Well-meaning sabotage.
Replies
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When you say your family, who do you mean? Husband and kids? Parents and siblings? I would be very upset if my husband tried to sabotage me and in fact, I fully expect him to support me. As for my kids, I'm in charge. If they don't want to walk with me, fine. But if they whine and ask me to stay home, I'd say "sorry, I need a walk. See you in a bit." If it's parents and siblings, I'd pretty much tell them how I feel and then ignore them! You deserve to have the people around you respect and support you!2
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RunHardBeStrong wrote: »My family was the same at first, now they have learned it is healthier for them too and if they don't want to starve they will eat what I make. My kids love working out with me as well so that is a bonus. My husband is a grown man, he is on his own. Again, if he doesn't like what I make, make your own or go without. He does not enjoy working out so that is on him. When he complains about me spending time away from home to workout, I ignore him or make a really sarcastic probably not very nice comment. You deserve to do this for you, you also deserve at least an hour to yourself everyday to workout. Don't let them sabotage you.
THANK YOU4 -
Oh and everyday my husband complains about how much i walk, even though it doesn't effect him one way or the other. I only aim for 15,000 steps, so I'm not walking a buttload and I'm usually done by 4pm!0
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Are you the cook in the household?2
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For those who commented that they don't see the problem: Im really happy for you that you're surrounded by supportive folks who encourage your efforts. Also that you have fantastic willpower. I have neither of those things.
So when I prepare my family a healthy salad with grilled chicken for supper, and my husband snarls that he doesnt want "more rabbit food" and whips up a gorgeous bacon burger with all the toppings and some home fries.... and he puts some in front of me.... I either give in, or i feel resentful that he's not supporting me. Why tempt me like that??
I have a gigantic dog and I take her for 2 long walks a day: 6 am and after supper. I always invite my family (husband and 3 sons) to join me for the 2nd walk. I often hear complaints that i already took her for a walk, why dont i stay home and spend time with them, wah wah wah trying to make me give up my walk.
If one of them took up playing an instrument, a sport, photography or a new diet, I would, without question, support them. Subtle efforts to make me cheat on my eating or forego exercise is NOT SUPPORTIVE and that hurts my feelings.
When i quit smoking years ago, nobody kept putting cigarettes in my face every day and I stayed away from places where people smoked.4 -
Perhaps you could work a small portion of what they offer into your calories as weight loss is all about calorie deficit?
I don't eat anything different to my family.. I eat the exact same foods, just less of it.2 -
Sabotage with food happens if YOU allow it. No one forces you to eat. The great thing here is you get to make the choice. There will ALWAYS be temptation in life.
My personal opinion is one can eat whatever they want, as long as they account for the calories. You are responsible for how much you consume.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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Oh, I say no to the temptations that they throw in my path. And every night I ask them to join me for my walk, and they say no, and then asked me to join them to play cards or watch TV with them. So I go for my walk with my dog. And I make lots of vegetables and salads at every meal, but they will prepare themselves burgers and cheese or fried fish to go with theirs.
My problem is that it hurts my feelings.
When anyone in my family tries something new I am always 100% supportive and encouraging. More than anything I just feel let down.
But screw 'em! When I'm healthy and fit it'll be due to me, and nobody else.
So don't take it personal. Just do it.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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SammyD242, I didn't mean to sound like I'm "better" than you or anyone else, but I do think that only you can control what happens to you. It would hurt my feelings too if my husband mocked me or disregarded me but I always make food that I don't eat or I only eat a little of. Tonight I made salad for dinner for myself and my husband. For him I cooked up some spicy chicken breast. For our son, I made corn, chicken and french fries. I added some cheese and turkey to my salad and used my favorite salad dressing. I don't really like chicken or frozen french fries so I didn't miss anything. I think it's about your mindset. Yes they should support you but you can support yourself better than anyone else! And as for resisting temptation…I had a cake pop and a cheeseburger for "breakfast" this morning. But then I watched the rest of my day and came in just under my calorie limit. It's kind of a game to me…eat what I like and as much as I can while staying under my goal number. It takes me a looooong time to lose anything but I feel good that I'm trying!2
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Sometimes, I think, people feel threatened when someone close to them begins to make healthier choices because it causes them to feel ashamed of their own unhealthy ones...11
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No. I've never had a loved one try to sabotage my goals, especially when it comes to health. If they did I'd tell them to back off and move out the way.5
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What do I do? I don't view it as sabotage. I view it as family caring about spending time with me and making sure I'm not being too obsessive. I view it as my husband making me dinner because he cares and wants to let me know that I'm doing a great job and deserve a nice treat.
I guess it depends on the tint of one's glasses. Perhaps look at it as "well meaning" instead of "sabotage"?5 -
Alluminati wrote: »What do I do? I don't view it as sabotage. I view it as family caring about spending time with me and making sure I'm not being too obsessive. I view it as my husband making me dinner because he cares and wants to let me know that I'm doing a great job and deserve a nice treat.
I guess it depends on the tint of one's glasses.
I dunno hon, the road to hell is paved with good intentions? I don't think anyone means to say for sure your family is trying too screw you here, but they are right that their actions aren't helping you lose weight. Have you sat them down and talked to them about why you're doing this and how important it is for your health? Losing weight, despite my own selfish-*kitten* reasons, can be selfless too. You want to live a long and healthy life so you can actually be with your kids when they have kids right? If that takes a little pushback now, isn't that worth a few stung feelings?
They don't have to have bad intentions to harm your weight loss, but if it harms your weight loss either way, what does it matter? Set some boundaries and maybe compromise a little. Or fight back hard and make them come walking with you. They're your family, they aren't gonna disavow you for saying "No, I'm sorry I really need to do this."4 -
CoffeeNCardio wrote: »Alluminati wrote: »What do I do? I don't view it as sabotage. I view it as family caring about spending time with me and making sure I'm not being too obsessive. I view it as my husband making me dinner because he cares and wants to let me know that I'm doing a great job and deserve a nice treat.
I guess it depends on the tint of one's glasses.
I dunno hon, the road to hell is paved with good intentions? don't think anyone means to say for sure your family is trying too screw you here, but they are right that their actions aren't helping you lose weight. Have you sat them down and talked to them about why you're doing this and how important it is for your health? Losing weight, despite my own selfish-*kitten* reasons, can be selfless too. You want to live a long and healthy life so you can actually be with your kids when they have kids right? If that takes a little pushback now, isn't that worth a few stung feelings?
They don't have to have bad intentions to harm your weight loss, but if it harms yoiur weight loss either way, what does it matter? Set some boundaries and maybe compromise a little. Or fight back hard and make them come walking with you. They're your family, they aren't gonna disavow you for saying "No, I'm sorry I really need to do this."
Very true, but I also don't think most families on here are doing it on purpose. Even the OP threw in a "well meaning" in the title.
Besides, I didn't ways have a strong will when it came to food and I had to develop it in order to succeed. We can only control ourselves when it comes down to it.3 -
Alluminati wrote: »CoffeeNCardio wrote: »Alluminati wrote: »What do I do? I don't view it as sabotage. I view it as family caring about spending time with me and making sure I'm not being too obsessive. I view it as my husband making me dinner because he cares and wants to let me know that I'm doing a great job and deserve a nice treat.
I guess it depends on the tint of one's glasses.
I dunno hon, the road to hell is paved with good intentions? don't think anyone means to say for sure your family is trying too screw you here, but they are right that their actions aren't helping you lose weight. Have you sat them down and talked to them about why you're doing this and how important it is for your health? Losing weight, despite my own selfish-*kitten* reasons, can be selfless too. You want to live a long and healthy life so you can actually be with your kids when they have kids right? If that takes a little pushback now, isn't that worth a few stung feelings?
They don't have to have bad intentions to harm your weight loss, but if it harms yoiur weight loss either way, what does it matter? Set some boundaries and maybe compromise a little. Or fight back hard and make them come walking with you. They're your family, they aren't gonna disavow you for saying "No, I'm sorry I really need to do this."
Very true, but I also don't think most families on here are doing it on purpose. Even the OP threw in a "well meaning" in the title.
Besides, I didn't ways have a strong will when it came to food and I had to develop it in order to succeed. We can only control ourselves when it comes down to it.
Oh no I know, I was actually saying they probably have good intentions, like you were saying about wanting to spend time and whatnot. I was just also noting that even if their intent is the best, and even if they aren't actively aware they're sabotaging (which is further evidence the intent is good, cause if they knew they were doing harm, they wouldn't continue), that you either set boundaries in spite of those good intentions, or you have to make some limited compromises based on them. But, yeah, in no way meant to sound like I think people are legitimately trying to harm her progress or yours, the opposite in fact.5 -
So when I prepare my family a healthy salad with grilled chicken for supper, and my husband snarls that he doesnt want "more rabbit food" and whips up a gorgeous bacon burger with all the toppings and some home fries.... and he puts some in front of me.... I either give in, or i feel resentful that he's not supporting me. Why tempt me like that??
This stood out at me. You don't need to live on what your husband calls "rabbit food" to lose weight. I'm sure my family would grow to resent me if all I ever made was grilled chicken and salad (or other boring "healthy" food) because I wanted to lose weight. Noting wrong with grilled chicken and salad - it's a great quick and easy weeknight meal, especially in the summer. But if your husband is grumbling about having that again, maybe you could branch out. You can have a burger for dinner (really!). Okay, you might need to skip the bacon and/or forgo the cheese (or bun) in order to make it fit your calories, and you might want to leave the home fries for hubby and kids, and have a side of veggies (or salad), but you can absolutely eat a burger. Take your family's favorites (that they just might be really missing right now) and tweak them to fit your goals (or just take a smaller portion and round out your own plate with extra veggies). Remember this is supposed to be for life. Learning how to fit in the foods y love is a huge part of the process. Some things may be harder than others, and some things you may decide are never worth the calories, but living on "health food" sounds pretty boring.
As for the dog - a large dog needs to be walked at least twice a day, and the dog should be a family responsibility. Don't feel guilty for taking care of the family pet.... If anything your husband (and kids, depending on their age) should feel guilty for NOT taking care of the pet.
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Me? It goes like this. "I am cooking healthy. If you aren't interested in that, then you cook for yourself." "No, I will not buy or make fatty sugary treats. I'm prediabetic. If you want that stuff you get it yourself and put it where I can't find it." It's just me and husband but I dare say if I had kids they would eat what I made and like it or deal with skipping the meal and going hungry. I'm not other ppls short order cook unless it's a paying job.1
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For those who commented that they don't see the problem: Im really happy for you that you're surrounded by supportive folks who encourage your efforts. Also that you have fantastic willpower. I have neither of those things.
So when I prepare my family a healthy salad with grilled chicken for supper, and my husband snarls that he doesnt want "more rabbit food" and whips up a gorgeous bacon burger with all the toppings and some home fries.... and he puts some in front of me.... I either give in, or i feel resentful that he's not supporting me. Why tempt me like that??
I have a gigantic dog and I take her for 2 long walks a day: 6 am and after supper. I always invite my family (husband and 3 sons) to join me for the 2nd walk. I often hear complaints that i already took her for a walk, why dont i stay home and spend time with them, wah wah wah trying to make me give up my walk.
If one of them took up playing an instrument, a sport, photography or a new diet, I would, without question, support them. Subtle efforts to make me cheat on my eating or forego exercise is NOT SUPPORTIVE and that hurts my feelings.
When i quit smoking years ago, nobody kept putting cigarettes in my face every day and I stayed away from places where people smoked.
He puts it IN FRONT OF YOU? um no how about no. If he calls your cooking rabbit food then I would be telling him "I don't want more piggy food, better rabbit than pig." If they rag you about walking I would probably tell them I would rather enjoy some fresh air than let my *kitten* put down roots in the couch. If they are going to be snarky and rotten well 2 can play at that game. Granted I'm sort of short tempered and I don't mind a confrontation if someone is on my nerves, I'm not necessarily saying my way is what a therapist would recommend lol but I do not take kindly to people sabotaging my efforts as if I were not an adult to make my own decisions and have them respected.3 -
For those who commented that they don't see the problem: Im really happy for you that you're surrounded by supportive folks who encourage your efforts. Also that you have fantastic willpower. I have neither of those things.
So when I prepare my family a healthy salad with grilled chicken for supper, and my husband snarls that he doesnt want "more rabbit food" and whips up a gorgeous bacon burger with all the toppings and some home fries.... and he puts some in front of me.... I either give in, or i feel resentful that he's not supporting me. Why tempt me like that??
I have a gigantic dog and I take her for 2 long walks a day: 6 am and after supper. I always invite my family (husband and 3 sons) to join me for the 2nd walk. I often hear complaints that i already took her for a walk, why dont i stay home and spend time with them, wah wah wah trying to make me give up my walk.
If one of them took up playing an instrument, a sport, photography or a new diet, I would, without question, support them. Subtle efforts to make me cheat on my eating or forego exercise is NOT SUPPORTIVE and that hurts my feelings.
When i quit smoking years ago, nobody kept putting cigarettes in my face every day and I stayed away from places where people smoked.
It's not about being surrounded by supportive people and having willpower, it's about owning your weight loss journey. People have the right to follow their way of eating, just as you do. If I was serving dinner and somebody snarled and complained, I would have words with them and tell them they were feeding themselves from now on.
Why are you not eating the foods you love? There is nothing at all wrong with that bacon burger (I know it's a meal you like because you called it gorgeous ). In fact, it tastes delicious to me, please send me the recipe! Seriously, why can't you plan in a meal like that once in awhile? You don't have to have a huge portion, but maybe he'd be willing to make you a tinier bacon burger, and you can have less fries.
Whether or not you give into temptation is 100% up to you, it has nothing to do with him. Food will always be around, and we will always be faced with situations where there is high calorie foods. We always have a choice.
As for the walking, it just sounds to me like you guys want to do different things. There is nothing at all wrong with that. I'd take my dog for walks and not ask them anymore to go, but I'd make an effort to do things with them before or after.
I have been in situations thousands of times when family asks me if I want something they are eating, or if I want a snack when they have one, and the choice is always mind as to whether I say yes or no. If someone has made a nice desert, I might get a little ribbing, but I don't care. No means no, no explanation necessary.
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