Dealing with others comments

emawbey · October 2016

How do you deal with people saying you are too thin? I am perfectly happy and have a healthy BMI but seem to be getting this quite recently especially from people I haven't seen for a while (like my Dad who ironically I hadn't seen for so long the last time I saw him he said I was too heavy) and I try just joking it off or saying I'm happy as I am but some people just press the point which I actually find upsetting and offensive - how do others deal with this?

usmcmp · October 2016

Give them time to adjust and communicate with them. Tell them that you are healthier now, but also let them know that their comments are unwanted and hurtful.

Pauly187 · October 2016

Who cares what other people think? Are you happy with where you are? If so, screw everybody else. Everyone is a critic, they all think they know best, and they are generally wrecks themselves. The only one you look at in the mirror and hear in your head is you, so blow yourself a kiss in the mirror, smile and be proud of the work you have done, and ignore the dopes.

emawbey · October 2016

Thank you both good advice, I sometimes wonder if I am being over sensitive but at the same time cannot imagine commenting on, never mind criticising someone about their body. So I guess the problem is theirs and I am happy as I am so they will just have to deal with it!

kepplerp · October 2016

I have a friend who is 92 and for as long as l've known her, every time some asks her how she is? her response is "just right" She has taught me to be content in all stages. So learn contentment, and next time some thinks you need to be different, tell thanks, but really "I'm just right"

coloradoartstudio · October 2016

The last time I was at my ideal weight according to the charts for height, gender and age, people thought I was sick. Someone even asked if I had cancer.

I think they're so used to seeing me overweight.

I love the "just right" response!

Orphanogenesis · October 2016

“Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn’t mean the circus has left town.” — George Carlin.

emawbey · October 2016

Orphanogenesis wrote: »

“Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn’t mean the circus has left town.” — George Carlin.

Love this!

jaxxie · October 2016

Thin? Lean? Skinny? Strong? Athletic? Sorry. I see the titke and skip to bitchy . So long as you are confident (not to be confused with happy) with what you see.....own it.

jaxxie · October 2016

Sorry about the spelling.

TK6299 · October 2016

coloradoartstudio wrote: »

The last time I was at my ideal weight according to the charts for height, gender and age, people thought I was sick. Someone even asked if I had cancer. I think they're so used to seeing me overweight.

I love the "just right" response!

I also had people ask if I was sick or if everything was okay. I finally had to post a before and after picture, abs included with a note for people to stop asking if I am sick. I just got fed up with with people telling me to eat a sandwich that I was too thin. I am FIT and HAPPY! Btw @coloradoartstudio GJ, CO guy here.

sijomial · October 2016

I deal with people differently based on what I guess is their motivation for making the comment:

One friend is a serial failed dieter but a nice person just projecting her issue onto me - so I thanked her for her concern but ignored her opinion.

My sister in law did the HorribleLife thing and as predicted regained all the weight lost but she is a mean-spirited cow (sorry, blunt but accurate!) that seeks to pull other people down to make herself feel superior - I snapped back saying she was the last person on Earth I would take diet advice from.

Another friend raised his genuine concern I had lost muscle mass - I considered his opinion but the solution was to throw away my old baggy jeans!

INeedANewFace · October 2016

If you're healthy and happy, who cares what they think! I have no idea why people feel a need to make negative comments, it says more about them than you!

KANGOOJUMPS · October 2016

do what you want. who cares what others think/

Machka9 · October 2016

emawbey wrote: »

How do you deal with people saying you are too thin? I am perfectly happy and have a healthy BMI but seem to be getting this quite recently especially from people I haven't seen for a while (like my Dad who ironically I hadn't seen for so long the last time I saw him he said I was too heavy) and I try just joking it off or saying I'm happy as I am but some people just press the point which I actually find upsetting and offensive - how do others deal with this?

I smile and say ... "I'm just right."

I also had to recognise that a change in my size came as something of a surprise to the people I associate with. I've always been thin, right up until just recently. And I started working where I am when I was heavier. So when I returned to my usual thin self, it took my coworkers some time to adjust.

AnnPT77 · October 2016

People are startled by change. They'll become accustomed to the new you.

I also can't speak for you, but I also found that when I first reached goal, even I thought I had some appearance issues - for one example, a little bit of loose skin on my face (I'm old) made me look a bit drawn, and I think that contributed to worries by some. After a few months in maintenance, those things have pretty much resolved. Even a friend (and fitness instructor) whom I respect told me recently that she thought I looked very thin at first, but now (only a few months later) I look strong & fit (and I guarantee, and told her, that I'm not actually stronger & fitter in that few months).

Beyond that sort of thing, these comments are all about issues with the other person's brain-state. That should be their problem; don't let it be your problem.

I like @sijomial's "consider the motivation" idea a lot, in terms of how to respond in the moment.

emawbey · October 2016

Thanks everyone for your inspiring and helpful comments. I guess the thing is (luckily) I am not used to criticism as I have a lovely husband who has been very supportive, so I feel a little tongue tied when someone is so blunt about something I consider quite personal. All your tips will be very useful if it happens again and as someone said once people get used to it they should be fine

akamran1 · October 2016

sijomial wrote: »

I deal with people differently based on what I guess is their motivation for making the comment:

One friend is a serial failed dieter but a nice person just projecting her issue onto me - so I thanked her for her concern but ignored her opinion.

My sister in law did the HorribleLife thing and as predicted regained all the weight lost but she is a mean-spirited cow (sorry, blunt but accurate!) that seeks to pull other people down to make herself feel superior - I snapped back saying she was the last person on Earth I would take diet advice from.

Another friend raised his genuine concern I had lost muscle mass - I considered his opinion but the solution was to throw away my old baggy jeans!

I once blurted out to a friend I hadn't seen in a while, "Good lord, I can see your ribs!" She didn't respond, but in the course of the conversation it became clear that she'd been through a difficult time emotionally, and was recovering. I'm thankful that she was insightful enough to see that my lack of tact was driven by concern, and diplomatic enough to explain without "explaining." And I learned my lesson about commenting on appearance!

DebSozo · October 2016

emawbey wrote: »

Thanks everyone for your inspiring and helpful comments. I guess the thing is (luckily) I am not used to criticism as I have a lovely husband who has been very supportive, so I feel a little tongue tied when someone is so blunt about something I consider quite personal. All your tips will be very useful if it happens again and as someone said once people get used to it they should be fine

you look fabulous! Some people say "skinny" when they mean "normal BMI" and don't lose any more to them means "you are great where you are". I would say, "Thank you very much for noticing and complimenting me. ". Lol. That will mess with them if they aren't complimentary but make them feel like you received their compliment if they meant good will.

Mandimaders · October 2016

Usually people who make comments about other peoples bodies whether it be "too thin" "too fat" or anything are struggling with their own body image and projecting their insecurity on you. I just feel sorry for them and shrug it off without saying anything negative towards them. Just smile and say thanks for the concern.

[Edited by MFP Mods]

NicoleL874 · October 2016

Not sure where you started your journey, but I know for myself, I've lost so much at this point that I weigh less than I did in Junior High. My friends and family are used to seeing a morbidly obese version of myself. As the comments of "too thin" and "one extreme to the other" come in, I smile and politely thank them for the compliment and assure them I'm on top of things and have no intention of becoming too thin and thanks for the concern. I see myself daily and have a hard time wrapping my brain around my new self at times, so I understand where the comments are coming from. Be happy with you, and try to worry less about them.

Dealing with others comments

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