Dealing with others comments
emawbey
Posts: 49 Member
How do you deal with people saying you are too thin? I am perfectly happy and have a healthy BMI but seem to be getting this quite recently especially from people I haven't seen for a while (like my Dad who ironically I hadn't seen for so long the last time I saw him he said I was too heavy) and I try just joking it off or saying I'm happy as I am but some people just press the point which I actually find upsetting and offensive - how do others deal with this?
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Replies
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Give them time to adjust and communicate with them. Tell them that you are healthier now, but also let them know that their comments are unwanted and hurtful.16
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Who cares what other people think? Are you happy with where you are? If so, screw everybody else. Everyone is a critic, they all think they know best, and they are generally wrecks themselves. The only one you look at in the mirror and hear in your head is you, so blow yourself a kiss in the mirror, smile and be proud of the work you have done, and ignore the dopes.16
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Thank you both good advice, I sometimes wonder if I am being over sensitive but at the same time cannot imagine commenting on, never mind criticising someone about their body. So I guess the problem is theirs and I am happy as I am so they will just have to deal with it!6
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I have a friend who is 92 and for as long as l've known her, every time some asks her how she is? her response is "just right" She has taught me to be content in all stages. So learn contentment, and next time some thinks you need to be different, tell thanks, but really "I'm just right"76
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The last time I was at my ideal weight according to the charts for height, gender and age, people thought I was sick. Someone even asked if I had cancer.
I think they're so used to seeing me overweight.
I love the "just right" response!20 -
“Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn’t mean the circus has left town.” — George Carlin.37
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Orphanogenesis wrote: »“Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn’t mean the circus has left town.” — George Carlin.
Love this!4 -
Thin? Lean? Skinny? Strong? Athletic? Sorry. I see the titke and skip to bitchy . So long as you are confident (not to be confused with happy) with what you see.....own it.1
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Sorry about the spelling.0
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coloradoartstudio wrote: »The last time I was at my ideal weight according to the charts for height, gender and age, people thought I was sick. Someone even asked if I had cancer. I think they're so used to seeing me overweight.
I love the "just right" response!
I also had people ask if I was sick or if everything was okay. I finally had to post a before and after picture, abs included with a note for people to stop asking if I am sick. I just got fed up with with people telling me to eat a sandwich that I was too thin. I am FIT and HAPPY! Btw @coloradoartstudio GJ, CO guy here.3 -
I deal with people differently based on what I guess is their motivation for making the comment:
One friend is a serial failed dieter but a nice person just projecting her issue onto me - so I thanked her for her concern but ignored her opinion.
My sister in law did the HorribleLife thing and as predicted regained all the weight lost but she is a mean-spirited cow (sorry, blunt but accurate!) that seeks to pull other people down to make herself feel superior - I snapped back saying she was the last person on Earth I would take diet advice from.
Another friend raised his genuine concern I had lost muscle mass - I considered his opinion but the solution was to throw away my old baggy jeans!24 -
If you're healthy and happy, who cares what they think! I have no idea why people feel a need to make negative comments, it says more about them than you!5
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do what you want. who cares what others think/0
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How do you deal with people saying you are too thin? I am perfectly happy and have a healthy BMI but seem to be getting this quite recently especially from people I haven't seen for a while (like my Dad who ironically I hadn't seen for so long the last time I saw him he said I was too heavy) and I try just joking it off or saying I'm happy as I am but some people just press the point which I actually find upsetting and offensive - how do others deal with this?
I smile and say ... "I'm just right."
I also had to recognise that a change in my size came as something of a surprise to the people I associate with. I've always been thin, right up until just recently. And I started working where I am when I was heavier. So when I returned to my usual thin self, it took my coworkers some time to adjust.5 -
People are startled by change. They'll become accustomed to the new you.
I also can't speak for you, but I also found that when I first reached goal, even I thought I had some appearance issues - for one example, a little bit of loose skin on my face (I'm old) made me look a bit drawn, and I think that contributed to worries by some. After a few months in maintenance, those things have pretty much resolved. Even a friend (and fitness instructor) whom I respect told me recently that she thought I looked very thin at first, but now (only a few months later) I look strong & fit (and I guarantee, and told her, that I'm not actually stronger & fitter in that few months).
Beyond that sort of thing, these comments are all about issues with the other person's brain-state. That should be their problem; don't let it be your problem.
I like @sijomial's "consider the motivation" idea a lot, in terms of how to respond in the moment.5 -
Thanks everyone for your inspiring and helpful comments. I guess the thing is (luckily) I am not used to criticism as I have a lovely husband who has been very supportive, so I feel a little tongue tied when someone is so blunt about something I consider quite personal. All your tips will be very useful if it happens again and as someone said once people get used to it they should be fine7
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I deal with people differently based on what I guess is their motivation for making the comment:
One friend is a serial failed dieter but a nice person just projecting her issue onto me - so I thanked her for her concern but ignored her opinion.
My sister in law did the HorribleLife thing and as predicted regained all the weight lost but she is a mean-spirited cow (sorry, blunt but accurate!) that seeks to pull other people down to make herself feel superior - I snapped back saying she was the last person on Earth I would take diet advice from.
Another friend raised his genuine concern I had lost muscle mass - I considered his opinion but the solution was to throw away my old baggy jeans!
I once blurted out to a friend I hadn't seen in a while, "Good lord, I can see your ribs!" She didn't respond, but in the course of the conversation it became clear that she'd been through a difficult time emotionally, and was recovering. I'm thankful that she was insightful enough to see that my lack of tact was driven by concern, and diplomatic enough to explain without "explaining." And I learned my lesson about commenting on appearance!6 -
you look fabulous! Some people say "skinny" when they mean "normal BMI" and don't lose any more to them means "you are great where you are". I would say, "Thank you very much for noticing and complimenting me. ". Lol. That will mess with them if they aren't complimentary but make them feel like you received their compliment if they meant good will.Thanks everyone for your inspiring and helpful comments. I guess the thing is (luckily) I am not used to criticism as I have a lovely husband who has been very supportive, so I feel a little tongue tied when someone is so blunt about something I consider quite personal. All your tips will be very useful if it happens again and as someone said once people get used to it they should be fine
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Usually people who make comments about other peoples bodies whether it be "too thin" "too fat" or anything are struggling with their own body image and projecting their insecurity on you. I just feel sorry for them and shrug it off without saying anything negative towards them. Just smile and say thanks for the concern.
[Edited by MFP Mods]3 -
Not sure where you started your journey, but I know for myself, I've lost so much at this point that I weigh less than I did in Junior High. My friends and family are used to seeing a morbidly obese version of myself. As the comments of "too thin" and "one extreme to the other" come in, I smile and politely thank them for the compliment and assure them I'm on top of things and have no intention of becoming too thin and thanks for the concern. I see myself daily and have a hard time wrapping my brain around my new self at times, so I understand where the comments are coming from. Be happy with you, and try to worry less about them.4
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People are startled by change. They'll become accustomed to the new you.
I also can't speak for you, but I also found that when I first reached goal, even I thought I had some appearance issues - for one example, a little bit of loose skin on my face (I'm old) made me look a bit drawn, and I think that contributed to worries by some. After a few months in maintenance, those things have pretty much resolved. Even a friend (and fitness instructor) whom I respect told me recently that she thought I looked very thin at first, but now (only a few months later) I look strong & fit (and I guarantee, and told her, that I'm not actually stronger & fitter in that few months).
Beyond that sort of thing, these comments are all about issues with the other person's brain-state. That should be their problem; don't let it be your problem.
I like @sijomial's "consider the motivation" idea a lot, in terms of how to respond in the moment.
Not to derail the topic, but thanks Anne for mentioning the drawnness of your face. I have got that recently. Cheers to you and here's hoping things settle over here too in the next months while I begin maintaining and increasing activity.
I've already noticed since adding back in 50 plus calories a day that my energy level is very much better so I feel confident that getting more excersize and fresh air is going to make a big difference.
Maintenance could be... well, fun?
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When people make stupid comments, I usually do this..
Then when they ask what I'm doing, I tell them that I'm trying to remember if I ever I told them I give a rats behind about their opinion of MY BODY!!! That usually pisses them off enough to get them to leave me alone.
Since I tend to give snarky responses to dumb comments, people have stopped making so many idiotic comments. Also, I'm in sort of in maintenance. I think if I started losing any more weight they'd start up again.
I'd also like to mention that since I was NOT listening to their complaints that I should stop losing weight, they started going to my closest friends in the hopes of them "talking some sense into me."
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I think some people are just always going to be like that, especially if they remember seeing you a certain way. I had some extremely annoying people outright ask me what I weighed these days. Usually I just don't care or I'll say something like, "I have no idea, I don't weigh myself. What do you weigh?" but I never give them an answer to something that is none of their business. Every now and then I will get flip and give "press conference" type non-answers. "I have an outstanding trainer and we feel very confident I can gain weight, lose weight, or maintain exactly what I am. Anything else for me guys? No? Thanks for your time." That usually shuts them up.5
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I'd try to remember that with approximately 70% of the population overweight, a great many people don't know what healthy looks like...And then I'd try to bite my tongue and avoid giving them my opinion about their body.
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Wow.....I've been at both ends..your too fat....your too skinny....Body shaming isn't funny..I'm sorry this happened to you4
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I discovered while losing 230 pounds that this is about what I want. Now that I am working to maintain a weight I haven't been since middle school (45 years, friends), I keep thinking that this is something I always wanted, but never really thought I would be. It's mine to keep and treasure.
Most folks commenting that you're too skinny, looking gaunt, or worried about illness, are just expressing that because they care. Thank them for their thoughts, and let them know how much you are enjoying where you are. And how you are taking care of yourself!17 -
I understand what you're saying. I worked so hard to get thinner and instead of getting praise, I get heat about how thin I look. The fact is that I don't look thin, I just look thinner than I did. I tell people that my BMI is actually right around the average of the normal range, so I'm really not thin. I've been tracking for 1.5 years and have all the weight data and I show people if they really want to know (they don't - I attached it below if you're curious). I think people say stuff like this partly because they wish they were thin too. The only good news is that if you keep it up for a year or so, people start to think that's how you look and the stupid comments go away.
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It takes time for people to adjust to seeing a new you, particularly if it's been awhile. Also, being overweight is the norm in a lot of places so seeing someone lean looks odd to a lot of people.4
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