what do you do with discouraging comments?
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While I'd never actually tell someone my specific goal number and would go with a generic "I'll see how I feel when I get there", I also find a flat, unwavering, slightly raised brow stare does wonders. Just keep it up until they get uncomfortable and go away. Think:
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Throw it in the trash.0
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Hi, I have not posted here , but today I have a question for all you successful people out there. My weight loss journey has been going slow but steady. I had backslidden and gained some back, but I am back in Onderland and have lost a total of 75 lbs with 65 to go. I don't advertise my weight loss at work, but when I am asked, I answer questions. I have a colleague who asked me what my goal is and I told him 135 lbs, which I feel is reasonable for my height (I'm 5'4"). He told me I won't make that , I'll probably stall at around 170 and that's it. I kind of felt frustrated especially because I am so afraid to put the weight back on. Last year, the same colleague had told me, I probably have lost all the weight I could, because my body was used to the higher weight and has now a higher set point. I'm not sure why he says things like that, I don't think he has ill intentions, but I really don't know how to deal with such comments. They really demoralize me especially because this journey has not been easy for me. Sometimes it's been a daily struggle to learn this new life style. I try to think of all the people here that have achieved amazing results and I try to think " why shouldn't I be able to reach such a goal even at 52?" But comments like that make me doubt that I'll ever get there.
Do it for your self. I have Los A very noticeable amount of weight. I tell people I am trying to get to 20% body fat. Make sum fitness goals it will help you stay motivated. Good luck. Do it for yourself. You are #1 in your life1 -
That is such a shame that he is getting to you, sorry to hear that. Be proud of how far you have come! Try to surround yourself with positive people. Maybe he is insecure?2
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Try to come up with a few canned responses for people when they start asking questions that are none of their beeswax.
When people ask me how much I lost, or what my highest weight was, or what my goal is, I say "oh, I don't give numbers". When they ask how I've done it, I just say "the boring way" unless they're genuinely asking for advice, then I'm happy to give it in private.
Most of the time I find changing the subject to be effective, as well- sometimes I even pretend not to hear what they said.
I know that doesn't help you now, though. Try not to let what he said get to you- maybe you can even use it as fuel to prove him wrong!3 -
What an unkind co-worker you have. I would use the comment as an" What do you mean I can't? I'll show you" motivator. When he would repeat such a comment I would comment back' Oh wow thanks mate. You sure know how to demotivate people, have you ever been told that before? Ever such a charming habit/talent to have".6
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I would ask him when he got his medical degree and became a weight loss specialist? But on a less snarky note, you cannot let other people's opinions stop you from achieving your goals. Whether's that weight loss and fitness related or any other aspect of your life.4
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Dunno, I don't get discouraged by what random people say because their opinion means nothing to me. I've been known to challenge people I think are being intentional jerks because I don't like jerks, but that is more for my own entertainment.2
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jennifer_417 wrote: »People say things like that because they've convinced themselves that they're true...usually in reaction to their own or other's failures.
Bingo, the very first reply nailed it. Next time some insecure *kitten* says you can't do something just smile and think how good it will feel when you prove them wrong and you WILL prove them wrong. You absolutely can do this.1 -
They're jerks if they do that, don't let em get to you. You're doing great and I bet you get to 135 if you keep putting forth the effort. Probably best to not even tell them your goals, in fact. Pearls before swine etc. I deal with this stuff on a need-to-know basis, and the only one who needs to know is me.1
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I don't understand those people who seem to lack the "maybe I shouldn't say that out loud" switch in their brains. One of my good work friends told me that I couldn't do the Insanity program, because, "Sometimes we just have to admit that we are too old for some of that stuff." I just went silent in a bit of shock. Then I went and did it. And a Warrior Dash the next year. Just to show her and mainly MYSELF that I could. I no longer share my goals with people. My journey is for me and my kids. And if they want to comment saying I can't do something, I change the subject like was suggested above, and I say silently to myself, "Just watch me."4
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Ignore them unless its my wife..those cut..deep. anyone else...i could give a *kitten*..but her...they cut.2
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Hi, I have not posted here , but today I have a question for all you successful people out there. My weight loss journey has been going slow but steady. I had backslidden and gained some back, but I am back in Onderland and have lost a total of 75 lbs with 65 to go. I don't advertise my weight loss at work, but when I am asked, I answer questions. I have a colleague who asked me what my goal is and I told him 135 lbs, which I feel is reasonable for my height (I'm 5'4"). He told me I won't make that , I'll probably stall at around 170 and that's it. I kind of felt frustrated especially because I am so afraid to put the weight back on. Last year, the same colleague had told me, I probably have lost all the weight I could, because my body was used to the higher weight and has now a higher set point. I'm not sure why he says things like that, I don't think he has ill intentions, but I really don't know how to deal with such comments. They really demoralize me especially because this journey has not been easy for me. Sometimes it's been a daily struggle to learn this new life style. I try to think of all the people here that have achieved amazing results and I try to think " why shouldn't I be able to reach such a goal even at 52?" But comments like that make me doubt that I'll ever get there.
I'm 57 and age is not an issue. I've had people tell me I should stop losing over 30 lbs. ago. I'm 5'5'' and 145 lbs. I started last October at over 245. I stalled on purpose for a few weeks to reevaluate whether 145 was the best goal. Yup, it was and all I could do was to let those who were "worried" know that I was eating well and getting healthier by the day. I made it so I'm sure you can too. As far as all this talk about set points, my body is at its new set point. I set it and intend to keep it set right where it's at. I'd just look at him and say, "some people seem to know everything" with the rolling eyes look.3 -
I am 52 and I am losing, just like you. One day at a time and 1 pound at a time. You know it, just like me and you just have to remember that and not the opinions of jerks.1
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People sometimes make comments like that 'cause they reflect their OWN insecurities and fears, why would HIS fears make YOU afraid? Either that or he's heard a bunch of broscience and he is only repeating what he's heard, since you are pretty open it would be an opportunity to educate this guy about weightloss.0
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Is this coworker's opinion important to you? If not, just ignore, refocus and move on.
If your coworker's opinion is important to you, tell them that you found it really discouraging to hear such negativity. Some people don't realise how much of an *kitten* they are being until it's put directly to them.1 -
StealthHealth wrote: »I guess this isn't all that helpful for your current situation but generally I don't discuss my goals with anyone. I'd rather not deal with any potential negativity and I can live without any potential "good for you!" type comments. If asked I'm as vague as possible... "I'd just like to be as healthy as possible" or "I'm just eating well and seeing what happens".
I guess that explains your name! Lol. I made another post on chit chat about this topic. It is so much easier to make progress without naysayers naysaying.0 -
You got 2 ears. 1 to take info in and the other to to take out. Comments like that actually motivate me further to go on and prove to myself the impossible. But unfortunatly, HATERS BE HATING.0
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jennifer_417 wrote: »People say things like that because they've convinced themselves that they're true...usually in reaction to their own or other's failures.
"Like"ing this isn't enough. I needed to repeat it.1 -
It sounds like you've been dealing with some woman-hating mysoginists. Those type of people really enjoy emotionaly manipulation for the purpose of causing harm. I really hope you can be in a safe environment.1
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"I can do anything if I put my mind to it."0
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Ann Landers used to say something along the line of "Why would you ask me such a personal question?" Say it sweetly, wait for an answer, watch them squirm. I have had people tell me how I should wear my hair, what they think of my shirt, what they think of the politics on my shirt, and so far no one has ever said anything to me that made me slap my forehead and say, "oh my goodness you are right! I am going to change my life and do what you want me to do!" Let it go.1
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cranium853 wrote: »Ann Landers used to say something along the line of "Why would you ask me such a personal question?" Say it sweetly, wait for an answer, watch them squirm. I have had people tell me how I should wear my hair, what they think of my shirt, what they think of the politics on my shirt, and so far no one has ever said anything to me that made me slap my forehead and say, "oh my goodness you are right! I am going to change my life and do what you want me to do!" Let it go.
Ann Landers also suggested a line I actually used once (and wish I *had* used a few more times). "If you'll forgive me for not answering that question, I'll forgive you for asking it." By the time they've figured out what it means you will have swept regally down the hall, head held high!2 -
Ignore people like that, they suck the positive right out of the atmosphere.0
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Let me give you a little background about myself. 56 years old double hip replacement last year arthritic knee that needs to be replaced and an arthritic shoulder that needs to be replaced eventually. January 1st 2016 weight was approximately 288 pounds. Currently my weight is about 206.
Putting it very bluntly if you really want it you can do it and the only person who's going to stop you is yourself. You have to realize you're doing this for no one but yourself and more importantly your worth it. You have a choice you can feed the negative or you could feed the positive and which one you feed will determine where you wind up.
As far as far as your colleague, besides the point that he's an a****** comma there's an old adage that applies to people like him. Those that can't, teach. He has no idea what he's talking about, totally ignorant.
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Reply "Oh, thank you SO much, Doctor (their name)."0
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He sounds like an insensitive person, probably did not intentionally want to upset you and probably has no idea that this has upset. Some folks feel they have to share their "knowledge" no matter how dubious it is.
You have already lost an impressive amount and your goal seems reasonable for your height so no reason why you should not get there.0 -
I remind myself that so many others have done it successfully, so there is no reason I can't.0
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