Divorced Hangout

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Replies

  • KevinPsalm23v4
    KevinPsalm23v4 Posts: 208 Member
    edited September 2016
    If anyone wants to PM me, I can share a story or two or maybe even share my blog.

    I was married in 2001, moved out in October 2015 and it looks like now I'll be divorced in 2017 - this nightmare will never end.
    • Illinois, is a No-Fault State - so adultery is perfectly fine.
    • Illinois, is a State where Alimony is mandatory - someone can get money for cheating
    • In Illinois, you can bring "an upgraded version" over for a test drive at "your" house - and you can't stop it--meaning the Police won't respond.
    • In Illinois, when you move out because you cant deal with adultery anymore, you are viewed by the court as deadbeat who abandoned your spouse and kids (two boys 14 and 11) and therefore you must be crucified for your actions.
  • theGarinator
    theGarinator Posts: 58 Member
    Married once, divorced once. It's not divorce anymore, it's single. Twenty one years now. Still don't have the stomach for marriage.
  • Habiteer
    Habiteer Posts: 190 Member
    • Illinois, is a No-Fault State - so adultery is perfectly fine.
    • Illinois, is a State where Alimony is mandatory - someone can get money for cheating
    • In Illinois, you can bring "an upgraded version" over for a test drive at "your" house - and you can't stop it--meaning the Police won't respond.
    • In Illinois, when you move out because you cant deal with adultery anymore, you are viewed by the court as deadbeat who abandoned your spouse and kids (two boys 14 and 11) and therefore you must be crucified for your actions.

    That's so screwed up. The letter of the law can be so ridiculously unfair, the law literally protects adulterers, cheaters, and punishes the spouses that were loyal and had integrity. It's messed up. But I hope you'll pull through that nightmare and make the rest of your life a good one.
  • Muppyooh
    Muppyooh Posts: 290 Member
    littlemissbgiff wrote: »
    Muppyooh wrote: »
    littlemissbgiff wrote: »
    Was married for 14 years, together for 18. He was an alcoholic for about 12 of those years. I stayed because we had 3 kids, I had no work skills, I thought this was my lot in life. At year 10 I gave him an ultimatum. Alcohol or your family. He chose his family much to my pleasure. But only to find that I hated him sober and he hated me for forcing sobriety on him. He was clean for about 3 months. At 10 years I knew it was over. But stuck it out "for the kids". We separated, we got back together, we moved in an attempt for a fresh start. Didn't work. We divorced at 14 years. It was very difficult on all of us. 5 years later even my kids tell me they are glad we divorced. They see him about once a month as he moved out of state and they are old enough now to take him for what he is, a drunk. I never realized how strong I was until the divorce. I never knew that I was capable of so much. We are happy now. We are actually thriving. It DOES get better. Promise!

    I guess I saved myself from this. This would probably be my life if my ex BF and I stayed together. He drinks too much. He drinks Less than he used to but still too much. I'm sure it will get worse over time. I keep telling myself that when I miss him.

    You have saved yourself a lot of grief honey. It's such a selfish disease and i never realized how it made the whole house sick until we got out of it. At the time of divorce when we separated finances, our monthly alcohol budget was $700! I worry now for my children because it's in their blood. My oldest is almost 17 and starting to go to parties and it scares me to death. You made the right decision.

    Thanks. It's still so hard. There were many reasons that we broke up. Alcohol was the biggest problem for me. I tried to convince myself it wasn't that big of a deal, but it was. It's only been about a month and it's still really hurts.
    I understand you're worried about your kids. I worried about that also if I did stay with him and we got married and had kids one day. I would say keep the lines of communication open. Be very open with the kids about the potential risks and problems and be open to talking about whatever it is they want to talk about so they will always come to you to talk about things.
  • elianecnas
    elianecnas Posts: 41 Member
    Since I got married things weren't never that great...but I was ashamed of saying to the family what was going on..I was very very young...10 years later I got separated for less than 2 months...didn't get the divorce and now 9 years after that...[ 19 in total] I finally got the courage to called it "done". Divorce is gonna be settle whitin couple of weeks. I AM FEELING SO MUCH BETTER ALREADY...MY ONLY REGRET IS NOT DOING IT EARLIER IN LIFE.
  • IslaTiempo
    IslaTiempo Posts: 530 Member
    Marriage is a freaking piece of paper. Whenever you find the love of your life make a move. Don't settle.. people settle.. might as well stay single and ready to mingle
  • BIMNJdad
    BIMNJdad Posts: 12 Member
    I had the love of my life and have lost her... I am fighting my demons and addiction, and finally have the real help I need... but she is done after 14 years.

    We have 4 beautiful sons who are struggling... and I am an emotional wreck.

    I don't know who I will become or what my future holds, I pray for a chance, for hope for my family.
  • Gaygirl2120
    Gaygirl2120 Posts: 541 Member
    edited October 2016
    Getting a divorce after 17 years together (13 married). We have a 10 year old daughter. My ex has been nasty & vindictive through the whole thing to the point where a permanent restraining order was put in place. He cheated over & over. Paid other women's bills & gave them money I found out. Basically lived a double life. Then had the audacity to be angry at me for ending things. He told me they would show me what a cold cruel world this is when I'm on my own. He stole all my valuables computer, iPad, jewelry etc. cleaned out the bank account & turned off the power at the house I live in with our daughter after I was granted exclusive use of the marital property until the divorce is settled. There are so many more things that have been done. But any advice on getting through this would be appreciated. I just want to move on with my life. What hurts the most is that they don't realize while they are trying to "teach me a lesson" all these things effect our child. But I guess revenge is more important.
  • IndySue13
    IndySue13 Posts: 22 Member
    Don't know if any of you ever listen Dr. Laura Schlessinger on Sirius.....She has commented several times that older (50+) women should just hang it up and get used to being alone because statistically we don't stand a chance of finding anyone at our age. Not sure I agree with that. Tougher, maybe....but not impossible. Guess I just have to believe that because the alternative is rather depressing.
  • IndySue13
    IndySue13 Posts: 22 Member
    bmagladry....my heart breaks for you. Divorce is never easy, particularly when children are involved. Keep battling those demons, be the best dad you can be to your kids and hopefully a higher power will guide you to another loving, compassionate relationship when the time is right.
  • rps67
    rps67 Posts: 163 Member
    As of tomorrow, I've been married for 6 years but together 11. I've been telling my husband I want a divorce since March 2015. We have 4 awesome kids so of course I don't think divorce is preferable but I asked for what I needed many times and was ignored. Our relationship lacks intimacy -- both emotional closeness and sex. My husband pretty much decided we'd be celibate without my agreeing. He also violated my trust too many times to count. I've been digging in my heels about the divorce in the past 6 months and he's suddenly "changed" and understands how I've felt and wants to make things right. He doesn't seem to appreciate that I'm DONE. I've had to tell him multiple times to stop with the "I love yous" and calling me honey and sweetie and for heavens sake, quit touching me!! When I wanted this stuff from him, he ignored me.

    I don't want to be divorced again but being lonely as a single person because you chose that is so much better than being lonely in a relationship.
  • BIMNJdad
    BIMNJdad Posts: 12 Member
    IndySue13 wrote: »
    bmagladry....my heart breaks for you. Divorce is never easy, particularly when children are involved. Keep battling those demons, be the best dad you can be to your kids and hopefully a higher power will guide you to another loving, compassionate relationship when the time is right.

    Thank you... I am trying to focus on my boys, and find my faith and hope... it's so hard, I miss her horribly
  • Brandicaloriecountess
    Brandicaloriecountess Posts: 2,126 Member
    I've been divorced since around 2006. Can't believe it's been that long. It was literally an entire life time ago. I didn't start living until I left him. I was 28 and had been with him 11 years.

    I recently have gone through a really difficult break up. So I'm all out of sorts right now.
  • BlondeButtercup127
    BlondeButtercup127 Posts: 750 Member
    I was with my ex for 6 1/2 years, married just over two when I "woke up" and left. Been divorced for almost 3 years..
  • PuppyBelly
    PuppyBelly Posts: 3 Member
    not married but been with my partner for 10 years and I don't know how much more I can take. But I don't really have anywhere to go and I have very little money. All my family live in a different city and I don't really have any friends here. Plus we have a dog who is old and I don't want to leave him with my partner. I feel really alone and down. He is addicted to smoking weed and when he doesn't have it he throws tantrums , screams at me and takes everything out on me. feel so lost. I am 41 .
  • LuminaStele
    LuminaStele Posts: 85 Member
    edited October 2016
    I don't think divorce is anything to take lightly.
    But that being said, I am about to go through one. If anyone can add any advice id be very grateful. My husband got served last night and I'm very scared. @aashenreykar
    For some reason I dont think my lawyer is being clear with his explanations. I'm confused at this process.. I didn't tell my lawyer it was okay to serve my husband that day/time. Is that mean he's a bad lawyer?
    And I should not have read these threads- as now I'm freaking out even more.
  • maeld51
    maeld51 Posts: 3,415 Member
    @Candlelightisfire
    Are you scared because of physical violence?
    Maybe stay with family or friends.
    As far as the lawyer, you need to understand all that is happening.
    Have someone else with you when you talk to the lawyer and make it clear that you expect to be kept informed.
    Don't let your own lawyer intimidate you.
    Or get a new one.

    Sorry you're going through this.

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