Losing weight while you're in a relationship

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  • fastbelly
    fastbelly Posts: 727 Member
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    I think perhaps the best way is to try and find local running clubs that cater for begginers or maybe a personal trainer that will keep you going.
  • aippolito1
    aippolito1 Posts: 4,894 Member
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    It is hard. There are always Doritos or Bugles or whatever in the house. I live with my boyfriend, his brother, and our friend who is also a guy. His brother eats fairly healthy most of the time, our friend tries to but doesn't keep a lot of food in the house... bf eats Taco Bell, Chipotle, Qdoba, Quizno's, McDonald's, you name it. When he's home for dinner and I cook, he eats what I eat save for veggies (I'm trying!) and I just have to keep telling myself with the stuff he keeps in the house as far as snacks or unhealthy food, that it's not worth it. I gained weight being in a relationship with him from wanting to eat when he ate or eating dinner two-three times a night and I refuse to be fat in this relationship anymore. I've lost 22 lbs but have only kept off 11 of them and am working on the rest of the 30.

    A lot of times when we go out, I'm the one who suggests making bad decisions... "hey, let's get ice cream!" Most of the time, he'll remind me that I've been good with eating healthy and I don't want to screw it up, or that I worked out, so why undo it, etc.
  • helloiloveukitty
    helloiloveukitty Posts: 448 Member
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    Honestly it's not that hard imo. I do a mix of flexing my willpower and having "rules" like if you must eat certain things that are triggers for me do it outside of the home please. He eats and has a lot of junk that doesn't appeal to me at all and would never be tempting but they few things that do, well he gets them elsewhere. I think its a balance of personal responsibility, drive to be fit and healthy and compromising.

    I think another big part of this is letting go of the I'm jealous of people who can eat anything they want and never get fat. That's not me, it never will be. Its not an option.
  • risefromruin
    risefromruin Posts: 483 Member
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    Eesh, I don't know the answer to this question.... That's how how I gained the weight :/
  • reneepugh
    reneepugh Posts: 522 Member
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    My husband is a high rise window cleaner, so he is thin as a rail and he eats all the time! He is my inspiration to work out because he works physically every day and looks strong and healthy. We also only go out to eat as a treat a couple times a month. So, I buy the groceries and buy healthy stuff. So even if he cooks dinner, he only has what we have in the house to choose from. It seems to work because he used to be a Hardee's Monster burger and Taco Bell guy and now he eats at home most of the time. Most guys are too lazy to make too many trips to get fast food or go get junk from the grocery store if there is food awaiting them (sorry, I sounded sexist guys!).
  • LilRedRooster
    LilRedRooster Posts: 1,421 Member
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    I was never able to lose well in a relationship, unless the significant other was into exercising and eating right with me. The current one is one of those annoying skinny people who can eat like a horse, and doesn't gain a pound. I've just learned to not eat everything he serves, and only go through half of what he makes, saving the other half for the next day, or later on, if it's lunch (which it isn't, usually, since he makes dinner).

    I'll be the first to admit, I'm always in better shape outside a relationship than in, because of that lazy, comfortable, don't-have-to-worry-about-appearances feeling you get while with someone. Almost makes me want to be single permanently..
  • Angeloftheshore
    Angeloftheshore Posts: 227 Member
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    I had gained all my weight when my husband and I moved in together. To be honest, he loves me fat/thin whatever. He just wants me to be happy. He did not realize how much it was all bothering me until we sat down and really talked. Till then he kind of thought my little comments about my weight and junk in the house were just momentary moods. Guys and girls can speak a different language and really talking it through was ultimately what made him understand what his food lifestyle was doing to me.
  • clrrrr
    clrrrr Posts: 261 Member
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    My boy has the world's fastest metabolism, which is annoying, but then again he used to just eat reubens and cheesesteaks all the time and he's always tired and has littleno muscle. I feel like I appreciate and enjoy delicious (and/or healthy) food more than he does and since I'm doing this new lifestyle, he is trying to join me by gaining muscle. We're long-distance so it's not exactly like we're doing it together but I know a fair bit about nutrition from 7 years of being a literate and overweight teenager so every time we talk we compare our thoughts on nutrition and what we've been doing. At this point, due to kettlebell training, my biceps are probably bigger than his ;] it's the little things...
  • makena78
    makena78 Posts: 162 Member
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    You can always make excuses as to why you can't lose weight. There will always be temptations with or without a relationship. It's all in the mind and you need to have control over your own mind. Don't be a slave to those excuses and temptations. You need to focus and put YOU in charge. I made my husband chicken enchiladas tonight and I didn't have anything but my Shakeology (health shake). And I loooove enchiladas. I made only 2 for him. No, I don't deprive myself of those foods I love but, I don't need them every time I eat. You CAN do it. Ask yourself why you are getting fit and losing weight. When you really feel the answer and believe it then you can overcome bad habits.
    As for working out. Why do you need someone to work out with? I workout to videos at home. When I used to go to the gym it was just me and my Ipod. Talking only distracts you from YOUR time. Be strong and don't make excuses.
  • icandothistrish85
    icandothistrish85 Posts: 116
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    It was at first. I've been with my spouse since I was 14, but I didn't gain weight until 18months after our wedding, 4 years after we got together. He's always been the tall (6'4") athletic, slim build (he's 190lbs) and could eat or drink whatever he wanted without changing the scale ever. However, after a HUGE health scare in May of 2009 (he had heart, liver & kidney failure due to Rhabdomyolysis) we really paid attention to our lifestyles and the choices we were making. I also found out 3 weeks later, that I conceived our 3rd child the morning of the night he collapsed & was hospitalized. Out of guilt, extra responsibility, working more hours, being pregnant, and my husband disabilities; I ate horribly and gained 80lbs in my pregnancy.

    Eventually (about 11months later/one new newborn later) Derrick got clearance from the doctor to begin a LIGHT form of exercise (walking) and was told he'd need to have his CK levels in his blood checked twice a week for an unspecific length of time. Scared to death for him relapsing and me having stroke worthy Hypertension Stage 2, we decided to promise each other that WE would not be the reason our kids could ever become orphans. So we really paid attention to what we cooked, bought, prepared, our activities (or the bed-rest/lack-there-of of activity for the last few months) and made some pretty scary, but over all decent & easy changes. We got rid of the sodas, kool-aid, hot pockets, TV dinners, burritos, fish-sticks, poptarts, etc. Basically quick & easy convenience "comfort" foods were thrown out. He INSTANTLY lost weight, I trickled. LOL. Mostly because I wasn't the soda/junk food eater, he was. HOWEVER, I was eating decent but WAY TOO MUCH in a portion. So I had smaller portions, he had DOUBLE portions to get back to his normal healthy weight. I lost 60lbs by January, then we moved to California and I lost focus for a bit. But I've gotten back on track as of April.

    But I say the greatest key to my success is having completely HONEST communication with my husband. I tell him my fears, not my insecurities. I tell him my goals, not whine about my set-backs. I tell him my accomplishments, not my failures or mistakes. Speak up! You cannot change yourself if you don't change your environment first. And play the "Sex Card" if you're in an active relationship. Meaning, tell/convince him, "Honey, if we start eating a bit healthier or if I stretch doing yoga for a bit, it'll give us more stamina in the bedroom..." PLUS, men are visual creatures, SHOW him how happy & passionate living healthy makes you. He'll do anything to support you being in that mood 24/7, TRUST ME! LOL
  • Angeloftheshore
    Angeloftheshore Posts: 227 Member
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    It was at first. I've been with my spouse since I was 14, but I didn't gain weight until 18months after our wedding, 4 years after we got together. He's always been the tall (6'4") athletic, slim build (he's 190lbs) and could eat or drink whatever he wanted without changing the scale ever. However, after a HUGE health scare in May of 2009 (he had heart, liver & kidney failure due to Rhabdomyolysis) we really paid attention to our lifestyles and the choices we were making. I also found out 3 weeks later, that I conceived our 3rd child the morning of the night he collapsed & was hospitalized. Out of guilt, extra responsibility, working more hours, being pregnant, and my husband disabilities; I ate horribly and gained 80lbs in my pregnancy.

    Eventually (about 11months later/one new newborn later) Derrick got clearance from the doctor to begin a LIGHT form of exercise (walking) and was told he'd need to have his CK levels in his blood checked twice a week for an unspecific length of time. Scared to death for him relapsing and me having stroke worthy Hypertension Stage 2, we decided to promise each other that WE would not be the reason our kids could ever become orphans. So we really paid attention to what we cooked, bought, prepared, our activities (or the bed-rest/lack-there-of of activity for the last few months) and made some pretty scary, but over all decent & easy changes. We got rid of the sodas, kool-aid, hot pockets, TV dinners, burritos, fish-sticks, poptarts, etc. Basically quick & easy convenience "comfort" foods were thrown out. He INSTANTLY lost weight, I trickled. LOL. Mostly because I wasn't the soda/junk food eater, he was. HOWEVER, I was eating decent but WAY TOO MUCH in a portion. So I had smaller portions, he had DOUBLE portions to get back to his normal healthy weight. I lost 60lbs by January, then we moved to California and I lost focus for a bit. But I've gotten back on track as of April.

    But I say the greatest key to my success is having completely HONEST communication with my husband. I tell him my fears, not my insecurities. I tell him my goals, not whine about my set-backs. I tell him my accomplishments, not my failures or mistakes. Speak up! You cannot change yourself if you don't change your environment first. And play the "Sex Card" if you're in an active relationship. Meaning, tell/convince him, "Honey, if we start eating a bit healthier or if I stretch doing yoga for a bit, it'll give us more stamina in the bedroom..." PLUS, men are visual creatures, SHOW him how happy & passionate living healthy makes you. He'll do anything to support you being in that mood 24/7, TRUST ME! LOL

    This helped a lot for me. When he saw how much better my self esteem was, how better I felt about myself, he was all for helping any way he could. Showing him the upside, and not just the complaints inspired him!
  • MrsUski10
    MrsUski10 Posts: 11 Member
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    It takes a lot of willpower for me to say no to the snacks my husband has laying around. He's always offering them, too! That's how I gained my weight back..being pregnant and indulging. But now that I'm not prego anymore which means I absolutely have NO excuse lol..I just have to keep reminding myself of where I want to be, (weight wise), within the next year.
  • Kalrez
    Kalrez Posts: 655 Member
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    I've just made it a point to comment on my calories for the day, how many calories/protein/sodium/etc is in my meals. My boyfriend isn't terribly unhealthy, but he's also not dieting or exercising with me. But ya know what ... I'm not doing this for him. I'm not doing this because of him.

    I'm doing this for me. Because I love myself. So if he wants to buy a box of pecan spins (which I LOVE), that's okay. I'm not going to eat a single one. It's just not worth it. I'm worth more than a snack cake or soda. End of story.
  • ayeraerae
    ayeraerae Posts: 9
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    I have lived with my boyfriend for the past four years and I am having the same exact problem. He eats whatever he wants, when he wants and the pounds just fall right off of him. In fact, for the first time since our relationship began he weighs less than I do (he used to weight 50 lbs more than I). This is horribly discouraging because I am actually making a conscious effort to loose weight.

    I would suggest getting him to work out with you in some way. My hubby and I go on walks several times a week and love to ride bikes together. I have lost 20 lbs because of his support.
  • kaytedawg05
    kaytedawg05 Posts: 209
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    I ALWAYS do better on my own :) I'm glad to be single frankly. men all end up on my nerves.
  • BaileyBoo13524
    BaileyBoo13524 Posts: 593 Member
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    It's hard!! My boyfriend is the same way no exercise and he eats whatever he wants!! Lots of willpower girl and you HAVE to commit!! What keeps me going is that I have made a lifestyle change and I never want to be unhealthy or inactive again because I feel so good when I put good food in my body and exercise!! I also allow myself one day to splurge a little!! You just need to find your balance and it make take a few tries, but you WILL get it!!
  • maxinethestrange
    maxinethestrange Posts: 146
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    you seem to be where i am , had to have to shout at the boyfriend like today for buying the biggest tub of ice cream , i do not know many people around when i first started i went to the gym but didnt fit in with my sedual so now have rented a cross trainier and getting a few fittness dvds and just doing all my exercise when my fave show is on telly or when ever i have a spare moment.
    ask if your boyfriend if he could bring less junk into the house , but it is all down to mental strenght sometimes which i have found hard but this site really helps if your ever struggling come on here to rant or leave the house and go for a walk will keep you away from the junk hopefully
    goodluck x
  • sleepytexan
    sleepytexan Posts: 3,138 Member
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    Well, I live with a husband (who JUST started watching what he eats) and 4 kids, so I just choose to focus on what I want and need. I cook the same thing for everyone at dinner and they eat what I give them, however, other meals may vary. I plan for what I want/need to have and sometimes I end up eating at a different time than them for breakfast or lunch. It kind of works better for me to eat BEFORE they eat (if they are having something I don't need to eat), so that way I am full and happy before they start.

    Everyone in this house likes ice cream, so I keep 100-cal coconut milk frozen sandwiches in the freezer for me so I can have that when they have their Ben & Jerry's. I made it very clear to my husband that he is not to buy extra junk food or offer me things he knows I don't want.

    My husband only just started exercising regularly, and I have been very active for the last 7 years. He doesn't want to SUP or ride with me, so I have other friends to do that with.

    Remember that you deserve to choose your own meals and your own lifestyle, and you deserve to be supported in your decisions. Most guys will happily keep their snacks and junk food to themselves--just ask him to be considerate of your diet.

    blessings.
  • divalovely
    divalovely Posts: 65 Member
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    The key is realizing that you have different health goals than your boyfriend....it took me 7 years and gaining 66 lbs during my relationship with my husband to realize this! So, when he brings home cookies, cake, Blue Bell Homeade Vanilla icecream, etc. I just have to remind myself of what I'm trying to achieve--a healthy weight, and it won't come without some very HARD work!!! You can definately do it!!! Plus just get on MFP for inspiration/motivation when it's hard to say "no" and think about what your goals are&stick to your commitment to yourself! Good Luck
  • jamison77
    jamison77 Posts: 14 Member
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    couldnt have said it better myself bro!

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