Newly broken up :(

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13

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  • htimpaired
    htimpaired Posts: 1,404 Member
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    kgecik wrote: »
    Just like a meat market. Guys didn't read my profile. Would send msgs just saying stupid stuff. Plus the guys in my area appear to be bros or rednecks. I joined looking for hope, as in "see there are plenty of others out there" but I cancelled my accounts bc it was more of a bummer.

    I'm getting divorced after 15 years together. I don't do the bar thing, so at a loss of how to meet people. Ugh.
  • Brandicaloriecountess
    Brandicaloriecountess Posts: 2,126 Member
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    My mom asked me if I would give my bf a chance. I said no, she said maybe I didn't love him as much as I though. It's not that, I do. I'm absolutely crushed. It's so hard when our lives were so intertwined, we still have financial ties.

    But I have to love myself more, and I didn't deserve what he did. I heard from him today. He has regret, he's miserable, I will admit in a small unhealthy way, it gave me a little pleasure to hear.
  • Just_J_Now
    Just_J_Now Posts: 9,551 Member
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    htimpaired wrote: »
    kgecik wrote: »
    Just like a meat market. Guys didn't read my profile. Would send msgs just saying stupid stuff. Plus the guys in my area appear to be bros or rednecks. I joined looking for hope, as in "see there are plenty of others out there" but I cancelled my accounts bc it was more of a bummer.

    I'm getting divorced after 15 years together. I don't do the bar thing, so at a loss of how to meet people. Ugh.

    I'm currently going through a divorce after being married 27 years. I'm not worried at all about where to meet people. There are so many things in life to worry about, that should not be one of them. My advice, and I'm following it, is focus on yourself and your children (if you have them). Be the best you can be for yourself. Have fun going places and doing what you enjoy without being concerned about meeting anyone. Lastly, always look your best because you never know who you'll meet. ;)
  • kgecik
    kgecik Posts: 17 Member
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    @J_Surita3 Yeah, I gave him time because he had expressed fear of commitment and that it was something he was working on and had a real desire to change. In the beginning it was okay with we--I wanted a relationship with him, but wasn't so hung up on hearing the words "I love you" or anything. Plus, like you said, his actions always spoke volumes. But, recently, it hadn't felt okay anymore. The actions were great, but I needed to know what he was actually feeling.
    I just got divorced too, so at first I wasn't really sure what I wanted. As time went on I realized I wanted a future with this man and I want him to love me. I don't have to hear it all the time, but you just have to know. All circumstances are different I guess.
  • kgecik
    kgecik Posts: 17 Member
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    Plus, we just had SO MUCH fun together!! I wanted to be with him. We went to Nashville, Portugal, the beach, San Fran, Lake Tahoe...we just got along so well, never fought. So I'm not surprised I spent so much time giving him space... :-) I miss him.
  • kwph
    kwph Posts: 7,375 Member
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    I hate 2 say it ...But better now than if u way way way more involved 4 u & ur sons sake (I know that's super easy 4 me 2 say) But ur @ the worst part right now ...Then it will get easier & u'll see it was a blessing & then u'll meet the right person & ur ex will rear his ugly pathetic head ...Don't cave!!!
  • jayjay5549
    jayjay5549 Posts: 103 Member
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    Relationships are hard I am in my second marriage you have to look at each other not only as your partner but also your best friend and over look each others flaws to make it work. I learned from my first marriage that you have to listen to each other and do everything you can for your wife/partner.
  • alush08
    alush08 Posts: 14 Member
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    bearbugbear wrote: »
    My head is a mess, how are you coping @TK6299 and @alush08 @kgecik?

    I'm just taking it one day at a time. I go to the gym 6 days a week, I'm focusing on my kids and myself. I know I was amazing to him so I believe in the end it was for the best. I'm not a serial dater so I can wait for Mr. Right.
  • TK6299
    TK6299 Posts: 502 Member
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    Doing okay. This was my second marriage and we are still friends, with fleeting moments of hate I guess, lol. I was doing okay, but some of the most hateful things I have ever heard have come out of her mouth and I am struggling to keep an amicable environment. Things will be better when we are not still in the same house.
  • RunsWithBees
    RunsWithBees Posts: 1,508 Member
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    kgecik wrote: »
    We teach at the same school. He did tell me pretty early on he had some issues regarding commitment. I knew. We were exclusive, hung out 3-4 times a week, went on several trips together. I gave him lots of space and never pressured. We had so much fun together. But he was never able to say "I really like you" let alone anything with love. He said saying that made him feel trapped. He's not a bad guy, just messed up. But I can't be with someone who can't at the minimum say he likes me. He's 40 so he should have known better. You don't show someone you like them through your actions and then tell them you don't like them. It's a total mind trip for me. Usually it's the other way around- they say they love you but their actions show otherwise.

    Bullet successfully dodged! And karma will balance things out eventually. Make the most of this fork in the road!
  • THS2SHALLPASS
    THS2SHALLPASS Posts: 1,569 Member
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    I sympathize with everyone posting in here! I lost a lot of weight and after it all my wife of almost 20 years left suddenly. We are in the process of trying to fix it after 5 months of seperation but I don't know if it will work. It sucks when you think things are going in the right direction and then BOOM it ends because of silly stuff! Hold your heads up! Some beautiful folks posting in here and somewhere someone would love a chance to do what the person that just left you couldn't!
  • itz_kuchie
    itz_kuchie Posts: 27 Member
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    Don't worry.. things always look up
    You'll find someone else to squeeze your booty and tell you you're pretty.
  • pazzynj
    pazzynj Posts: 16 Member
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    Begin single nowadays is difficult sometimes. I have friends who have settled for the most insignificant partner out of fear of being single. I'm 4 months post breakup after dating a guy for 9 months. The relationship was not good from the start but I stayed from fear of being single again as I was single for 3 years prior. I recently moved to Miami for a new job & this city is sadly full of jokers! Although I'm young I feel old fashioned in a place where modesty is not held in high standards. I feel like I will be single forever because I will never find a man who prefers to get to know me as a person & respect modesty & celibacy rather wanting to satisfy his curiosity of me as a potential booty call.

    Kudos to Ciara & Russell Wilson<3
  • Pterod
    Pterod Posts: 131 Member
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    I'm hating being single, I love my husband still. It's very lonely. How do I reduce that loneliness in the evenings when I have complete responsibility for our children so I can't go out?
  • beachgal0626
    beachgal0626 Posts: 1,910 Member
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    n1terunner wrote: »
    I got dumped/divorced after 15 years last year. Spent a lot of the longtime reflecting on the relationship once I got my head on straight. It was the first time alone in my adult life.

    There is a great book called Intimacy and Solitude. Alone time is something to explore, because you can enjoy it as Solitude instead of fear it being lonely. And as the author says, how we handle our time alone directly correlates to how we are in a relationship. I found myself judging me as worthless and nonexistent when I was by myself, like unless someone was acknowledge in me, I wasn't here. Now I realize that everyone is alone a lot, we just think about our significant other as connected even when they aren't physically with us.

    You can do almost anything alone that you can with someone else, and talk to yourself. Be forgiving and loving to yourself. Find a book you've been wanting to read, plat a video game, watch a few TV shows. When you've mastered the art of being alone, you are so much more centered, independent, and attractive. You'll honestly be able to say, I want someone but I don't need them.

    I have three kids and I know what it's like to have them too much. If at all possible, give yourself permission to let someone else watch them so you can go see a movie, eat at a restaurant, or do some shopping. You don't need a dude to live life and there is nothing wrong with you enjoying all there is.

    Sorry for the word vomit, it's been a long year but damn is my life better now. Going for a bike ride, later y'all.

    ^^^^ Great words of wisdom/advice right there.
  • csumbody1
    csumbody1 Posts: 6 Member
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    Better days ahead. His lose.
  • xDesertxRatx
    xDesertxRatx Posts: 80 Member
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    Sorry to hear guys. Don't look to hard is my advice and be in a hurry to be in a relationship. The right person will come along when you least expect it and probably in the unlikeliest place and you will get the feeling they are the right person. Just don't change who you are to suite someone else. Be yourself.
  • Tigg_er
    Tigg_er Posts: 22,001 Member
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    ^^

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  • Justme_1
    Justme_1 Posts: 104 Member
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    kgecik wrote: »
    Anyone else? We were together ten months. He was a commitment phobe. We traveled together, I hung out with his family and was even going on a Christmas trip with them--he let them buy me a ticket--and he willingly hung out with my son.

    Turns out he "didn't like me like that".

    It hurts. Other than the whole couldn't tell me he liked me part we got along splendidly. :(

    Feel your pain, going through losing my heart and soul myself. Feekibg Only half alive now

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