Well-meaning sabotage.

SammyD242 · October 2016

Not everybody has been blessed with an iron-hard constitution and ability to avoid temptation. Certainly not me!

Whenever I put forth a real effort to maintain a healthier lifestyle I find that my family members seem to go out of their way to sabotage my efforts. They ask for the most fattening meals possible to be prepared. They discourage me from going for my evening walks. They bring me treats knowing I will have a hard time turning them down.

It's hard enough not to have the active support of people who care about me without their active sabotage. Is anyone else experiencing this and if so what do you do about it?

lissmayer · October 2016

Why do you think they are doing that- and are they aware of it? Have you told them this?

I would have that conversation- and erect huge boundaries of the behavior continues.

RunHardBeStrong · October 2016

My family was the same at first, now they have learned it is healthier for them too and if they don't want to starve they will eat what I make. My kids love working out with me as well so that is a bonus. My husband is a grown man, he is on his own. Again, if he doesn't like what I make, make your own or go without. He does not enjoy working out so that is on him. When he complains about me spending time away from home to workout, I ignore him or make a really sarcastic probably not very nice comment. You deserve to do this for you, you also deserve at least an hour to yourself everyday to workout. Don't let them sabotage you.

shadowfax_c11 · October 2016

Reverse psychology. Tell them you are trying to gain weight.

Meanwhile. You and only you, have control over what you eat.

Raynne413 · October 2016

I think we just notice it more when we are trying to be healthy. In my case, although it irritates me when my boyfriend brings me sweets, I know he does it because he knows I love them and he wants to make me happy.

sweetilemon · October 2016

I find just saying 'no thanks' or 'I'm really in the mood for something fresh' 'not in the mood for carbs/fatty food/chocolate' rather than you are counting calories or watching your weight helps. My husband is very supportive and will ask if I have enough calories for whatever or what another option would be but I do know people that try to persuade you to indulge!

MommyMeggo · October 2016

Tell them what you just told us.
Or just shoot them the bird when they show up with chocolate. Or throw it at them.
I dunno. The world is my temptation so I have to just block it out.

But seriously...tell them.
Those who love each other deserve honesty in both directions. Respect them enough to assume they will do the right thing at your request. But in the end remember that only you are responsible for what goes in your mouth.

tomteboda · October 2016

Likely, they're living as they've always lived and you're just sensitive to the bad choices now.

Invite them you walk with you. Try new recipes to become family Favorites. Offer them fresh veggies. They'll catch iv, and might eventually even join you.

Chef_Barbell · October 2016

Saying no always works for me.

SammyD242 · October 2016

Oh, I say no to the temptations that they throw in my path. And every night I ask them to join me for my walk, and they say no, and then asked me to join them to play cards or watch TV with them. So I go for my walk with my dog. And I make lots of vegetables and salads at every meal, but they will prepare themselves burgers and cheese or fried fish to go with theirs.

My problem is that it hurts my feelings.

When anyone in my family tries something new I am always 100% supportive and encouraging. More than anything I just feel let down.

But screw 'em! When I'm healthy and fit it'll be due to me, and nobody else.

AlabasterVerve · October 2016

I marked an X on the calendar in blue highlighter anytime I ate off plan. It was a great visual reminder for me and my husband could tell at a glance if I'd appreciate his thoughtfulness. Being rebuffed for trying to do something nice - which is what he was trying to do - wasn't something he enjoyed either! It's a non-issue now four years later but it was incredibly helpful in the beginning.

Set some boundaries and routines so your family knows what you'll appreciate and what you won't. Best wishes.

Spliner1969 · October 2016

What you describe is what I avoided by switching my workouts to very early mornings. The food part is hard some days, my wife wants what she wants, and I can choose to eat the same or I will choose to cook two different meals. Nice thing is that there's nobody rushing me to get my workout done now that I get up at 5am to complete it. As far as the food, we both like to cook, so I can always make what I want, or simply eat less of what she makes if it's too high in calories. For instance, she'll make spaghetti. I love her spaghetti! But, I'll go out, buy a couple of zucchini's and make zoodles and eat her sauce anyway. ;P Where there is a will, there is a way.

Intentional_Me · October 2016

I understand why you're frustrated but like others said I think we just end up more sensitive to people's unhelpful suggestions when we are being conscious of our health. We can't exactly expect them to overhaul their lifestyle to suit us either.

Christine_72 · October 2016

Yep yep and yep! i get it with my husband almost every day. Last night for example, he came in with a huge bowl of chips and waved the bowl in my face and said "I know you want some", i declined. He then took out a huge handful and plonked them on my lap, and i digress.. I ate them.
Some nights when he gets up and starts making his delicious snacks, I get up and go watch tv in my bedroom, which makes zero difference as he just brings me a plate of snacks in bed, sometimes i have the willpower to resist and take it back to the kitchen, other times I eat it all. My lack of willpower combined with his constant food offerings is why i haven't been able to get down to my goal weight. I've told him a million times for over 2 years to just STOP, but it hasn't sunk in yet :mad:
He doesn't need to lose weight, plus he equates food and making me yummy stuff with love..

_dixiana_ · October 2016

Well-meaning sabotage. Sounds like an oxymoron.

Lounmoun · October 2016

SammyD242 wrote: »

Not everybody has been blessed with an iron-hard constitution and ability to avoid temptation. Certainly not me!

Whenever I put forth a real effort to maintain a healthier lifestyle I find that my family members seem to go out of their way to sabotage my efforts. They ask for the most fattening meals possible to be prepared. They discourage me from going for my evening walks. They bring me treats knowing I will have a hard time turning them down.

It's hard enough not to have the active support of people who care about me without their active sabotage. Is anyone else experiencing this and if so what do you do about it?

When you are not making this effort do they not ask for fattening meals or offer you treats? Are they suddenly eating different or are you just sensitive to it because you are doing something different?
Why do they care that you are doing this?
I would talk about your goals. Tell them they don't have to change but you do not want these items handed to you any more and you will be exercising every evening during a set time from now on. Do not accept treats you don't want. Spend time with people before or after your exercise period.

My family is eating the same as always and so am I mostly. I've had the easiest time this time because I eat normally.
I might leave cheese off my burger and have a salad with it or put more vegetables on my plate. No one cares what I do to my plate of food.
They buy things they like for snacks that I don't eat. They will ask me if I want some sometimes but if I say no they don't care.
No one has ever interfered with my exercise.

courtneyfabulous · October 2016

My husband keeps offering to pour me a glass of wine on the weekends... when I say "no thanks" he then sticks his glass of freshly poured craft beer right under my nose and asks if I'd like a sip... do you know the kind of willpower it takes to resist?! I asked him "why would you do that?" And he says it's so I can have just a little and not feel deprived, but I have a feeling it's some sort of subconscious desire to sabotage. But again I say "no thanks" and move on. It is very irritating though. Stay strong!!

220Dani · October 2016

I think the snacks thing isn't sabotage - they just want to reward you. Sounds dumb, I know, but we have been conditioned that when someone does something good they deserve a reward. Why not buy healthy snacks? Little boxes of raisins, nuts, even some popcorn kernels to air pop. Explain if they want to offer you a snack, make it one of these. As for dinner time, either they eat what the cook makes or cereal. That's the rule in my house and my kids are 8 and 6. If they can follow that, anyone can.

As for exercise, enjoy the time alone. Buy some headphones and rock out to your favorite bands or even get books to listen to as you walk. I much more prefer walking alone than with someone. Also ask around on Facebook to find exercise buddies. Make it your special time away from the family.

paperpudding · October 2016

SammyD242 wrote: »

Oh, I say no to the temptations that they throw in my path. And every night I ask them to join me for my walk, and they say no, and then asked me to join them to play cards or watch TV with them. So I go for my walk with my dog. And I make lots of vegetables and salads at every meal, but they will prepare themselves burgers and cheese or fried fish to go with theirs.

My problem is that it hurts my feelings.

When anyone in my family tries something new I am always 100% supportive and encouraging. More than anything I just feel let down.

But screw 'em! When I'm healthy and fit it'll be due to me, and nobody else.

I'm a little lost as to how the above is hurting your feelings.

It doesnt even sound like sabotage to me, just them wanting to do one thing and you wanting to do another - I mean, they dont have to want to go for a walk intead of playing cards, just because you do - or want to eat salads instead of burgers just because you do.

brialger · October 2016

SammyD242 wrote: »

Oh, I say no to the temptations that they throw in my path. And every night I ask them to join me for my walk, and they say no, and then asked me to join them to play cards or watch TV with them. So I go for my walk with my dog. And I make lots of vegetables and salads at every meal, but they will prepare themselves burgers and cheese or fried fish to go with theirs.

My problem is that it hurts my feelings.

When anyone in my family tries something new I am always 100% supportive and encouraging. More than anything I just feel let down.

But screw 'em! When I'm healthy and fit it'll be due to me, and nobody else.

I had the exact same issue with my family. I'm not someone with a temper but if they keep pushing after i politely decline the first time I cant stop my voice from raising.

paperpudding · October 2016

220Dani wrote: »

I think the snacks thing isn't sabotage - they just want to reward you. Sounds dumb, I know, but we have been conditioned that when someone does something good they deserve a reward. Why not buy healthy snacks? Little boxes of raisins, nuts, even some popcorn kernels to air pop. Explain if they want to offer you a snack, make it one of these. As for dinner time, either they eat what the cook makes or cereal. That's the rule in my house and my kids are 8 and 6. If they can follow that, anyone can.

Or, if they are adults and capable of preparing food, they can prepare themselves a burger and cheese or fried fish - which they are doing for themselves.

They are not making OP eat that.

Not getting the problem with that.

Well-meaning sabotage.

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