would comment on someone else's physique or figure, for exactly the same reason. I should amend that this was admitted (by both individuals) after someone else in my circle had remarked about my efforts, etc - "Oh, I noticed you were much thinner, but thought you might have been sick or something and didn't want to offend you."0
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Chef_Barbell wrote: »playmadcats wrote: »Got a guy at work state my boobs looked more like oranges than melons. Was so gobsmake he could come out with such a statement ( luckily knew him well enough not to go running up to human resources moaning about it as some of the girls here would). Still not sure if it was a compliment of my before or after figure though.
What is wrong with complaining about inappropriate sexual comments at work? :huh:
How do you make that emoji?0 -
A few weird comments. My best friend and I were talking about my journey (we are both still very plus sized) and when I told her my current weight she kind of gasped and said "You weigh less than me now! Doesn't that make you feel good?"
Well, not particularly since it's not a competition and you're taller than me. Lol
Was telling MIL about a few tests I had to get at the doctor and that my doctor said the results were normal with weight loss and she replied "well I guess I'll never have to worry about that then" and looked away. I don't plan on telling her anything else because she's had reactions like this a few times when the subject is brought up and frequently sends home baked goods while telling me she's not trying to be mean 2 -
I used to be very self concious and hated even good compliments. Now if someone gives me a good or even a weird compliment I just say, "thank you for noticing". If they meant it in a derogatory way they shut up. If they meant it in a good way, then they are pleased.3
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my husband asked me where I was going.
i was like what are you talking about (as i stood in the kitchen in my pj bottoms and a vest top)
he was like "where are you going babe? you are vanishing in to thin air"3 -
oliverneedsyou wrote: »A few weird comments. My best friend and I were talking about my journey (we are both still very plus sized) and when I told her my current weight she kind of gasped and said "You weigh less than me now! Doesn't that make you feel good?"
Well, not particularly since it's not a competition and you're taller than me. Lol
Maybe your friend was just happy for you. I said something similar to the coworker who inspired me. I said something about her passing me on weight soon (downward). I said it because she's doing (and looking) fantastic, and it just inspires me more. I'm enjoying watching her get smaller. I'm truly happy for her because I know how much it bothered her before.0 -
chmckernan wrote: »oliverneedsyou wrote: »A few weird comments. My best friend and I were talking about my journey (we are both still very plus sized) and when I told her my current weight she kind of gasped and said "You weigh less than me now! Doesn't that make you feel good?"
Well, not particularly since it's not a competition and you're taller than me. Lol
Maybe your friend was just happy for you. I said something similar to the coworker who inspired me. I said something about her passing me on weight soon (downward). I said it because she's doing (and looking) fantastic, and it just inspires me more. I'm enjoying watching her get smaller. I'm truly happy for her because I know how much it bothered her before.
I think the majority of people do mean well.0
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