Don't deprive yourself or you'll never last the distance!
Orphia
Posts: 7,097 Member
Don't deprive yourself or you'll never last the distance!
How many times and how many ways can we say this, so that the message spreads out past the crash diets, scams, and urban myths that make up the weight loss industry?
Why do so many new MFPers think they need to survive on salad and green tea, then wonder why they can't stick to their diet?
How would you let a newbie know they don't have to do this?
How many times and how many ways can we say this, so that the message spreads out past the crash diets, scams, and urban myths that make up the weight loss industry?
Why do so many new MFPers think they need to survive on salad and green tea, then wonder why they can't stick to their diet?
How would you let a newbie know they don't have to do this?
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Replies
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Endorsed!4
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Yep, too many people set up MFP, put their activity as sedentary and choose to lose 2 lbs per week, MFP gives them 1200 calories, they manage to stick to it for a few weeks and eventually break and end up binging, then they feel guilty and that they need to "fix" the binge so they go right back to restricting which causes them to binge again and the cycle continues, I bet this is the cause of so many eating disorders, it's sad. Imo you shouldn't lose more than 1% of bodyweight per week, e.g. if you're 150 lbs your deficit should be 750 cals at the very maximum.19
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Omg. Haven't they heard ....don't swallow!6
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Agree but clearly I don't think anyone has "the answer" to this problem other than to point out repeatedly why it's a problem whenever it comes up as it so often does.9
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Aaron_K123 wrote: »Agree but clearly I don't think anyone has "the answer" to this problem other than to point out repeatedly why it's a problem whenever it comes up as it so often does.
Indeed! I just had to rephrase the point a few times for a few newbies in a few threads.
The more who know this, the more can let others know.4 -
What do you mean by "depriving yourself"? Do you mean if you want to eat something, eat it just make sure it's in your calorie allowance?2
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Absolutely!
And for me, exercise helped a lot.
I made a decision when I started with MFP that I would eat ONLY foods I like. I was not going to waste my calories on foods I didn't like. So I went to the grocery stores and markets and read labels and explored and discovered all the foods that both appealed to me and fit within my calorie limit.
I can eat "the usual" foods ... things I like, of course, but rather ordinary ... during the week.
And then on the weekend I might go out and do a long bicycle ride and then we'll have pizza or a large roast dinner with stuffing and gravy and everything or Mexican food or whatever we want.
This means I can be social on the weekends if we want and/or have something special with my husband.
It all fits within my calorie limit and when I was losing weight, I dropped 25 kg/55 lbs with very little difficulty at all.
And the only things I've deprived myself of are foods that don't really appeal to me anyway.
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Amen OP.1
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I've just posted this as my woe and asked for help! How do you embed healthy as a lifestyle choice? The second I take my eye off the ball I pile back on my problem half a stone.0
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depresseddancer wrote: »I've just posted this as my woe and asked for help! How do you embed healthy as a lifestyle choice? The second I take my eye off the ball I pile back on my problem half a stone.
I don't focus on healthy eating.
As it happens things like vegetables are low calorie and filling ... and they're "healthy". Win-win-win.
But I also eat things like pizza and cheesecake.
I do, however, focus on cycling and I eat for that. If I want to be light enough to cycle up hills without feeling like I'm going to die ... I need to watch my calorie consumption. But on the other hand, I also need fuel.15 -
Ain't that the truth. It's a learning curve though. Like a little kid sometimes they gotta go through the obstacle course that is the "personal health journey" and let them come out of the other side with the wisdom we also learned. That or just drill it down their throats that it's not necessary to eat salad and run away from sugar for the rest of their lives. It's cute.4
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I think this is very true. It was for me, I tried all the "tricks" and finally came to the realization that it's as simple as eating within an appropriate calorie limit.Ain't that the truth. It's a learning curve though. Like a little kid sometimes they gotta go through the obstacle course that is the "personal health journey" and let them come out of the other side with the wisdom we also learned. That or just drill it down their throats that it's not necessary to eat salad and run away from sugar for the rest of their lives. It's cute.
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The rush to lose weight really is the one that gets to me. It's often part of the mentality that I call the "fixit" mentality. Dieting should be about learning, not about patching something up and then moving on in ignorance. I think too many people, thanks to media and diet gurus have the idea that dieting is something you can do and then be done with. That's why people regain weight.
Deprivation is part of "fixit"-ism. I'm not talking about people who avoid something because they can't control themselves around it, that's just being smart (I'm thinking of you, Trader Joe's pumpkin spice caramel corn which for me is the whole bag or bust). Like others in this thread, I'm talking about the huge deficit and only salads types. That's not learning anything about how to live a life where you're having a healthy relationship with food and learning to make smart choices and balancing nutrition and enjoyment while balancing energy needs. And all of that is vital to long term success.
TL:DR - Too many people aren't focused on the big picture.26 -
Yes!!! I was going to post something like this. So many are on 1200 calories and expecting to lose 20 lbs in 2 months... they even try to eat under the 1200 cals and do just 1000 a day and exercise multiple times a day without eating back calories or upping their activity level from sedentary... this will just lead to failure. Every time! You can't keep something like this up for more than a couple days. It is impossible! Just eat at a reasonable calorie deficit (500 below TDEE is the max I would recommend) and exercise regularly but not excessively. Also weight is mostly lost in your sleep and muscle is gained on your rest days- I wish people knew this too! Rest people! Don't try to just go go go!9
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I see it in the food diaries of people I'm friends with on here too- whenever they undereat their already low calorie allowance for a day or 2, I see that the day after that they go way over their calories, if they even bother track them at all.1
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I've been thinking about cake all week. Had about 1/4 of a piece of carrot cake I shared with my husband. It gave me my fix..and i'm still on track. I am a fan of eating off one or two meals a week..and sticking to healthy eating the rest of the time. So far, I'm getting smaller and feeling like.. hey! I can do this forever! If i had to eat 1200 strict each meal.. i'd be giving up by now.8
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Well...one person's deprivation is another's moderation, or vice versa. One man's feast is another man's famine.
Dieting is easy in concept but much harder in practice. It requires planning (some form of calorie managing, budgeting) and discipline; and if you're not good at these skills you'll always have a hard time.
There's another approach to very effective dieting: don't love food too much. I know a few people like this. They remain thin, fit, effortlessly.5 -
The best thing I have realized is that everything is on my diet, but I have to be accountable. For me, that means some boring breakfasts and lunches during the work week so I can have family dinners each night (even potatoes!). I wouldn't say I am deprived, but I make food compromises all day long (think "not this, but that"). With this approach is also changing my behaviors and feelings about food, which is way harder, but setting me up for success in the long haul. I have a long way to go, but I end each day a little more confident that things are going my way because of the choices I make each day.7
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Yes and no...of course we don't have to suffer on a diet of kale and matcha but...if you can't eat just a few potatoes chips, or if a spoonful of ice cream always ends in eating the whole tub it's not going to derail your goals to not buy/eat them for as long as it takes to get those triggers out of your head.3
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depresseddancer wrote: »I've just posted this as my woe and asked for help! How do you embed healthy as a lifestyle choice? The second I take my eye off the ball I pile back on my problem half a stone.
Unfortunately the answer to that is not taking your eye off the ball.0 -
cgreen120288 wrote: »endlessfall16 wrote: »Well...one person's deprivation is another's moderation, or vice versa. One man's feast is another man's famine.
Dieting is easy in concept but much harder in practice. It requires planning (some form of calorie managing, budgeting) and discipline; and if you're not good at these skills you'll always have a hard time.
There's another approach to very effective dieting: don't love food too much. I know a few people like this. They remain thin, fit, effortlessly.
This - it's all person specific. Nothing is impossible.
I'm eating in a 800-900cal per day deficit at the minute, no problems whatsoever. I'm not gonna binge lol
I think how hard your deficit feels has a lot more to do with it as a percentage of your total intake than it as a number.
In otherwords my 750 calorie deficit feels much more manageable when my TDEE is 3500 than when my TDEE is 2000.
The problem isn't so much fit muscular athletic people who have large deficits (from their large TDEEs) it is low muscle smaller overweight people who are sedentary with low TDEEs trying to eat at huge deficits.
Eating at a 900 calorie deficit when your TDEE is like 3500 (which I'm guessing yours is if not more) is not a big deal. Eating at a 900 calorie deficit when your TDEE is 1800 is a problem though.17 -
GottaBurnEmAll wrote: »The rush to lose weight really is the one that gets to me. It's often part of the mentality that I call the "fixit" mentality. Dieting should be about learning, not about patching something up and then moving on in ignorance. I think too many people, thanks to media and diet gurus have the idea that dieting is something you can do and then be done with. That's why people regain weight.
Deprivation is part of "fixit"-ism. I'm not talking about people who avoid something because they can't control themselves around it, that's just being smart (I'm thinking of you, Trader Joe's pumpkin spice caramel corn which for me is the whole bag or bust). Like others in this thread, I'm talking about the huge deficit and only salads types. That's not learning anything about how to live a life where you're having a healthy relationship with food and learning to make smart choices and balancing nutrition and enjoyment while balancing energy needs. And all of that is vital to long term success.
TL:DR - Too many people aren't focused on the big picture.
Agree with all this but especially the bolded. I've posted this many times, but I've noticed something on these boards with regards to the desire to lose weight quickly. In every other aspect of our lives we lament how quickly time passes. "Where did the summer go? How can it be time for school to start again? Why are the kids growing up so fast? Wish I could just slow things down and enjoy the moment"...
EXCEPT for weight loss. When it comes to weight loss we want it fast, we want to get it over with as quickly as possible. And I think it's because people think weight loss = suffering. Anything we think is going to be unpleasant we want to just do as quickly as possible "time to remove the bandage, this may hurt, ok, just get it over with"...
If people approached weight loss with a moderate deficit, focused on learning new healthy habits and enjoying new foods and old favorites while still losing weight, I think they may realize that it can actually be an enjoyable process and not one that needs to be rushed through in order to achieve the end as quickly as possible.24 -
Don't deprive yourself or you'll never last the distance!
How would you let a newbie know they don't have to do this?
This is how I would let them know:
Over 4-1/2 years on MFP, almost 3 years on maintenance. Age 65. SW 290#, CW 130#.
The first 2 months on MFP, I was afraid to eat some foods. Then I read a post here basically about all foods in moderation. That was June of 2012. Ever since then, I have ate all foods that I like, paying attention to serving sizes and working it into my daily calorie limits. I did this while losing weight and have been doing it on maintenance.
It works newbies! Really it does.
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WinoGelato wrote: »GottaBurnEmAll wrote: »The rush to lose weight really is the one that gets to me. It's often part of the mentality that I call the "fixit" mentality. Dieting should be about learning, not about patching something up and then moving on in ignorance. I think too many people, thanks to media and diet gurus have the idea that dieting is something you can do and then be done with. That's why people regain weight.
Deprivation is part of "fixit"-ism. I'm not talking about people who avoid something because they can't control themselves around it, that's just being smart (I'm thinking of you, Trader Joe's pumpkin spice caramel corn which for me is the whole bag or bust). Like others in this thread, I'm talking about the huge deficit and only salads types. That's not learning anything about how to live a life where you're having a healthy relationship with food and learning to make smart choices and balancing nutrition and enjoyment while balancing energy needs. And all of that is vital to long term success.
TL:DR - Too many people aren't focused on the big picture.
Agree with all this but especially the bolded. I've posted this many times, but I've noticed something on these boards with regards to the desire to lose weight quickly. In every other aspect of our lives we lament how quickly time passes. "Where did the summer go? How can it be time for school to start again? Why are the kids growing up so fast? Wish I could just slow things down and enjoy the moment"...
EXCEPT for weight loss. When it comes to weight loss we want it fast, we want to get it over with as quickly as possible. And I think it's because people think weight loss = suffering. Anything we think is going to be unpleasant we want to just do as quickly as possible "time to remove the bandage, this may hurt, ok, just get it over with"...
If people approached weight loss with a moderate deficit, focused on learning new healthy habits and enjoying new foods and old favorites while still losing weight, I think they may realize that it can actually be an enjoyable process and not one that needs to be rushed through in order to achieve the end as quickly as possible.
I don't think it's about feeling the need to suffer. I think it's a combination of disbelief that it COULD possibly be this simple and the quote from "When Harry met Sally"..."when you realize that you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, you want the rest of your life to begin as soon as possible"6 -
WinoGelato wrote: »GottaBurnEmAll wrote: »The rush to lose weight really is the one that gets to me. It's often part of the mentality that I call the "fixit" mentality. Dieting should be about learning, not about patching something up and then moving on in ignorance. I think too many people, thanks to media and diet gurus have the idea that dieting is something you can do and then be done with. That's why people regain weight.
Deprivation is part of "fixit"-ism. I'm not talking about people who avoid something because they can't control themselves around it, that's just being smart (I'm thinking of you, Trader Joe's pumpkin spice caramel corn which for me is the whole bag or bust). Like others in this thread, I'm talking about the huge deficit and only salads types. That's not learning anything about how to live a life where you're having a healthy relationship with food and learning to make smart choices and balancing nutrition and enjoyment while balancing energy needs. And all of that is vital to long term success.
TL:DR - Too many people aren't focused on the big picture.
Agree with all this but especially the bolded. I've posted this many times, but I've noticed something on these boards with regards to the desire to lose weight quickly. In every other aspect of our lives we lament how quickly time passes. "Where did the summer go? How can it be time for school to start again? Why are the kids growing up so fast? Wish I could just slow things down and enjoy the moment"...
EXCEPT for weight loss. When it comes to weight loss we want it fast, we want to get it over with as quickly as possible. And I think it's because people think weight loss = suffering. Anything we think is going to be unpleasant we want to just do as quickly as possible "time to remove the bandage, this may hurt, ok, just get it over with"...
If people approached weight loss with a moderate deficit, focused on learning new healthy habits and enjoying new foods and old favorites while still losing weight, I think they may realize that it can actually be an enjoyable process and not one that needs to be rushed through in order to achieve the end as quickly as possible.
I don't think it's about feeling the need to suffer. I think it's a combination of disbelief that it COULD possibly be this simple and the quote from "When Harry met Sally"..."when you realize that you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, you want the rest of your life to begin as soon as possible"
The problem is that people equate "the rest of your life" with being thin.
That's not really the point.
Being thin is a side effect of learning healthy habits for the body you want to have.
A lot of people who have weight to lose have many issues surrounding food, the least of which start with the fact that they don't even know what a proper portion size is or how much food they should be eating to fuel a normal weight for their height. Dieting should be all about learning all of this and taking it on board, learning what foods help you accomplish this without suffering, and and resolving any issues that might have led you to overeat in the first place.
It's not just about wanting to get to the end. People focused on wanting to be thin are missing the point.9 -
WinoGelato wrote: »GottaBurnEmAll wrote: »The rush to lose weight really is the one that gets to me. It's often part of the mentality that I call the "fixit" mentality. Dieting should be about learning, not about patching something up and then moving on in ignorance. I think too many people, thanks to media and diet gurus have the idea that dieting is something you can do and then be done with. That's why people regain weight.
Deprivation is part of "fixit"-ism. I'm not talking about people who avoid something because they can't control themselves around it, that's just being smart (I'm thinking of you, Trader Joe's pumpkin spice caramel corn which for me is the whole bag or bust). Like others in this thread, I'm talking about the huge deficit and only salads types. That's not learning anything about how to live a life where you're having a healthy relationship with food and learning to make smart choices and balancing nutrition and enjoyment while balancing energy needs. And all of that is vital to long term success.
TL:DR - Too many people aren't focused on the big picture.
Agree with all this but especially the bolded. I've posted this many times, but I've noticed something on these boards with regards to the desire to lose weight quickly. In every other aspect of our lives we lament how quickly time passes. "Where did the summer go? How can it be time for school to start again? Why are the kids growing up so fast? Wish I could just slow things down and enjoy the moment"...
EXCEPT for weight loss. When it comes to weight loss we want it fast, we want to get it over with as quickly as possible. And I think it's because people think weight loss = suffering. Anything we think is going to be unpleasant we want to just do as quickly as possible "time to remove the bandage, this may hurt, ok, just get it over with"...
If people approached weight loss with a moderate deficit, focused on learning new healthy habits and enjoying new foods and old favorites while still losing weight, I think they may realize that it can actually be an enjoyable process and not one that needs to be rushed through in order to achieve the end as quickly as possible.
I don't think it's about feeling the need to suffer. I think it's a combination of disbelief that it COULD possibly be this simple and the quote from "When Harry met Sally"..."when you realize that you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, you want the rest of your life to begin as soon as possible"
I didn't mean to suggest that people feel the need to suffer. I agree with the rest, people just can't believe it doesn't have to be a miserable experience, to lose weight. It's not easy, but it is simple, and by learning healthy habits it can be something that they enjoy as a true "lifestyle change" not just a means to an end.0 -
Thank you! This is so, so true. I wish I'd realized this years ago, but I think it takes time to sink in, especially because a lot of people approach weight loss with a lot of emotional baggage. When you're in that mindset, a perceived failure in the way you eat feels more like a failure of self. It's the perception of failure that caused me to give up so many times in the past, but as long as you keep trying and stay mindful of your eating habits and choices, even if some days you don't eat the way you hoped you would, you'll make progress. It's amazing what a difference being kind to yourself makes.
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snowflake930 wrote: »Don't deprive yourself or you'll never last the distance!
How would you let a newbie know they don't have to do this?
This is how I would let them know:
Over 4-1/2 years on MFP, almost 3 years on maintenance. Age 65. SW 290#, CW 130#.
The first 2 months on MFP, I was afraid to eat some foods. Then I read a post here basically about all foods in moderation. That was June of 2012. Ever since then, I have ate all foods that I like, paying attention to serving sizes and working it into my daily calorie limits. I did this while losing weight and have been doing it on maintenance.
It works newbies! Really it does.
Thank you, that's awesome!
I'm 49, and joined MFP in April 2015. I ate whatever I most wanted within my calorie limit and lost 80 lbs and reached my goal weight in April 2016, and have maintained my goal weight since then.
I had some chocolate and alcohol most days. Don't get me wrong, I also ate a hell of a lot of seafood and veg.
I did/do a lot of walking and running, and eat back 100% of my exercise calories.
I'm the healthiest and happiest I've ever been.
Moderation works!
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Whilst I agree with the general sentiment here wholeheartedly I do get a bit irked at the "x is impossible" comments. Yes, it is all about the deficit, no-one needs to deprive themselves, new habits need to be made etc, but that doesn't mean that those of use who do manage larger deficits by exactly those choices are doing anything wrong, or that it can't be maintained.
Let's all agree on the concept, without the negative views of how people different to ourselves implement the same concept.6 -
This topic is so fascinating. I too bought into that weight management equals deprivation. I think it's only human to expect that a large problem needs a complicated solution. Understanding that a lifestyle has to be sustainable to be called a lifestyle, took me sooo long. It's not that I hadn't been told, I just didn't believe it. If it were easy to convince people that weight management doesn't have to be that difficult, it wouldn't have taken me 45 years to realize.12
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